Episode 183: Filet-o-Fish (w/Billy Scafuri!)

Friend and comedian Billy Scafuri joins us to discuss McDonalds, semen, and fighting.

This episode is brought to you by Unroll.Me, ClubW, and Squarespace!

this is ahead government class just another Manic Monday wish this episode is actually brought to you by parts shortages approached me I was just going to say that this episode is actually sponsored by somebody new a new advertiser that’s really it is really exciting but you try to be nice cuz I said I was just gonna click Record don’t sing a song and then i clicker corps now that I’m thinking about it and I think you are thinking about you like shut me down like you didn’t like me know I didn’t make you see I don’t like it don’t say that in a way like I don’t want to have cash this out ever I don’t really wanna public at this point we’re like almost a minute I haven’t even said the spider roll yeah it is I’m Romy everyone’s favorite email decluttering service has released an iOS app finally thank you free painless solution to the Inbox overload I was the kind of guy that I wake up and I have just 21 emails there’s sort of exciting yeah they are all from like J Crew and J Crew driving let’s say you just you don’t realize how like if you’ve been on the internet for five ten fifteen years you just a year on every list and say this is the best way to unsubscribe to a bunch of newsletters all at once when you sign up they back skin your inbox for 45 days for subscription-based emails then those show them to you and allow you to unsubscribe from the mall roll them up or you can keep them all with a quick swipe you swipe to the left to unsubscribe swipe to the right to keep and swab swipe up to roll up its kinda like tender but for email in the United because I do love fucking email exactly I fucking love email so the roll-up is basically a daily digest made of all the rolled-up emails you have received during that day so you can say never again alright keep it going or you can put it as part of a roll-up which is the once once a day thing beautiful it’s clean it’s easier to Gmail Yahoo AOL iCloud outlook the closest you’ll get to making email fun again is unroll me and they have an app if you go to unroll . me / app to download it and you’ve got like if you’re trying to upgrade yourself you know like keep your keep your inbox trend yeah you gotta get that look at somebody’s phone and be like oh shit they have a calm after the red is actually it’s like a six and I commented I am done it looks like he has over a trillion even at the very least that close to a billion so I’m role . me / app and it’s just an easy way to keep your email under control one last time that’s unrolled odd to me / app to download thank you to unroll me for sponsoring this episode we sponsor today to them this was a fine absurd Billy ski fury in the house of ability love visibility and if you guys to know who believe you’re gonna love you some Billy starting right now things got real just there now is the guy who is the guy who’s in our in our studio just whale yeah he did that no studio Banda now on the podcast call me billy Bob cool that I pronounce your last name correctly skipped very hard you Yori Yori Yori let’s also together perfectly scaffolding scaffolding empires that that’s right yeah whatever Empire you come from your name for example my Empire was the Blumenfeld the orange German the flower field Wow interesting sounds like a cocaine empire yes it was gonna say I’m also a butterfly yeah I would say that’s not why are you that why would you say that right now Billy your comedian you also the host of the fantasy football podcast on our had done that work 24 to a house with our fans know you or not know you I imagine that many of them don’t know me too big world out there but for those who do it’s probably through Harvard sailing team sketch comedy show yeah yeah that was a big one yeah we’ve been together for like 11 years and we’ve kind of performer colleges and stuff and online and all that nonsense one of the rare internet teams that predates making me really yeah I think so how old are you I am 41 ok 90 a complicated question that figure out just turned eleven that’s definitely old for comedy team everyone breaks up after five years about five years ago we did a sketch in New York where we were in the audience we played an audience on Melissa Etheridge concert who didn’t know the words to her songs but they’re still kind of into it to celebrate Harvard sailing team’s 11th anniversary we’re going to a Melissa Etheridge concert at Morongo this Saturday Wow together casino Morongo never been there before going to see ethridge were buying the t-shirt Attridge T-shirts clump together Springs I don’t know yet I mean you go to get to Vegas yeah we’re gonna go to this kind of second-rate motel to see first rate Melissa Etheridge we won’t know her words like this country lower octave it’s great but then it’s great songs concerts like 25 saw a couple years ago I went to a lip cancer and then like my own worst enemy the other one that they have one you make me complete completely as a user yeah great lyrics but that it they do only have those two songs every song should do a band sharing program with other songs where they play their hits and then the heads of other like bands I could have covered 4182 yeah any band that they’re not part of the band exchange but it’s like Melissa Etheridge started singing the same thing absolutely solo anyone who is in little fair you know my life one of my I guess not really embarrassing but I guess it was at the time my favorite song and I was like a 12 year old Jewish boy imagine me four-foot to mushroom hair big glasses bad teeth skin fine for now loving the shit out of Sophie B Hawkins as I lay me down to sleep now as yeah but why not only did I love that song I bought the CD which was just that song of the same adolescent and mine was I think his name was Edward Hawkins or something but yeah and it’s something I’d win I’ll be my high school girlfriend like that was our song and every time that