Episode 170: Hairy Butthole

In this episode we discuss adultery, pornography, and being a man.

This episode is brought to you by SlugBooks, Squarespace, and BlueApron!

this is ahead government can guess who’s back guess who’s back

slug books is back yeah they’re one of our first sponsors it’s a seasonal thing

it’s a college textbook colleges out to go back and start again

back-to-school shopping how hard that was as a kid you get to buy a ruler

every year you to get to buy a new leader a new ruler every year I love my

related gotten 11 ruler in first grade he said this is going to last you till

till high school and every year I every year every year I had lost it and had to

get a new one he would beat me with the need to get beaten in sure yeah anyway

for those of you in college you know how expensive how it’s a racket college

textbooks are they just charge more and more money for the same old books it’s

not a good deal so what can you do if you got a slug bugs dot com it compares

the prices for all the cheapest sites online like Amazon and shades you can

save the most money instead of searching one by one where the cheapest book is

all you have to do is go to Starbucks dot com put in the ISBN numbers of the

books you need and you’ll be comparing the exact same book as well as the one

your class requires across a ton of sites it’s this is such a good kind

service you feel so good about endorsing

talk for hours on how evil colleges yeah so they’re trying to squeeze every

single dime they can edit you don’t give it to them you can get cheaper books in

a few got a slug bugs dot com slash Jake or slug bugs dot com slash mir you save

money on textbooks and you see a little cartoon version of me and Jake as little

book that’s fun it’s cute it’s friendly it’s fun friendly just because it’s like

why is it

it’s cute it’s fun and you’re not friendly are you friend

good sometimes these books are costing $200 and you can get it for as cheap as

$10 online don’t be a fool you got to go to college and perhaps you gotta buy

books for those classes so you might as well save as much money as possible

don’t get slapped with Jake’s dads ruler good a slug bug that’s right daddy I’m

man enough to admit that slug bugs dot com slash a course like ducks logbooks

dot com slash mir

save-a-lot cache on college textbooks check them out great sponsor its

supporting the show while saving money it’s a win win win situation right let’s

get started this episode was super super fun you said a really poignant thing at

one point I feel like it’s it’s it’s important to make sure you’re at the

very least listening up until Jakes really point point I don’t know if it’s

like t-shirt shirts but like sometimes I think so you can have a point

yeah that was your failed website T-shirts full poems and sentences

paragraphs almost assured that goes all the way to the back just wise say that

God alright lets get stuck

far would you go shopping for clothes read every shape the sole legal get some

subtle

ready when the show

name advice in the females the MIAC like people from LA

but that would be very funny like that

and one of my favorite songs I think this one yeah not the original now who

sang the original mix a Master P what does that mean to make themselves on and

on and on so good and then disease is he saying the nine others who say make them

