Episode 132: Taylor Swift (Live from Austin!)


In this episode we discuss lawsuits, sexuality, and our SuperBowl bet – live from Austin, Texas!

This episode is brought to you by MeUndies.com, Vegas.com, and TaxAct.com!

before we start anything today I feel
like we should think

a everybody the very first thing we year

is a hearty thank you to my dad

I to you and your father burrowed

be at their dads middle name and I think
he has one

alright the we actually were I the
second thing I wanted to do

is pinky you guys everybody out there
that’s tweeted

at TBS very funny to hash tag green

Jake and Amir yes a campaign that we
started somewhat jokingly but poor

choirs I seriously as well to I was
kidding and I want it to happen and it


but we’re expecting an hour 200 300 500
tweets were you expecting like 50 s but

a pair I had my expectations said did
not great

yeah I had low expectations a but they
were surpassed

exceeded we’re overwhelmed and excited
in the i weld overjoyed

and over it though moon over the
midnight though that nigga

a we’re at like I dunno there that just
estimate that like will close to 7,000

tweets already from our

say our fans and friends and family law
the Photoshop so yeah

to our faces a junk you say body I was
greatly is really even if we don’t get a

show I think worth it for me some people
even go to compose songs

about it this campaign somebody but
green light taken a mere daikon did you

see what happens in the flight path

I the thank you so much TBS has yet to

a be over there trolling us this point I

they respond to tweets they’re finding
the one dirty to me that the five

thousand they don’t address this giant

movement so they are checking into a
record player just responding to other

people the

really respond to that and I

no other brands and other people
tweeting it is indeed whether they have

responded to the borrower a

sick and created to be the borrowed it
out yet

we have to focus our efforts where do
they live second is good a good borrowed

in a community vs

Laura everything bill is due for min a

it we are on the precipice the Twitter
still coming in with

I feel like we’re getting close and
Monday and Tuesday and

and Wednesday will be big days II the I

daydreams that important people are
meeting then and they’re checking the

hash tag yeah yeah

and if we can just keep the internet
sellers they’ve read it is that this law

gonna get swept up yeah

drug after the weekend but it’s still
going on and it’s all going strong so

thank you so much to everyone who has

if you can find it in your Twitter
account to keep it going to keep the

momentum going that would be even

3x exceptional but whatever you’ve done
so far the

we needed up the deserve it

and weird okay and is one way to think
about it

so as a thank you for giving me what was

my and let your undying gratitude

yeah and we want more yeah we’re not
done yet

as much as we appreciate it we’re not
done appreciate a year

into the white board to appreciate yeah

fairly correct I know we are but we love
you so much

and we just before the the keep on
making stuff yen to get an answer most

most importantly

and feel like we’re on the precipice we
you guys will not be ignored be so great

you can’t be ignored

that’s right the sports sandal I think I
might even tweeted hmm

I think I between a hawkish your first

your first win over a year

I think if we can get Jake on board the

who knows you mean your mom already
tweeted about her mother yeah I am I’m


awesome we got anybody yeah rate box
Rick Fox tweeted about us

love you record yeah how anybody’s Ward
severely over her name’s ed Helms molpe

love you Bobby a hit the big guns and
thousands and thousands and thousands of

other people’s love you guys too

whether you have one follower or a
million at every little bit helps

some on a thanks another real quick
thing that we should talk about just

touched on very quickly because we have
a great episode

coming up is the fact that I lost again
I lost the Super Bowl good to know

yeah I you know what little
unfortunately for me the lucky charm


not watching yeah he has you being on an
airplane during it

your the second year and the second with

this at this this one hurt

this one was close this one shouldn’t
have happened it’s was a nail-biter yeah

it was a shocker

in piano and poker you want to get your

your money in with the best hand and
when the Seahawks run the one with 30

seconds left

and Marshall into the backfield I really
thought I was I was already lining up


they decide you’re going the other way
they really wanna do you try out that

slant route

didn’t work really doubt the that’s a
look at that time ready can’t lose again

luv he get Lewis can’t lose the balls
were inflated properly this time but

he’s still out god yeah actually one of
them was really really really look Moshi

it almost looks like a nerf 30 through

will have them out edleman eyes

already got it with the board tax yeah
an aborted and other mislead middle with

the dog where textile out okay