song came I was like hold hands in the car you know loved it and when they came here in the kind that I came out like we’ve been fighting and that’s why I came on the radio I was like that’s the coolest thing anyone’s ever our song is everybody there are 18 and under you have a song with a girl and then you no longer have songs are you still have songs I do not have songs and yeah I don’t know I was much more fragile person said 18 like a song with just like shoot off so many emotional fireworks and you know the one person who did that to me a Dell like three years ago she was just like I was in a perfectly healthy relationships I’m still in a hearing was questioning everything everything yeah it’s really intense she’s she’s just really put into place so you don’t need to be in a relationship question things that aren’t there she’s very responsible for more break-ups then I don’t know which one of their stats out there would be some sort of GMAT by the plaza by Squarespace are not that don’t pay the bill so billion enough to know that this is an advice podcast yes taking I actually have the world’s only advice podcast hosted by each other the first and only advice show no other Jake and Amir podcast out there none especially not advise podcast that’s right very specific yeah you guys from the football from the NFL have a podcast but it’s not advise started the fantasy football podcast will keep this brief I don’t know what the goal was the goal now is to unite Jake and Amir you to join our did we talk about now is that the two running backs of the Detroit Lions names are joique Bell and Ameer Abdullah correct their names are joy can I don’t know what to do in the same room but that’s a picture we need to take yeah that’s just the worlds colliding with us versus them yes and there’s like a weird chance that we are in a weird way like more like internet famous than like joique Bell and Ameer Abdullah their professional athletes and despite them they’re more important but they’re not very more online presence yeah yeah correct the apocalypse hit I’d rather be with joy what that’s worth but it wasn’t like having to choose the best two running backs in the NFL they may not even be in the top 30 definitely that would mean J dole don’t trash the top two yesterday I love the idea that now that would mean that there is a logic totally were gonna be stranded on a desert island would you rather be with Jake and Amir Amir the running back I’d rather be with Jake enjoy really love that maker would enjoy a little remix of the combinations if ya we probably could but not out of Pakistan it’s about it based the ASO there’s an invasion we’re getting really emails from real people too if I ratio @ gmail.com going to read a couple of them tried to advise them out of their sticky situations but what we need from you William gas welding is fake names to preserve their anonymity because we don’t want to out them in the real world happily yeah so this this is just a guy dating a girl asking him to love her this is Pat happily years happily Pat @ gmail.com been happily which is pack Asus nickname that happily rights hey guys I have an interesting problem I started dating my smoke show of a girlfriend for months ago and things have been perfect despite my being away at school no fighting we get along amazingly and the sex is incredible the problems started a week ago when I jokingly said something about masturbating before I came back to school and she said that she wanted me to wait so that the sex will be better now normally I try to rub one out a few hours before we would have had sex to try to increase durability but I saved up anyways and when I came home she was right the sex was awesome the problem is with the week long build-up of semen there was quite a lot when it came time for me to explode on her chest much to my surprise he loved this and now wants me to stop masturbating entirely to maximize the amount of cum for the next time the problem is I kind of masturbate a lot like once every other day and saving up for a week is incredibly difficult let alone a month tonight tough it out and make it more enjoyable for her and if not how do I tell her that I refuse and need to keep jerking it on a real note you guys are the best thank you so much for being that little beacon of light that helped turn the shittiest of days great and you have helped me in so many other people out and so much more ways than you know that lasts just didn’t even write that part to that love pat happily so a lot of things in there a lot to unpack to come a lot of come to a jacket Jake and I found this question about an hour before you got here and then we got to doing a little bit of light research is your nutsack like a water balloon at a sink that will just grow infinitely the less you masturbate till like a perfect is there a maximum at a certain point if you wait three days versus six days versus a month this lady thinks it’ll just grow and grow into your body but your entire body will overflow with two dogs like dogs with huge ass nuts that are maybe just happened in Van Wilder maybe I’m just thinking about a dog with huge nuts or does seem in like replenish after a day and then it plateaus after that now I’m no scientist but I think you answer every question just to keep all my answers safe but what the date was when you walked in and I’m no scientist but I think it might be november fifth that’s wrong i think thats why wet dreams exist like I have no explanation why the wet dream happen wow so wet dream is when your body is so overloaded with CNN it’s like tricks you went it’s like let’s wait till he falls asleep like water coming out of a hole in a down it’s just it seeps out of your belly button or or your dick Baddour you’d do you know where we’re like it if you so if you tourniquet your deck it’ll just leaked out of your no replacement surgery it’s a real issue that you don’t know which hole you come out I’m here is very confusing the whole blowing your nose process he thinks that it’s an orgasm every single time when you sneeze it’s