saying and I don’t think they’re like groaning and then saying that a full-on

Master P it wasn’t covered like that original sign with like I’m not a

masterpiece yeah he paid homage to the to the pupil to the greats honestly

stand on the shoulders of you want to stand on your client and call themselves

to call that guy was written our side that song was written by Keenan whose

Twitter name is Karina powers kar un a powers wanted us to give a shout out to

that Twitter Follow me as a type flow is is is tweets are actually pretty

interesting to really ok example sample when in Rome ordered dominos pretty

funny eating an egg sent sorry eating an egg white omelet is like eating a

sandwich with only crust don’t quite get it was the worst part about the bread

not everybody agrees cross-border I like that one sunny banging on the sofa it

wasn’t me I even had her in the shower it wasn’t me she even cut me on camera

wait what you’re fucked songs there’s definitely some holes in the logic of

shady she camera it wasn’t me when she walked in on you write like cameras like

and then last one pit stands are my way of showing the world my shirt doesn’t

work as hard as I do I like that when a lot of my favorite these date back to

april sign up his training as much anymore but thank you Karina powers

think you better get back on it as we just got a bottom of thousands over he’s

at 298 right now i’m following the following right he’s at 299 right now

kar you a power as in he has Karuna powers instead of like super powers got

it yeah this is if I were you the only advice podcast on the entire internet

hosted by US I mean me here and I’m Karuna powers god it’s true

your secret hero and now you’re identities out that’s right everybody

this is my Twitter and that was my I loved all those two meets you got your

glasses right yeah I have my backpack to wear them today I have not won them

today because they don’t have to wear them during the day it’s only at night

really that I can’t see that true it’s hard to see things all the time is it

truly can only not see any other show you where all the time at the doctor

said I did the doctor said optometrists not a real doctor yet

you know that I doubt it was the C you went to the same sex but doctor was a

woman I know you’re doing your dipping your toes in the glasses water force you

don’t want to be the kind of guy that’s just the glasses guy I mean when I put

them out for the first time it was too powerful

what do you mean I had to take them up because I proceeded to clearly I should

be allowed

yeah like I have perfect vision no no one man should have super power you felt

like it was two clear even though you had clear perfect vision probably for

the first 20 years of your life yet more right but then once it starts to slip

you put the glasses back on you know this is too much is too good I should I

don’t need to read the ingredients in it is if you have X-ray gap goggles and

you’re looking at like women under undressed and you’re like no this isn’t

fair to them but in fact it was just like know I shouldn’t read street signs

this clearly do you follow Karina powers I just bought him yeah we’re gonna be

answering really emails from real people

ladies like her last album I mean it doesn’t this is a really is not a visual

I won’t really you can I mean it’s already happening so you don’t really

it’s just for you you know this is gonna be your live reaction ok to my glasses

or B Parker Parker shot out even though they pay us here we go again that

classes in a mustache I have a must listen and out they look like German

psychologist definitely look a lot smarter do I should I take a picture and

put it on my instrument for people to see you is that how you want to debut it

I don’t know that I feel like the lady is let’s take a look take a picture

right now but tonight yes

ok so by the time line right people to see it tomorrow morning at 11 a.m. is

the review the grand debut yeah yeah

Utah you’ll be a debutante cause I’d like to real I’d like to go somewhere

like it to be outdoors during the day go to the top of Group of Parker’s oh my

god you are made a trio I’m gonna take a hike with 80 g spot I don’t want to do

anymore

selfie stick alright so these are real emails from real people I’m gonna get

let’s given fake names just to preserve their anonymity do you know because I

wanna want to help these people out on a two-out them yeah we’re all right here

we go first one is from a teenager who’s a teenage boy that you know a little

teenage boy that you like John will teenage boy teenage boy yeah yeah

teenage boy who’s a teenage boy I don’t know if I want to place a teenage boy

you I was a little teenage boy named this imaginary teenage boy named people

I was friends with her you don’t currently know any teenage boys I mean

you have a cousin is a teenage I don’t know I don’t actually know right anyway

this one’s Corey Corey Wright hey guys I need some advice I’m a high school

student who masturbates on daily as most boys my age do and had come across a bit

of a problem normally I erased my browser history after I watch porn this

way I’ll never get caught

even though no one in my house uses the computer but me the computer is in my

room so it’s easy to pull up some porn squeeze went out then erased the history

within a minimal amount of time one day my sister had come home to visit the

family and I heard her catching up with my mom and dad downstairs I hadn’t

mapped the day before so I was aching to do so now I decided it was safe to do I

decided it was safe to do it because I would have plenty of time before she

came up to see me this was the biggest mistake of my life I had finished and

i’d open my internet history and before I could clicky raising her coming up the

stairs in an act of panic I left my desk and went to the bathroom to get rid of

the evidence when I came back she was on my computer she screamed she just wanted

to check her emails as she ran out of the room she back sorry i SAT back down

at my desk and realized that my history had been left open and I was in complete

shock the worst part was that all the porn I had watched had revolved around

brothers sisters stuff and anal I think now she thinks I want to fuck her in the

but the thing is I don’t I just watched that video because it was the new in the

new release section and I found the check so hot so I watched it and clicked

on a couple of suggested videos now she avoids eye contact with me at dinner and

avoids me all together throughout the day she’s going to be here for the next

month and I don’t know what to do should I corner her and forced her to listen to

