Episode 184: Parental Love (w/Dannielle and Claire!)

Fellow HeadGum podcasters/friends Dannielle Owens-Reid and Claire Beitcher stop by to discuss obesity, sibling rivalry, and why Amir will die alone.

This episode is brought to you by TIDAL and MeUndies!

this is ahead government can you know everybody it’s Monday November 16th and I just wanted to say yo to you all thanks for listening yo we’ll be right back after this episode peace dude I right that was fucking amazing do you really think it really really liked it actually the the we have a new sponsor for this episode and it’s a kind of like a cool new company right so that was that way you try to be a little sweaty well yeah I was gonna be like a little swag with great with my intro and I like I sorta lost my cell in the moment yeah yeah now that I’m like wearing that hat let me get into it you’re wearing us where you had the exam doctor seuss head but it was so aggy yeah that’s a sweat the sponsor who have to think for sponsoring this episode is titled ti da yes thank you title title is a global and entertainment platform built for fans directly from artists around the world and not only that but title is releasing a new original video series it’s already out and it’s a stand-up comedy show hosted by deejay Cipha sounds and it’s called no small talk and it’s a hilarious blend of comedy and music video by like safest and yeah that’s that’s why I thought it was cool that’s why I thought I was gonna say stuff like yeah oh yeah that was I guess that was that was pretty cool right so each episode was filmed at the Comedy Cellar in New York which is really cool and very cool yo yell totally enjoy that does get to the top of the new york sprinkle you liked this show you can catch amazing performers like cream green mr Thomson Lewis Katz and Moorea you know that’s what’s up man there’s gonna be five episodes of The no small talk series yeah with new episodes released every Tuesday how often every Tuesday 03 August episode is available for everybody untitled dot com tid aol.com is houseboat title yeah and then after that the episodes are exclusive to title subscribers but great news we have a deal for you guys how was the coupon code yo so if you go to title dot com tid aol.com / no small talk titled dot com slash no small talk and download the title app you can check out safest show today and you get a free three-month trial so you can watch the entire series I don’t mind if I do check out title ti da L check out no small talk if you’re down to watch them comedy some music and some cool performers comedy show hosted by deejay Cipha sounds I’m also a deejay deejay yo in the house yo yo yo speaking of course is a cool Danielle and clear from couple of questions who interviewed us for their podcast join us on our show you gotta return the favor it was a little bit like therapy at a certain point where we just delved into things did indeed get actually real I felt like for about 10 minutes we just talked about myself yes really dating life my life and my times and if if I’d sounded a little nerdy then it’s because we recorded this episode like a couple weeks ago and this is before I learned like and I like that you learn to yo weaker to it that late recently learned yeah yeah exactly right you did by the dr. Seuss hat and a pacifier alright let’s get started things like I said before did get real enjoy this episode peace breezy nice what state does that take you guys to cause I’m feeling the legit North Dakota really are you guys going to Hawaii there’s a little plucking us those who are you like and so we’re all sort of in the general vicinity of one another definitely in the middle of nowhere yeah yeah let me just say who this was who made its Gabby soul Gabby GA bebe y Sol dot com let’s say made with Squarespace you can listen to more of Gabby soul songs if you go to Gabby sol dot com and we’re here live more podcasters from the head of network clear and Daniel hi you guys are the host of couple of questions correct clicking I it’s a it’s a very in depth very interesting well how would you describe your pocket you basically get couples that have been in a relationship for at least two years and you fucking ask the hard-hitting in-depth you get an interesting question yeah you see you split you you get in deep and genuine you start unraveling Jake and I began openly weeping during the rescue showed up crying yeah I was having a shit day I’m scared of fog and muggy I was scared but here’s a real story from your podcast a wasn’t there right and there was a swarm of bees that attacked the entire port and we heard it coming and we heard it coming like those who thought it was a weird swarm of like flies because they got to the point there were like four feet away was the first year as it is now the plague so it’s more like a mere and I were inside like no thank you and you and Joanna jake takes me honey honey on his neck and ran out as I and then I think doing it with me after in like said it was like something with the bees move nests or something like the Queen migrates to a new location happened like twice a year well and therefore I did she know that she Google when I see a swarm of bees I think I don’t know if that’s happened to me right but I would just think like oh they’re just like they’re flying around birds do most part they’re nesters yeah but she would not play catch with like no they’re also spelling letters did you guys noticed that I want point I looked up in a giant Fu like they were taunting us human yeah they were there taunting and teasing us if these wanted to they can kill us all fortunately they are not working at all of the bees and that’s why I’m stunned you at one time yes I could kill a couple people and then what you gonna do to kill the bees babies died after this to you is that true only have one yeah but how many are there I don’t think there is I think we’re made it very clear there about seven left I was the last two are unclear his book The Last swarm so you guys can pick it up now that’s what I couldn’t be there that day with a capital be no I just kid but your podcast is it was one of our favorite interviews because you weren’t asking us questions necessarily about you when I how we work together you were just like when was the last time for the first time you earlier you had a serious conversation with ya your last fight injury it was like the beginning of therapy you were breaking us down so that you can build us back and we haven’t been the same since so few having trouble between us early separation if you have a list a couple questions you can start with chicken as episode and then move on you guys have like five six seven episodes at this point that sounds right where you talk to different couples what are the rules they have to be there for two years at least you have to we have to be inspired by their couple them you can’t just be like working we’re in a loveless marriage each