Episode 26: The Richest Man


In this episode we discuss periods, police and… Shakespeare?

This episode is brought to you by NatureBox! All natural food, delivered to you for free. Check out NatureBox.com and use coupon code “ifiwereyou” for 50% off your first box! 

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funny at or weird

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wanted it to be funny or weird what do

you think you want it to be

I think you wanted to be sincere and
good it through open and offering if I


is it but that’s the definition of
comedy I think I

with on YouTube its called sees the
cheese if I R you Jake and Amir themes

they are 30 yet just mere just a year

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I but song is there an idea of

home hand I don’t know we record

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stained with the

stay inside %ah um on the

yeah outside a I’m lookin did

your eyes ever calyx that sorta like
Creed song to you are in cuba

it’s so much better lol

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and all you is

to what song is that think you’ve met
you love

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in the whatever Creed

create I thirtieth is with those kinda
like Scott

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myself I we should say that this is the
best episodes ever is gonna play

questions that we’ve already heard

or I do the wheel every day that I thank
God I hope

I hope we hate we hate our fans that
much that will do that no the

they do that on car talk sometimes
slightly a lets those take a look at

this one this one is our favorite with

yet easily they hosted I will the one
that I heard was like

um on Mother’s Day and their mother had
passed away

unlike the she had like called him a
couple times over the lake the

desire a hell that’s still cheating they
should have done all you have to say

good today F looks like a hot knife
least favorite Simpsons episodes where

this clip shows oh my god I remember
that I was the worst I think they did

wanna season

which is what every 24 episodes in this
episode 24 that route so this should be

a clip show and now will be yeah

remember this guy who found a bird in a
box I still want to do that thing where


um call people who have taken our advice

right and see how it goes though if you
if you’d like to

if you followed our advice if you wrote
in got on the show and followed our


email us again and like I I would love

we want to talk to you on the podcast
and find out how it went what happened

and then like update everybody i think
is really fun yeah we’ve answered

probably over a hundred questions by now

yet another thing they did on Car Talk
That at this show I want to be exact

yeah I talk on npr

if they like all somebody at me I go
yeah we told you your carburetor was

messed up and you take it to the shop
for what happened I get wasn’t that like

out now

I only a diversion to gary told you not
to get tested for herpes and you how to

take that protected hey whatever
happened to that

I side now this is the this is Rob’s mom
is deadmau

for loops rainer air and where

where is suing you alright you take up

hang up because than one category love
are at a

next question the I that is not good

down three it all accounts in a glove
lot of

a this is if I real the only advice
broadcast on the internet posted by us

I’m Jake

and I’m a mere and the a year %ah

I now I know you know right we

I’m at a loss I really am know now have
to do the podcast

really am a stumped Philly

yeah I I know we skipped out this entire
episode before hand and a

right eyesore for got do not have the
script what my line is at this point

your your idiot that I at what my line
is at this point you reading right okay

the area

yeah i hack %uh so anyway the way the
podcast works is that we accept your

emails love people who are in a little
desperate times are desperate places and

they resort to desperate measures AK
emailing i three measures and I

desperate face

I perjury that’s another neighbor’s
podcast is desperate measures see as


getting desperate measures dot com is
taken desperate Leisure’s

I you its vacations that let you really
desperately need Yahoo

word desperate pleasures that’s
definitely a porn site right yeah


desperate pleasures dot com I guess like
anybody going to appoint study is that

it does however lies ahead I

otherwise you only go no points a yeah
us these people email us in with a wry

you know sticky situations as well as we
call them and

we do our best to advise them a out of
there terrible places

and %uh that email is if I were you show
at gmail dot com

which I read not we do read every single
one and which I do %uh filter down the

ones that we love the most and want to
answer the most on this podcast and

that’s usually 45 per episode

so let’s get started alright a we’re
gonna give you

a give you guys a fake name to go along
with your real email so don’t worry

nobody will know that it’s you for
example this one comes from someone that

all call

macbeth macbeth what do you think the
theme of today’s %uh visit is

down mmm miss some Disney ship I

appear I haven’t seen Hercules are does

or a movie line in a minute yeah I know
if you’re ever is the last show was like

Disney Animation I saw with The
Hunchback of Notre Dom I

and that I was a little too gay to keep
going I bet ended up being a dude on


I whom I hey guys

I’m from England and I’m see easy a

I clear my throat away from the
microphone yeah but it picked up

actually yeah loaded yeah

if anything is the bigger eruption what
you’re doing right now a few

hey guys I’m from England and I’m kinda
rich and went to a private school

I’m about to start University and I have
a really socialized with many poor

people before and I’m worried I’ll be

will people expect me to buy the drinks
and stuff like that

please help a brother out cheers macbeth
it tho

you how rich is this guy that he doesn’t
know how to act around 2 percent

whose I don’t know I’m worried that I
will be able to act around a

a normal or something I up or

I this does sound like a Disney cartoon
like I consider everyone a peasant

speak to me I am a prince in there a
popper and I don’t know if I speak their


other freight altered my nose up in
throat change its over these people on


for fear that I’ll mistake them for a
homeless popper

I love throwaway a dub Luna them %uh

also he said kinda bridge but it sounds
like he’s the richest person in the


much like macbeth wasn’t done macbeth no

and I he had a bit of a tragic down me

idoney I I don’t know if not better that
clear edge I have enough Macbeth is from


was the king of something else I mean I
can remember now

damnit I shoulda looked it up so I can
to appear as though I knew it all on its


it appears mark are you okay

excuse me I my phone just went off

I how is that fair you take cleared his

it was a a bit of a distraction at night
my phone’s going off in its border line

ruined the show

it’s rebooted my phone I think my phone
has never gone off during a podcast

a recording but I think wait a minute I
am received a phone call in probably

three weeks you got a phone call

yeah I got a phone call who was a from a
my friend Josh

huh yeah further says shit

tho damn it I think I have to call of

yeah I have a threesome Josh in a in a
guy de beers Josh

well know a possible I that’s as we
listen to the voicemail

I alright so but this guy

another funny life in this guy’s emails
that he’s worried he’ll be awkward

but I when you’re worried about this
being a possibility you probably will be

very awkward

yeah I do I can imagine how rich he

is or looks that he thinks is get like
are you walking around all that

are you like wearing a a Kings Row
democrat I

it’s gonna be fine if King of Denmark
that’s for Macbeth is from

is that you yeah alright cool let people
know I didn’t look that up

especially if i’m wrong. Yahoo everyone
have a look it up now

yeah I go our beer I didn’t like about

we were dead rocketed to the top Google
result and that everything else below it


it so the different well here’s a
question if he is rich

no more noticeably rich any does buy
people drinks tea thing that’s a good

thing or a bad thing

you want to blend in and not like a come
off as the rich dude

yeah I mean with who cares 1.college
everyone’s poor

great that’s what you think or
everyone’s like at least a little well

of course there at a college in college
is expensive

yeah or at the very least their parents
give them enough money to survive so

you’re a college

everyone’s parents are rich in every
student’s poor right

I know although there are a bunch of %uh
students that don’t get any money from

their parents

right now I’m sitting there is i mean
there’s a huge

a variation some people are rich in
sobibor poor just like the real world

you have to call you it sorta prepares
you for that

yeah I’d I mean I dunno just don’t shake
their hands you know on any other

poverty-stricken diseases the creep up
on you know that they have

I’d can’t imagine how stilted this guy’s
life issues like I

I’m very worried about poor people I
these Richie Rich

yeah are you receive a rich or are you
poor report

I hope you lose all your money in
college and then in the said Scrooge


I I need them space in my dorm for my
giant to

for my giant gold coin collector my
chest have coins I have a

I have the so at home I have a diving
board where I dive into coins

I do I do I get that a college is that
the gym

how will I know if people if my roommate
will bring the coin Chester if I should

yeah I’d like to do backstroke through
our bathroom I billion dollars in


yeah but I’m afraid I might come off
weird to the pores that’s a really good

like a weird cartoon we’re screwed
McDuck just

would swim in his money yeah it’s a very
likable yours was making a character


rate but he was very likable scrooge let

well maybe I think for an aldrich bad
idea to is he was

a tough on the outside but a is a good
guy the dow

yeah I really was he still slammed
through golden front uva

many many poor people the

you’re not allowed to have just like a
huge the

save up gold and also I every episode

DuckTales %ah I scrooge

the screws got his money stolen I to put
a guide them bank screwed

know I really likes women and I know it
would have been the cause that have a

can make a good point accuse the

riley’s you travel accordingly the pool

I really want to be able to divert
divert call you can dive into cause that

image with its a very much new york new

yeah make it 6-3 as your financial
advisor I have I’ll a few %ah

I appreciate your saying thank you and i
really think they are right but half

what I do wanna do it be able to do a
high dive you all of my choice

yeah how about we give you pills now

Gold Cards yeah the bills but actually
feel nicer their lease of doing got into


breaks his neck of I if as a college

away braces that kind the kind yeah
that’s right alright so in conclusion

a treat them as you would a normal uuuu

you bomb yet Jesus you bomb

their poor love money be your poor uva

I for a part if he has a point sometimes
like when you sometimes

people love like you people with out
money tree rich people differently

fuck off man don’t no they don’t

actually I’m really offended they even
bring that up

as a millionaire myself I A I I don’t
appreciate reagent for

in fact I’ll give you a thousand dollars
right now to shut your mouth I

he threw money at the the year here take

tapered cut you buy take fifth ask

is making it rain you

and a already ru

next question yet delivery thrown cleans
up in the air into making hail

%ah do you need to get back on Twitter
man that’s legit 50 RT 50 favor you shit

right there you really did you mean that

gonna make it Hill quote attribute the
quote to a guy throwing coins at a strip


I’ll give it to you not I really wanna
youths with I don’t do 50 RT’s alright

I triple-digit mother fucker its own
money again

I do alright alright alright alright

Hannah ladies yeah a lady’s

this question comes from someone that’s
what’s cooler than being cool

mom ice-cold yes called our next

%uh here it is it’s from will call her
at Lady Macbeth

you still any ideas about the theme of
today’s Karisma

to knows not from is a from brave I get

dickens’ shit I haven’t read that since
high school I lady macbeth rights

basically I’m having a hard time with
time management in life balance

I work a full time job all day and
studying to become a professional

engineer in the evenings and try to
maintain a relationship with my


and keep up with my hobby as a rock
climber work hours are getting longer

which means my time to study is getting

and with all the stress I’ve been
fighting with my boyfriend who is being

generally on supportive and helpful

and have had less time to climb which is
my stress outlet

my question is how do i do me while
continuing to you

sees the cheese is in that everybody’s
life question

yeah how do i do me while continuing to
seize the G’s

the trick is my the trick is seizing the
cheese becoming your job

yeah right now she’s China sees the
cheese on the side

right said that a seasoned she’s

full-time yeah every day I if you wake
up every morning and you think if your

job is seizing the GF

if you aren’t like I gotta go to work
out a deal with my boyfriend then I’m

gonna see the cheese

there’s not enough time to actually have
the cheese BC’s as you in 20 years

I become a division of city gets after I
die nobody know that the book up to this

has been a retirement home city alone in
a wheelchair

but in two years I yelling at I’ll get a
medal oz bottle

I padded walls and a straitjacket

the trick to see you then chase the cage
eggs okaz shot

no no booth

think the then if

I like it’s going to be has tagged L I Q
value heavy shit be taking carefree like

that you know is a pimp you have been to
eighty at me

um bet I’m a beast in that regard to i
think thats give you any pets racetrack

up seizing the G how do you become a
beast in that regard if

a great crises in with cheese well this
is how I view her I got the question

yeah she’s a

she has work she as a school she has a
boyfriend was generally and supportive

and she has a stress leave which is rock
climbing right

Sachin at times a pie chart yet a big
chunk of it is a

school a big chunk of his work a big
chunk of it is her boyfriend which is

unsupportive a novel and then a big to a
small smaller chunk is the rock climbing

rights sounds like the one you got want
to get rid of is the one that’s a

generally unsupported I yeah

like that the easier one life by the US
to reread the email

and see it tries it as clearly as we do
you know what what else could we

possibly tell you to stop a

work you have to do because that gives
you money yes study to become an

engineer okay that’s good you know
you’re working toward his

do a job where you’ll see is the cheese
every single day that’s right and that’s

what we’re left with two things one
which was that you described as a stress


right and one which you described as
generally unsupported been unhelpful

rights hella as a as a mountain never
been unsupportive ur unhelpful

when you send it now yeah you know what
you spend that shit

I dude so at Yahoo

can you imagine for like give up
climbing yeah he we want your life to be

a perpetual cycle love %uh schoolwork

on supportive and helpful at night and I

you just repeat what it is really hard
all day yes stress out all day

um and then you can go home and sorta
feel like you’re

un taken care of I it so shake that body
love 2-liter soda all day and then when

you come home is that a squeeze in the
capital been

just I have your boyfriend shake it up
some or go to bed at night even more

stressed out and then %uh begin that
process over and over until you die

yeah rock climbing stuff don’t do that
Yahoo want to stress relief

even when you can have a stress period

period yeah to money show the public

she should have ur schreier yeahh

had a chick we appreciate we appreciate
the you think your boyfriends and

supportive and helpful but our

have you checked the monthly calendar
and maybe it’s that time of the month

for you

odds are you’re I’m not on the man
you’re on the rag

I three-time I’ve ever been accused of
being a jerk

I swear to God I think that chick letter
P readers subs shit

if not her period unlike the days before
it is like a lot a bit like manifest so

there’s like a 10-day

on every every for weeks there’s two
weeks where my chick is just like

Ragonese yeah he’s dragging a yellow

see really it’s just PMS ing in Xi’an
should mean it like not in the moment

you like stop bringing it up don’t see
that as a sometimes all you like being a

dick and yeah

my girlfriend called me out on a limb
like or your p.m. essentially nah nah

nah my peers we are probably thinking
about some time like

all my periods coming up so many did a
shit mood

even that nothing good idea that happens

and then I’ll pair some cash I’ll never
forget like your

leg up purse or some shit French in l.a
no fucking get over in a god damn hard

yo girls love Gucci girl floats in El

girls love vehicles world and I I

it goes love then die in bed I am Prada

you gotta understand and if they don’t
love that see if a girl doesn’t like a

Prada purse then she’s on the rag

I if a girl doesn’t like I was brought
up for a year ago a Prada purse as they

here’s your tampon all their baby

we have to stop I feel like it anybody
started listening I’m in love that

and didn’t realize that we’re being a a
asl a brief is that girl

I feel you could show that for the
podcast you like some

some like asshole dudes we just love
that they do it yes the

liked every Tucker Max pan well that’s
our way of appealing to everyone

oh yeah yeah we like act as ways people
so they don’t realize they’re make the

final and they love in there were also

appealing to people who don’t like those
people or everyone hates us because

people who don’t like those who feel
like these guys think they’re being

funny but that’s actually a sexist bit

and had people who are who are actually
sexes are these guys are making fun of


next thing you know I’ll we have no
listeners I

you holy shit I would consider

%uh 30 way lol where we by get ready
your boyfriend

Yap delayed you’ll need to rock climb as
much because you won’t be as stressed


you’ll give more time than you need or
you off the way about like maintaining a

relationship you’ll just be climbing

you love climbing I love crimea p.m.
done and so on

I note that broke my god damn foot and
how does it feel now

um to be perfectly honest it still hurts
so i havent

I’ve been running or climbing with two
things I like to do um

but I also hated being on crutches and
that eye-rolling scooter so much that

I’m afraid to go back to the doctor

you’d rather live the rest the real life
like this than to spend six more weeks

on a roll in skater

I rather just wait until it gets a
little more unbearable

and go see the doctor and ask if
something’s wrong which is what I did

originally when I broke my foot I waited
for late February March

april-may um I waited for 3-4 months to
go get x-rayed

and you you’re locking Ana broke in Cal
King is he’ll burn

yeah I had a Cal katie is fractured I

and I was just walking on it I basically
got it to heal as much as it ever

possibly would

a without a surgery are with know
without a doubt just let you know

getting off a completely and then a and
I then as I go

it still hurts I don’t know what to do
when to the doctors like it’s fro

it’s a it’s broken tracks I a hollow

anyway what use this wheelchair for the
next six weeks when you’re dealing with

a knife

cock go meanwhile you’re just spent
three months at home anyway doing

nothing yet they could really lock but I
would just like to rival whatever fuck


I sucked while ago well to let’s get one
last question before our break

and if

this one comes from mcduff 0 simpson

nah meet deaf man says a lot of things

what the fuck I came back from a
two-month holiday in New Zealand to find

a dead allele carcass in the

in my bedroom floor I’ve still not
attempted to move it it has created a

pungent stench that out my that

this hmm the OTT my house I guess he
means throughout my house

my friends think I should get a
taxidermy to display my living room is

it morally right to stuff a dead animal

thanks guys definitely hygienically
wrong to leave one on your floor

I guess from Scotland which is now that
I think about it maybe where Macbeth is

actually from I’ll

or mcduff I know the something
thematically relevant

either way it’s not it’s not it’s not
morally wrong to stuff you only it’s

morally wrong to stop anything other
than a dead animal

right that animals the only thing that I
to Marley stuff its

and and checks could I yeah just lookin
like a friggin

cheek edit like over my mantle that’s
not what I meant

what you mean if it nevermind

come I is immoral era is that a thing
that a

people who are really into animal rights
are against I just let the animals dead

I can imagine it being a product like
your if you’re a deadly animal

like herding animals whatever it’s like
you read people hunt animals and then

have them stopped amounted to the
product gets like that whole thing

yeah but if you if a deaf now Guy’s
Hospital causes if you if you come

across the dead all

I can’t imagine anyone has a problem
with like slicing the back to its rib

cage open peeling it open like a book
and then putting in some sort of gos

into it its it’s a torso is so stuffed
full that cotton

that it’s a it’s plastered in that

petrified at state the the taxidermy

guy must be ache a taxidermist
taxidermist others

yeah that you know that must be a really
a hard job

cuz like it some I’m as it smells that

I imagine it’s kinda disgusting and then
all see up to like

be sure to seal up everything just to
makes like the animal never smells bad

year the hard I’ve at every job except
for ours is hard

right yeah like any real John knows how
is it to be like a toll booth operator

never done yet you what you’re dealing
with is the on we have being so bored

on a day-to-day basis that you can
imagine where one day ends and another

begins a

so monotonous that the your life a
professional golfer that’s easy

%uh it for the post ie IP down to do

if the bike as shit ever falls through I

I V doubt that retired from question one
is listening is that what the job

what the Gulf that I only played polo
and cash

I Huntsman I at the most dangerous game
of our

I it yeah I V I think you can stuff it
be kinda cool at least get it outta your

room you fucking weirdo

I just love that he there is a dead
allele carcass got how did that happen

yeah and yalls wanna go inside to die

it’s beautiful yeah spend all our lives
inside and I’m

think I’d love to be outside when I die
and else just like I want to be.

I want to be close to something exactly
hell for us here

time I got there if I’d like to feel

want them said and I’d like to be like
to be safe

I’m her I’m laying down their guard I’m
nocturnal I can sleep at night

yeah an eye to eye to it I would rather
die in disguise bedroom then I live

outside his internship

said ama I’ll all alone now after I’m
always asking me a

myself a Who Am I said who who ever I

if who I cool I love

who’s in love me who who who who let the
dogs out who who who

who who huh who’d

a yeah returned so quickly there the

yeah I decided to Baja man is in that

Anne the best I could turn on a dime but
I can’t get one

I could turn on the dime and I can never
look back

you know that’s why I’m fuckin psycho

you I’m liable to go psycho yeah

I’ll Michael take a pic okay

break time me a stretch it out

when the stretch it at yes he did tell
buddy appears a

pantless bent over if testing is so I
really was a weird thing this

I doing nude calisthenics

its threat to get out we talk about how
I do every podcast in the complete buff

yeah complete but Casimir the we have to
understand that the drapes

all it is close around Department
society think I just about died

it so I have nothing really to where the
slack every day’s my laundry day

I I wanted to talk during the break
about how

you got pulled over twice in a span of

a 24 hours yeah it was a this weekend
was the Woodstock Opera Festival this

past weekend

a college you’re at a show there %ah
Josh Rubin

a like I i mean he is he helps

put it on its home town yeah so and what
studies greats like this very cute small


yeah i think is awesome hippie town like
a lot of people went there in 1969 for


festival and never left yet and I still
talk about it

yet school I’m but it’s really funky it
in the Catskills beautiful town

um and you almost got arrested twice yet
will three times actually

if you consider the first day where the
cops trailed the back in your truck in

ever pulled you over

right so I guess let’s start there um

I drove my truck up yeah first day day

were taking like joy rides around the
back roads um cuz it’s just it’s

beautiful perfect day is blasting music

and like there are four people in the
back to my truck

on which is in safe know if the legal
you can test

if click it or ticket you know you gotta
have seat belts so we went to this

amazing reservoir

came back were we had like we had like a
two-mile stretch answer to this main

route where the speed limit was 55 so I
like doing 55 with people in the back of

my truck

got back to checking in like the bed a
bit better yet just

people not allowed to be there cops are
trailing me I cow

getting pulled over guy this is your cuz
you’re the back of the truck you like to


have to pull over at like his lights are
not I don’t know I don’t know what to do


so I just kept on going exactly fifty by
the exact speed limit

took a left of the route and he just
kept on going I

how uses taunting and teasing how my
that lucky

but the house is the the pre log to a
was gonna happen later that night right


a so than that and I maybe they give us
the power to try it again right I just

felt so brazen

felt like no one could touch me
particular invincible so

the next night we have them know that
night that my idea that night

after the show we’ve been I am we
celebrated there is like a VIP after

party s is the after party

your I fuck me there’s an after party

um for very important people for for me

I that is after body for like I do every
one is that the show

and I we got some champagne there was

you know socializing hanging out there
were like planning on going to a bar

I like a local dive bar that videos from
the town over and is taking us at

taking as their I had you in my truck
Shah bacha much %uh

psn name dropping I but those people
were breaking the law

and then there are two people who will
remain remain name was but one of them

is rosy

whole column Macbeth and Lady Macbeth I

from in the back of the in the back in
the bed of the truck again

us they were driving there going down
his back streets

II within two minutes sirens

I got get pulled over like I’ll fuck
could I also like

just I a glass champagne yes first drive

under any any circumstances like that
yet so I mean um

so anyway the cop comes up is like
what’s going on like to people it’s in

the back of a truck but you know they’re
not allowed to be there right

like I know yeahh %uh you know I pulled
you over

left but there’s a million reasons I
I’ll which one do you want

I so the car had a bus

out the videos I V comes back to get the
two people are the better the track

and they didn’t get tickets they can get
tickets I mean I’m gonna get their


up us so right mean if they get a cat
and I if they if whatever

so then yes me if I’d been drinking told
him I like my license plate light is out

yeah as if I was drinking I was like
yeah we had a glass of champagne but I’m

good to drive

eyes were gathered around mona is there
you’ve been drinkin yeah

get outta that is I get out at the track
got out

take a field sobriety test by this point
to other cock

this is the second time this year that
did it like a dude fucking trouble with

the police

Iceland think I it’s only when you leave
New York the you get it right by


three cop cars three us all giddy be

I’m getting a sobriety test your god
damn audience cuz the other cars still

there yet another

they just left I V in my car in the car

make sort of freaking out the things you
may get arrested for like driving while

intoxicated and I just laughing taking

you know he’s so it takes is I

so I take a sobriety test have a touch
tip up and follow the pen with my eyes

that movie my head I had to stand on one

and count to you a I just count 1 misses

or 11 thousand to one thousand Intelli
told me to stop

I I heard that because he they would
back window is open so I look

I look at that and you just like adding
to twenty like wow really is like they

do in the movies

yeah and then I’d walk the straight line
9 paces picture nine-page back

and Adam I mean I’m not trying to brag
but I nailed it yeah

I really but in really nailed it you
like stood on one

I I’m going to try to do that right now
if we had a twenty one thousandth

on one leg yet and I and then

but at the end he made me blow into the

which is what you call nese for right
like his dick yet I

oh wait to I mean I can’t

I can’t fake that rash and now to get
off you have to blow my two

I um tell you what you want me to blow
into the you blow the breathalyzer you

SR sir it’s very clear your ass week
after I okay okay see I like that

put me on my knees officer it I

to arrest me sir are you a leader in the
back in a cup car

okay you get into surly role play this
road ok

there’s a god damn great here I

I just thought you’d take that you can
arrest me

you gonna make it really hard on me what
about you your male prostitute I think

figure review I from this guy’s drunker
than I’ve ever been

drunk with power fight the power you by

but us so then I blew into the to you

and it came back that I had had subframe
drink which was I was honest about

um but he so is like go back into that

into the track %uh at and then at some
point I me out like the whole time I

don’t like

friendly a little bit jokey
self-deprecating I was stupid for like

you know doing everything I had been
doing right and I was like they knew

that we were in town for the festival

so he comes back and he’s like so um

I should be giving you all kinda tickets
like after cartels but I’m

my partner here likes you so I get outta

reflect what the row tickets nothing

untouched as that had been the partners
say so you guys do for college humor

yeah I did and I houses like this is

we spin around go back to meet everybody
in a parking lot blasting jay-z’s 99

problems I just felt like

we really took advantage of that yeah I
thank you so much officer Jones at the

Woodstock believe how many units of

I Jake was hammered and you just let
other as promised here’s a shout out on

the podcast

for your son I you

so so we got off everybody is just like

how does that happen to you Lakers and
every was it everyone’s like

kinda happy that they not to do it like
Bailey had a jail but every was also a

little bit mad because like

you got you get away with everything
don’t you he shouldn’t have done that

this is just coming up the hills have
your STD exam being clean yes sir

at so then I was like making jokes all
the next day like job at she doesn’t

happen to me like I’d be nervous but I i
dont I

um I like to everything works out for me
southeastern that a guide

I us embrace texted me it was like a

his um as a wife Elaine texted him and

nothing bad happens to Jake Hurwitz is a
good name for a Nickelodeon show

I and my novel

yet because the next night we got in
trouble with the police

yet again Yap we are trespassing

up blasting music unabridged on a bridge
on a reservoir

having a dance party yet um me to me
right to friends just

pulled over unabridged trespassing
blasting sensory a

I there was the thought they pulled over
like four 16-year-olds

I a alright you the little kids crowd

diseases you guys are 30 I um I think I
feel bad for you

you’re already in some kind of jail here
I it’s so emotional prison

you guys aren’t sixteen-year a you’re
old enough to have 16-year-old diseases


tell you what we’re gonna let you go but
if you want to you can jump off the


a few also if you’re looking for a job
for a career can I is that is joining

the force

thirty-five people people are you don’t
give-and-take its Yahoo so divide do you

do to society and that seems like you
guys are on

just sucking of the two different
sources I’m not really doing anything

with their lives so they did run

there they took everybody’s license
there there and all other licenses they

told us we were allowed to trust us they
added me yet another sobriety test

I and dad then they came back to the

and they’re like hears that what this is
is a written warning

a notice of warning on and it means
nothing me there’s no record of it so

what you can do with this piece the
papers have it framed

or literally shove it up your ass it is
as the right now

more meaningless than the actual paper
it’s printed I just told us not to come

back in trust us that night so we drove
a hundred yards up

for the UAE left yet again blasting 99

I that’d be funny if you dislike drove
right into a wall

do that right off the bridge I goodnight

we’ll see how smart you are when the K
night ’cause I got 99 problems but we’re

not go


a and then as up as a postscript to that
whole story is true you got three

tickets from the Woodstock police the
very next day for not doing anything

wrong yeah

is it waiting at a McDonald’s you like
there was waiting at a on a curb

at a big dollars to pick up friends who
had all performed at the Woodside Coby

show for free to raise money for

like charity and straighter got three

I did nothing wrong nothing bad ever
happens the Jake Hurwitz

and everything bad happens to Streeters
than I

those are the two shows that are on Nick
at Nite I

alright good story Yap to try to squeeze
one more question and the more I love

the story here though is to not drive
drunk and don’t break the law

not a you have to understand only I get
away with that yeah unless you Jake

like don’t pull that shit right but you
are we should say that you aren’t very

drunk you had one drink over the course
is many hours right right I don’t you

passed you passed

to sobriety tests yet you don’t drive

kids and if you’re gonna drive drunk be
me yeah

I actually I’d like the test at night
there tonight I’m gonna have a

pick it up the two glasses of champagne
says there we go

I I real quick last question right yet
let’s do it

he don’t come crying to all whole

o.f so I was clear my throat Hirlap

good answer you

let’s do it see its fifth man

yep I’m not gonna be able to use that
you peak

to them cut that that up

eighty dudes love the show so away this
one comes from a

William Shakespeare I the man himself

all the shit the author herself the
creator all right now I know for a fact

that spoke on tits I

cell I’ve been going to this restaurant
bar called twin peaks

it’s very similar to Hooters but the
girls were even skimpy outfits

I’ve noticed that there are some guys
who have multiple waitresses that always

come up to them and sit next to them and
talk and flirt with that

I really want to have the same kind of
interaction these waitresses it’s like

these guys are really good looking I
think so not really sure why these girls

seem to flock to these guys

at first I soon it may be that the guy
was a friend of one of the waitresses

but it’s not like they always go to the
same guy either

I’m not looking to hook up with them
since I’m in a serious relationship

I just want some harmless flirting I’m
kinda shy and the drinks don’t seem to

be given me much liquid courage what
should I do

3/5 those that yeah

um so it’s got this guy is %uh

12 beers deep writing this question from
his phone in the bathroom have twin


Twin Peaks how are the outfits skimpier
than Hooters Hooters is like as close as

you can get before calling it a strip
bar leeway

this probably just is a strip bar so
yeah others are even skimpier than

Hooters if you can imagine

a bill bill over the spread your ass
cheeks in front of me

no pickup away with their Vijay if you
can imagine so no we’re along the lines

that this guy think that like

maybe these dudes tip the waitress is
and maybe the waitresses

at Twin Peaks are flirting with people
in skimpy outfit sitting on laps

to get tips by the way these guys this
guy’s describing what would be my

biggest nightmare which is going to
Hooters and have a waitress flirting

with me like that what I would hate that
so much

I want to be this guy I want to be the
stripper repellent

out ira we I met me talked about the
story on the podcast

but I went to a strip club for the first
time and

Jeffrey but had never been to a strip
club a a i think is okay with me telling

the story because he did nothing wrong
in this

ever I was there with Jeff Rubin and Pat
and that

they like yeah if they had like they
felt uncomfortable the strip club that

was like not their

whole celine and i’ve just like I’m fine

there and I some lady came over

has used the strippers this is what
happens she was just like

nice nonlinear laps and both of them
just pointed to Mickey

I yep

you so well what does this look in this
guide you to be the guy that people

point as be confident just

I mean like you don’t have I don’t know

I think you have to just to go there a
lot and start typing them

and then they’re going to eventually
realize oh this guy tips well we’re

gonna go be friends with him so they
don’t have it real for yeah it’s it


but you don’t have to have a lot to tell
you need to be registered to be like

a little bit generous with your typical
yeah because this is 20x after all this

is in Hooters

right this isn’t a classy joint my
hooters yeah

this is a I I is viewed as the other
before you and Joe

a video Hooters once the San Diego have
we’ve been to a strip club before the

other eight

yeah tight but it’s not like they were

bumping and grinding on me rival you
wouldn’t pay someone for a lap dance yet

no I would not

right I lost she’s from

I’ve lost a actually should there’s a
funny story at Spearmint Rhino in Vegas

out how to cut off my thumb hurts

couple by because I was like I paid two
thousand dollars for a lap dance and %ah

I did pony up the cash afterwards her my
card was declined

yes but I had %uh set up the chairs just
so so they couldn’t

barge into the room until I was done
yeah it’s a little lame and I said

yet good luck getting money outta me I A
I ain’t got it

I in God and I am gonna have it use it
and I rather

this is why I had a giant just a name I
G and I like a yellow

I already got off so I’m out and they’re
just like out

8 North what is and then it just like

for my thumb on a coffee table I think
what the fuck you doing here

what the fuck is this with its and its

chop the right of put it in a bag AMISOM

meet any which way the hospital was and
I was like really it’s like that

you’re gonna call me an interview with
demo phones dead

but both looking dead and then I like
painted on the way to the hospital

it turns out that dancer CL bad for me
she followed me out there to see you

guys go make it she saw that I wasn’t

she called nine whether you are going to
make it yes you know I’m gonna make it

she called 911 from her phone I got the
thought that the

surgically reattached yellow it down

it and I’ll recap yet that I got a free
lap dance

that’s where the two you you could argue
is Thurman surgically reattached

overlap dash I got the health insurance
thank you I A C

I nothing bad ever happens DJ cerla

I but if it does it all works out %uh

that’s our time at that time a

we are going to be at comic-con

it israel’s officially announce low yeah
New York City Comicon

it’s time to promote it never gonna if
you’re going to be at New York City

Comicon come to our

we’re going to a live podcast taping I
should say with Pete Holmes yeah so if

you even if you hate us

any within two hour 45 minutes apart
Thats right now

come for Pete Holmes you gonna be
awesome yet we’re pumped we’re hoping to

i get as many fans as we can. over there
so I check it out at

the if specific information will be on
the New York City Comicon website

and will I will post it on Facebook when
we know more and a few that can come to

that because you know I go to Comicon
you can come to our

other live podcast taping which is going
to be %uh november 6 at Littlefield in


yes there are still some tickets still
available for that damn right

%uh thank you so much for listening to
this whole weird

show that we just did and if you want to
be a part of it and some

sick fashion you can email us to add a
if I were you show at gmail dot com

yes and I’ll keep on %uh submitting
thieves on steer oh yes that first one

was from a some guy whose name I don’t
even remember

the 2i trends in Delhi opulence how did
we forget

hot YouTube username overdrive never
lassie I’ll never forget is now it’s

asia’s as you to live with every time

here overdrive is classy yes it but we
can forget his voice EAC

good just in the area Justin yeah

and this last are out your theme song is
another original

submitted by Grant singer and Jake over
reilly thanks guys and thanks for


I I’m

and my

I mom


gonna have your shoes who


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