me that way I can

explain or should I just leave it alone what should I do any help would be

greatly appreciated thanks love Kouri writes well real quick anytime you think

you need to corner somewhere and force them to do so that’s not true and don’t

well he just wants to explain right but still he should really corner her before

yeah that’s when you you force someone into a corner over do it when you need

to talk to somebody is corner yes so that way they can escape into directions

and then you just sort of clothes off anybody part 2 I think it’s really funny

that he was aching to fat because he had gone also you felt like you had ample

time because you thought you had like 30 seconds Apple time for me is like my

parents are going to at least the grocery store not my sister is

downstairs having a conversation like somebody’s gone for a weekend like to

tease it out this is like mission he’s all about like that doors closing and

he’s tumbling underneath the closing garage door grabbing his head at the lab

like he just wants to nut so badly I i feel like there would you wouldn’t find

some joy and just doing it later in the evening when you have a little more time

to yourself or what about doing it and doing it in a private location I can t

FAP without porn on your phone in this one second I just I can squeeze in under

five seconds like was not that good

you realize this guy hadn’t done it in 36 hours though I had to get understand

being a teenager that’s like yeah that’s a long time for him

him noting is it like saying oh now I’m not gonna jerk off later he’ll just do

it several times yeah well first of all my advice even before the situation is

private browsing

you don’t have to erase yeah yeah yeah dude there is incognito mode there’s

Private Browsing there’s ways for it not to save onto your computer locally that

laid as an access to cash it doesn’t go into your

history of snuff porn but nobody will down because I’m completely off the grid

also what i’ll do is load the videos then turn off the wifi yeah that way I’m

not even attracting a signal so people can actually take that data you are a

little too paranoid intercepting all my devices and I sketched as scheduled

little picture of a new loman then I burn it when I’m done and I take the

ashes and I wet them and I drink them that way by the time he comes out of me

it’s completely indistinguishable at you ok cool and smart yeah that’s why I had

all that stomach issues you have a lot of fires in the army of two sketches

maybe too much I’m started just after the fire at this point the fire gets me

however this is this is this ship has sailed for this guy ship has sunk so

what now do you do you explain to your sister will do you understand are you in

the sky like just because that’s the theme of the porn you watch does that

mean that you don’t actually are into that I understand actually personally I

find myself sometimes watching the incest videos because I’ll like turn off

the podcast mom oh yeah

buzzed delete this episode

never can never use words Grecia virgin ears just like if you like amateur porn

and if you like POV porn for whatever reason there’s a lot of this and I

sometimes like you say you’re just attracted to a girl and you’re not

necessarily tried to the fetish but you wanna see her naked so you watch the

video and then of course if you’re in the incest mode there’s going to be

other incest videos if you find those girls attractive you try to watch them

and i’ve been there and like I’ll find the girl hot nullified the Lakeway

they’re shooting the porn hot and then she’ll be like you shouldn’t be fucking

me or my brother shot off

that’s not the sexy part the sexy part is that you’re having sex

brother sister porn is just regular point except every three and a half

minutes they have this is bad because her brother and sister is bad exposition

it’s not cover writing it’s too much pipe I feel like it’s to expose Ettore

enough we get to get back to the actual story so I guess you’re not asking for

this advice but sometimes I’ll find porn video that has good sound bite and I

believe the volume on that brother sister one wow that’s really getting you

don’t want to be completely mute point but also now at this point you can tell

your sister like it’s probably more embarrassing to tell her like no it’s

not I’m not into incest I just you know really wanted to see that particular

girl get fucked is that better know I think you like can’t talk about this I

here’s what I wanna say though there’s a chance that she huge tits likelihood

actually that she didn’t read the titles of the video she probably just saw a

naked person on your screen and ran away like I don’t think she poured over the

screen being Lake City I’m imagining in his mind this is like shot like really

like 10 know this is me and then you like coming out of the bathroom tugging

at your dick still it’s like you did see ya and then you’re coming again is this

guy probably gets off those your coronary it’s not wrong just let me turn

around

for some reason I think you might want to trust that she doesn’t she didn’t

read too far into the videos

yea or you can just casually dropped hints like over dinner I you know I

don’t like so like I would be eating a Salsbury steak with you

quarry which would you like some a one sauce for your stay

the air I like a one i dont like anal sister brother ship but I can go for I

don’t like when my I wouldn’t never fucks ok ok very well I mean I will yes

I do a mistake to be slightly more season I do not want to fuck my own

sister in the buttocks now you go it is not enough so I’m going to slather it

with sauce thank you and to you sister attracted to you physically I just had

in fact in 36 hours so I was 18 to do so where were we oh we were talking about

jeopardise playing in the background

coaches have one meal without Alex Trebek fucking narrating the whole thing

that’s the debt that losing it for different you

I feel like everybody the Daily Double for chrissakes so you’re saying don’t

there’s a likelihood you didn’t see so there’s no need to open that Pandora’s

sometimes I tend to over explain something cuz he’s gone into his head

and he’s being a little neurotic about it ya know like let’s just trust that

she was in her own world saw something she didn’t want to see on your family

computer and she went away this too shall pass

I would like if you’re over thinking maybe you maybe you just likes to act a

little cool and chill or ok ok this you find porn that’s the opposite of that

and make sure she sees that I’ll leave it open

catch me looking out geez it’s it’s it’s vaginal they’re just boyfriend

girlfriend that’s my fetish if you ask me I’m pretty sure that you know it’s

weird about pointers on there are like these crazy fetishes like that I’m not

necessarily the chief target shooting video shows as they like this this

person’s gonna cheat on their husband or wife with you in like that doesn’t make

me happy to watch right I don’t need to see all you really want to see is the

the intercourse exactly so do you use their porn thats just two people hooking

up on a third date yeah there is its called third date hookup world that I

mean fuck me finally dot com is my porn site launched it but it’s it’s all about

just like somebody took that rare thing fuck me fight factory finally right now

said that somebody built I think they tried to turn it into a if I were you

script archive using YouTube closed captioning based on the videos we’ve

uploaded really I can’t vouch for the efficacy of the transcriptions but at

the very least they they tried at school so we say about your specific type of

porn is just people that you’ve liked wanted to fuck for a long time

get 20 like the stars have finally aligned had a boyfriend or girlfriend

than the other way around and like I think there was like element of we

shouldn’t be doing this but like not any illegal way or more away but just like

what else is there why else would you not want it shouldn’t be doing it is not

free legal or amoral like someone’s gonna come over in a dressing room like

the bathroom at a party and Ray like it or not necessarily was that I’ve corner

you can get out of it I really if I can get off to that I’m sorry I’ve got

myself in a lot

alright so don’t tell your sister that you don’t want to fuck gir I mentioned

it and you can also plant porn on her computer like incest porn and you

confront her about it i saw this on your computer no that’s not me that’s you and

