Episode 14: Sexting

Description:

In this episode we discuss sexting, cheating, and nearly getting arrested in Iceland.

This episode is brought to you by WarbyParker.com! Ever wonder what kind of glasses Amir wears? Wonder no more: “Crosby” by Warby Parker. Frames AND Lenses for $95! Check them out, and use coupon code “ifiwereyou” for expedited shipping.

hey guys Amir Blumenfeld here I plan
year on the podcast

and the number one question I get asked
are you really like that and the answer

is yes the number to question I get
asked

are where the hell do you get your
glasses and the answer is

worby Parker were beef ripken Parker me

and that’s right it’s probably my
favorite new thing in glasses since I

got glasses because glasses are insanely
expensive

for frames and lenses they can cost you
know upwards UHV

five to seven hundred dollars but Warby
Parker

gives you frames and prescription lenses

starting at ninety five dollars I
remember when I found out about where

the park I just assumed it was a hoax

a scam ally but I’ve been wearing Warby
Parkers in a

our videos and in real life for the past
on a three-year slough

so I can assure you that it is no hope
it’s for real it is for real and the way

it works is

they have a home try on program you
basically choose five frames that you

like they send it to you for free

you try them on you say which one you
like the most send it back to their

prescription and I’ll send you your
parent classes

for ninety five dollars it’s that simple

and you can tell them we sent via
specifically by putting in coupon code

if I were you when you’re buying your
glasses and I’ll send you the glasses

with expedited shipping which is three
business days cell please

check it out it’ll really help us out
they also have prescription sunglasses

their glasses are obviously something
that I really like because I currently

wear the glasses I like that they’re
very plain simple yet still stylish and

fashionable

there’s not a lot of things I know about
fashion wise but I think glasses like at