other alone well then you know sorry my nature box so this podcast is an advice show people will email us who are in difficult places in our lives and they’re seeking guidance and houses history can I sometimes we are friends on the show are you guys ready willing and able to help us assist these listeners 1000% yeah bring on the worst you guys have advice giving backgrounds well my entire career is advice based yeah you should have this show is only like three percent of our careers yeah I beyond this point today before six minutes and 24 seconds ago I have a couple of everyone is gay dot com we’re giving advice to LGBTQ young people and then the parents project we give advice to parents of LGBTQ kids and then I wrote a book called this is a book for parents of gay kids and it’s advice for what’s the what’s the deal with the cues and LGBTQ Q stands for queer and how is that different than get a lot of people don’t identify as gay they just kind of identify somewhere in the umbrella or somewhere in the scheme and I think it’s a more comfortable word for people to identify with it really depends like any identity kinda depends on the person so someone like you or you can just ask them what it means to them so you can be clear but not gay or gay but not clear it’s not that cut and dry you can be anything you want to be thanks man I really appreciate getting this question is short and sweet these are really nice real people were gonna give them a fake name to preserve his anonymity want to start with you do you have a fake guys named Chauncey pretty good really really quick with chants Eclair last name but now but now get listen do you been a legal rights my parents kiss each other in five years are they not chill with each other that’s it now we just all say what do you think yeah but yeah essentially have you seen your parents just in the last five years kind of kiss great question on French straight I’ve ever seen my parents French are they not sure that’s a good question walked in now now not that I know of I don’t think I’ve ever seen I mean I saw daddy hurting me you know like getting home from work I’m home kiss yeah I’ve never seen my parents sexual if that’s what you’re asking me if I see my parents do that you feel like his parents not wrenching like to think that makes them not chill with each other well chancy I guess I’d ask you if you saw it like six years ago were you seen your parents shift going away from relationships urban flow I think they too much of it may be like there may be their relationship isn’t as actual but maybe it’s intimate in different ways either of them need that anymore yeah I guess how are we supposed to comprehend relationships that lasted longer than we’ve been alive I don’t like my parents have been together in in 72 it’s like a forty two-year relationship I’m only 51 I don’t quite a bit I think of anything I under like I want to endure I would love to know and also hate to know at the same time if my parents have a good sex life I think like an interview with my mom where I was allowed to press a button at the end of the men in black learn everything and then Men in Black III don’t want to know I can’t imagine being just like I’ve gotten to know what do you think I just imagine the the flame which starts very burning very bright gradually gets smaller and smaller and then after forty years it has to go entirely on TV is that it’s supposed to do everything we see you with couples like what you’ve been a couple for a long time it’s gonna be terrible if you’re not going to like each other anymore this is correct I feel like the relationship at first is like it’s like evolutionary are you all good at boning alright I’m attracted we’re good at boning we can bone we can have kids now it’s like alright are you all good at making a partnership where you create life and raise those children forget about the boning that sort of over with how well can you turn there’s one year old into an eighteen year old and then if you have time you can bone but that’s really not necessary anymore and evolutionarily speaking it seems like you your sex drive diminishes as you get older because that’s not a necessary part of procreation anymore so whenever I see people in their fifties sixties and seventies I feel like all their love and all their energy when they were teenagers which was about their orgasming has now just transferred to I love my grandkids ok here ya I don’t agree and here’s why ok one of my favorite old people couples that are called them this but there are 35 so my friend Molly’s parents one thing that she says about them was like I love their relationship and one thing that I love is that my dad still touches my moms but whoa they really similar you do it then grabbed my moms but unlike growth but also for your model is sort of screens and rolls her eyes when it happens hundreds or shoulders and squeezes her clavicles not scale opticals sorry you were saying I did but isn’t that the exception to the rule I don’t know I mean I I think it is the exception to the rule but I think the rule sucks I don’t buy it I don’t buy it you don’t buy my theory I just I don’t know I don’t see it so black and white I guess that each stage is like this thing I think about him is that he turns everything into a math problem ok so all I see is like you can’t it’s called diminishing marginal utility you can’t enjoy something the same the first time second third millionth time you’re waking up next to the same person for the 10,000 50,000 time you cannot be it’s not linear because I think you’re not enjoying it in the same way like for example like that law applies like say ice cream ice cream that’s like good later it’s not it’s not as good but I think like a relationship is much more complex and dynamic so that as you age like for example I was talking to my grandma on the phone last night that’s all she just thinks she just moved into like you know what it’s not like a nursing home assisted two months ago and this is the first time I talked to her so I’m not that girl and she was she was like saying something and then she she mentioned like oh maybe I’ll have pop-up look at it like she’s not crazy she’s she hasn’t lost her mind anything you haven’t grandfather’s dead or alive he did ok I was there is like this moment where she was like he’s he’s not of course he’s not here anymore I can’t ask him and I mean I only knew them with my grandparents so I don’t see any like a scrappy maybe that happens a family owned at least a couple times yeah that’s true never saw them do it but there’s something I think so sweet about when you get to be that age like just wanting to share that thing with someone or knowing like that person was that in your life like they spent every single minute together at least you know for the last probably fifteen years of their lives like him a better than sex yes so maybe they are as I shouldn’t say that you don’t like the person anymore you just have no you have less of a sexual desire to like get off with that person yeah but do you think that applied that’s because of the person or do you think that’s just what happens to any living thing as it ages because it doesn’t need to be yeah I would say like old dogs don’t hump legs right well that’s actually the year thus far and i notice all dogs legs are you sitting on a porch somewhere adding an old me what do you think man i rly yeah i think im of the school that like relationships change and like either for good or bad like you sort of have to be able to adapt as as they’re going to the you can still be happy in a moment like they were older we’ve built a family and my parents are like I think my parents are happy to check in on ya see if we’re doing well and maybe they’re not they’re not like fire in the item may be there is maybe they’re still going at it helps our Go Go mama but I guess I don’t I don’t think that I don’t think that it gets worse as you get older it gets different and some people handle it better it gets different and some people handle it better not a mother tells don’t give it a title yet so I like the specific question was are they not chill with each other I think my answer is that they’re still chill with each other justice and it’s physically romantic as it used to be perhaps or maybe they’re making out with you leave the ruling bunch of horny horned up teenagers when they’re dead dad leaves the new thing for them is to do it behind your back John C if I do a right outside the holy fuck in waco and jonathan is just wide awake in bed wondering if his parents are chillers all their real selves there chillin than you’ll ever be back until we all get the answer the question so far less really need more information but that’s good enough for now let’s keep it in the familial question we need a fake girls name was going to first and last name but you’re looking directly because I thought of it as last name is Freda that’s good name frieda didn’t have you ever seen clear freeze like that I have this one go to name that Carlo Labrador and I’m trying so hard to not just say it card or you got a good news Billy banal wasn’t what we were talking about Billy beta before the podcast right yeah I still use that screen name in the AOL chat rooms down there is the only two alright what did you mean like I currently going kids only when I was a kid you only bitches nine times in a row guys I’m in a dumb situation have been cursed with an ungrateful brother as a college graduation gift from my brother I told him that I wanted to take him to Iceland it’s a trip that we’ve been wanting to take together for years and I figured that it would make great graduation present I even offered to pay for both our plane tickets and lodging if you could help me pay for an Airbnb in rental car so I should pay for the plane tickets he would help their B&B he initially said that he thought it was a good idea he even seemed excited to go until the other day when he flat out said I don’t know if I can if I’d be able to go he is graduating until 2017 and he’s already telling me that he won’t be able to get off from work from a full-time job as yet to receive he hasn’t even graduated yet and he says that he’s too busy like what the fuck kind of ungrateful person is this I am very hurt by this I want to discuss it with him there is no way that i’m paying for two roundtrip tickets to Iceland for someone who doesn’t even want to go how do I bring this conflict up civilly civilly ellen is going to be at our live show in Philly ok deny me I got something to say oh was that it the naive or deny deny but her friends call her tonight I have a couple things to say about this I feel very passionate and here’s why if he doesn’t want to go why on earth do you want to spend the money on him because yeah right that it doesn’t go why do you want to go with him if he doesn’t want to go and he’s being honest with you that seems like a good brother and not about 10 is taking up a rule is busy with work we haven’t graduated yet graduated two years but I guess I here’s what I think they like she’s upset not because her brothers on Great Lakes she’s upset because there’s there slowly drifting apart yeah that’s sad I think that’s what she’s like going through and she’s like manifesting the sadness anger towards him do you have brothers or sisters in jesus’ blood what is a Christian say what’s your book you know how are we all related a Christian and I drink his blood yeah that’s right you are Christian or a vampire I never quite figured out by the same man are you close with your brother I got to you got your brothers two older brothers one older one younger holy shit on a sister 38 you there’s three youngest and the baby yeah you buy you want to go about family dynamics would you imagine what do you think amir is what would you have imagined you need to go back but I would maybe think old really what do you think I am out of how many brothers and sisters and what number of mine I feel very insulted if you say only child I think you may be over sister and I think this is is maybe like six years older than you think that it’s a hard one for Jake is he has like five brothers and sisters of varying ages so but you’d sister yeah that’s it that’s like a good thing to know yeah he’s got four sisters one older three under and then a younger brother below that three of them are triplets it’s a whole but it was a trap all the things you could have gotten a ride it was a month unless you said over older brother yes I would have guessed older brother which is the one thing I will anyway if if you want to plan a trip for your brother and he’s like yeah maybe would you like would you be offended would you be angry would you be hurt it’s hard to put myself in that situation because I don’t think I would do that you don’t think it not for a simply no yeah I don’t know I just I wouldn’t but I can relate to the like the kind of drifting apart from assembly right do you bring to me the drifting I think I think we’ll be there for us so there’s different dynamics and I feel like at times other people have felt a drifting in yeah not to get into too much specifics to respect their members just would like to know all their names whose drifted apart the most clothes that’s really good actually just a cut to the chase who’s your favorite sibling yeah did a Symbian Symbian like he’s kinda hot and cold yeah so your parents named you dilute league champion Claire and but do keep that much like the last couple their creativity ebbs and flows I i think they’re drifting apart from siblings is painful part of getting older and maybe some people don’t do it like I have drifted a little maybe but you know you become adults not kids anymore who knows if it’s still gonna work for me this is a perfect situation you you seem like a great older sister because you’ve you’ve expressed interest in even offered to buy the gifts that you don’t get him a gift anymore it’s like I wanted to get to Iceland and he’s saying no so she’s added that responsibility and then to she can have good I salute somebody who really wants to go probably somebody that’s like closer to her than her brother so it is a sad situation I wouldn’t bring it up though I wouldn’t say like hey how come you don’t go with me cuz then what’s the best case scenario you kill them into going with you that’s not fun either yeah but you could talk to him about drifting apart we don’t have to go to Iceland I’m not trying to force you to spend two weeks with me but do you wanna go camping this weekend and then you have like two days to hang out and then also it’s like yeah you’re becoming adults and people grow and change and I think it’s cool that he’s become an unknown person you know yeah yeah I mean would you be offended if your sister said that no thanks to a trip I guess I wouldn’t be offended I would be sad I think it I meant it would permit would manifest in anger I wouldn’t be like during in great but I would I would probably hurt but yeah well I would I think I would be pretty passive that it will you do you have a fucking ungrateful brother or sister yeah trying to think there’s been times when I like offered my brother things and he liked didn’t want them and I felt like a little her something but I was never liked your bet your dick I’ve given a gift that was given back to me because it was like deemed inappropriate and one way or another and then I’m not offended on my car right it’s your thing if you don’t want it you don’t get it and that’s fine it was just a bust of you was a bust I think when you offered to do someone a favor and they don’t want it you can’t get mad at them that’s like such a weird thing to like why are you mad at me you gave this to me I guess it’s it’s really it’s always to be a thing comes back to sadness it’s never madness yeah a disastrous sadness you forgot to cry I forgot to cries I am upset at this if I just cried I would be sad and not mad and now I’m not glad because it was like when people are sad it’s I would be way warmer towards them if I made someone said and how do I make this right but when I make somebody mad I’m like fuck off ya at this girl seems like she’s gone she wants to get her brother into going that’s not a good situation something you have to participate like I’m sure that her brother would appreciate I don’t know like to take a photo album like him through the years like their relationship through the years but i’m peter idea computer very impractical and just be like you have to video chat with me twice and i know i think is playing do the only connects to her computer to one way only but I think she wants to give him a gift that is kind of about her right like maybe he doesn’t want that gift but she’s mad that he doesn’t want a gift that she wants him to want is it is it is like giving somebody a bowling ball and then being awake if you don’t want it all have it like that’s what happened in the Simpsons undermine the simpsons but I feel like it’s maybe like I love balling here’s a bowling ball for you yeah yeah you’re gonna come bowling with me other persons like a mother in trouble or I don’t even have arms allowed to mention this girl’s brother does not have arms as they go glacier hiking mountaineering actually mostly yea though I was he supposed to get their B&B right can’t type yeah houses overdoing it is a slap in the face which he can’t do it is harmless but he’s still a great person yeah give him a break so do we sympathize with the sister and brother here we say sister ask your brother what he wants sisters ask your brothers what they think sister tell your brother your frayed relationship is going to change and you love them and you don’t want to lose him beautiful sweet to adult which is why I’ll pay for your ticket to Iceland we can go during your school you won’t work don’t worry about that perfect spring break when you’d really rather be home with your friends lowers alright let’s take a quick break to think one more sponsor then we’ll be back with more claire and Daniel right after this thank you as well to me undies dot com for sponsoring this episode and it’s so many episodes like it comfortable comfortable underwear of yourselves you know some people still haven’t tried biondi’s doesn’t make any sense some some of our fans haven’t even check out the website biondi’s I tried my undies so hard that I have thrown away all my other underwear I also bought several white tees at a certain point we’re just going to be living a full me undies lifestyle trying to and you can go there more than once because they do have designs of the month it’s constantly changing constantly evolving this month its pebble which looks really awesome much like all the other stuff the I saw the ad there a classic man they also have just solid colors if you want to go that route so like my last batch I just bought like solid purple they got solid burgundy now solid green burgundy ad do you like candy and they also have a bunch of French terry collections now so you can get the the sweat shorts that I where all the time you can get full sweats of it you can get hundreds of it it’s comfortable men’s and women’s underwear to wear the month club they do I don’t think I kind of wish they did ya instead use have to log in every month in order your own underwear yeah what pitch them some new shit actually and it’s super comfortable and not only that but the prices are fairly low because it’s free shipping in the USA and Canada and if you want a bigger deal why you gotta me on these dot com slash Amir for 20% off your first order you can also go to me and he’s accomplished a jury could you always try to shoehorn they are you I said like sneak that by me yeah cuz I want one day after you’re gone gone from my life I want me I used to be like don’t worry at the end of the day more people use coupon code anyway we should sponsor the Emir podcaster whatever interesting yeah so check out completely I just needed any explanation I just didn’t want you to be doing it because you were mad it is the holiday season me underwear a perfect gift for you or your loved one or you and your loved it especially if they’re fans of the show it’s kind of like a wink wink nod nod hey you know that thing that they always promote I actually got you a tackle box the box is cool enough that it actually we have just an empty box on a bookshelf because it looks kinda nice everything is cool everything is comfortable let’s meet undies dot com slash a mere or dot com slash Jake check him out why don’t you get back to this and we’re back have you guys learned more about yourself interviewing other people on your podcast like do you find yourself learning different things about you or is it mostly the external I’m just learning about these other people would say well not necessarily learning things about me but well we started because clarinet were both in brand new relationships and we were like obsessively asking questions to one of our fav couples and then that person was like you should do a podcast then we just like a couple of bouncing beans just like got every couple we couldn’t ask them so many questions cuz we like wanted to be in really good relationships like you’re asking like how do I attained this thing for me I felt like you was not understanding what our relationship was and I was like well like you’re all in them you know what they are tell me what they are and for a while in terms of your original question I think I struggled with then thinking that my relationship had to be like all of these people’s relations are dying in love with my other half I if I wasn’t like feeling the things that they described her things weren’t like happening in that same way I was like oh my god well then yeah I guess I guess this isn’t a relationship right kind of gave me a lot of anxiety for a while it seems like there’s two kinds of relationship beginnings the one where you like slowly like get into a cold pool of water and then you’re like getting into and then by the end you’re used to it and then there’s 13 like diver like I was in love the first minute don’t you feel that way I guess I don’t know yeah yeah yeah we had a we’ve had some guests who were like the first night they met they just do I was it yeah and those stories agree and true and real and honest but then I guess I haven’t experienced that does that mean like after the first date should I not go on a second day because I’m not feeling it or can grow into feeling that she learned every everybody’s different right everybody’s different yeah yeah I think it’s like a disservice to your own process and experience if you’re just comparing it to other people like you’ve never been a person that would dive in and love something right away I would never I’m just not that kind of like emotional like unless it’s like a really good sandwich I can’t imagine like having love at first bite which is my cookbook is another yeah but there I’m also guilty of like cutting things off too early because like I may because I’m getting older understood like you know I’ve hung out with this person three times and it’s like i what am I doing here I’m not gonna marry this person should I see her for a fourth fifth sixth time that I just cut it off at this point I think that you know what you’re supposed to do I yeah I do I think if you’re not feeling and I want to cut it off like I don’t want to be dating you if that’s how you feel self-fulfilling yeah totally so it’s like kind of the same thing and then the other common thread that I’ve noticed is like every single couple they are one another’s best friend they just are and like that’s how I feel about Julia to like she’s my best friend in the world and so it’s like even when we’re having a huge fight the last for three days it doesn’t it’s like at the end of it she’s gone then I want to talk to about the fight and that’s a thing like with every single couple they’re like yeah I mean we’re best friends so we figure out how to work it out in like if she needs something I’ll do it and even if it’s hard to figure how like she’s the person that I wanna be with so I don’t know I guess what the fuck am I said this is my best friend and I can offer you guys on the popular just about best friends yet I guess I’ll get married to Jake Jesus I mean what choice do I have this one if that’s the common thread and kind of act like it’s working them right if you were just down I feel like that would just we already live together and work together having sex is the one thing we haven’t done yet I know I could you do kiss ya penetrated and it’s that wall that we think breakthrough are taken I the only non romantic relationship he gets about on the show so far but we’re having we’re going to have more like partners in different ways you two known each other for two years oh yes we do password to your test do we we met right after I moved to LA and I just passed my two year wow maybe she’d interview ourself yeah it’s a couple of things i would like to ask what other common threads BC with like successful relationships they talk so much they talked constantly texting communication no no I mean Michael with emotions and feelings and how they are nothing States nobody’s like oh well I had this thing that I was upset about for six years and I’m still upset about it getting it out on a couple of questions like everyone has if they’ve gotten through things it’s because they’ve talked about it to figure it out that’s a good one good communication another thread you know some people have broken up and gotten back together well I don’t know how many I don’t know how much of a thread that is but I feel like I know a bunch of people you don’t know that it’s like I think people sort of are ashamed when there when they’ve broken up and gotten back together they like don’t like to talk about that part yeah when they simply would like not it’s not like a picture book story romance when you like we broke up for a while then we got back together no ones like how romantic still good broke up for a reason oftentimes your friends will be like fuck that other person you could do so much better I’m back with them and he wasn’t that bad times people broke up it was because they like weren’t ready to be together like Jesse in since he broke up for a day I think and then they through is through talking so much yeah I think it’s maybe it is like ties into another thread I C which is people just be like thinking the other person is like an interesting actually having a crush on them always weird unique person who is outside of me who is another person yeah I realize now that they like get it you know what i mean it’s more than thinking you’re cool it’s like you’re cool and I have this view of the world and you understand that view it’s like in the last two years i’ve only felt that towards dudes like that guys gonna be my friend that guy’s a great guy I miss that guy I haven’t felt that with somebody that I was also physically attracted to ya what do you like like look for in somebody in a friend like like similarities in the kind of guys you wanna be friends with and like feeling baby girls have those qualities 20 interesting so I’m thinking alike my most recent friends so late so awesome sports yes I think I like people that are not negative so like you see this guy that’s a good guy like I can’t say oh that’s a good guy about a lot of guys you like bill he’s a good guy his name is Billy right off the bat good guy like a friendly dog yeah exactly he’s like he has no negative he never liked talks shit about people who constantly looking at the positive thing he doesn’t get upset he’s also a very flex sense of humor we were able to joke around very easily we have common interests like we talk about sports a lot and that’s a very easy conversation to have but what do I get so they’re sort of like an inspiration things like how do I become more of a manly yes he’s a strong man with a good attitude look for that and I think so I think parts of that though you should be looking for like somebody who inspires you and who you like look at you like she’s the fucking best like those are the things you should be looking for I think it would be easier if I was a sexually attracted to the dudes that was becoming friends with I know a lot of guys who have taken it was taken away taken that that built like when they were like a lot younger people like when they were in the room God made them swallow it you are born that way but it does have its a pill you take yeah yeah yeah so interesting choice good to me a little decision right guard forces it does yeah she got another book I’m more interested in talking about you finding and they’d actually I’ve never we’ve never really talked about it I mean I’ve hung out ladies and they’re all cool and friendly but then for whatever reason I don’t have that like Russia aspect where I’m like I can’t wait to see this person again i really wanna see that person again who im getting like butterflies in my stomach whenever I see their name pop up in my phone have you ever gotten that with women or is it only been with my previous lady friends you did ya remember a couple years ago and there was like somebody you were about to start dating you like gchat me that they do I texted yeah exactly yeah I think that it’s that it just takes around and changes a little bit it’s like I still have been dating for a year and a half so not that long but way past the crush phase yet at least for me my passion for your nervous about what to texture yeah but I still like if i get a text around like elderly yeah definitely choose after year and a half yeah she’s cool beans maybe a i mean there has to be something about me you were like I just become less excited about things over time I have dated like 11 other people and it’s all the same it’s all like one month and I’m like ok I’m not excited in three months and unlike do we have to have sex right it’s just about finding the person that’ll push that limit as far as a certain point like some of their just like other chemicals in your body that start that start working that aren’t like raw sexual desire yes bond and loyalty and friendship and all that stuff chance he’s parents may be filled and that’s how that we know that they are chill with each other because danielle gets excited from text you know it’s another thing is do like I enjoy being single so like I’m constantly weighing does the relationship pros outweigh the pros of being single if I like I read my singleness of 9,500 like if a girl comes into my life and she’s a ninety-eight that’s awesome but you know what actually better if I was literally said about turning everything into a bath yeah I was leaving a little early life if I was leading a lonely life for those living by myself going home in like my craving a TV dinner and then just like masterbating falling asleep everything perfect nevermind okay that sounded awesome but it was bad I would hang out with ladies that were necessary or is just as good as the ladies and hanging out with now but it would seem better because I’m putting them up against what my single life is like you don’t know after C three dates and they’re like chill but you’re like I don’t know if I’m gonna marry them which is a question I asked myself a lot more used to write your kind of denying yourself the process of getting to know who that person actually is right they haven’t been on three dates are you you have been on three dates like and what your actual connection is to see if like yeah maybe you’re single life is 95 but maybe like after three months of dating them your semi coupled life is a 96 that’s a long commitment three months to go and how many times a week I also think that you don’t necessarily love being single you just love your life right now or best all-time you live and the difference is there like they’re totally can be a person who you love hanging out with your friends and that person when the two of you together you like feel like you look hot together and she tells funny stories but well together they’re even funny oh shit and then there are like things are happening in your career and she’s the first person you wanna tell fucking great life needs to be a movie star needs to be a hot smoked show that I can Claire Danes ya ne danes really clear as a sister gains judy judy dead yeah somebody that excites yeah yeah that I can be with with my friends that’s a hard one because it’s hard going into a friend group title for a book ok great Catcher in the Rye is take insulin but yeah and that’s why I love different different isn’t worse different isn’t worth its so just because I like it’s a it’s an illustrated self-help book so just because my life is going to be different with somebody doesn’t mean it’s worse than yeah it’s just if you can still have this life with a person right sliding doors to your let me ask you guys this question do you guys think I should have given in the ladies in the last years of my life a longer shot or because I thought that I was sort of cutting them off then that meant that I wasn’t I shouldn’t have stayed with them does that make sense now is confusing but I get what you’re doing lying face every good thing in his life slip away everything he would be perfect up until now because it led me here to this life that you love true and I don’t think one of my favorite quotes of any of our couple of questions couple of questions we’ve had is from the episode with Liz Feldman and regional can do and Rachel just said it doesn’t have to be that hard and I feel like that’s the most important thing of all of it doesn’t have to be that hard you shouldn’t be like going over and over in your head like did i do a bad thing that I caught this relationship with this person I didn’t really give a shit about I didn’t really care when she was talking and I wasn’t really paying attention but isn’t that my problem if i dont give a shit when somebody that I should care about is talking a little harder but you still can’t fake that last yeah that last however many percent that’s your job you need to be more open definitely definitely like when you said that couples name is easy which one jesse is in the Cincy for example I couldn’t date someone in Cincy because I can imagine introducing somebody named Cindy to my friend you met someone and that person like blew your mind you laugh like no one else and was your favorite person to talk to you I know I feel like shit I feel it but that’s how close minded I am envious book together and yet still having a unique name I feel like I can’t like hayes in situ texting her gaze into your fucking girlfriend yeah and how fucked up is that I need to data Rachel because