I’m not into that that was just on my computer 100 it seems like a fluke of

the internet and then you guys can hook up yeah like where did you get that I

don’t want that neither did I don’t hit me oh your slapping your getting into it

and then like you start because it’s like get away from your quarry get away

from your Samantha

have a sibling wrestle like they had in years like you’re such a dillweed you’re

such a bonehead in a rollover and then be straddling him

yeah

breathing a little bit hangs in the air

nobody knows what to do to get off but he said he put the fuck me finally dot

com let this thing where finally

next question

here oh I need another guys named Eli rights hey guys about six months ago I

was transferred offices from New York to Ohio it came with quite a substantial

raise so after a long talk with my wife it was agreed that I would go but

however my wife would not join me she is an only child and her mother because

became quite infirm within the last year but refused to go into a home so she

moved in with us she was in no condition to be moved so my wife static state to

take care of her and I moved flash forward to now and I’ve been driving

back and forth once a month to visit for a weekend but other than that I don’t

see her very often we do face time every night though last week I was invited to

dinner at the house of someone I worked with along with some other co-workers

including this woman from work who had just gotten out of a relationship she

got very drunk that night and openly and embarrassingly in front of everyone told

me that she’d fuck me if I wanted I was very thrown by this and I told my wife

later that night whilst we were faced timing to my surprise she told me to go

for it

like because I only get to see her once a month you might imagine that often it

is quite dusty in the basement if you know what I means so she told me it was

cool to hook up with this woman is it actually cool to do this I feel like

kind of weird about it and see my email but my wife gave me a very clear go

ahead why is she so cool with this is because she may be getting it on with

some guy on the side to address my wife implicitly but this is giving me second

guessing anything you can get ad would be great thanks Eli this is so weird cuz

it’s like he’s got this amazing pass and he’s your squandering this opportunity

because he’s he’s just like wait a minute if I do it wait a minute did you

already

but who cares you’re allowed like you want to you want to take you up on it

like this is cool I why she’s so cool that I guess I wanted me to second now

I’m really had nothing bad has happened yet except she said you could fuck

somebody else yeah but it’s like his mind immediately went to she’s cheating

on me is it are you would you give yourself someone your significant other

positive she said that i guess i would i would i would be like ok I guess you

said you said go ahead with the SEC that must mean you’re cheap labor I feel like

I would have a longer covered like are you really being serious do you want to

have an open relationship you can’t be serious you know what I would do I think

this is the best of both worlds

you do it and don’t tell your wife about wars yeah that way it’s totally

guilt-free she doesn’t know that you did it

yeah and technically it’s not true dat she allows believe how do you tell that

to the coworker has used like you tell the full story you say I talked to my

wife and she said that I could ya the question is would become weird at work

and probably course yeah we’re having an extramarital affair affair with a

co-worker so bad is it an affair though if it’s allowed I think it’s still an

affair that’s how I don’t know the definition of it fair is we’re getting

into semantics here the issue the issue is what does he do and it did his way I

feel like his wife agreed to this because maybe she’s just like it

probably is it because she’s cheating on you if you like that something dudes do

I bet his wife is saying this because maybe she feels bad that he is all the

way in Ohio alone

and she’s like I’m not giving him enough satisfaction it could be a test anybody

does it it could be one of the situation is definitely feeling it’s a test if no

tests were fucking it is a test to see if you got cojones to brother doing the

Avett guts I probably would be too scared to do it still yeah it’s what it

is it’s one of those things were like you’re like you’re like not yes they do

something that sort of like bad and your mom was like yeah you know what go ahead

you have a curfew tonight

well really want to get rid of all right fine mccowan government 11 anyway like

the in the absence of rules do still behave like during the purge I’m

probably just at home watching TV just in case the rules are offer I am

checking the calendar I’m still taking effect in baseball bat to anybody who

tries to come in right and thats guilt free to purge allowed in the purge but

I’m still because I feel like I have some people have internal moral compass

that even in a lawless chaos dystopian or utopian depending on your definition

it doesn’t allow you to act out of turn like if murder became legal would we do

it is I had had a conversation with my brother is actually two nights ago he

started straight away but I came up with something that I thought was really wise