a little bit one-eighth of an orgasm that’s actually a good a pretty good theories like when you don’t masturbate you we’re talking about how I guess you like I think I like my sheets and we’re having a wet dream I wonder it’s another thing we talked about how amazing would it be to see a time lapse of a guy tied up to his bed so I that’s another thing we talked about it would it be ok I had nothing to do with this is your fan is this is my fantasy guys talked with the top right other arm top left leg bottom left other leg bottom right he’s an ex we tell him not to masturbate for a month or two months is you and Jake yes I am extracting myself then he’s naked and then I wanna see a time lapse of a wet dream where this guy is borderline possessed by sexual demon four weeks he’ll get a boner and start ejaculating without touching anything it’s just his eyes rolling back into his head and his dick would get hard and start losing everywhere right ending up i want to sale at every way to say that that would be a very amazing to see my sight to behold I’m no scientist ticket to the show I’d come that would be the guy to be perfectly honest I really I would do it so this is a good workout on your will tell you to the bed he will play the scientists and I’ll be the guy behind the window you’re not a sense we’ve already established you know scientists again so in this in a slight bit of research that we did there the main nineteen ninety percent of the answers were about firm has its people looking to get pregnant can i masturbate and pregnant I don’t care about the science of it all yet the fact of the matter is that the sperm accounts for a very small amount of the scene right yeah yeah yeah time to replenish like ninety minutes after you come at it like after what it was like two or three days you’re back right back at a hundred and you can’t go higher than that for sperm get ya sea menos as a harder harder Yahoo Answers nobody nobody would know what I mean as nobody is at the time that anyway but nobody cared about how much come with all this is a test from my yahoo answers thread which I can’t stress is science fact how long does it take for your testicles to fill with sperm that’s the question pretty simple the best answer was sperm take several weeks to mature and then another person said it depends on the person and then somebody else is very little amount of the sperm leader wise is a Jackie elated and then one of the person with my favorite eight years ago commented who the hell knows this shit like an account the comment that the hell does know this shit it’s all in the only real one on the internet have a real scientists on this show like a biologist at can talk to us about this is a simple experiment that people know I i’m new science but also you know just scientists you are everything else that’s why bring it up some people expect me to have all the answers this is an experiment you can do at home we’re going to do it you’re going to do it I’m not talking about the time lapse the wet dream thing I’m talking about masturbating me that you’re gonna yeah that’s a different IndieGoGo that I’m setting up I’m talking about masturbate once every six hours for a day measured the volume ok masturbate while 24 hours a week and then masturbate every two days is it twice as much as everyday is it four times as much as Jack you leaving in two vials and it doesn’t have to be the viola could be a measure of jacqueline I am a scientist because this is me testing my hypothesis about its at their DNA where’s your ejaculate mom here is that when I think this guy could do because I i see that he his girlfriend was there to be like a lot us and I don’t think there’s really a world where his girlfriend is like looking at her chest and being like a little short this mural little your little shy yeah just like you would you say that you didn’t masturbate in the last like you and there’s no need to refuse the proposition don’t masturbate for an entire month we’ll see how good I mean can you imagine that oil derrick explosion if you’re if you enjoyed this if you can handle a week I think he’s gonna I think he’s good just a week and you don’t have to refuse the girlfriend just the way from masturbating for a with a clear life what about what about the bigger issue of this girl telling this guy not to masturbate isn’t that a baddie a year but I think that’s more like I we have lots of girls are ready to tell her boyfriend that’s some subtext of a lot of relationships is like let’s not talk about it but like I prefer if you’re going to be sexual be sexual with me but not even by yourself yeah I like any other person I’ve never had a girlfriend it was like as much as you want but like I would never ever share my masturbating habits with my significant other and be like my message baby too much masturbating to pictures of you that’s just so private yet sometimes it helps to have those little secrets yeah that’s like it when you’re like when you’re in a long-term relationship masturbating the last secret you have a last moment Hollywood poisoning and made much more disgusting it’s a hitter last little bit of corner of privacy which is why I think it’s ok to lie about masturbating like if it’s something it’s it’s true she shouldn’t care he masturbates but it sounds like she cares about it being like a mutually good sexual experience for both of them yeah she’s always a better for her but if it’s a powerful because what if it’s a power move and she just wants to see what she can limit him to do so they don’t do this she masturbates to the she’s a she’s just at home like flares are being at the thought of him reading of Mad Magazine on a couch gets pretty sexyy a space in between Alfred E Newman front teeth like tittyfucking that that back page walden is actually a day it’s ok because she’s not saying don’t masturbate because you should only I should be the only thing that makes you cum she’s saying like don’t masturbate so we can have like really intense sex I think that she doesn’t necessarily know is if you waited a month the