the top my list because I had to wear
them for twenty years

right I also got a lot of compliments on
my glasses the ones that I wear called

the crosby’s but there’s a bunch of
other cool ones as well

so please check out Warby Parker dot com
put in the coupon code if you like what

you see

and yeah that’s it enjoy the show fine

me yeah

funny hats

I

made my learn

they’re falling

Taylor made a very nicely

resident is that was fun

towed I do it out LC yeah

was a a healthy tells the 9 Chelsea

not healthy but cell C thanks so much

that they’ll see that this is a fiery
you the end

only invite up I guess that messed up

I I I mutat Res do

with his 11-year rule at nine seconds D

sure what happens you 1000 you an editor

now I guess this is it values is the
podcast is the podcast and a

this is if I were you the only advice
podcast on the Internet

hosted by us unamir and I’m a

J with J money to douse disc religion
hood unlike

job now is so cool %uh you really

I I was hearing is there something
different when I was done I look to you

and I saw the disdain in your eye

and I’m a positive guy an outsider talk
badly about people see him

even when they’re huge assholes like
even when they do something so I’m cool

I just say that was cool because it was
too late bailout

nice i’ma we are here to answer people’s
questions they are

in difficult situations the email the
show at if I were you show at gmail dot

com

we come through thousands and hundreds
of millions of submissions

and five and 526 to answer on the pocket
everything about fucking double that is

what we do yeah were I think he’s

they were here gets tossed around pretty
loosely but I i three years

I’ve been like more so than a teacher a
doctor Ryan I will I’m

I the heat venture to say we are more
than hear us

well so I would you would like
astronauts seitz

think up the insane we r god damn say

as the governor religious here or
something I really think you know what

is this the

a they perform how many miracles like
that the perform three miracles and

yelled as they don’t like the services
episode 13 so we’ve performed 13 times

510 miracle wellhead

every my body is good at math so how’s
that it’s actually seventy

yeah 110 is way up really vs that

see that side yeah well I mean is it
worst that I’ve thought it was right

the first i think is worse that my
initial estimate was sell-off

like I said I just turned twelve times
by which is sixty plus 10 which is

set right yeah but I was so I like that
so bad at math that where you can say

literally

any number will I i just while we’re
talking I realize the actual answer 30

times five is not seventy either

well its 65 we’ve reached at the actual
conclusion to you want to edit the

podcast now to not

this is gonna literally is the most
embarrassed I’ve ever felt on the pot

I think that question ron three times
technically twice per year

if it’s actually not 65 than I do on
mister I got it

he jolly good ago and now it is 65 I
know for a fact

I mean it’s 10 times five-plus 1565 its
twelve times five sixty plus five

65 hey larry even debating if any word
so I’m

your crime I um

got so on I just realized we didn’t
think up a fake

and name theme for today shows I’ll sort
of make it up on the spot

it’s just a so we read your emails and
we try to answer them taking them one by

one we give

fake names to every email to preserve
their hand on him at:

and this one will come from someone

named that will call the lane nice

now you’re gone already I cell the lane
in quotations rights

hanyon Jake this guy that I like
recently started texting me on a regular

basis

at first it was just normal stuff
talking about what we did that day or

what we’re up to at the moment

then he started texting me sexy things
really sexy things

until we were basically having
intercourse be a iphone

now and he’s telling me he wants to hang
out with me but I’m nervous after what

we did

I’m wondering if i sexed him over text

does it mean he’ll expect real sex
please help me out of this affects

love he layin very nice elated I like
there I’m at the end

yeah a home if you like this brings up a
very interesting

phenomenon that’s I we experienced a

on I am as like kids growing up which is
when you’re chatting with someone

there’s a degree of anonymity and you’re
ready to say and do

really crazy shit that you won in person
right like having late at night

chat conversations things can get very
heated and then you see the person who’d

like

in real life you haven’t even had shared
pictures and not be good

a good relationship with and you finally
see them in its like what the

expectations

with that stuff that happened online or
over text with that was that even real

we had us ever was that need it’s such a
weird thing like to have

basically phone sex and then go out on a
first date

yeah that’s true I feel like what
usually happens is at first you guys

both ignore it but in the vacuum IdeaPad

both know what went down right and then
later on with things get loosey-goosey

that’s when like every other now it’s
crazy II yet like you have real sex and

then you’ll talk about the phone sex
yeah

but it’s rare that like I guess now kids
are having the phone card relationships

for Lotus

place seem like it confused hurt right
she was like

we’re basically having sex leahy so that
sexy sec texting me really

relieve ridiculous things until we were
basically having intercourse be i’ve

one thing led to another it’s lovely to
see it it just sounds so innocent I

really wonder what you’re basically
having intercourse is

II was I was so confused so I was I was
just texting I’m sucking your dick

and sucking your idea could be jerking
you off now yeah I I should even

think dropping about news at dinners and
at a restaurant

a mean what is it you’re basically
having sex you’re fucking me from behind

your I give me from behind you is this
what I i’m a min

doing a I’d guess if I’m a guy having

phone sex with a I it depends cuz like
at this point in my life

I O I have sex it is so

sorry mom a new %um the podcast are you
fall you splice

a twenty-seven okay I’ve been having sex
for two years now

love calling does yet to listen to the
live

I’m a virgin swear to God

I so I is like my expectation is a
little bit like a a fun

having says like a sexting conversation
with someone I would probably expect the

baby

sleeping with me unless they’re like
they have a boyfriend and their

us XD right but sex doesn’t necessarily
mean

you want to have real sex is the person
does it there’s like a fantasy land I

think it

I think it does like you arabs I me
about a touch

I’m not a teenager anymore I just date I
just crush alike

I day and I

I’m not a teenager I just have sex with
19 year olds

you don’t actually Alan Jeffrey yen I
diet

I haven’t had sex in the nineteen year
old since I was 19 myself well

they have it I sell what do you think
sorry mom

I everything is there is an apology your
own mother

so would you say that this person she’s
wondering if she sex them over text does

it mean that that’s real sex

that she expects yeah I mean I’d try to
help you with this

vex and a I don’t wanna

which attracts I put you under a hex or
anything

a few but um yeah I

I think God I think that’s probably what
the guy

is xx yeah so a

going either don’t go on the date if you
don’t want at sleep with him

let me know you go on the day and
definitely just did not have sex with

men

he can deal with that that’ll be fine
yet the sates the girls

like a not responsibility but it often
ends up as like

you will go as far as the female will
let you like is the graphic dating how

far

I’m you know I’m sure happens the guys
are like a I want to take it slow but I

feel like it’s way more rare I think
geyser

kind of just like whatever you down for
I’m down here and it’s like totally up

to the girl

so if it’s totally up to her what we say

%uh you’re comfortable with yeah if he
might expect real sex but you know what

maybe he would have X any guy you gonna
deal with

dice not at least expect but like other
any guy should be used to not getting

laid

select if he if he expects sex and you
don’t have sex with them is like god

damn

that’s fine that the motion is gonna
deal with a lot throughout his life

but do you think he has a better case is
saying oh damn because they had phone

sex

yeah but I know what yeah we had phone
sex iight

if let’s do a little rope role play were
like in bed I say no I’m not to have sex