another day if thick sediment less these
bill burr beds to make the game a lot

more interesting and exciting yes I get
a design another billboard for love you

yeah the service a either so pick no

after speaking about advertisements
let’s get to the sponsor for this


too so we can you know get the ball
rolling yes this issue before the

sponsor the talent we care

about you guys yeah I the

me and he’s dot com sponsoring this
episode yet again the world’s most


fashionable style uble under his tweet
anything about being late Jacob you call

my gosh

they actually did it I’m actually know
as much as they appreciate all the


I’m starting to 10 people that didn’t
look as a personal slut for the I would


it is I would not it’s a gut punch if
not a good idea but

a gut punch is getting picked up on the
goal line with 21 seconds left got to

get over it

your new year to get over that you know
is a good you know is a good moment

after the game the ass Marshawn Lynch
are you upset that they didn’t get the

ball to you and he said

no I’m not because I play football and
football team game

that’s really nice that’s right I will
rate their aimed at the first light

artillery rounds many put a fistful of
Skittles and is now the past out

but that’s my boy that’s my Cal on you
know historically grats gotta stick


the I love Bouchard and his lunch break

me undies dot com is a sponsor for this

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Amir you can’t know whether you are or
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they did not technically discontinue a
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leaders say make code if they wanna go
to be ad- that Cubs last J can actually

leave a better discount

that’s not true if they disdain for
their lives the tempers then is far

below to leave their supporting as Super
Bowl winner

her I

ready Bella checking her with but the
big 33 a a triumvirate

the yeah this was our live show in

there was flooded things to get real me
great crowd

the very exciting the we just had a
great time

it was great to and hopefully will be
into a free esther was into

you wanna get this party started let’s
do it has degree like taking a bite

me 3

are me




yeah the




everybody still allow

its Wow nobody sets

nobody sets we scale you stand

well standard prices stands

for whites I spence oh yeah

I still stands were ice is sold cool

I just want to say I sis at one point
days shell

I we can said wait to sleep every

we I mean you guys should set that was

her fuckers everybody who’s still
standing leave

that’s right we want people who

don’t listen quickly this today

keep going I’m stock lyrically

see what’s going on here this is why I
can have a southeast Dec

right I don’t know how there’s so many
reasons why you shouldn’t have a

healthy stick this privately I nothing
is going right for me right now dude

if anything give up on trying to take it
out okay read a book

making normalize so what you want to do
is hold

like towards you chill okay I know what
to do

you are right like oh that was a lot and
it will go

I both like nice when genius

I’m gonna sit down then good

hairy girl why this is a hold up a lot
in that song

he wants everyone to know that they are
the boys

yeah I out hold up hold up on the
highway we’re them boys

I know okay I love yeah or make noise

up blacks word them boys got

up what else we’re making noise

the governor peeing myself still stock

I’ll yet as the fine what’s this

for anybody listening and not in the
crowd right now

I’m you wouldn’t know how to work a
Mikes her though the list

listening at home we flawlessly put our
mikes exactly where they need to be

both the bus they’re laughing cuz I’m
juggling with my feet and its nervous

laughter cuz they’re impressed

right guys this is such a turn the such
a big whisk you thank you

to the generous bartender here in Austin

the the now was an accidental kinda
calmer that’s the

guys that’s the day on my autobiography

I well kinda cool movie the coolest
thing I can be is kind of cool

and the only way to achieve it is

that’s like a story of your life that’s
how you were born yeah I have a cool

accident buyer pair

that’s right they accidentally fucked

my dad tripped yeah into mommy

this is my dad explain it to me where
babies come from

an hour how we didn’t mean to make love
to your mother

and I was trying to get out hold up hold

remaking boulders by


how don’t fucking talk about my dad like

alright how are you guys doing the

the this is up this is

as a yeah crazy this is up fucking for a

the this is the coolest 300 people ever


at the very least y’all know how to use
iTunes which is pretty cool

to Arkham who came in from far away

the the loser nurse

where you to save from Canada you can
come here for this podcast could you did

you fucked up

you were in Toronto tomorrow man

oh yeah I know we’re gonna be and also I

Simon fishing and all that you came from

for your birthday happy birthday

it’s her birthday today tomorrow the her
the it’s your dad’s birthday today it is