intense sex would last like let’s I think this guy knows his body well enough to be like tempering it like ok we can make the sex very intense but I can also maybe have they can have a little bit of a result yet like a full overflowing resident I don’t need thirty days Kenny just like masturbate everyday and then take two days off probably right I’m curious with the difference between thirty and like all four days alright I want to see the line graph where does it plateau also two different than even if I was like masterbating every day for a month and then I got to have sex I would still feel like it was very intense yeah yeah that’s what you haven’t had sex in a month like masterbating insects are totally different to me I could have sex and then go home and masturbate and what did you say the masturbating is what a meal like sex as a meal and masturbating the shitting that’s how different they are that’s not what I said that I said if if if sex is a really good meal what is masturbating and then you said it’s taking a crap is it feels good and it has something to do with food but it’s not even like it’s not snacking by yourself the fish fillet at McDonalds where it’s like you ate it and it was fine and build you up for a second time in like 10 mins way better than officially really know a lot about someone if they they’ve had the fish fillet just it’s not just getting a filet-o-fish it’s it’s preferring it to ever hit the filet of fish that’s what you want to go to make dog food any interesting quality about them so I don’t know if I’ve ever I feel like if you like the filet of fish you have to order by yourself how did you get all of us went to McDonalds Big Mac Grieg seafood you wanted the kind you get a loan in the drive her batterer what’s on the sandwich is it like a tardar sauce and people like you know what I think I’d be ok we’re going to get a picture everybody idea have you ever seen somebody Order of Police Office I’ve never McDonalds in a long time except when we went kind of during smile time does it but no but if I’m down on record right now saying that the ring if you have you know I’ve ever had a McRib know if you’re a democrat discussing every aisle of the McCrea so far this season let’s go to McDonald’s will get a filet-o-fish this episode already gonna be called full if they will get one will all have to eat each day but we think about it I’ll take a bite out of you imagine now so there’s gonna be in a drive thru of McDonalds eating filet of fish in a bit two things one yes i’m ok to listen to a Halloween episode a few weeks ago didn’t you guys have a pre-halloween and post Halloween mcdonnell you know I know loves the official I don’t mind this person under the bus but you never know streeter 300 yeah it’s he loves seafood yeah general Khalid see her legs but I feel extruder likes burgers more than seafood right and yet here we are I think I get off with literally you know you can masturbate you know a week before it goes like this cause he’s already said this time the sex was awesome like it’ll do this from the white lies are perfectly fine sometimes yeah and especially when there seemed in white just a liquid white lie used the word smoke show before we have on the show ya smoke show we actually took that you should have told you to listen every episode before you know what is 2150 should we answer another masturbation question or should we like deviate from that and then come back to it later my call yeah let’s leave the masturbation arena and see what else is out there come back from this on just about female masturbation then has nothing to do with masturbating give this guy I know you know what this guy gave himself a great name and also at the end beautiful this just it’s a dude this just happened to me literally an hour ago I was working at my job in retail and a trio of girls walked by for the moment being I paid them no mind a few minutes went by and they came up to me and asked me where something was I told them and then went back to my work a few more minutes go by and they do the same thing and I do the same the third time’s the charm as one of them came up and asked for my number dumbfounded having never had this happen to me before I panicked and gave her my number instead of a fake or just downright refusing her now here’s my dilemma this girl isn’t particularly attractive and to be honest neither am I so I’m asking you dapper gentleman whether or not I should bone disease krone I’m not sure this will ever happen to me again I’m a virgin and I’m 17 years old if that changes anything sincerely boroff really poor baby the name of the episode we all gonna be dollars in order aboard a fully on board official on a patty on a bun that doesn’t exist on any other sandwich I imagine he’ll be and doesn’t have any sesame seeds on it except for the filet-o-fish I choose to believe that the lowest ranking bun with the lowest ranking sandwich meat I just possible photo there is a slice of American cheese fish that McDonald’s is hoping you only goodness this bundle plane as you can possibly have it’s almost like effort went into making out like that’s not his fault and it’s all 10 every the same color from bunten me and back just read another question but are not even labor’s just still we just knew it was time to answer another question but we did not want to stop talking about fully of this if you’re unattractive to you become attracted to unattractive people unattractive so relative that’s true you shouldn’t label yourself that you can label someone else that was very nice of five minutes of talking to someone like real authentic conversation they look completely different wow that’s a really good theory it’s completely untrue but that’s really a dialect if they’re actually I don’t like real meaningful conversation you’re done to real meaningfully ugly person because they have to be good conversationalist because they’re so downright ugly and if you close your eyes everyone’s beautiful evolutionarily speaking like don’t you have to lower your standards to find a mate so you can