I only exist in your mind at this point that’s right yeah I’m a flood mind I have to be more open to the choir close-minded definitely if you’re looking back on the past two years and and your first thought is like but should I was I supposed to marry any of those girls are those girls my wife not marry but should I have given them a longer shot because if you were gonna marry them but you’re saying you don’t even know that the information until you’re two to three months in that’s in my mind right i’m talking about like the transitive property of your own that’s a movie that’s like 50 later today yeah whatever like ghosts of Girlfriends Past it’s a great movie if someone good luck charm owned I don’t care of people say if there’s like someone in your past that still haunts your heart I think you would know that there are I guess there are ladies that I think about still more than others then let’s make that movie maybe since he is one for sure it’s never gonna work can Tweet Adder are you gonna ask her to marry you can Tweet Adder we had therapist that an expert therapists on a show a couple weeks ago and only Gordon and I was asking what should I go to therapy she’s like everybody should go to therapy whether you think you should or not I have never going to therapy this madness sort of his getting into really made your party has pleaded you should I love their BS swear by it Julia didn’t give a single sheet about therapy until I was like in today right there and then she was like therapy now she loved them to know we don’t go to the same therapist by her therapist was a recommendation from my therapist cool I cannot imagine where I would be today the help of their wow yeah I think it’d be bad but it turned out ok almost as bad in my current state stiff arming ladies because of the namely that’s not okay that’s not all right to use mine if we enter one last question just as I don’t feel like I’m short-changing our audience this is another lady their first name love you have to say that slowly otherwise you won’t hear there’s three days for these and AM a lot of Ages you cannot make her last name last initial we want to keep this figure is an anonymous to T I love so I wanted to drink it drink its rights I recently match with this guy on tender that I wouldn’t normally swipe right on the app or in real life I live on an island where the pic is very slim other than the occasional batch of tourists but this guy had me when he mentioned Larry David in his bio we matched back in July and we’ve been talking everyday nonstop my dilemma is this this guy is my soulmate he’s extremely kind huge comedy music and film nerd love sports and is extremely smart I’m talking Ameerpet castles and Thomas middle-age all rolled into one it makes me laugh like i the issue is here the issue here is that he has three hundred pounds this guy’s personality alone makes me want to jump his bones but when I think about putting his dick in my mouth the only thing I can think about is getting crushed by his thighs and his stomach resting on top of my head I want to say that I’m repulsed but god dammit I think I’m pretty frickin close I think I’m such an I feel like such an asshole saying this as I’m not the skinniest person ever either I’ve got ass and thighs for days and my second smile aka double chin is so real he is offering the world to me and I’m hesitant to take it I really really like this guy but how do I get over the physical part this guys made several playlist for me and and is on the search for this rare fish / Harris Wittels t-shirt that I’ve been looking for four months so I know he’s really into me and again I like him alot too but I don’t know if I could lead him on anymore if I can’t imagine being physical with him and god dammit I like to fuck so this is important for me that is all sorry this has been so long love you as lead to get tickets well well well well yeah what do we do with this one guys well I want to agree that she does sound like an asshole I think they’re nicer ways to say things looking to do what can you do not visit back the language I think she was trying to ham it up yeah its physicality it’s important to be physically attracted to somebody but do you cut off your soul mate because his three hundred pounds yeah that’s that’s part of being used its all those things and you want to fuck yeah also anyone can search for a fish t-shirt on ebay I also have met like I’m very confused I don’t think that it doesn’t seem like they’ve met I don’t think so they met once I’m imagining what they’ve met ones are I’m really curious about what island she lives on if you like she lives on Catalina Ariely tourists with Catalina she could hurt into radios is wide enough that you could come to the mainland yeah maybe it’s just Governors Island I was imagining Papua New Guinea this man it’s probably a traditional samo and a three hundred-pound warrior man who are fishermen a spear fisherman by trade and a fish t-shirt salesmen by night and he’s just looking after her best interest unfortunately his girth repulses her like she was just like hey if you lose 200 pounds I’ll blow you he would is spending time doing the fish like if you just did 50 crunches yea time you and she said something like letting you research this and it’s a picture of a treadmill and then just change who you are maybe it could well maybe if they enter into an emotionally abusive relationship that high five was genuine it would it’s it’s half bad but then also have urging him to be healthier as 300 pounds is too large and that I think if she emailed and she was like oh the way that he repulses me like I’m grossed out because all he eats his pizza and fried chicken and I love to eat vegetables and this a different it’s more about lifestyle lifestyle and not just the way that somebody looks and it’s more like oh how our lives going to integrate together if I do this and he does a totally different thing I mean honestly I don’t think that there’s something so wrong about like I don’t like not being attracted to that person’s body if that’s what I don’t know I mean sure like it’s the person that’s inside that counts but if I think it’s better to be honest then to proceed and like know that you’re not going to come around to it that wrong other than trying to change the person like is someone who will love that person how they are you have it is and how they are unhealthy why don’t you want to help me you don’t know that you know isn’t 300 pounds is like obese or morbidly obese you could have like an illness that makes movies I think that physical attraction is important enough that she can enter into a relationship with a machine actively doesn’t wanna sleep however isn’t it easier to find like she’s found a hard part which is like the soul mate personality isn’t it easier to ask this guy to lose 75 pounds than to find a 225 pound man that will give her all the other stuff that she loves interest thing . it