with you

and I’m the guy gyro okay right so

I’ll let me a on unbuckle your belt
pants

hey no buster what are you talking about
are let me

take out my cell phone you clearly said
it was at six thirty one in the morning

I am currently the eight now your peers
I mean like

this is a I’m looking at my text
messages %uh this is %uh yeah I guess my

response to that is go fuck yourself sir

well I will yeah I like to you you don’t
get

you don’t get his booty this you better
this beauty

you gotta earn his booty this text
messages they a script of how tonight

was gonna get a body

abiding got in contact actually yeah
it’s written so I feel free to say no it

do a guy who expect sex

and that it’s going to be fine that he
doesn’t get that yeah

that’s the long sure that on thanks for
reading in the lane

things like I question the second

I read for question number two oh yes a

wanna be boxes into it they asses

I question to RK I didn’t have to do but
I didn’t

so dolly Ike sees or talks over the
place looks so

I your ego I’ll my god

question chemical I

I start talking it wasn’t done but that
they were picked up by Kidd Kaos

pregnant ha Shack

its 50 ac here is jack for that

not this quest then comes from Jerome
seinfeld

Jerome Wright it’s another to your
question

I was recently using tender I saw my
friends girlfriends profile

they’ve been in a relationship for all
just over a year now and her recent

activity is three days ago

should I tell my friend that she’s using
the app wrecked that he’s

should I tell my friend that she’s using
the app regularly or is it not my place

what should I do then the the crazy
thing is I select the right

matched you freakin believe it I think
we have to go on a date

I it is the unbroken rule tender we
started chatting and we ended up having

phone sex

and I big now sex is what she expects

you what is this a no shoe do I tell my
friend that I fuckin found my soulmate

on did they raided his gf

I saw wife during her bottom and now I’m
here I did this happen

slope to rate would have phrased I

you or is that a delay I

I yeah I mean it’s the equivalent

finding someone sheeting or is the
equivalent to finding someone flirting

yet his leg area the bombing necessarily
and I think a lot of people down there

to do just to let kind of see what about
because

you know people that are in
relationships want to be part of

transducer it’s like

I’ve seen people with boyfriends and
girlfriends on tender their like

oh yes just like funds like massive
people we match which I actually

advocate against cuz lot of people
aren’t into trying to find their soul

Ibiza ok on china fine is so mater John
designers Solon China by my soul no I’m

tender I try to find her every cell what
aspect of my life i’m looking for when

I’m at Starbucks I’m looking for one arm

out at a bar I’m looking for a work i’m
looking for. out when I met

hike in the woods and i’m looking for.
on tender so yeah

I’m not a god damn mission ok to find my
soulmate

ISP requested by my spirit animal

and and I really thinks he’s using his
hooking up at for twenty to thirty year

you know what I’m using it so maybe our

we have would have that in common don’t
you think but if you make yours

if you like if you were describing your
soul mate would a somebody who uses

tender

possibly be on there she made you used
to do and when I meet her she would say

oh my god I’m so there’s some on tender
my friends like pressured me into it but

i just like and need a guy

a cell like maybe your head when I say
listen

listen lissy yeah

at I ass selfish she Baby P

now is not the time to top now’s the
time to sex

I you then you guys both get to bed
States exiting each other I think it’s

viable that thing that you could find

the the love of your life hun today at
this point yeah I mean there’s a couple

hundred thousand people on it

what are the odds that honestly what are
the odds that it’s only is an aunt in

her at this while

you know what what are the other the
soul mate is a real thing it doesn’t

exist

I is that about a hundred I yet what are
the odds that I’m getting a little

nervous that I alone

surrounded by my friends but still
wafting around to see a bad check

loneliness

do I have it set to not hate myself I up
with that 80

I you other the sweat my life to the
right of Eclipse I

so I should this plan would be to the
left actually the left is what you don’t

want those that those are the discards

up okay the hell download the app I

how many people do you think I just but
never been slave trade

ok got the so sad I think even if you
like hideously ugly its wide right as a

joke at least

I which is always wears yet you’ve been
jokes white

times and authentically the tender badge

I yet VB class clown you’ve been jokes

left to right 500 right slides that