and share it now

ok just do a blue apron and you don’t have to go to the grocery store and you

don’t know what amounts of basil to buy I told him in life there are little boys

big boys and men do you want to go at this little boys followed the rules

because they are told to ok big boys break the rules as they say hey fuck you

know tell me what

to do ya what men do the right thing even though they weren’t asked ok that’s

right you guys can if you are on an iPhone just rewind the presidential 15

Dec and rewind button

golden nugget of knowledge and this is as real as it is for the first time of

your visit to a second I’m venmo me five bucks retakes Jake dot com two things

one why is it two types of boys and men shouldn’t be like always

teenagers and men or something like that yeah but like it’s a little more poetic

just a little boys big boys cuz that’s a little boy you a big boy if you like

there’s three and you’re saying the first two are like little versions of

each other and then there’s a man writes like there’s boys there’s little men and

then there’s big man known a little boys being boys I mean I know it used to

advertise the I am the artist of this of this and you can I mean I’m not the

first person is say something like this there’s other I am the best person yeah

I mean it’s like song writing and poetry

the words that I chose to express myself and I think they’re perfect and you know

clearly you’ve got an issue I wish you could make you can put your own spin on

it you do it

categorize a little more than I did I want to say in in life there are birdies

their drafts and then there are little boys that actually I’d like that a

little bit it’s kind of like drugs in the beginning you don’t smoke weed

because it’s forbidden their little boy if you’re pretty cool you start smoking

weed big boy but then if you’re really really cool you like you don’t like what

it does to me I actually don’t like it

yeah actually this is I think this way came up with it cuz like real high

during this I was stoned I was waked in big thing that a weed brownies be my

brother made weed weed fits we then I kid is like a are you sure you want to

be a little boy a big boy little boys I’m gonna have to change a diaper big

boy you got a party or by yourself

yeah like that and if you’re a man you get your own frickin diaper yeah I’ll

ship where I wanna make money so i buy depends how you shoot in them while I’m

driving hot hot burritos snack for later I say so how does this relate to this

because if you’re a man you wouldn’t do it just because of your own internal

yeah like I in an ideal world you’d just don’t want to cheat on your wife go

ahead and if that’s true I guess that’s why the test is in place that’s why

would you not cheat on your wife because of how she’ll react or do not cheat on

her because of you own you feel like that would be disrespecting her

implicitly yeah like your penis sort of belongs to her at that point I think I

mean when it comes to cheating at least for me personally it’s it’s never about

Lake I can’t cheat because I have my heart will stray I can fuck a million

people and not feel anything for any of them that’d be awesome you could fuck a

million people in a fucking row

leg that’s how they’re geographically located

like time wise to take over a week and a half a million weeks seven million day

long do I live but I think it’s it’s also wrong to say like the only thing

that keeps you from judy is that somebody will get mad cuz it’s not

necessarily just about the person being mad at the Bell Lake thought about the

result it’s what I mean in a way it’s kinda just like yeah you know I you

don’t you don’t you love because it would hurt them but it’s not like I

don’t want to cheat on someone I love because I’ll get in trouble

ranks it’s the actual like emotional damage you’re doing

yeah and for me it’s mostly about like I think if I ever cheated on someone I

would feel it’s like I’m so nice and that i dont she but then it’s for

personal reason because I would feel too bad and I wouldn’t be able to handle it

like am I still being just as nice as the guy who doesn’t cheat because they

think that they don’t want to hurt their significant other

my reasoning the slot so you’re so selfish why you don’t like that makes

you a better person if you don’t cheat because you would feel bad during it

yeah you’re definitely a better person because your way like i dont cheat

because I would make the other person feel bad but every once in a while I

stopped caring and that’s fine for the night but the night being polite and

saying do you do to do if I were you I would not do it because I’m a winner

scared little Weiner boy and if I were you I wouldn’t do it because you don’t

wanna fuck with the relationship that you have with your way so you wouldn’t

do it because you’re a man and I wouldn’t do it because I’m a little boy

I guess but also full disclosure I already have done I probably would do it

if given the green light fuck it all even taking all speed through yellow

therapist on the matter I would say I think it would make your life worse to

do it but I think if you put your glasses on it would respect your opinion