is ninety percent of the way there whatcha gonna start with someone is only ten percent of the way there has to be the other nine but I just billy I think maybe like the person who is both of those things exist yeah i think thats yeah there’s a dangerously close to finding that guy but she still did it so like it’s easier to tell somebody who changed something physical about them like their way than it is to tell somebody they get into the same sports and music that you’re into but it’s still not necessarily good it’s still not like but I feel like I feel like there’s gotta be more there because if she was like so into him she couldn’t stand it just like would not matter right it just wouldn’t you know but she’s there’s gotta be something out there that she’s like nobody’s maybe like things that other people will think yeah I mean there’s think of you I was gonna say is there a world where she tries to kiss him in that just see how it goes I like that I think there is not World Universal what did she say a thing like she can’t imagine putting his dick in her stomach and here’s I think if you laid down flat on the bed there were major risk of any that well also below everyone behind her second we should if you listen to this podcast he would be mortified and would never want to speak to her again oh maybe if you’re talking about the person you’re dating that way you suck listening to a podcast in hearings being like well I know I’m the only person on earth searching eBay for that dumbass Fisher who lives on an island his desk it’s not well here’s a heartbreaking yeah yeah What if you if like our advice is to say okay so maybe this guy isn’t for you so just stop hanging out with them and that’s option A and then option B is giving him space part of Alta made on where you lose weight all hang out with you wouldn’t which is the lesser of two evils understand this is already an awful situation but they exist giving him the third option is a great set of trial little kiss but it sounds like she wants you to tell her yes it sounds like she’s like look at this awful thing I have to do it but I think you might be like this guy’s totally gross right in its nasty if I kiss him it would appear Mike no actually it’s totally cool and now she’s like a good cause that’s kind of how it was when I was leaning towards anyway so maybe you don’t ask him to lose weight before you enter the relationship you enter it and then in a more polite loving way you try to urge him towards leaving living a healthier lifestyle and what’s important about me back to this this part of it is it mean to say that I don’t know we don’t know we genuinely yeah we don’t think telling someone to change who they are for you as bad yeah regardless of how I think if the two of them entered into a relationship and they both like the thing about weight especially is like it so much more complicated it’s not just like I don’t like those shirts you’re wearing it’s like somebody’s body and how they treat themselves and how they’re eating and like what sicknesses they might have the body for 25 years ago to have and if you enter into a relationship and both of your like here’s the thing the way that I feel regardless of how much you weigh the way that I feel is bad I feel like that all the time and I when I get very sad I even more and that makes me uncomfortable and I’m embarrassed and the two of you both feel that way and the two of you want to change that together that’s so much more different than like I don’t like the way you look please stop eating right you know different I guess what’s the advice here go for leave them alone or so I say try kissy Kissy if you want it and I feel like what you’re saying is there’s nothing wrong with like trying to help somebody have a healthier happier lifestyle but it’s there’s nothing wrong with doing it for your own purposes yes and it goes if you’re motivated by like I don’t want to be embarrassed when you walk into a bar then don’t tell him to lose weight but if you want to get into a relationship with them fall in love with him find out why he’s unhealthy and if you’d be happier if you want to change then you help them do that it’s like if he if he didn’t feel comfortable in his body and he came to unions like I don’t feel comfortable in my body do you have any tips she could be like oh yeah my temps but like to just say we’ve been dating for a couple of weeks and you search for shared on eBay for me but you have to lose a hundred pound your dick like that is that isn’t cool and I see yeah maybe the kids will be so good that you’ll want to blow up but make sure he’s laying down on his back yeah fully supine arched backwards on a on a medicine ball of sorts a beach ball or yoga ball one of those giant spheres called the gym are you just saying what I said it sounded right it sounded right the last blow job of talking about the user manual but that’s not what they were met for nearly deviant perverted yoga class clear day no thank you so much for coming thanks for having us do people listen to your pockets couple of questions where can they find it part of this great thing called so if you go ahead I’m dot com you can find it in the podcast page or you can google search it’s coupled with an a at the end questions should be too hard to find you have anything else you wanna play all year the mics are in your faces I guess couple of questions that’s a podcast I listen to it would be great is our episode up when this premiers make sure of it ok great we should probably played like one thing you don’t sound like loser you go I don’t have i don’t have anything like we should stuff yeah yeah I could write you stuff like a drop you make people presence that they give to loved ones holidays are coming up I do have an Etsy its hair creature I got a tumbler with my art on it clear beecher here creature . tumblr.com I like clear beecher here teacher here creature whatever whatever he likes that it’s like I worked on a movie though overnight that’s now available on iTunes that came out over the summer check it out there you go that’s really good I have fashion videos on YouTube what the hell does that mean fashion fashion girls fashion whatever it’s like androgynous fashion kind of like a girl who wants to wear boys clothes and I it’s very hard to find here are some tips so nothing so would there be tips for me that’s why the check those out i mean just a few gota hey Danielle dot com then you just can’t find all of my stuff and that’s don’t know what to wear with four hours if you have questions for our podcast that email address is always a fiery show @ gmail.com will do our best to answer it was clear and Daniel are back or not we also start and end all of ours episodes with original theme songs written by you all the opening was written by and this one is written by John P lot pilot PIL eighty how to pronounce that bodies Pilates thanks for listening everybody will be back next week