procreate like is there something hard wired into our monkey brains that would be like yeah I can’t get like leader of the pack so I’m like i said im lower and lower and lower and lower still but I think there’s always like you’re always trying to get out of your league but maybe they’re just your basic gets lower would you rather date someone who’s so much more attractive than you that it’s like a weird thing that it was like why is that guy with her cuz it’s going to end the time that it’s alive shooting star connection with somebody that’s down the road I’ll retire then this eleven does she have a perfect ass yeah of course like your naked whenever I want yeah I do you what is that there’s another option I guess it’s so should this guy just go for it if what we do yes of course he doesn’t he’s just judging her on physical appearance right now but if he already sees himself as unattractive then this person may very well make him feel attractive by being kind to him and showing love oh nice dude first of all what’s a crowd he said bone this crown I just don’t overcrowd probably a bad an ugly person is it just arrived that he made up though is grown like a real has grown possibly shortfall would like to know too much kronen old woman who is an old woman who is an ugly ugly there’s a word the adjectives vocabulary to describe this week no I’m only old and ugly very it’s an old it’s like a character in full glory you know like the old spindly lady ya gonna like curses somebody yeah she’ll often kersee thin and old so will when I don’t think that he can necessarily have sex with this girl right away right number for him to say should I actually girl which he was saying was meet me at Auntie Anne’s that sounds so much better officers have seized a like hey you wanna get to know you want to date me and it sounds like he’s a virgin doesn’t really don’t have any experience with this meeting so you might as well like see what’s up then I guess on the flip side is like if you are a virgin you want to have sex with someone maybe he just did not text her and try to find somebody that he wants to fuck right and also that experience it sounds like this is the first time he’s ever received a phone number like why not write that way for a second it was shutting the door and then just saying no that wasn’t good enough for me like keep the door open see what it is text and a into all that stuff because right now the very least the stakes are low you don’t get that number that you really don’t wanna fuck up and I don’t know how to text or what to do and you wanna have comparative analysis for any single relationships as a bunch behind you you’ve learned something inevitably why you broke up why you weren’t happy at whatever it is you just say no at the gate every time you’re not going to get a video of an example of saying yes or no to something that you can share with us in any way have you ever said begrudgingly yes because you’re like maybe I like it almost any single job I take in the comedy realm starts off as a yes I’ll do that and then the second I get uncertain how to dress up like a wacky mad scientist just pretty just now I guess that in like relationships I find this is the thing that speech in comedy and improv at UCB is to always say yes the second you say no you just shut off so much more opportunity and it just makes it much more you lose all the periphery in your life you start living a very narrow minded life I’ve kind of been raised with the say yes at first and the second it starts feeling wronged then allow yourself to say no you say no out the gate then you have no idea that could mean so many interesting things behind that door you know so no I don’t have a specific example but I would encourage everyone to be brave and say yes first I like that lifestyle be brave they can I say I like that I like I am brave yes it’s bad that that’s what he should say her face that you want to go out the time he should take a deep breath and go I am brave I only date crow well good luck bourse you let’s take a quick break think a few other sponsors and we’ll be right back with billy they as well to club W dot com for sponsoring this episode very major gracias to you we drink your wine last night at our party we highly appreciate it you know for nine thousand years humans have been making wine and that’s a long they’ve been confused about what to drink club W makes it easier it’s easy to be overwhelmed when going to a wine store you walk around you like I don’t know what these words are i dont know whats good I have a $30 billion just gives me the best one for that I like its weed maybe I like it dry wood has a full body 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that’s gross basis so square space.com use our offer code if I were you to build your first beautiful website and if you sign up for a year you’ll get FREE domain name but I know what you’re thinking all the good domain names are taken not true because well I don’t know of anybody ended up buying dante stole my wife last time every time we promotes Christmas we offer up a domain name that is still available at the time of recording mine is purple CD dot com perfect in case you ever wanted to have a website about a purple CD right that’s a purple CD if you’re in a band and you’re releasing a CD and called purple that’s perfect for you that’s really and what’s your URL they are providing my man time my man Tom towards a guy named John days till your done to cause you strife all websites available but the only the only solace you have is your man Tom want to make him a website to let him know how much you appreciate them to build a website my man time.com purple si.com or anything rhymes and that’s pretty cool my man Tom dot com everything available for you space.com is the offer code if I were you so they know that we see where space build it beautiful let’s go back to Billy here and we’re back Billy what is it like being the commissioner and host of a fantasy football podcast is at first I didn’t know what I was getting myself into fantasy football is