a little bit more ok here we go and I feel too guilty what oh my god we don’t

do it do it

oh my god those glasses you know about the problem 14 times 1488

196 it came up last episode and I didn’t know it’s somebody tweeted that M

fourteen squared 196 course course now we know let’s take a break we’ll be

right back with more questions how well do you know HTML Javascript Ruby on

Rails C++ more about HTML good at the jargon well guess what you can still

build a website really that’s right you don’t have to know code anymore to build

a very professional looking website so if you ever find her place if ever find

yourself I should say in a place where you need to create a website user for

yourself or maybe your mommy or daddy or a friend or lover I love to create a

website for my mommy exactly my mother deserves a website and you can do so

with Squarespace yeah it’s a great place the sites are look professionally

designed

regardless of how well you know code its intuitive easy to use tools

drag-and-drop technology as state of the art technology in 24 7 life support

also one of the most successful websites on the planet so you know they’re doing

something right its trusted by millions of people and the plans are very

affordable so you really have no reason

yeah $1 a month that’s where it starts at eight thousand and if you go to

scrippsnews.com / if I were you

you can get 10% off at checkout if you use the coupon code if I read that

square space.com / if I were you not only that you can start a free trial

offer today without even using a credit card so when you do design when you do

decide to sign up for Squarespace just make sure to use our coupon code they

also give you free domain names with a year subscription to their service and I

know what you guys are thinking all the good domain names are already taken all

but to actually because he got we found 22 pretty great ones Jake was here

available to me by the way he said Anil Singhal man dot com and somebody bought

it and built a pretty awesome website on it I highly recommend going had anal

mint.com let you see a little Jake and you can learn from he is staying home

and I think we’ve got to start talk to this guy about just make this my oh my

website

Squarespace we send these ads are squares Bizrate yeah if anybody’s

listening at Squarespace someone owns jcrew.com and it’s not me it’s somebody

there I just think their internet people and they could help my phone will you

get my phone maker with dot com back kiss I just don’t know it’s taken so

yeah but like I won’t even tell Blake you’re supposed to go see who it is but

you can

Big Sisters kill anyway I want dangle me until I want to help us whoever they can

reach out to me so I could put my contact information they’re like my

manager my professional website anyway

other websites and I’m pitching they’re still available while they will manage a

car with her both taking is is pointed T-shirts appointed shirts yeah . shirts

tucows.com I don’t know if we’ve gotten to the part of the episode where I said

my point yet statement I don’t think so I think I might be coming up that’s

coming up so get ready you know and and get that shirt up on that site right now

and minors deal dude I comet a dildo but to do that dildo do the deal dude dot

com we’ll do the dot-com the Ute dot com

so thank you to screen space for sponsoring this episode thank you as

well

to blue apron dot com love another great one

yeah they’re great its easy let me explain it

cooking dinner is difficult buying correct proportions is difficult blue

apron dot com makes it all easy it simplifies everything and this is how it

works for just $9.99 a meal will send you the right ingredients in the exact

way proportions with simple recipe instructions right to your door solid so

let’s say you’re living with a cool lady or dude with a cool dude right now so we

get a box with ingredients specific simple easy exact proportions and they

tell you how to cook the food and then you make the dinner yourself and you

enjoy it a little bit more because you made it and it’s stuff that you would

never think of making like short ribs burgers on pretzel buns you would never

think that you would be able to make it you know how and then suddenly you did

is to grabbing a photo like this hot girl that you like likes the photo and

she’s like oh this dude is a fucking chef of himself and then all the sudden

your commenting on your own photo being like hey you should come over and eat

this year with me and then she’s at your door and she’s like you should have

called me before you made it because I’ll reheat it came all this way and

then you like what you’re saying you can do that if you get a blue apron dot com

slash if I were you

yes that’s right you can get not only out that this was an external Abbott you

get two free meals just we’re going to blue apron dot com slash if I were you

great way to treat yourself great gift to give somebody else in your life it

really does turn you into a little little many professional chef of

yourself

maybe profession and there’s just there’s meat meals there is vegetarian

meals just checking out

blue apron dot com slash if I were you I have a feeling you’ll like what they got