every single person spoke to The

we were joking about like a how
embarrassing would be like have a

tender badges appear on your Facebook
profile oh yeah

was a is part of the Lonely Hearts Club
100 flights without a match

hmm jay is tenders both active user

48 hours logged on at a time who take a
swipe three thousand times in the last

few days

your mgs take away the for is anybody
out there award

1500 messages said without a single
reply

who take is cast the widest net I 250
consecutive rights lives

one match I jake would take us into
desperation mode that’s

eighteen to fifty plus and a 100 mile
plus radius

I he’ll take anything you any tickle do

a mercy say I guess I’ll tell a weave
through to leave we always forget to

give advice I feel like

yet well real quick it just if you’ve
never even heard of tender it’s an

application where people are looking for

people can look up yeah this is for
people who haven’t heard tender they’d

still let us like

still we’re listening to the podcast
that we went on a five minute tender at

there that big a fan no question number
three will but when I’m back to say

thank you yet it is the day the app
where you as

good at this point they have to pass
right I

you see a girl who is this you see you
open it up and you see a picture of a

female and if you think she’s cute

the Swiper to the right or if you’re gal
using to do is pick up a guy or if

you’re a lesbian

or David person then it’s the same to
his jersey at genders that you’re

attractive you think they’re attractive
Swiper the right if you think they’re on

attract the swipe to the left if they
also slightly to the right

that some action you guys get to chat so
this guy

found his anyway tender send us a check
I

this 1 I’d like more than a check we
have I would like more than a check out

like a match

at like my soulmate tender you will be
one soulmate

the I god damn son of a bitch youth
slippery slimy little snake

you owe me is solely you he then just

you really do it that’s right you really
are he is so I downloaded it if I my

soul mate but I owe it turned me into a
monster

at now doesn’t know my soul mate is just
the devil

you a so this guy found his buddies
girlfriend on it

right and I guess I think you if you
thought your

your clothes at all to the girl maybe
I’d say something to her first and see

if there’s like

a logical explanation so you don’t you
know get your body up in arms and then

like you know

a cause a rift in the relationship was
not necessary and maybe he knows about

it maybe he’s on it too

yet maybe they did it together you got
to be pretty dumb to use it in the city

that year

yeah parents friends are in right it’s
true but I mean like its

it sorta like that a.m. the a if you
like pina colada song

yeah house so though with it ever heard
that song

if you like pina coladas again yes it’s
like about a

yeah he like takes that he’s desperate
to find somebody that has a wife but

he’s like I really want like a fling a
while like I don’t feel the passion my

life

so he takes out a personal ad and the
lyrics to the core so the personal ad if

you like pina coladas and gettin caught
in the rain

okay like you like making love it the
night at the dunes on the cape and

you’re the love that look for

right to me an escape and the like in
the next verse he

finds that like on the love the look for
is like that so my God my soulmate the

pinnacle at a person lets me at this
time many needs

and his wife so it’s like a good
attitude on it right like are you mad at

me like

yeah like I took out the sad but yeah I
answered it so

Wow that’s a really beautiful son I had
no idea that arose about her

yeah it’s so stupid but it is kinda cool
yet usually songs like

a said very cool but the lyrics are a
whole and this is like Sir the opposite

read the music is

lame and the you let the local outlets

over the pair got such attitude on your
way she’s the only one is that if you

leave you

I very intelligent discourse have a new
like I really

I you if you like dramatic irony

also I say I’d tell your friend your if
he’s your friend

then he deserves to know from you that
his girlfriend is looking to

hook up with other dudes by I strongly
urge you do i do a little bit more

detective work before you yes wiper the
right right a

said and if it’s a match then she’s
definitely using it that

a cool worried about the halfway point
you want to take a little break

politically rather take a breather you
know what I want you to talk about was

that

of the story that happened to you get
like really close to the mic

yet yeah I really really lean in like
that has to be

on this to be clean something really
happy funny happened to you

kind of me and also you in Iceland yes

so we’re in Iceland we’re on vacation
and Iceland

um and I guess

the thing that happens in the summer in