my dads work there

the whereas now you guys have birthday
hats on the you are all connected

I you’re wearing hats for her birthday

not there yet harm your dad’s birthday
the other huge fans have my dad’s OBGYN


using a Nikon

I yeah I am need gonna be a little harsh

ally Magin maybe for some cheers

I 0

bad luck I

way who out with okay Toronto’s probably
gonna when anybody else I’m pretty far


El Paso how far the drive is from El

have any Sidra did you drive so like

actually how how was your flight from
Toronto to do a weekly podcast company


said how long though Joe

your cell

high-tech 3.low hers to get made fun I

now we so appreciate it that’s awesome
thank you so much

um what can we do to make this
worthwhile you took two planes

we didn’t even take two planes should
the where thanks to the two planes at

the same time

what’s yeah she was straddling them’s
water skiing up screw-up sorts through

the skies so hot

and you Joe from El Paso

Holly share birthdays its everyone’s

home i cud ever all threads

everyone here is my dad you all fucked
appears mom

enough sign

absolutely excuse you for that i has
anybody here not

ever heard the show before yeah

seared as drag nearby friends who like
trust us

it’s gonna be pretty good we are
disappointed you already

I’ll I hope you guys have a fun time mom

the way it works is that is like and
advice show to Jake and I give people

us suggestions on how to %uh extricate
themselves from their sticky situations

we are losing someone that’s okay

tried a new intro I

so we read people’s emails people email
us at a fiery show gmail dot com and

they’re like we want your advice

and we do our best to give it some does
this mean Jake alone school somewhat

naked in our house

and sometimes were on stage somewhat
naked in front of

308 our closest friends

the the on

I think we should get the question but
before we do that

we ought to invite Audrey Scott onto the
yeah have

every show we start

we have a.m.