cookin with blue apron dot com let’s get back to the show

all right we have a new show to announce low we’re going going back back to Cali

Cali yeah we’re doing a show at Irvine nice yes Southern California our first

show in Orange County Health earth vine improv I believe October 14th solid it’s

going to be our first show in Orange County our first and in awhile in

Southern California if you’re around SoCal and you haven’t seen one of our

live podcast it’s a big cool theater 500 seats oh my god we are selling tickets

we are selling to you should really try to sell it yeah ok go okay hey come here

we’re gonna get fucked up you’re gonna have all gonna rage we’re going to roll

face what are you talking about a handout little packets can sell tickets

all sell drugs I’m not even doing his show come to the air and I will sell you

will we thought here brother making week then we’d I love that our last couple

shows have been so fun and we were in Australia that was crazy here in

Montreal Thomas middle that you joined us there maybe we can get a special

guests to come out in this episode who knows it is able to deliver not

promising or just saying that’s an idea I have it might be fun if we do get one

yes so if you’re at

in or around Irvine California general Wednesday October 14th go to the Irvine

Improv dot com to get tickets for that show ya come out I’m also doing a

one-act show one-act play a reading in Ontario much smaller coffee shop after

it closes down a break in and I just start reading some of my own shit

actually though people can I get it close to the public eye periscope you

live stream it that’s another thing you want to do

facebook allows you to do live streams now we should get into that we’re going

to this is a reminder you can hold us accountable yes we’re recording this on

a Sunday night this episode is going up in a couple hours I don’t know what that

means to you I don’t know if you wanna say something or announce something like

what he would do you want people to know tomorrow’s Monday August 24th tomorrow

I’m going to do a workout yeah yeah so maybe if you’re listening to this

working out

yeah yeah where we are doing a deck of cards yeah I’ll do it with us which is

something your brother ty you yeah I have told the story of how the first

time I did I just like every suit is a different exercise yes so you have a

whole entire deck of cards you shuffle it up you decided upon exercise like

hearts are squats squats diamonds are birdies and then like each thing is is a

value obviously so like the Asus 14 1864 is an obvious and so on

so you turn over a card and you just whatever work out its you do it and what

does it add up to the 12 14 you end up doing like what sixty seventy things of

everything no idea but whatever it is it’s like fucking really hard to get

drenched with sweat it is CrossFit around dangerously close to CrossFit yep

across its like all that maxing out to these weights are you just using your

own tomorrow we’re gonna use the 25 pound dumbbell squats that’s the way we

don’t have twenty-five million thirties even better so maybe we should do

56 of the number that way it’s like we’re doing 25 pounds now this is all

right I love that had gone I think we’re going to add some new podcast to the

network this week so I was just talking about our exercise yeah yeah

new public can be for certain but if you had them dot com and see a couple new

shows

you’re not freaking out there we’re expanding our family with some awesome

new content so if your spot kathy is always more episodes on it had come to a

calm I think David Young was on streeters talk of a little clip of that

at the end of this episode is really funny he has one has one story about

meeting Dave Matthews which I think you would really like a really gets really

really nervous about meeting Dave so are you w Dave of you and David Young talked

about your love of Dave Matthews I know I didn’t know that he loved it says it

is most influential best musician of the nineties

yeah that’s really that’s why he was named David of course exams he did

change his name to Dave yeah alright shelley answer one last question on last

one but then we really really have to eat myself I’m not stalling I am just

trying which one should we read

here’s one right now they do

ricardo as one of your friends

ricardo rights I’ve always loved eating pussy and like Jake I enjoy a good

rimming while I’m down there that’s licking the asshole in case the phrase

doesn’t travel my girlfriend enjoys this still but there’s one complication her

asshole is going to Harry not dirty or stinky just a bit hairy pussy is totally

Hollywood I might add she waxes on the Reg by her own volition but because she

waxes herself believing salons to be overpriced here in London she doesn’t

complete the job front to back it is by no means a deal breaker just smooth skin

feels better on the tongue anus wise or other she’s kind of sensitive and it’s

her body so address their broach the topic in a subtle rather way rather than

making you feel pressured to do anything she doesn’t want she hates the pain of

waxing so I have offered to do it for her which surprisingly she’s up for it

but even then I think flipping her over and tending to her ass might embarrass

or upset her if you were me what would you do to try to move towards a less

hairy rimming experience yes I also wanted to positively reviewed the text

Jake experience was just one purchase text and a little embellishment I went

from silent treatment 20 faced with a previously in my tender date people

still texting J and it is slower rate but they’ll come in

yeah there’s been a couple of times maybe you should stop doing because it’s

not like it’s like kind of hard to keep up with because there’s still like five

to 10 a week but I have to answer within 24 hours and apologies to somebody all

cuz i dont always only one man but yes I would like that to society

yeah because every every once in a while I don’t do it anymore so that’s a

question that unlike them I like I’m really happy I got to win

got to influence this you saved somebody yeah I mean with this I got somebody

late that’s great what a fucking amazing power now that your glasses alright so

this dude hairy butthole ever experienced something like that yeah I

think so definitely yeah so because he’s saying is that even like Harry to its

not like Harry overly hairy ray it’s just a little hair and he doesn’t want

anything

yeah it’s tough I mean I’ve never had a hairy butthole for more than a couple

times like it’s like this I’ll tell you after the podcast but there was a

who lives fucker clearly with think of a name that someone that never it couldn’t

be like possibly so I can finish this bit like asking you didn’t they just

mouth to mouth it so you and Alicia for a year yes but what i’m saying is if

it’s just a hookup it doesn’t matter but this is like a real relationship girl

that you have to revisit so it’s a bigger deal I was going to suggest we

did which is offered a shave her and then he can just do it himself I feel

like that’s not embarrassing

look what I just found one thing to consider is that she’s like I don’t

think it will embarrass her because one she did say that she wanted you to

access to you already spent time licking her ass hole right so she will be

totally averse to you being near it and I think maybe the way to do it is not by

saying what’s wax iraq asshole of you to say like let’s do like a Brazilian which