Iceland as the Sun doesn’t go down

right light all the time so at midnight
if it looks like it’s like the Sun is

like the 7:30 p.m. sky but always and
then the other thing is that people

in the capital city in Reykjavik drink
very heavily

on the weekend to do this thing called
the room tour I was like a pub crawl or

whatever

Anna we so we got very excited we got
very drunk

Amir does not break very often but I got
him

I think with the drunkest you ever been
yeah I guess I must have been because

their details

I’ve never liked blacked out there were
details that I didn’t remember right

and I on I don’t

I mean I don’t know strikers at EverBank
they do drink a lot

but sorry mom I now it is actually the
way

I really insightful I but I got

completely you wasted you like did not
remember four to five hours at the

interview at

like a I there’s that I remember you
falling off the bench

yet which was like at 11 p.m. right you
fell off the bench and then the next

thing I remember

is coming to in this club where the ad

the bouncer said I your card was
declined

so how did we get there how do we get to
the cop the bouncer telling you that a

card was declined

iight so um so we got to go to this kind
of like exclusive

a bar where I told him here to just go
up and tell the story person that he was

famous

I I don’t know what you said to them but
you end up to the door person there’s a

long line and then all the sudden next
thing we knew

up being a mere my brother and I Jeff
Rosenberg

and a like this weird crew of people
that we had somehow a mass from the

first bar just like walking down the
street like 12 us all just were

shepherded

into this bar we were the Pied Piper
I’ve drank an icelandic him

so we cut this line I and at what we
found out like they were

some more people as I want to get in and
they’re like if you get

table service um you to get more people
it’s only like about how much money is

that

and they said 5500 kronor and then you
look to me to do the math

this is part I don’t remember see your
tellin me yes I said to the man if

developing a chronic

they’d the look to me and it’s actually
close to what the map from here to do

earlier today which was thirteen times
five it was like 5500 divided by like

whatever 138 kroner per dollar so I did
the math at roughly fifty dollars

which is somewhat accurate right which
seems like about right for maybe

I don’t know sure I had dollars okay
we’re havin fun let’s get on oliver

bodies the shares that we all

we all went in we got the table service
I think were you at the order to

we ordered a bottle yeah um anyway so

a little I’ve the that it’s all a blur

are not even like it’s not even a blur
cuz it’s just a its ok I

if nothing ever happened blurred means
there are their colors there that are

smeared and we are looking at a black
black

his yet the black hole I was never there

I leave around two we get in at midnight
I’m there for two hours and I leave

around two because I’m not feeling very
good

right so they tell me %uh my card was
declined other than that for everyone

starts leaving NJ cuz to pay for
whatever the bottle service well yeah

fifty dollars and plus whatever a bottle
of alcohol is so they give you my car

back

in like it there their machines are so
weird and Iceland in like my magnetic

strip in my car had been like

I kinda acting a fool the anti-trust so
I like thinking about the others like 20

they were 200 bucks so I

I grab my brothers cars like I’ll give
you many letters that’s what this

days related this card is also declined
and then at like sort have dawned on me

like how much you

charging card for I and these

forget the number this is a hundred
58,000 crore which is

which and I was like what is that in the
US dollar is

then there it was fourteen hundred
dollars I

and I was like what this is where I went
from just like blackout drug debts over

I yeah we’re gonna charge you up because
I was so here I think

thirty-five year that you don’t remember
it like a used car

her a month the rent that’s going to be
a well what you paid

and are never that and I was later line
a mugging

what it what it while I Z fourteen
hundred dollars and they said you

ordered two bottles of Greygoose

and I like I mean how much money is a
bottle of Grey Goose

a at but I was just like no I didn’t I
did not order

which may be true but maybe not because
you don’t know because you’re just black

right but I mean I can’t imagine I wish
I was so drunk that I definitely didn’t

I would never look at somebody be like
give me another bottle of Grey Goose

right and even is my personal favourites
right so ok

a hundred percent I I knew that I’d in
our second bottle I wasn’t even

I was thinking positive and I were the
first I size like I did

order that came with the table is right