starts begins with the theme song
written by a fan of mars

the and the yeah the

audrey has written that’s real jurors
heard how many songs ever use the


5 I do you need anything from %uh sir
can you just get started

at that’s it yeah holy shit I I G Scott
everyone the

you got and right so I was gonna lift
this live

but i cant I’m gonna diesel at Kullu PhD

kerry Katona sponsor for the podcast


well had


there’s as Laden’s

had yes

sign yeah




yeah kids Street added him and soon and







Wow the the

your lover audrey Scott the

how the fuck are we supposed to follow
my I’ll

not say no here we are

funds manner by sets

I’ll just go to one of her concerts now

recorded all those parts up stairs
behind us we suck white dick Wiz Khalifa

that was better than we damn boy s I’d
like to get blown by Wiz Khalifa

yeah regardless of what happened I feel
like I does not I just got a large opera

was believed by

yeah i right let’s get this show on the

this what I don’t care

I just joking I’ll sometimes a player
songs about the area and let me have a

little bit more whiskey then I’ll agree
to that

maybe for like where the two songs that
the Energex really tipsy but thank you

for reading at our

that’s awesome really cool Rd guitar
here so that you wasted your energy but

it took four plans to get

and he’s from Austin was detained in
customs that they’ve got their something

in the guitar

yeah a police searched all they have me
say fuck you really need your guitar

they did find a pic in there now why he
thought the pic would be a dangerous

thing so you put it in his

cavity right I so I have in my hand 7

questions will we get to the mall when I
don’t know I’ll

but these are real emails real people
were gonna given fake names to preserve

their anonymity

if we can have our first fake name just
the firsts

the ice cream first really loudly lamp

what’s with the same noodle

the loudest anyone’s ever scream noodle
neutralizes they’ve do I use on my list

know a plus-one I

sire doodle I salute you doodle

I love you do to lessen da da as our you
happy noodle

this is up to the god damn answer me a
new title

this is an Olive Garden commercial the
analyst doodle

when you’re here you’re family noodle I

this was from noodle let’s do it noodle
rates this look fine

how I’m sitting there is a set looks
good we’re not on the same plane

would you say we took two different
plans to let Mike happens Lactococcus

it’s not you guys

its we get it I had sometimes

them because I can I

as the higher ball that was a nickname
in college dude

whiskey might yeah alright

noodle rights Hannah so I met this girl

tender and for some ups and downs we’ve
now been together for about six months

and are in a committed monogamous
relationship she’s amazing

and I trust her completely and I know
there’s more of a chance love me

straying to seize elsewhere cheese then

I don’t plan on it but you never know

track here comes the curveball

before me she had been in one serious
relationship for five years and she had

been faithful the whole time

but before that she had been what many
would say a fast in free with her vage

I mean

we’ve all had our fun but I keep getting
the idea from a lot of the things she

says that it was a lot of fun like a lot

like her number completely eclipses mine
into total darkness

I’m not tryna slut Shane anybody and I’m
not mad at her but it does make me

question how she values herself or her
morals or some shit

she’s an amazing girl

but just giving away those cookies so
willy nilly

is starting to get to me am I being a
sissy ass trick

or a mile onto some kind of behavioral

that need to be addressed immediately
before I get into deep

help love noodle

yes you detective your own drugs the
behavioral patterns actually

or so I wish I got this up the guys not
right it’s let’s say many wanted men

questions are moral

character based on something she did six
years ago

yeah she Munich existed I’m not a slut
same her

although say mom at home or now are no I
question who she is by the way I’m I G


have cuz I gotta sees my cheese

she was in a faithful relationship for
five years understand before that though

when she was single she actually hooked
up I really think C dead I’m not sure

but I was able to read between the lines

am i for some behavioral patterns

should his fellow herself she sleeps
with people which is single