kind of fun on its own you might need to talk about it every single week on a podcast sure but I will say that it has been a really fun and rewarding way to keep in touch with people you otherwise wouldn’t true it has been really fun challenge for me to become a better host and to see what it takes to run an interesting podcast yeah I think the worst podcasts are ones that aren’t bad but boring wow we’re after a few minutes I’m just want to turn this off and so I out exactly where just a wash of sound after a while so it’s been really fun and interesting test for me to try and find ways of keeping it energetic and successful it’s been really rewarding course I got back into fantasy this year to be on the podcast now like I’m gonna take it easy I’m not gonna get us into it but then I got entirely under presented to it but I am in the league at castles in the league that’s right a bunch of other of our friends George basil you may first place their leaders who has the most points I do but that is the fantasy life that I lead yeah I would encourage people to check it out it’s nice if you’re not into fantasy football at times it may be a little over your head but ultimately the people in the league are very captivating an interesting people and they all make for a good listen yeah you’ll find interesting things outside of football but if you are a football fan we do speak your language yes it’s it’s it’s a great lake these are friends funny people talking about football in fantasy specific right we don’t pretend to be experts now we are people who are enjoying it and talking about it with a little bit of insight there are no experts there are just people who played a lot that’s right and read Rotoworld that’s right now totally right in the top 1% already so if you know who shark and request is I think you’ll like the pockets right and that’s on the head going network had come dot com and Owen on Twitter FL right correct check it out have you ever been to philadelphia yes we’re going to philadelphia this week when this podcast comes out on Monday will be there on Wednesday Philadelphia I believe her first live show ever was in Philly that’s true at LaSalle University nice Travelodge I think we did one that I cupcake thing it down to some place in New York where it was some place in Lower East Side yeah how big was that show at LaSalle remember like just generally there has been a lot of the CollegeHumor live show I think John Delaney was on it it was an amazing it was John Delaney dan Leavey and an end to 24 year old they didn’t know what they were doing the crowd wanted to see you a question we did not headline ya ya bladi headline and then he’s just so funny I know it’s like that was the first we like they’re like people after the show that wanted a picture and that was like fucking crazy to show it University of South Carolina couple weeks maybe months ago something and when we were taking the kids afterwards I saw a poster of both of you guys on the wall from when you guys are performed there and I sent to 2004 University of South Carolina yeah yeah ok nice that was when we went to the beach to betray her day I got a Mustang that that was that it wasn’t UNC Wilmington you gonna go see it was a UNC Wilmington I played against the University of South Carolina in rugby about eight years ago maybe ten years ago no more than five years ago and two things one they start the confederate flag over the state capitol Hooper weird to say yeah I wasn’t fair to anyone else except me we’ve moved past that and secondly on the field I got into a bit of a pushing match with this dude from University of South Carolina and he called me a Yankee wow he just said yankee like that was like gonna hurt my feelings are really proud of that fact that’s the best thing you could be we won the war you follow our lead yeah that’s why University of South Carolina University of South Carolina you played rugby where what’s through college yeah I played rugby for three years and then I transferred to be a music major and what school is that you or a college rugby player yeah I played a couple years at this small school Towson in maryland oh yeah I went to Hofstra when I started interning at SNL side move back to New York and so then I went off sure it’s funny because you are the strongest person I know right now and you’re saying you were even bigger in college yeah I would like 25 more pounds and was just muscle how much you weigh now a hundred and eighty-two I was the 2005 Jesus Christ I was like glue if you have a picture that must lead dog on the internet sites like a like a pit bull has a big muscles and places it was like that kind of girl you lost that 25 pound my shoulders my shoulders literally touched my ears my mom has lots of pictures of what is happening with my son right now how did you do that how do you gain 25 because what we like in high school you closer to a hundred and seventy but we had seven meal days so they would give us seven meals a day we would have liked practice once or twice a day and they were just try and pound and all the meals were like they’d be like always 40 grams of protein and every single meal like cottage cheese two eggs banana and like some sort of sugar thing and you have that like a 10147 10 and 100 by the end of the day we just like fucking ready to throw up no because we were playing rugby for two hours and then working out for another two hours so just like I was like a kind of like a mania your machine food is just gasoline for your body was all fuel and then we played the naval academy one time we played the nation of Samoa you literally everything you knew we had the biggest guy on your team now I was so I was the wing which is like the fast so there is news my team who were two hundred and sixty pounds 280 pounds and then there’s news of course on the other team who are that much weight how tall he is six foot yes or no 6 feet really flat I don’t know why you just person who asked that so great my friends so Jake is taller than you but because your self it you just appear to be the