say I’m tells the price

exactly as I said no I will pay that and
they’re like

this when I got surrounded by all the
bile the bouncers at the bar the bar

with

empty and they’re like just head you can
go is that for a is the 4 a.m. and the

light is out as if it’s like eight more
right

its hits the a little it’s like 90 about
their

and I was like I will pay at they
surrounded as they pay it you can leave

and I was like no this if you know paper
in a call the police

and I was like please deal call the
police right now in mind there’s nine

policemen tonight

we all vacation they all showed up
they’re all drunk

is that the police got there and they’re
like it’s like icelanders

have never heard have lying before yes
the officer was just like is

look to the bartender is a I he said you
bought two bottles of Greygoose

both said I why did is that why would he
say that what’s in it for a pic

why wouldn’t it is make that up a guy
who looses think

I know he said in and this is what I’m
saying this is why you’re here

your call cuz there’s a dispute right
you that the said while you were shoving

and I was a and look at Jeff in my car
they try to calm me down the entire

complex those like irate

and you think you’re gonna you have to
go to jail well we decide what’s going

on you’re gonna have to wait in jail

icelandic prison by the way the
three-star hotel is the Blue Lagoon

I everybody the Blue Lagoon it is just
is just being held against their will

with thermal hot so that our

40 miles outside the capital the officer
the arresting officer gives you a

massage

a hot stone a hot stone that

so I but I was like I woke I’m not gonna
know I was like laughing too late now

you can maybe go to jail over this
you’re just thought you were talking to

them as if they were like three
15-year-olds asking you for reading I

was talking to the lady I like we’re
also like

we could possibly debate like the fact
that I got services that notation have

to pay for

and a so they’re like we’re gonna look
at the security tapes and see if like

um and like if we by the word two
bottles have to pay everything

that’s the funny thing is a bit as if a
security camera could were you

where you maker found relying on
wireless lathers is you did shot at me

going to you

holy up my figures the two bottles you
stared at the

at the camera after chewing holding a
gray shirt and then flapping my wings

like ugg boots

%uh said I think they’re just right away
this out occurs with AC me to sit there

for two hours a week and I was like

2000 give you my ID I’ll give you
whatever you want I’ll just come back in

the morning and you can let me know if
found in there like now

so a finally one point the police
officer came out he’s like

other bartenders tired Heath he wants to
go home

you can just pay for one bottle of Grey
Goose which is was like 550 bucks

and not then we’ll let you leave so so I
did that

I walked outside and who is like we just
got away with the boys

I ordered more than two hours ago he’s I
ordered four

spilled do on the floor said not guilty
all got to build a

they hear intact you and taste

the another a funny PostScript to this
whole story which is great is me waking

up at 7am thinking about to vomit

I look at my phone and I have to text
messages from you

one hey I think we’re getting arrested
at 6 a.m. and then 1/2 hour later at

6:30

wait nevermind very good I

his lap to go pee I wanted to I want to
tell you be sure that someone knew I was

going like if I would just dropped off
the grid

yeah is a tune style as shit

they just detain you needed you don’t
get a call in Iceland you here forever I

excuse me okay this if the dollar’s

like that Vince Vaughn movie about him
going to jail in Thailand there’s

nothing oh yeah I think that is kill the
guy

yeah if you drown me in the thermal pool

you they put you on a glacier cut it off
and is fly you out towards greeley

what is this I you what is this archaic

the justice system if you to expand his
martial law

I are a good story

sewed up to it up by the way means thank
you in hebrew

to see you guys can you learn a word a
day later listen to this by Plato does

also turned into our catch phrase

yeah it also is how it’s like Shalom is
hello goodbye peace

for us to does hello goodbye peace thank
you where you

has a going alright yeah yeah fuckin
needs but sometimes I gotta

to to I use it it’s fun

toe doc toda baby alright let’s let’s
try to get to another question here

hands are tied after that insane Iceland
sorry I think we’re nearing the end but

it was fun

on which I get to this one though this
one is from

kramer nice Cosmo Kramer

face so I recently went to prom with is
really really great girl one kinda been

to

it was an amazing night she even gave me
a really romantic lap dance on the right