is the buttocks as well

know that yeah maybe you can be like alright done with the front and now to

navigate the thicket that is your butthole but she also he doesn’t you

don’t like full on flip somebody over if it’s just the bow you could just you

know do a little wax dripped Mr Annan said she should I should I wax or use a

machete to get through the rainforest that is your anus I mean my god I also

think that if you are so into the ball you wanna lick it a little bit of hair

should throw you off the way it is

maybe a little bit of hair or maybe it’s more than a little bit of hair and maybe

it does if everything else is back in the bottle is worth two in the stink I

feel like I don’t care about her yes either whole or of AJ know this guy

after nine actually being an ass through a true fan will actually deal with the

hair so I just don’t wanna body shave her hair same anybody that’s that’s a

thing or maybe not but it could be and I feel like thats I mean I’d walk through

sand to watch a football games so this guy should have to deal with this hairy

situation to get his promise land sure users alike on the actual room of the

asshole which seems to be what you want to lick it right i guess im not sure

I’ve ever given the grim talk to somebody with a very area probably

you did not suggest you get good so I can just continue to tell you not to

listen or not because you’re not listening if you are listening I’ll stop

and I’m sorry have you ever had a sandwich with beansprouts yes ok so you

know house and take a bite out of it and what pulls away is the stuff of sprouts

what they this guy is down there perhaps he continued by offer a ser what are you

talking about I didn’t even get there yet but you are you not going to say

that I was gonna say that but don’t steal his thunder so you’re down there

right and what you do is you buy it off

scare you but man that grosses you out by the office of you prude Europe rude

dude you’re a little boy a big I did have a brother pull out my back here

this week actually one by one his teeth actually yeah yeah so I understand that

it’s high time into the teeth pulling their brother brother gay porn probably

right

yeah they’re probably gone down that rabbit hole but yet exist yet so this

guy I’m gonna say are you if you’re already a waxing her and she feels that

comfortable with you I feel like you can either do it without telling her where

do it and say let me get let me flip around get the little hair that you left

like down there you don’t say this but here it’s actually keeps going right

like who’s to say that I got to downplay that’s true I also think you could maybe

do like I’m so nervous i cant waxy but i wanna pay for you to get a really nice

wax cuz like and it’s painful probably to do it by yourself like a professional

one and then compromise because you are if she wants to axe but it caused her to

which pain but she does want to go to a salon because too expensive but you say

I will pay line because I enjoy it so much pain knowing she’s wanting to get

rid of her some minor like you’re at it

I think that also get the Panama Canal version of it really is complex because

like you can’t be a person who like demand somebody do that

waxing is a painful experience in getting your asshole acts like I

wouldn’t do that for anybody would you do that to whack somebody’s butt hole No

would you have your ass if your significant other was like hey I love

licking your asshole but I wanted to be bear can be doing you a favor by letting

you lift it you want to do that

backtracking fully I don’t think you can ask somebody like one can I lick your

asshole too can you painfully remove hair from it so if you like but if you

like getting it lacked then it’s like that’s your payment rates like oh you

look my butt all make sure it’s clean it’s like the pure heart rule the

expectation is good with it

everybody’s happy if it makes you happy

why you so smooth that’s it let’s get the fuck outta here let’s get this done

with this tonight I’m not sure to keep me up

doctors think about the patient questions are your own theme song

submissions like Kareena powers and like Eli

Ricardo Sandoval over too if I were you show @ gmail.com

we also need Facebook thumbnail submissions also if your computer and

your feeling extra helpful why don’t you subscribe to our show on iTunes yeah

yeah

rating and leaving a positive reviews is super super duper helpful so if you’ve

done it thank you guys so much we have over a thousand positive reviews which

is great but the more the merrier

you know if you’re not doing anything we hate to inconvenience you in any way

that’s it

same time next week everybody the opening theme song again was written by

Keenan aka current powers in this closing one is from Nick and Chris

Iannetta everybody and have a pleasant Thursday classes Monday AM 1220

basically we closed the door we knew her dad had a key to your room to both of

the rooms like closed or anything we were just like let’s go we are just

stupid so no no no that’s not true we did close the door and he had the key to

both of the rooms so we win remembers it as we close the door to the bathroom to

like we didn’t use the thing on the hotel door latch we like close the door

to me out with the entrance door of his aides tried to like a wedge it yeah

exactly like we closed the door so was like then we put something else they’re

so like if you opened it would like bump into the bathroom door so we on top of

that Flynn said like you want to take a shower and my so we get in the shower

start you know this is a mistake was gonna give him a DS

so we started doing it and I’m missing parts of the story

my luggage hadn’t come yet either so like I don’t have any luggage at that

point so I would the clothes that I took off to get in the shower where the

clothes that I had to wear until I got my clothes and what happened to them but

very vividly so we move from the shower to the bed and as we start hooking up on

the bed

things grow very quickly and we started doing it

yeah and almost instantly once upon insertion there’s a knock at the door

it’s her mom and dad and they’re like hey guys guys can come in with a heat

gun podcast