perfect height 640 I should get jack is not working out at all to go push up there would be only I’m 2008 rugby why the official he’s wearing a rugby Serie A much active near my heart hurts god that was a good time in my life that was really fun to get injured yes one time I thought I broke my arm but I had just kind of displaced my elbow first second I was not really but the rugby team got into a fight with the football team wants well which is totally like a diversion and video online where it’s like the battle trigger we’re just like the crocodiles fight the Buffalo and then out of nowhere like mountain lion show up and just literally two massive groups of men faced off against one another because we’re just like in a field somewhere on the street was the day after Halloween on Halloween night that’s almost like this must be the anniversary this is so yeah we’re right around that time yes this was one of the scariest days of my life I had a couple really scary days this was one was like this might people might die here right now pretty well but someone threw a glass bottle across the street just missed us and my friend at the time was at playing rugby in very aggressive just charged that group and just started a fight physical and so I ran into the streets are pulling guys off and that’s always the guy who gets blindsided so no they broke my nose and gave me a concussion in 11 punch so I’m living at the rugby house and I’m just like comatose when all the sudden we got a wrap on our door and i cant go downstairs I can barely move my eyes left to right and someone opens it up and then you just see him walk up the stairs he looks in our bedroom says and it was it was it was really seriously scary in the racial things involved so that when you wanna be 205 pounds to get out of bed too good and I couldn’t so I was so this is my second concussion in a very short amount of time I couldn’t literally couldn’t move my eyes left to right without vomiting so the best I could do was look at my bedroom window I just like the growing number of pickup trucks that were parked illegally on our streets like did not care about tropical right now it was the two captains poetically in the middle they literally walked outside of their groups and met in the middle they talked through every single thing the football team had claimed that there was a racial epithets involved in stuff and I was kind of the pet on the team cause was it was obvious I was going to be the comedian like of all these really aggressive dudes that kind of protected Billy and when Billy got hit they were just ready do they want to fight anything in sight and so long story short story as long as I was very peaceful and that day ended like two weeks later though I walked I was walking through campus has been a couple days after the fight that I can get my eyes back together and I saw the other dude who did it to me he was on the football team and he had a black eye and was missing teeth and I’m going to practice rugby practice for like a week I go back to rugby practice the following week cuz I actually went home to New York and when I came back turns out that they had jumped again at a bar and just off all over him for the preview for me and now I know any because I went home to New York and so as soon as I went to campus and I saw was like oh this is weird and we didn’t like look at each other or anything said in a field did you feel bad for that kid every like the time it was very fight or eat everything in sight for like like my brothers have my back we had the opposite college so when I was 19 I I made slideshows with my friends and nobody a very much more than slapped me average even as a joke but then I transferred to the music department and suddenly I can play rugby more cuz i break my little fingers music do you play animator I was a creative writing and piano double major and then you were just also getting into roughly the same here I can I could play it much better than i can now wow that’s so funny you still mostly I know take on a date is so jacked you’d see if you come in my friend of yours ideas where I would I would I would feel that if we did at least mention that we’re also going to Muhlenberg College so this week we’re doing three shows William Wednesday now Tuesday Tuesday at Muhlenberg College in this episode comes out that is tomorrow right at Muhlenberg College and so this episode was the hometown show for me by the way I don’t know you’re from Allentown well it’s a homecoming show anyway because I went to class well you’ve dropped out of college after eight months show Monday and I didn’t drop out I feel that I wasn’t allowed to come back Tuesday the 10th next day we’re at helium comedy club in philadelphia that show might be sold out maybe not by the time this region if you’re under 18 there is a loophole where you can get in if it twenty five-year-old brings you in right and you can drink and if you’re 21 and over you’re good to go that shows Wednesday 11 11 and then thursday or show in Brooklyn is sold out but it’s gonna be a fun one word that I don’t know if it’s true that the other it’s called the challah Tempe at the Music Hall of Williamsburg it’s not the musical on Driggs instead of North 60 K somewhat I don’t know where that’s going to be great you guys ya back to Brooklyn that era’s the best and most beautiful 283 episodes ago did the same exact thing in an hour back so hopefully we’ll get to see people there as for the subsidy of time to answer one last question perfect let’s do it let’s do it we need a guy’s name Patrick menace wow the Patrick brothers patty mayonaise brother my sister is 31 and engaged to her boyfriend of almost two years I know she loves him and I think he’s a cool guy too they are both very religious and I’m certain that they haven’t had any sort of sexual interaction they’re saving themselves for marriage wrinkle imagine that mastery over 31 years another big water balloon he’s gonna get a paper cut just fucking lectus eget floating around your belly button your eye lid ass licking your fingers here’s the wrinkle the other day this to keep the come in water balloon of cum so here’s the wrinkle the other day I played tennis with my brother and lot to be after the game in the clubhouse changes I saw his penis penis as yet unseen by my sister very bad news app rocks one-inch limp I can’t imagine it being more than three inches hard size may not matter but this is extreme I want my sister to have a fulfilling marriage I want to tell her so that she can drop this baby man should I love Patrick mayonnaise ok I did it just forwards that I want to me is that I think no matter what you told your sister about the size of her husband-to-be his penis she’s not gonna break up with him yeah I magnin I could have stopped the marriage so you might as well not bring it up very good place to start there’s other reasons not to say anything and now that I’m your you take over if you’re feeling down yeah I think that took the edge of what I was going to say which is what every relationship will transcend sex at some point any meaningful long lasting relationship Sensex for some for you know over time so it seems like a lot of these questions are always but like the JumpStart this the immediate the sexual act this might not work I think that you have to think about relationships from the real macros take a step back point of view which is when I wanted to love not lust it’s clearly this relationship has been love not lust for the first two years and they haven’t had sex yet so if you if you see something that you should have seen it yet a small penis a huge penis you have to assume that there’s much more to this relationship then that they’ve got it all figured out there there’s a huge chance that he already confided in his wife-to-be that his dicks really small right but I would also mention that many people are growers not showers and an inch long penis very well could stress to a six-inch long penis ok that we don’t know enough because you saw what he was writing his girlfriend’s sister’s boyfriend’s flaccid dick and he feels like he’s got this duty all the information suddenly bring this to her yeah I don’t know about one in six but perhaps this was a two incher and that can grow 25 think about it too like when you sometimes there are you exercise your dick shriveled up a little bit you’re not scared really sure if it’s cold out there playing outdoor tennis and then surrounded by like if you’ve got a lot of pubic area might look small inside there he didn’t inspect the dick as much as you might like that’s a good point and I wonder he could have had nine inches of pubic hair and maybe a nine inch 10 inch penis yeah the question is how long was the pubic hair that’s that would ask their advice would be to shave their pubic hair and he’s got remove the thicket he’s saying the part of the snake that’s kind of how ya the whole body that it’s an it’s an iceberg that’s a one-inch iceberg 28 iceberg is below water yeah like I start measuring my dick from inside my body right technically start yeah through my asshole and then out the other side seven inches I’m no scientist but that’s either way I think we’re all in agreement that this guy is under no obligation to tell his sister no obligation whatsoever at the vet like you can there’s a million reasons not to say anything but I think they were real colonel of the inferred it does no good options are honorable he wants to like correct is one sister have a lot of work have it all I love that about him I truly do but this does no good for anybody to say your husband to be has a small dick you’re so right everyone feel that I have a big dick was fine but just think about the three parties in question right now tell me who comes out on top yet lose the dude getting married clearly gets hit from two angles cause it’s like oh my brother-in-law think they have a tiny dick and i cant please my wife my wife thinks I have a small dick and i cant like sister who has this now burden of having to just like walk through why my husband having a small dick will be ok for me to her brother’s ya see her brother at like at the wedding parties shaking is that if anybody has any objections I had one if they were to break up if this couple were to break up because of what this kid said this then presumes that every next guy she goes out with will have to show him to see if its ok yeah yeah that’s that’s complicated I say hold on to that piece of information that a little bit there you have it hold onto the information on to that awesome thank you I think Billy for coming on the show my pleasure do anything you want to plug people will be listening to this concert yeah I don’t think it’s sold out so if you get this Saturday which is exactly negative two days from the day it comes out you can go on YouTube videos by Harvard sailing team please go ahead gun fantasy football league which is part of this network that would be great because we really like you to contribute there might be a new episode either Monday or Tuesday yeah right around this time when this comes out there should be a look for a new head competitive football league and you can follow me on Twitter at Billy Fury good luck selling my last name it’s not gonna happen as you might enjoy your Twitter won a picture of the official there were about to go get my will to a picture of you and your devious when you’re in college yes on the amount to me that picture yes she can take a photo of the photos like that but you can only grow to about three quarters of an inch its really did you tell your dad about his phone on the very well awesome thanks so much for listening everybody if you yourself have your own theme song or your own question are you on facebook thumbnail submission that everything is if I R you show @ gmail.com the opening theme song once again was written by Matt bugged out and this closing theme song was written by Amelia Amelia with a say a little prayer parody hopefully we’ll see you in either Muhlenberg Philadelphia and New York and if not we’ll see you next week on the internet later everybody peace that was a hit them