out there is a disgusting a my aunt is
some kind of behavioral pattern that

needs to be addressed immediately

which is still there yeah saturday down

like hey hun I’m onto some behavioral

I need to address this any other way but
immediately but did you sleep around


the guy before me when yours

I not so much in a guy you were with for
five years at your faithful till

Eugene on him do with other people
before you started going out a few

prematurely cheated on me

six years ago

this guy is a real human he thinks that

his name is noodle so we really tell

it’s okay if your girlfriend is hooked
up with guys

to times before she was with you

you’re not onto anything

in fact it it sounds like he’s just
pissing himself off

he seems to get angry as he is writing

the way she’s giving those cookies was

starting to get to me actually do not go
his way

you’re allowed to their free cookies
when you’re single I love cookie case

that’s not exactly what they are vanilla
wafers in the villa

now I get it so what can he possibly do

other then get over yourself how do you
get over jealousy

that’s beautiful

archery Assam I as his only prepared
that maybe one other

which in ways that this early in the
game iight

are you ever jealous love do you ever
think about who you’re

girlfriend has boned before you

all the time I visit ruffle your
feathers that aggravate you

like it’s not me I could do whatever I
want right I could cheat on anybody all

the time but

since its its somebody else yeah it gets
them do it to me it’s bad it’s me do it

to them it’s fine

that make sense right hand cuz it’s like

will explain the honking later seven
people who haven’t been here

well do you get jealous

I not really my periods like if my
girlfriend wants to fuck another guy

she’s earned that right every single one
of your girlfriends has played sir i i

and it’s always been you a new doll
revitalize our her

every single time now I feel like every
girl is a free agent of sorts

if she wants to cheat on me then it’s
okay she can do that and then I would

break up with her

if she thinks it’s worth it have at it
but I’m not gonna get mad if she wants

to like

sleep with someone six years before we
got together right

things that happen before you you were
even on her radar you can’t be mad about

its pre-history it’s also sorta weird to
be like you just holdin on one thing at

your girlfriend is like how are how old
she is but she’s like

a full human who’s had a million
experiences that are like

not necessarily all just getting railed
by some other dude

used to be curious about like her
birthday party when she was six and

where she went on vacation when she was

not like all you only got fucked be Mac

only tell me things that have happened
since I started fucking you

that’s when you became real that to me

Sol reevaluate noodle

your girlfriend should have gotten real

that’s good doesn’t feel good when you
have sex noodle

don’t you want your girlfriend who had
those same feelings noodle

don’t see what your girlfriend to know
how to fuck you and when she only know

how to fuck you up she fucked other
dudes noodle

together I’m saying noodles the

that’s for you that’s for you to learn
new dole you are my beautiful

I’d like to do to little I think we
should move on

okay but also fair

so yeah noodle chillaxed did

right know you got that totally Ron I

i mis-read were saying his girlfriend a
whore I we need

side effect did you send that was


20 j’ai s s

GS Italian

that’s how people from New Zealand
sagesse just she is now you’re totally

wrong it’s just

not shares Shay I S C

sis’s you know like what comes out your
dick when you come

who brought their parents do this said

alright I

next week cuz from what boy or a girl a
boy boy for charge for George such

perfect Park guy killed it

so dope that a jacket that camel

paddock I you really like a camouflage
pattern guys is not a medium

by me after the show boss and beat the
shit outta me

it would be an honor sir I do want to
interrupt you had not scepter whiskey

the Chuck John shot


Donna have a9 p.m. flight back to
Toronto with her son China pace myself

were laying over in

Chicago Minnesota Nova Scotia higher
taxes I

14 plants

never by more for no reason really

alright George writes while I was away
on a trip to Cal you my friend tried to

clean up our apartment as a kind gesture
for me to return to when I got back home

I’m assuming that I left up late with a
few on

in scraps of food on it because he felt
the need to use the garbage disposal

which is located in the second naturally
what happened next

is neither expected nor advised as my

turn the garbage disposal on some of the
old who did not make it all the way n

and a brazen and committed active
finishing the job here reached a

tentative a sec

the in attack to shut the rush to the
food into the disposal

the problem was he in turn the disposal
of the disposal

pursued at the supper his fingers
through the bone

& Poor’s index finger was dangling from
his hand

like a set of 12 tribes in a hurricane

this /url

after getting to the hospital my friend
found out that he could indeed get his

finger surgically replaced with minor
scarring that was to be expected what

was not to be expected was for him to
demand that I pays hospital bill

when I got home due to my lack of
cleaning the plate myself

I feel bad about the whole cutting his
finger of situation

but I don’t think it’s my job to pay for
his boneheaded mistake

any advice would be greatly appreciated
thank you love boy

George what yes

this podcast is brought to you like
garbage disposal as the

I how do you tell somebody just sliced
his finger off

now you’re not gonna pay for his office
but it almost seems like he sliced his

finger off

10 made up this store to get his bills
paid for

yeah or he just really wanted cash in
this is crazy way of getting it is get

rich quick scheme

its rick is his friend even asking to do
this favor

writing if I stole your car ran an

Godhead and ask you to pay for the car
insurance solely pair I feel bad you got

hit by a car

but it’s hard to say no to someone is
figures dangling %ah

i think is pretty easy to say no to a

its I it’s funny that he mentioned

onions I don’t know I

I guess the I left some onions on a
plate that’s also kinda gross

yeah he shouldn’t have left onions on
the play I think you need to apologize

for the onion thing

and say I’m sorry that your finger got
chopped off but it’s not my


like to pay for your medical yeah he
didn’t know how to use it garbage


that’s the first thing they teach you is
to turn off when you shut your hand

yeah that’s garbage disposal 101 at the
very least 10 till

at the very least 20 to I’m actually
taking advanced course in garage


now I want to help parents i no one
answered no go I’m not sure there yet

the carrots or

on that’s what I want cars are a

oxygen reached my that is just you can
go down there are two hours later

are and they’re both nuts what about a

path or agree on a day other Danielle

stallion will it blend in talking about
my finger bones

here is a kiss at all I use your blender
to make a smoothie and sliced my finger


give you cash for that if you miss use
the product

you can’t demand money rights how suing
works can I sue you

like say I borrowed a pair of your pants
and I walk to the store and I fell down

I got hit by a car

I said your pants were too constricting

they impeded my stride I got run over by
a bus you will meet acid

I feel like I’ve read a story like a
lotta sued

I court yeah you want to take this to a

right especially if I got money to
defend myself a police

I leave your ass in litigation months
and months we both the bus driver

your your hatching a plan in front of
all have signs that you are borrowing my

pants right now

these are your pants right now

they look at other what’s the soaps

Obama I felt bad heidstra esta

I know if you are free to voice real

horrible you just play with Khalifa Al I
add random but

I’d really love it if it was just
pom-pom but the speaker system all the


read em boys by Wiz Khalifa try not to

one here it is 5 or 3

to what Schultz




but it’s pretty good


marty is that you back here will make a
tighter is that Marty Becker

Marty it is juniper Marty everybody

the an email that after the second

marty is actually our little interns to

a barrio BBQ up earlier today now right

ok Lupo sites on a nice question

disguised as another ya it’s easy to say
oh I’m sorry for

for what happened to county doesn’t
deserve your money or a picture collapse

you think you’ve got what was
prematurely deserve to have

I think he’s not allowed to have a
figure for this other figure needs to be

taken away

like says or does Saudi jail prison

where you have to get your finger kind
of if you lie about it that’s right

ices comes back just like that that’s
the second ices reference

the try to set a god damn record here at
the north door

a record is three ish which is kinda
like that yeah

well is ever ten years ago I

bring weird we gotta get leary said look
into that

very formative and informative

question the third I you don’t know if I
need a guy or a girl


credit this premises following us to

credits is interchangeable oh yeah

this is a dude 100 credits from all over
the place

you haven’t stopped hearing crammed s
actually sleep very crandall’s

alright craned his rights the other
going guys long time listener first time

riding in but this is an issue that a
bad for a while

have I know I’m not gay i 100 percent
like girls

pretty sure I’m not exactly bisexual
since I don’t find manly looking man


I could probably a sexy the transexual

without any real issues in fact I would
not hesitate if given the chance

but that’s beside the point not

now I’m not sure that I can have sex
with someone that identifies as male

that being said in the end I don’t think
I can have sex with a manly man but if

it was a girly guy

I probably could thanks

PS I wouldn’t have sex with you to

the not say not saying you guys aren’t
good looking but

just so you could use this as a
reference as to what kind of guys I

would have sex with love creditors

alright great question let’s go to
Hannah’s the

best part of all not a question

I don’t know if you guys noticed this
but I read a paragraph with no question


no question mark this was all fucked up

SAT word problem this is a logic game

he said I know I’m not gay

that being said I want to fuck guys

that being said I don’t think I could
have sex with a manly man

only occur league I still the house

no thank you grant us

I I don’t know how to parse this

into the logical formations that I can
sorta figure out what the fuck is going


but it seems like he’s maybe I’ll not
that they’re

it’s bad but it seems like he’s a little
bit K search I mean if you’re

if you say you wanna fuck a guy I wanna
fuck it girly guy but still a guy which

is still gay

yeah and that’s fine but you’re just
wrong when you say you’re not gay

he thinks he’s not gay cuz he wouldn’t
have sex with every guy

right but that’s not real so like
because I’m not attracted to

every girl the world I’m not straight
but that’s not sure you are charged

every girl yeah I don’t have a I

I don’t have no time yeah that bitches
yeah it thing that you like the only


to also Burnett specifically good
pitches they’re fine

yeah don’t pigeonhole anybody I have
literally no type yes

I credits if you would fuck guiding your
little gay

homophobe that’s fair

I I never looked like that actually

I thank you for some reason he thinks
that being gay is

a negative thing so he’s like I’m not
gay I we just have sex to the girly guy

but that was acting on himself yeah so
maybe few things like

%uh okay that I’m a little bit K right I
don’t even know how to answer this cuz

its once again not a question

all you need is a positive push in the
right direction and he wants to fuck a

girl a guy and that’s fine and that’s
beautiful so everybody

let’s say credits it’s okay if you wanna

guy that’s good that’s beautiful and
hesitate just like I did

I okay are you ready one to 3



the totally perfect

you’re a bad motivational speaker

guys repeat after me %uh

its okay everyone every problem I

everybody she just weak kkkkk on

for anyone you free

or on seven us xx scheck’s

I skipped it again %uh damnit thank you
all so much for by text my seminar

I don’t know why and when we trust me
lol across call

have which we do how

designer but the do i has also drinking
it’s not as does right


to chairs

heil I am

gonna get to know these people are more
we keep talking about these assholes

their stock in my phone yes but it’s no
real person

is there anybody the are apt to spy shop
and whose birthday is today

the what Dr says many people

actually your birthday January 24th

1989 it doesn’t matter

yes %ah are you how we should do is mad
the birthday video from a daddy

oh yes I said I didn’t get my dad a gift
so in luv that could be raised the house

lights and I can be taken video love you
guys saying

happy birthday doctor Blumenfeld is that

is that too for doctor Bluebird felts
have happy birthday to Roane

absolutely see you guys I’m gonna say 12
holy shit every what’s hot

I the lower houses gray

sounds a123 and you guys say happy
birthday dinner alone

that’s do. roon and I’m gonna send it
send this to him ready

I’m gonna stand a little far back to
school he can’t there’s this is great

are so many people here

thank you guys so much for coming the

the I’m a cow

one to 3 the

this is great now to get on the tire
some shit Oaks CA

the race I was a FaceTime is at a

bat on him

for picking up I I let’s get one more

ahead nice good lap actually that now
just a quick

are gone a real burger it’s common for

dude act the fuck getting a new bernau a

6 home now his role have to get in is

he’s like in the year where the fuck did
not know that

crack 4.7 stars in their

I have to accept iraq

Jake you find a

a dude’s name the

ob overwhelms the wherever whenever I
ever be very very very very

sweet I’ll its complete silence

I love I that arise ready for one person
to keep I did not ban I

and it with you Chandler right candalyn

to handle it is an actual guys name that
you for

Chandler but said was last there

I thing ted Lieu crowds I like that a

pay channel E krauss meets you


on my way by the hell that sometimes

it’s a little creepy Jan across rights

guys huge fan of the show I need advice
on social networking

I’ve been trying to get Taylor Swift a
tweet at me for a while now

probably the past two years urself let
me tell you nothing has worked

my girlfriend my mom thinks it’s start
to make you look sad desperate it


so I really Taylor tweeted me

so I could prove to them I’m not wasting
my time

three together what’s the best way to
get us a lead to tweet at you

keep in mind I’m 24 only 339 days
younger than her if that makes a


thanks love to network router

I was gonna stay I shit up drone

with 3 2010 yeah shit

with ollie as that your life is still be

if you could get on earth if you get
under 300 issue a tweet

she tweeted anyone that’s a little bit

yeah it’s starting to be sad and
pathetic I would say somewhere before

you’re too it was sad pathetic

maybe sometime around your wondered

week 1 or literally one I

101 the first time you said it was a
little sad

I before you were born it was sad

but he thinks if I if I could now just
get Taylor tweeted me would prove to

them high was in sadder

luck she felt so bad for me

she tweeted at me there’s not a tweet
that she could to it that would make it

worth it

whether she’s like a dude I’m your
friend now

the effort you put it makes me realize
that I wanna be friends with the

I just figured that we’re only 339 days

so now I’m willing to let you fuck me
then it would be worth the two years an

effort yeah

I don’t know about her

but I’m feeling 20 mmm have reached an

sir I we try driver come up with her
actual age

I don’t know I had an aneurysm really
yeah get there was that the birthing

video to your dad

so what he is so what do you think
what’s the best way to get a selected


you I guess not to do it incessantly

I think if you do every single day for
two years she’s actively at this point

trying to ignore you because she thinks

that you’re gonna stab her which I also
pick you might step which is not a bad

option 0 what did you stab her I hadn’t
even thought about that so how that go

down so we call tonight trial rather be
Taylor swept okay


hope to you good and now it’s worth it

but just for good measure cut

why are no

if Taylor Swift guys anytime soon just
gets played at the trial

I just us deciding on this your honor

I plead the fifth is that a thing I can
do it does that help me here

not saying anything but I really just
what I said it done in the first place

sign you should I plead the 5th on stage

order order you’re going to hell

well right at the corner back together
can do anything

pizza magic gavel pass which is the name
of our new sitcom a writing

magic gavel coming to CBS this fall

only on ABC that’s right it up

this and yes only on ABC its
multi-channel network

am at a show so good it’s on twice

at the same time I

this is here to pitch a tent

and that’s not a step exact I leave

a course I was already on my way out

but now that I’m here I car do you care
that letter opener everywhere

I am

where we were before we take that detour
into killing Taylor Swift

do you ever tweet at people that we that
you’re a celebrity the some

I watched with Alex Honnold to a also
use the climber

I want to tweet at me as I said I was a
big fan and he wrote back thanks

rilling yeah well how much how close are
you to him in age maybe that’s

it’s probably around three in 29 days

%uh the fact that he knows it to the day
is so creepy yeah

I should kill out I’ll do I did not say

I had absolutely not say

map dome couldn’t do it I catch kami
half down

that so I Dec resembles there

I am officially devices delete your

cut Twitter account your tender you have
a girlfriend Julie your tender

of how says after the girlfriend like
are you baby you’re gonna be solo

fucking proved wrong wish

Taylor Swift tweets back at me that’s
what I believe it real up

that’s why yeah dude

cuz about how much he loves his
girlfriend Taylor Swift would like to be

tobacco hey all suck your dick you’d
like yeah I’m down

to look a always be undercut by Taylor
Swift thing up

local I what about the girl the guy that
date Steelers left

feel like Nicki Minaj potential blow ’em
and then after Nick

how deep down the rabbit hole I really
back and forth between oster to love to

access so you can only have true love it

Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift suck your
dick at the same time

Wow the ejaculate is a rainbow

that would be true love and that’s the
truth is love a heist we’d either it’s


chasing that rainbow I

are at let’s take a break let’s chat
let’s relax let’s shell

the the



mmm with your listening and how we’re
gonna take a quick commercial break and

we’ll be right back I


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got this could I do gutless yet you do
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you have to otherwise I’ll throw you in
jail yeah that’s fine

the a good and as a jail

inmate II reap other people’s tax

dollars 0 shit I beat the sister

earlier paying for it with your freedom
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analytical analysis said the second ad
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under the whole way through back alive
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I A read this entire shit without you
act like carl s lies you

I said how dare Blake

mmm okay let’s go back to Austin it was
more fun there

yeah threat I for one last question or
is it over

the as I can without you guys have time
for one has crossed the

the last message iraq we’re back we

people at Homer listening once again
when Jake very proud and strong for

telling that story

the I like the booth thank you

the booze as from a few choice policemen

one or I am yeah whatever to come back
and I’m getting arrested

I I if you to come back to us that you
probably will get arrested after telling

that’s fair

and okay here we go

we finally have a question from a lady
the by


the Taylor the sailor I heard Taylor
from over there somewhere

is a really good man in africa

all I

your name is bad

your name’s Amir Shah now should be well

either fresh you talked over the

its I had to say i won

I release a real you wouldn’t think
twice you anti-semite you absolutely are

an anti-semite for that its

well I’m counter-drug actually


you did a drop to vote on the ground can
I read it

I gotta gotta home in

I was publicly shot down by small welter

John is gone I lottery words that sound
him out but

I remember what noise the CH makes sure

give it to me the

reply cross the road

see it dude have you guys played cross
the road yet

it’s a three-game magic download it and
we became kind of obsessed with over the

last 24 hours

look into it what’s your high score 24
to 14 anybody be the and cross the road

but I might not get the fuck out okay

hey guys Taylor writes out Taylor writes

hey guys I recently broke up with my
boyfriend because %uh some questionable

axe even though he may not have
physically cheated he definitely blurred

the lines

but yet he had to fight that he remained
faithful to me through it all

he idolizes you guys respects your
opinion way more than mine pat’s I’m

so I would like for you to clarify

cheating according to his recent
behavior Act one

I snooped and found a Facebook message
up his with a slutty girl from college

he basically told we could help her if
she wanted and entertain the idea of a

future me to

when ike that’s right he is Dec when I
confronted him about it he said neither

of us

abuzz with ever see her again so didn’t
mean anything

Act two I snooped

and found in conversation with his
friends incredibly detailed accounts of

3somes he had in college with girls that
I knew well friends of mine

talking details down to the contours of
the giantess

when I confronted him about it he said
he made the stories up

for its present attainment any never had
sex with those girls

act 3 my boss’s daughter took me aside
at work and told me that she messed my

blueprint tender

she showed me the entire conversation

and my boyfriend and by dinner drinks
and told her we were no longer together

when I confronted him about it

he said he wanted to see if you
recognize them

it was all a joke ago

for fun sports yeah

obviously enjoys the attention even if
he doesn’t intend for it to go anywhere

he honestly believes that he was
faithful to me the whole time is

incredibly offended

that I thought she did to any of these

qualified at what point should I have
ended it

love tomorrow

Taylor she’s overreacting use

if you still can you got jokes

in service n act for

I walk into my boyfriend going down on a

he turns around and says no come closer

as you can see my time is still a
centimeter away

her labia s

Factor Live card do it is still a big
situation yet again

on car my boyfriend include but but my

he says it’s not cheating if it’s still
dramatically year old

thats parents rule this guy’s a magician

you he has a policy my little cuddle

she’s a lawyer is a snake oil salesman

a politician for sure I love that he has
an out every time

well as you can see this then really
happens cell is a master the sleight of

hand yeah

I but every time it’s very very close

I feel like you gotta add up these
almost cheating is into one mega cheap

I mean flirting is

like you said it I roomful of people
cant be wrong 32 daughter

the you can really hear cuz there was a
lot yes I know the answer was yes

what do you think I was up you said that
a cheating is only cheating if they’re

person getting cheated on feels as
though she’s been cheated

yes as well as so she feels there by
that your honor

UK so you’re saying you can’t be wrong
if you think you cheated then he did by


cheap I don’t be pigeonholed like that
there’s a line of course there’s

she’s on the right side at them I

cell after if after the first

one he did not cheat if after the second

are there any Jews in the house we
aren’t access

the sounds like die a new which is like
a song about have of God did this but

not the axe at one guy does it

that I rabbi

screw elem self I bring ’em everywhere
the point is

this guy got away with a little bit and
they needed a little bit more and they

needed a little bit more

and then how much more can you possibly
given how much slack can you give them

I think the best bet is to just get rid
of them right off the bat true or false

him why did you say false

oh my god that’s the guy

thats you set menu at the coolest
fucking Patagonia here how can you be so


a so you’re in your mind cheating is
just a few kisses someone has a cut on

his just flirted with girls over chat

she’s just talkin

thoughts do you have a girlfriend and do

feel like if she was talking to some guy
and saying hey I’m single I’d like to

meet up and fuck you

would you feel like that was good would
you feel like you are healthy

committed relationship if that happens
well as they possibly

I like you know what dude I have been
texting your girlfriend pro the highway

on it

let’s to bring up others got because
we’re done yeah

guys this has been so amazing one of our
best live shows ever

thank you so much the I

much like much like the beginning of
every show we and every show that the

massage is written so many said you guys
want let’s have her back on stage in the

same one more song for us and then after
the show will be somewhere to hang out

if you guys wanna like take a photo or

the hard to Jake I’m a germaphobe so
don’t touch me but

on now hi

there’s the guitar chord somewhere on
the stage

I am in


this is the shit they don’t want you to

high rates

if you want to ensure I Monday

beans men knew you were either


hmm jake and the media

I’m fannie in the United help you out

if my by

feel my tell you why




underskirt I

the facts

the cake and money comes back to and my

my pack at on that how can you get the
relationship and act like

you desire for over 10 years I’ve had 19
people get what they want

and out at the Bagram I’m I shall you’ll

relationship tips and I guarantee you’ll
be more confident

get more and give my pleasure and have
better sex just by looking to make out

packed packed with family on podcast 1
expel any

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