back

I know that seems weird but yeah it was
romantic

she even turn back so her lips were
brushing against my cheek

like she wanted to she want me to kiss
her sadly

I didn’t because kissing her which
change everything we’ve been best

friends since 6th grade she doesn’t know
I like ur

I would teller but my friend asked her
how she felt and she says she just sees

us as friends

should I have kissed her and confessed
my feelings or not say anything and

continue what we have

I we get a lot of friends only emails
with this one is very vivid it’s so

stupid because key off work I you know
to the year’s gonna change

everything anyway she’s grinding your
ass crack into my crotch in a liberal

I you but I think everything’s changed

the game has changed Cosmo I’m sorry

you giddy up if you like a kisser I you
had

you’d certainly had the opportunity I
think if she sees you as friend she

would move a

grow duran’s dick yeah at that point if
you kissed her and she pulled away said

well we’re just friends hey you are you
miss read that signal

okay I will showcase really grinding my
genitals against yours or whoever

describes a row

a lap dance as romantic lap dances are
either like hot her sexier sometimes bad

maybe

or joking road yet you don’t have a room
it was really into me

it was romantic I feel like a really
nice conversation you had but that

that personified as granting genitals
again credit was also

I know if the key but it was really
actually it was tastefully done

I like a really big hard film she liked
tilted her head back

in like sorta pressed her lips against
my cheek I can as soon as I rated on me

you’re having a crush on a girl for
whatever 12 years she gives you a lap

dance in public that’s like torture
isn’t it

heard sounds like heaven to me but you
can’t really do anything at that point

it can you fit in front of the all your
friends you not gonna make a move

it was it in for the frenzy was like in
the limo for two people that the a

question

if you was in front of people I can see
not wanted to make a movie she tracked

you to the limo give you a lap dance in
an empty limo

yeah dude you really miss the
opportunity for the best first disaster

i plug whatever you do next whatever
like the next thing is is like oh you’re

like on a porch at a party in my goes
like kinda made out with a yes late

you’re on your prom date you’re in a
fuckin toxic ito a girl’s

sitting on your lap with her neck tilted
back kissing your cheek and you didn’t

do anything

your lips were brushing against my cheek
yeah you know what

dude my advice is to the give a result
that they

I yeah yeah I you’re never going to get
a better moment than that

you said a proposed to write that I yeah
I know this is crazy kid who never

kissed

but will you marry me and you know what
pal

I have your full name you wrote me this
e-mail

I’m gonna go on Facebook I’m gonna find
you on facebook to go through your

friends your prom photos

and then I wanna look at the girl you
went to prom with I’m gonna know that

that’s the one

and now I’m put every single else effort
I’ve got

to going on a date with their having a
first kiss in a limbo if that’s how did

the name Diana that’s the guy I know how
old she is

I know how old she is oh wait till she’s
18

okay to have a don’t even do I don’t
know why I can’t stop myself that I am

looking for my soul they I set it up top
I’ll say it again

I’m soulmate searching right now and i
think is

I think this problem date limbo dancing
since stripper

and vixen I think she’s the one yeah I
really do

about what you’re looking for some
eighty look for people you know and see

if they’re attracted to you not going

one so made at a time by other people so
meet standards yeah but I’m either gonna

it ok if she’s gonna for him it might be
good enough for me to use gonna go so

made by Sony and I just want this job

blew an opportunity and golden chance
and and I want to make sure that door is

firmly sealed not only shut concrete I

gotta say I think I deserve to die I he
desires that being

made an example of okay I don’t want
anyone else to miss their first kiss

chance with their prom date so may

and so you’re saying I’m gonna steal the
girl away from in forever unlock a myth

that would happily tional for now on if
you miss an opportunity

it has a golden opportunity if you have
and open basket in you miss guess what

Jakes gonna dunk doesn’t that suck
Thursday with state dollars J hood other

modern-day Robin Hood okay

yeah saying your day %uh has okay good

you are not as the rear you ask feasibly

considered putting to cooperate in a row
you’re putting on a case

good on you dick you are not here okay

made a Trojan virus are not the hero we
deserve our allies don’t turn is it is

absurd as social commentary you ask if

no growed up with the in hey I heard ugh
I’ve missed his chance to kiss you and I

I feel my cow why are you kidding me
hate when they do to deserve this dick

up your K

loser you entered into a contract

a social guy track the most important
guide

I A went on we have fun you should just
stick

I so it is chance what is plan now I
mean it seems like she likes you so

play it cool but you you replicate that
moment

i guess i mean see you eats proms that’s
your senior year

there’s going to be a lot I like pretty
and

poignant feeling parties the summer yeah
summer

the summer before college yeah see your
kid I think I was going to be at an

all-time high

writer the plane year old mixes you be
outdoors maybe a beach beach is always

nice

on a fire fireworks lit up the lead a
lap dance Eddie I really like that lap

dance or are you why

good guy yeah falling in love I did
sorry I’m not as

Wingo sexy as you know I my boaters
although DCI

me you in the tit sorry I needed today

I meter free candy it may lead you to it
and i need ur

I I wrote me then needed there

and the that’s a chance do not miss your
chance to blow

on that was a fun episode because we
spent

a good amount of time going over 3

her yeah three very cool questions yeah
and then one about how we are up

almost got arrested in nicely will you
almost got arrested don’t I would drag

you into a yes forced to you or that you
got the table service to begin with

he will be a thousand dollars and really
think you do

it I am yes thank you so much listen
everyone

I hope it flew by for you as much as it
did for us but we want to keep the half

an hour a week so you know

we can always get two more questions in
the future thank you so much for

listening and spreading the word more
people are listening to the show now

than ever

we also did our first video episode last
week so that our YouTube channel setup

you can go to YouTube dot com slash

if I were you show and that email again
if you guys have any questions that you

want us to answer for some reason

that email addresses always if I were
you show at gmail dot com

are also accepting theme song
submissions the first was from fell see

in this last one

is from someone named I believe Shahn
O’Brien

shell on I think so much listening
everyone thank you

p and out late

stop it yeah I’m lying to you alright

it no okay if time

and a.m.

to Los scanning to

today

you

systems

to you all that

time

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *