Episode 185: Turtles and Honey

In this episode we discuss Nick Jonas, morality, and bees.

This episode is brought to you by ClubW, Leesa, and Unroll.Me!

this is ahead government class Monday November 23rd 2015 an old man walks down a dusty road be more clear that up SUV an Escalade emerges from the desert there is the blurring on the horizon he finally picks up the old man and says did you know that club W is sponsoring today’s episode and he’s aight what are you talking about and is a call tell you what I’m talking about there’s a website out there that will completely revolutionize the way you buy and consume wine and the guys like tell me more and he’s in the desert is in the desert is not just like Thursday from water he just wants to know he’s fine and it’s just palm desert cities is taking a walk in that old 4203 home so you know how hard it is to buy wine yeah I dislike the are you going to win story there’s just a million bottles of wine and then you’re like I don’t know how to pronounce that I don’t know where that’s from early on the label to label the picture of the I do the $30 bottled you can’t get mad at me for bringing a $30 bottle of wine bottle of wine well as thoroughly as we know there are some bad $30 bottles and some good $30 bottle and some great $12 so how can you tell the difference well if you go to a club W dot com slash if I were you you answer a simple 6 question quiz and their algorithm creates a pallet profile for you then they’ll send wine directly to your door perfectly customized to match your taste so you have to specifically no I like I like us on jueves the metal back that’s what I learned you just say I like this type of flavor I like this type of body I like this type of this I prefer this new to this and will create a pallet profile for you and send you want your door completely customized to what you you answered and it’s a no risk 100% guarantee that you’ll love what they send you so how can we make this deal even sweeter for you well collect wine is good bc my necessarily want to be a driver a full body can have legs tannins those other words if you got a club W dot com slash if I were you actually made us a customized website it says if I were you I’d drink this wine and it’s a picture of us oh yeah and I am me and I do drink wine actually one of my favorite things in the world if you do that you get 50% off your first order which is basically like getting a free bottle of wine yea though thoughts I do really like getting alcohol in the mail that’s a lot of my ok so if you’re like Drake if you want to stop wasting time getting wine if you want to just got wine delivered to your door that you will like with no risk guaranteed and people see through that shit we use go to Trader Joe’s and you come down to Trader Joe’s checking out club W dot com slash if I were you great for yourself and as a gift for this holiday season club W dot com slash if you cut out the middlemen supporters shows supporter brand supporters sponsors the wine business the industry been around a long time so it’s literally a multi-million dollar industry I really like this was a fun episode finally just mean you back in the studio together at last it was a classic to be friends with everyone anyone anymore alone and you’re angry and you’re happy at the same time how is that even possible angry and you’re happy start the shell clap clap clap yes I love it that’s a theme song that tells you how it is how is it so that the song is sassy and it tells you how it is sugar-coated or nobody and it’s good and it’s positive but it’s a positive it’s like from the future but also the path that the same time the future of 1965 where it was the eighties in the eighties with the future now they teased as the past yeah it’s retro future it’s fresh it’s retro it’s huge it’s richer it’s Richard retro richard french roads are treacherous throw it in future it in future oh you know in utero yeah that was that song was completely in futuro which is like the conception of something that hasn’t happened yet interesting it’s an idea of time and space that has I like the song anymore you ruined it for me it was written by Nathan who’s admitted at the time before but came up with another one just in case we ran out we didn’t run out Nathan but you’re pretty fucking good is that anyway yeah much appreciated should I text this girl that only thing I don’t like about that song is that it could be misconstrued as gay-friendly like what I like I think it would be like I think that’s another girl I can only text with God that is you are the only way to improve any song to you is to make sure it make it completely on Mb yeah the song that like what’s a love song to you like i dont wanna miss a thing right now I don’t wanna go on a close my god if girls baby and only miss girls yeah that’s pretty cool what about like what about Sam Smith actually I think actually we do you like so dial in your right wing Christian music that makes you think I still love romance pop songs they’re so yeah my that would be my only no hate it what else oh yeah this is an advice podcast if you’re listening and a car or maybe a gymnasium or a library find three things but those the only three places maybe it’s in your house while chores done for some of you are listening to this because it’s like you know that situation like you’re in a car you like other guys wanna listen to the podcast I think you’ll really like it like I think it’s funny but maybe you guys how you think there’s people out there right now yeah listen to this podcast yeah those people the fans are fucking hoping to God is like a good episode yeah if they win that friend over it then that’s like a hundred and eighty three other episodes they are you gonna love it and they have so many other ones but if it’s bad to you that that that burning feeling those friends turned off the pipe that’s when you started the knife specialist start because i dont yeah obviously I was being sarcastic like oh yeah they aren’t gave one of the people if if it’s like it’s like a hundred people that are listening for the first time a few of them will be gay and a few of them should be offended and good that was a test actually yeah if you have it turned out this podcast after hearing are actually just as intolerant more so than we were kidding and you were you are you are you were so as a possible times actually looked down upon me you guys and the bad ones where the good of all we did was shine a light into a corner where the cockroaches live who the meek shall inherit the the the the straight hopefully straight earth will that back to you because I forgot what ya right now you feel like you’re saying this is an advice show a podcast that she the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us and I’m here and I’m Jake and we are to 420 friendly gay-friendly LGBTQ friendly comedian / Reuters / outdoors so artists who are completely open-minded we don’t look down on anybody based on their ethnicity their creed or their color I’m totally cool with you saying all that stuff yeah we should probably practice I’m fine I don’t care if your Korean that’s ok so anybody can live here I don’t care if you’re from even if you’re like even if it’s so bad that you’re from like Switzerland like thats how nasty you are people from a country that’s rather than as that isn’t Switzerland you really want to take a stand Syria no don’t say I’m inviting any refugee to listen to our program that’s a nice idea yeah I think they have bigger things to deal with but if they’re just like if they have like fifty eight minutes to kill sure yeah they’ve got some time I’d invite them to listen to our program as well the way it works is that people are in difficult places in their lives just everyday folks like you and me maybe they live in america may be there in Canada England Australia and they’re like you know what I don’t really know how to handle this thing I’m gonna email if I were you show @ gmail.com J cormier will read through every question and then answer a few of them on the show these are questions I haven’t even read yet there are ones that you found I actually I pulled them from the two other folders are you probably are familiar with them very chill right off the bat one that’s really catching my eye is a subject in my butt in my butt what what in my butt what what in my butt let’s go we usually do these people fake name but let’s go real names this time driving or just joking this I i was gonna have a suggestion for all kind of names to use we should as a way to subtly plug orator along the west coast yea well name everybody after a West Coast City or somebody from what about the name of the comedy club like I think Cobb’s comedy is a cool name that’s where we’re going to miss ya so so let’s say Wednesday December 2nd ticket still available for a live show in San Francisco you can come it’s a party we do this live it’s a very fun fun event I don’t know we love the Bay Area jokingly will spell it BAE area because we’re all the Basehor from that and I love like I went to school there so I can maybe she went to Berkeley or something or if you’re actually in the city itself would love to see you there so somebody named Cobb’s comedy rights I’ve got a legit issue I happened to fancy a good old-fashioned her from the lady in fact sometimes the HJ is the perfect resolve after a long day of work and she is always willing to indulge recently she has started to perhaps enhance the complementary HJ’s with a little butthole teasing no homo but that’s it really turns me up here’s the problem it’s going to be so riled up that I think I wanted to go ahead and enter full-on HJ + butthole probe how do I discreetly let her know to go ahead and take the teasing to the next level I don’t really want to say upfront hey could you go ahead and put a finger my butt all your jacking me I P S if you can keep this off the podcast to preserve my anonymity but I’m the guy that should oh that’s the part where you went there right now the question is how can a guy ask girl keep this part of the podcast how much I’m on autopilot I’m just saying the words not really understanding what they mean so this guy wants his lady friend what are your thoughts on hand jobs I i mean i dont wanna say anti cause I’m not they don’t excite me in any real way really I like when a girl grabs my dick yeah yeah but I like to go past that and I understand like being in a relationship you sort of like a spice it up with these different ways but that never ever got me like you know something instead of sex never turns me on really what about a blowj not even that I was still need to fuck yeah I bet I can get you off with Nhan tableau HJ and a blow with both just call ya broke off and then when I am feeling you close I’ll put I wonder even you like saying that made me so viciously I believe so because it wow yeah I don’t think it’s like a gaping I think the you think I didn’t like oral from you I’m still kind of excited about that kind of stuff the HJ that PGA relationships are new pretty exciting it’s all this new and exciting because it’s like I’m not touching myself somebody else’s and it feels very exciting yeah I think I like to be a little bit more control and it’s also like the other person is inherently gonna be doing stuff that you wouldn’t think to do because it’s not you it’s you probably jerk off in the same way yeah and you probably jerk of different than other people you don’t know because you’ll never compare what other people look like when they do you jerk off right-hander left we do really I wonder why that is if we’re both predominantly right-handed is because you’re looking at porn on your computer I don’t think so I don’t know if for whatever reason I feel I used to be right hand when I was in magazines when I was younger but then I started looking at computer porn I would you want to have my dad and for having quickie what about when you’re eating deeply your fork in your left or right right right yeah I was going to be my theory cuz I got with my rate but I i into your only eating something like eggs we don’t necessarily need a knife you can write that that’s what I was thinking if if I’m eating a steak knife fork left right right left left without baseball you know both hands are being used ones for catching ones for throwing alright so I but you throw your predominant yeah so I would say we should have more people whether they trail with their left or right hand and say okay when you’re eating a state has a poll thing now don’t they oh yeah hole which Andy used to J 00 we should they master because I women can use it to i dont give us your profile male circumcision pro female circumcision that’s right I don’t want them to feel any joy during sexual intercourse left right right ok so you don’t know how I was going to say you don’t know how people master yeah I once asked somebody else how they jerked off and was totally different than what I do know yet that’s true you sit up yes yeah that’s creating but I went to Richmond is we like you don’t know how door-to-door and has to be door-to-door so you like place paper towel or napkin on your stomach no I don’t but I do I do know people who do that too they do they lay on their back and they like stroke into like as it goes up onto their stomach I do like I’m laying on my side I feel like I do you look at porn yeah look at porn like your computer sideways sometimes but also I like feeling like the mattress in addition to me and I’m like rubbing against the mattress and my hand like dry humping the mattress like I mean like I’m laughing about equally sad you you’re at the edge of your bed sitting upright during a ten learning how to play with the cross actually sometimes feel like a sheaf of your right hand doing well you’re just giving the bird to the everything cool three fingers through and then as i separated from my forehead between tabs getting its making sure I’m getting off the exact but you always on a keyboard yeah well then it’s also sometimes likes searching for the tissues by the way I my mom should have turned off the pot cover shoot on around you did it do you ever feel a Pavlovian response and your labor right hand is resting on like a hot keyboard like do you feel like that’s the beginning of something like yet that is what I’m constantly feeling when I’m being my rod that that’s awesome this guy can almost put his finger up his but if you like that feeling ya Jane and putting his finger up his butt so I think that using basically means that she wants to finger your asked who like there’s a reason why you tease it’s because you’re not sure yeah I’ve teased plenty of assholes in my day I’ve you’re teasing a guy for being an absolute another good thing you can’t even as a teaser asshole so I think that she’s probably TV in your asshole because she’s intrigued by it she said yes you don’t have to say like I want you to put your finger there but I think you liked it more and more into it you like that feels good you can be like well you’re but towards the finger I think I basically what i’m saying is I think it’s going to happen naturally if this thing keeps on going you know it and if shes teasing if you just let out like an excited and always been like that sort of another positive reinforcement like that so if you were to touch my butt hole and you like like setting pigeon noise that’s what I do when I when I like something during an orgasm up up up up up up so I as its this is you climax and yeah wow you get laid a lot huh never would you say cheese the cheese she’s the DS she sees the tease sees the tease she’s the cheese yes she is the cheese and you can see the tease that’s really good and you can be the bee’s knees wow maybe you can least some tees like if you’re renting it solely studies these the cheese she is that he is really is pretty please with teens she’s the cheese i three times I didn’t realize I was under your running notepad cool so you can tell her that you like it where you feel my butthole there’s no just to make it clear the way you love me cuz you are a male and I am a female there is no other way to do it this great subject line for this next to you know it’s called dying turtle yeah I believe is the second question we’ve had about somebody worried about a pet turtle actually really yeah I thought it was going to be about dying Lisa turtles hair later on she had like this bleach bleached look local who reads no worries that’s right so what’s this person’s name theater in Portland the Hawthorne I’m a big fan of Portland we got two days in Portland right so Thursday and Friday you can come out you could party we made Facebook event page as for this so if you are coming join us on Facebook as well to let everybody know we’re in there were chatting we’re letting people know we’re havin fun it’s just a good time so I turned the other theater about something Hawthorne Hawthorne yeah hawthorne rights love your show and figured I’d ask you for some advice on this problem I’m having so my roommate has this painted turtle that her ex boyfriend bought for her as a gift he’s super cute anyway she’s been really sad lately because she and her ex went through a rough breakup I think this is affecting the health of her turtle because she’s been neglecting to clean and freedom it’s also getting very cold so I’m worried that the water temperature is too low for him I’ve been feeding him so that’s not the problem but the cleaning is the real issue 15 in the tank while she was at work and when she noticed she got upset with me because quote she wanted to clean her own pet I think it’s that it’s her turtle to take care of but I’m seriously worried that it’s going to die because of neglect when I say the water is green I mean dream that turtle almost disappears because of how grody this water is how do I help save this poor turtle without my roommate getting mad at me for it love turtle hawthorne this is really tough cuz like she’s doing a favor and then she’s getting yelled oh yeah I feel like she has to choose does she want to be nicer to it turtle or to her human but yeah that’s true and I would honestly choose turtle turtle killed the relationship the turtles done nothing to deserve this the friend is being a dick and not and one not being grateful when you’re cleaning the tank yeah and two she’s killing a turtle she’s killing a Turtles III I hate the idea of take care of it that’s my responsibility well you weren’t fucking but it’s not your turtle to kill it in my opinion it’s in my apartment and i dont what if it’s in her room if you take the turtle take the terminal and read it and then by a dead turtle somehow somewhere and you need to think the turtle was stolen by her vindictive ex elaborate and elaborate break in and save it turtles missing but really the terrible two upon and everything’s coach what about D shelling at Turtle separating it sliding the shell off of it would that be like undoing of velcro shoe or is it like more attached than that I don’t actually I you know that I’m reading Robinson Crusoe so we can go onto the overdue podcast are they had done podcast a literature had gone podcast where you have to like a book club right it’s taken me like two months to read 200 pages anyway but he eats a lot of turtles in the book and it’s really disturbing like turtles are such lovely creatures and maybe they’re assholes and they just get a good rap because they move slow so cute they just look like an old man I mean they’re not know animals like an asshole could be an acyl yeah of course like like like a part or to your right now by leopard I think snakes are assholes they just sort of sliver and occasionally kill people I mean like that’s as there are like they’re too dumb to be a hassle they’re just like these that exist in the wild they’re not like inherently be there just just snakes I think they’re just trying to survive and in so doing there and if you like are about to step on a snake all it knows how to do to defend itself is to buy you I need you take the Cobras a small animal I think it’s a wasp really they don’t do anything here honey was just staying people for no reason and they’re just like we don’t even want to do this sweet honey thing either yeah that’s fucked up work any fucking clue how an insect will make money honey that we eat right no of course not always even guess is it like the equivalent of semen the equivalent of a spider web I guess the equivalent of shit I would guess that it’s them it’s like puke that’s my guess like the beezy pollen whatever they like it up the honey how little we know is interested both old enough to know we could we could google about we just never have never will and if we did I would forget quickly and we just have so little idea about how to how this shit works yeah that’ll be like it’s called like shit you should know I there is there like books like that there I’m sure there are like by the way this is how like what if I like honey doesn’t matter if we’re gonna take it we need to learn something I feel like it should be another language or like I don’t want to do that you know is just like drowning you’re like oh wait I believe it pollinate flowers we can have been at the bit that’s a little but this lady I would say no turtle is worth more than your relationship and I would think your friend is shitty and she’s mistreating a total and you clean the tank as much as you damn well please and if she is going to be so offended that you’re doing that then maybe she’ll start cleaning the tank yeah you wanna do you want me not to be mad then clean the fucking take yourself it’s like when you when football players get mad at other players for celebrating like yeah you are you don’t wanna celebrate keep me out of the end zone that’s what she should say when she’s clearly you don’t have to clean the tank kicked me out of the end zone I’m sorry I only clean it when it’s dirty sorry sorry not sorry that came to the party cleaning my fucking terrible get out of my room diva alright let’s take a quick break a few more spawn sores and will be back we promise we’ll be back with more right after this thank you as well to lyst.com for sponsoring this episode that’s Lisa L E S a.com as well as well lisa lisa is revolutionising the way we purchase mattresses I do sincerely hate the mattress game it’s a weird game it’s almost like used cars you go to a CD warehouse you live like mattresses you don’t know the difference one cost $900 the other costs $400,000 I don’t know how do I know if it’s good or bad or if it’s softer not do I want harder firm what’s a Euro Top to lie down on them but you don’t get them for an entire night know if you like it matters so lisa says enough of all that why don’t we just make the best mattress of all time a tenant matches that comes in all sizes crafted with three unique foam layers including colleges of memory foam in a really cool latex foam called Avena thats perforated to keep you cool as the other side of the pillow and knowing that their their mattresses are so competitively priced they started just 525 and then we’ll ship it to you for free it’s a matter of getting it what do you do they like yeah we’re paying a shitload for delivery yes there’s a heavy these mattresses are compressed in a box and will come directly to your door so whether you’re in the mood in the market for a new bed / matches or you’re looking to upgrade your mattress game I am do yourself a favor and check out Lisa L E S a.com and if you go to lyst.com / if I were you you’ll get $75 off your first order that’s legit and plus yes plus its free shipping so the prices on the website will be more than what you’re actually charged with if you go once again to Lisa L E S a dot com slash if I were you check out the mattresses check out the product and then if you’re down once you get yourself a mattress with 75 $75 off the young people and when I was young I was buying $300 mattresses every year and a mattress and I would leave at my apartment when I left when I moved yeah don’t do that to yourself don’t be that person be a dude do that just Bala Bala out one-time get a dual matches then you’re good yeah come out and help us out new sponsor support the show thank you as well to unroll me which is an iOS app kind of like a mattress company because you can rest easy I love that I wake up and I have 11 to 14 emails that I was an easy way to unsubscribe 28 shit tryna spam all at the same time is using the unroll me iOS app you sign up and then they scan your inbox or 45 days and then they’ll show you all these emails and you swipe left to unsubscribe Swiper right to keep and swipe up to do the roll-up which means once a day they’ll send you a digest of all the rolled-up emails he received that day so you’re not getting 40 emails a day if it helps categorize and then remove the unwanted email and give you the ones that you sort of on the fence with as a daily digest out the good app and you can get it right now unroll dot me / app that’s unroll . me / up here at your desk you’re bored you on a clean up your email address and it works with Gmail Yahoo AOL iCloud outlook check it out enrolled at me / app to download thanks to unroll me they also sent his shirts so we got shirts too thanks for the shirts thanks for the add thanks for checking them out thanks for supporting our sponsors thanks for listening to our show thanks for being you and hey thanks for being me oh thank you I really appreciate you guys are you being me let’s get back to us again we are back back-to-back that’s right we’re back to back we their first recordings in our live shows in Muhlenberg and philadelphia and Brooklyn dude Muhlenberg was insane feel he was crazy shit New York was normal and New York was fine six people showed up and most of them were just sort of reading a brochure I think it was just raining that day in the end it was six tourists that I walked off stage in the middle and I just took a cat nap and then you you join me for the big finale but no one was there to see it but in actuality sources such ventures thanks to everybody who came out thanks to everybody who laughed and yelled and cheered and booed at us who waited in that long ass line to high five and photos servicing all over the internet twitterfacebook guys I can’t stress enough how much a month now chat right now I’m snapping up a storm like we were cross snapping actually all my staff serve you and all your also have me we have that in common share of me I only take self usually take Jake demand 85 yeah thats be LWO we’re into it we r for a hundred percent into it so check us out on this how you get the millennial did anything funny happen we went to a gay bar after a show in Philadelphia that was just the way we party is like the way gay people party like sometimes it’ll be like we look up in like after an hour like wait a minute renegade in will also Marty just danced in a circle around each other where we go as a gay dance party every party to a gated property and sometimes other people are there also a decade in 2000 after the Brooklyn show so nice like the old stomping ground this was our cheers only when I walked in nobody said my name or remember Joe remember my old pop shot records still standing very cool did anybody be 12 yet whether record the night you said it Asian twin agers getting a hundred and forty-six looking at me not knowing who the fuck I am by the way I looked up how bees make honey okay sure we start making honey which is there food by visiting flowers they eat honey that’s what they say that’s pretty interesting right off the bat make what they eat that basically like they make any news flash for us what they worked for me know that’s why we take it it’s like anything I think we pay them migrated wages minimum minimum wage next thing you’re gonna tell me that chickens don’t even lay eggs for humans doing it as part of their like reproductive process according to me all these animals have jobs to beat me these dark making honey which is there food by visiting hours they collect of sugary juice called nectar from the blossom by the real thing with their tongues they store it in what’s called there honey stomach from their food stomach when they have a full load they fly back to the house I know this is fake because have a honey stomach and it’s called a honey stomach its animated by eating sugary liquid from a flower and then what explain to me the comb there they pass it on to their mouths to other work that’s close to what I said which is throwing it up they passed on through their mouths to other worker bees who chew it for about half an hour its path for b2b into so when we were just snowballing bees that’s what you know is when you come into someone’s mouth and then a French kiss you so that’s what we do with honey and yeah I promise you that and then finally we eat it that’s the only way to be gradually turn to honey bees store it in honeycomb cells which are like tiny little jars made of wax the honey still a bit whether they found it with their wings to try it out and it becomes more sticky when it’s ready they steal the wax with a way to keep it clean what they do that they have a little pretty cool and what it said these were everywhere acts jar is is that like part of a coma that the comb see this is that other pockets they wanted to start which is two people get stoned learn about God we’re so much better idea we have to use props the cartel ok the rabbit hole good but the podcast if he ever quits to innovation if you would just he could be a producer on this other show going before this episode airs i dont know there’s a chance that we’re on 20 vision episode either already are coming this coming up Friday yeah check it out it was amazing to be in the tank called the tank yeah alright do you want to answer your question here we go this one is from a dude named Seattle Seattle we don’t know the name of the theater and information either Saturday December 5th correct that’s going to be a fun show a Saturday night in Seattle this is the first time we’re doing live podcast in any of these days that’s that’s just want to be there for our history but it would be nice to have you and don’t be like come to Tacoma from Seattle Seattle and Spokane yeah that’s like a four and a half hours if anybody from Seattle so I will personally let you watch Blumenthal jerk off wow yeah we should have spoken word poetry in Seattle so I’ma get right into it Seattle rate I’ve been dating my current girlfriend for two months recently she made a friend and a new guy at her school he likes her but she’s friendzoned him pretty hard they hang out at her place after school I know I have nothing to worry about I don’t want to sound cocky but fuckit there’s no better way to say it I’m physically much more adequate than him he’s a tad chubby and even though he’s taller than me by like two inches physically I’m just much more attractive he is funny though and i dont he is funny though and I don’t actually dislike him as a person I need advice on how to be less jealous and assume thanks for your time of Seattle that is tough usually we tell people to be less jealous relax your girlfriend could be on Twitter relax your girlfriend go to class relax your girlfriend could talk to other guys it’s not a big deal I think this guy should be more jealous very jealous this guy is is acting a little tool as a Faroese at edge this girl this girls getting your girls getting stolen do you know because I’m not necessarily tell me but I’ve been the less attractive funny guy and that’s the spot you wanna be in the slightly less attractive funny friend I just but I do I i agree with you that it’s a danger that that somebody is your girl is always like a little scary yeah but this guy is very jealous he’s not saying that he’s just acting cool about it i mean he knows that he’s to each of the other guys you know the height differential yeah he’s like I also think they’re just even saying like my girlfriend friendzoned pretty hard so don’t worry out after work that’s using did she friend vernon police damage he did well I shouldn’t say that I wanted to be more jealous but I should I should say like listen I think the ratings on the walls this guys moving in if your girlfriend like see more great it won’t affect you if your girlfriends not into you this is just the beginning of the real problem is that like no matter what is happening if you act jealous then that pushes her way yet you’re sort of fucked either way you can either not care and let it happen or you could care and it’ll happen faster so I think I would you in this bitch you age is cheat on your girlfriend now that way the guy exactly that way when she was like oh I fucked up I made out with this guy but yes so did I I also did it and he’s attached I don’t know what I would do I think I would I would just care less and less and less I think about it so impossible to not care that like a guy is constantly trying to be with your girl yeah but what do you do may I guess they are you can say that I know it sounds weird and I don’t want to be jealous and I don’t want to be the angry guy but it does kinda make me a little uncomfortable they are constantly hanging out with chubby funny mcgee right now that’s true I i i agree and then see how she acts she can either go to a ways you could be like the fuck are you talking about don’t be such a hassle leave me alone it’s not like that yeah I understand I probably shouldn’t i mean i dont wanna make you uncomfortable jealousies of very weird we’re like sometimes it’s too much and sometimes it’s not enough like there’s the total world where she’s going over to this guys house in like why don’t you care you should be jealous you should be angry protective and then there’s a world where it’s like I’m just hanging out with this guy why you being so overbearing so really you can’t say like I’m angry or you shouldn’t be doing this all you can never say as like I this makes me nervous and that’s what the real thing is that like you’re not mad you’re scared and you’re sad e there’s a song the Nick Jonas on jealous and I think it perfectly encapsulates what’s all all that’s wrong like this I dislike this song just musically because I don’t like it as a pop song but the lyrics are so bad like it really sets back it like makes it cool to be an asshole setback the movement at the movement of guys let me just read some of this these lines to you just cause I was listening on the comic god this is awful like I fucking hate you I can’t believe you’re writing a song about this being proud about this is me saying I don’t like the way he’s looking at you I’m starting to think you want him to am I crazy have I lost you even though I know you love me I can’t help it I turn my chin music up and I’m puffing my chest I’m getting a red in the face you can call me obsessed it’s not your fault that they hover and I mean no disrespect but it’s my right to be hellish jelas say he said this is just looking at a girl and what it causes him to do is pop his chest get red in the phase turns into the hall says and then he has a right to be literally hella jealous world in hell the worst thing that could be because somebody’s looking at her right well that’s in it yet that’s absurd but that’s what you don’t want to do right and that’s one end of the spectrum and the other is you doing nothing the things some things just a little something like but it’s not your right to be hellish know they read to be held and this goes back to the expectation things like you can’t say don’t hang out with him anymore yeah that’s a real bad move all you can say is this is what you’re doing you can keep on doing it for as long as you want but this is the way it makes me feel this is why I’m hot make me feel so much in the way that i will like this relationship anymore what are your thoughts on that sure and then she says or I think the weird thing is once you bring it up like does she fight to see some friend then you’re like oh that must mean you guys are friends yeah that it’s your right to be completely hellish next verse your stew sexy beautiful and everybody wants a taste that’s why I still get jealous I wish you didn’t have to post it out I wish you’d save a little bit for me productive or possessive yeah call it passive or aggressive it’s the opposite of passage it is protective and aggressive also like the prisoners he says it’s not your fault you’re pretty in the second verse he’s basically saying it’s your fault you’re pretty yea oh my god that I mean how did that past like Nick Jonas doesn’t write his own lyrics and I gotta put like their executives looked at that and yeah we like these lyrics they send a good message for the masses now it’ll be like you’re dating a hot girl somebody looks at her and you get angry possessive aggressive part of your chest and hellish what his girlfriend wow who’s he dating I don’t know Nick Jonas girlfriend mother teresa really actually it’s Olivia culpo I don’t know how many Twitter followers this year forget about it did so many really is a lot Olivia culpo this is like the opposite of how she is an American actress model has a million Instagram followers really and she won Miss USA 2012 representing her home state of I’ll give you three guesses I got an end of its kinetic you know ok then I Nebraska now you’re very close in connecticut really York Rhode Island Rhode Island there it is miss Rhode Island Miss USA oh wow she was also miss universe and she’s got a bad boy how could she go out with the guys like it’s his right to be jet hellish year ago Nick Jonas everybody looks at you I will be mad at you here we go it is your fault I wish you save the little just for me god dammit picture is the man dude I love that you went to one last question is do you want more study nicely is Vancouver and all I care about is shown in Coover is Sunday December 6 it is outselling every other show the theater is nearly 1,100 seeds and we’re getting close to selling it out right now we’re we’re big in America but we’re bigger in Canada for whatever reason to move dude just pulled it we sell out I think it’s fair to say well at the very least spends spring in British Columbia I’m gonna come to Canada more and more cuz all of our show is great at a certain point we’re just gonna have to be Canadians down yeah I would marry Canadian Canadian citizenship with another question we can solve on yet another podcast Vancouver rights I meant a prisoner’s dilemma of sorts so last year my university the last year my University biology class we were all given a brand spankin new iPad take notes with during the semester it was pretty ace because we actually got to drive mitochondria and shit on an iPad all’s fine and dandy until the final day of class we were supposed to return this piece of junk after we finish our final exam but I needed it for a few more days because I had my notes on it for another class so I kept it totally allowed I could just turn it in a few days later after I was done using it to study I email my professor asking how to give the iPad back but he never replied so I plead the fifth like a fucking hero this was 11 months ago the iPad is this iPad as good as mine Jake does your dad know anything about squatters rights or should I try to give the iPad back to the university or should I sell it and make a bad amount of cash up this little scheme hope to hear from you Vancouver this is yeah what do you do this is a moral grey area that separates assholes from nice leave the fifth like a fucking didn’t say anything Alexander Hamilton the silence in the court this is actually like this is what separates assholes from nice girls nice guys do the right thing even though they won’t get caught this little boys big boys in bed what is it it was a little boy do the right thing to tell them to big boys don’t follow the rules they don’t have two men do the right thing even when they’re not asked because they want to sure so which one are you you can I think he can get away with it and the question is who are you hurting maybe not necessarily anybody or maybe that’s maybe you’re hurting somebody in the class who is going to classes are going to get an iPad now maybe they are not going to use iPads in the future because one of the students stolen iPad said you know what nobody else gets to drive that’s gonna be like the guy that ruined it for everybody else but if it’s really just a private college they steal from you well i corporation the University of Michigan and coca-cola let me tell you what they are both budging and Ron now and I’m not gonna matriculate graduate or at the very least they shouldn’t you should not sell the iPad because they might hit you up at any moment and ask for it and you should have it ready I think selling is the worst cause then you’re literally profiting off its pretty old iPad why don’t you just give him I would give it back it’s the right thing to do yeah I mean it as their quote unquote right thing to do use their iPad to do you really need an iPad I got a phone isn’t that just as good as an iPad and a computer I don’t think you need an iPad well as the iPad do everything like the watch the phone on all the screens I one sometime soon to be slightly bigger than like that the success of the six plus it’s just a little smaller than the iPad sound like people that use Android know we have three of those four things but yeah don’t just give it back then you could be a nice guy but I think you know it’s still nice if I’m telling them to you and he does it because part of them wants to i think thats why he that’s why I emailed you need the guidance of stealing it he called himself a hero for not following up what’s the most illegal thing you’ve ever done drugs drugs you never like speeding right I don’t think I’ve ever stolen anything I’m not that I can remember I’ve never liked stolen anything right maybe like lying about hours only have cheated on tests I have definitely changed and like when I used to work hourly I could I would like to put an extra hour here they’re like I did something extra noise I know my manslaughter it was aggravated as I backed up and hit them again he said like many that I did serve my time but I think most illegal thing I’ve gotten away with her just most illegal thing away with maybe I want tour of persons book in half in an elementary school really did you we were we were visiting another class and like there was a book in the cubby underneath the desk and I was like ripping it I don’t know why I guess it’s a joke I don’t think it’s illegal by the way to ruin property I guess it’s like just like I’ve known as me after killing that go in I don’t know she did illegal the jury was at 12 a panel of twelve 12 year olds and they were just like I can see that they let me off scott free Scott Reed that’s another thing we can look up in another episode of the podcast much for listening to the show now and forever if you have your own questions your own theme song submissions everything can be sent to if I were you show @ gmail.com the opening theme song was written by our boy Nathan Nathan Nathan Nathan and this closing one is Jordan from New Zealand with a Jack Johnson cover for the win about time it’s a simple isn’t in the nervous Santa Barbara school becomes an apartment but don’t even worry about that guys get through the next week or a week or two and San Francisco December 2nd Portland December 4th Seattle December 5th December 6th and will be back next year with a whole new episode if you take away Jordan from New Zealand so