Episode 28: Sex is Sex (with Pete Holmes live at ComicCon!)

Description: Comedian Pete Holmes joins us at NYComicCon for our first LIVE podcast recording. We discuss losing your virginity, getting a pet, and chasing your dreams. Video of this episode coming tomorrow (Tuesday!)

For more Pete, check out “The Pete Holmes Show” starting October 28th, midnight after Conan on TBS!

aide to Mayor objects not here right now
is busy

her apple picking or something that’s
okay it’s Sunday

he doesn’t have to do work that’s my job

her %uh anyway so this is a very special
episode have a fire you

for for many reasons why it was our
first live taping up whatever

love an episode which is very exciting
we recorded at and I see comic-con

and two we had one of our favorite a
special guest ever it’s Pete Holmes

us starve the Pete Holmes shell on TBS
so if you like Pete

which you will you should like this
episode if you like Pete check out that

Pete Holmes show

which is starting opt over 28 I on TBS

at midnight after Conan also excited to
report that we video tape this episode

so we’re gonna release that on Tuesday
the day after release the podcast if

you’re listening on Monday October 14th

all you can do is listen to it for now
but if you’re listening to it on Tuesday

a and until the universe and we’re gonna
have that video up

and available for you guys on our
YouTube channel which is a fire you show

and also you can now

watch it on your iPod are your iTunes on
your iPhone

because we made a a separate iTunes
podcast for our video versions

which you can probably find on the
iTunes Store cell please enjoy the

audio please enjoy this video please
enjoy the episode and thank you so much

for those

a few who have been leaving positive
reviews on our iTunes podcast really

appreciate it helps out a lot

I still wanna give you guys shout outs
there was a lot to go through

but I just chose the last five here we
go thank you so much too lonely 37

their crash a nice sunset jacqueline
Weiner

for jacqueline liner Salman one and ABI
bit my bottom those are the last five

people to leave positive reviews on our
iTunes

podcast and yeah if you want to do the
same will try to give you a shout out

as often as we do our show will have
another bonus episode Thursday this week

but for now

enjoyed this episode which I we shot
once again live at comic-con

thanks everybody except for Jake

E are

me

you

download

she Jamie Ste

I thank you guys day

same wow wow

she midday guy earlier today

nearly a hundred dollars to introduce
the show

any detail on what the fuck you

she did it anyway the desire

and AES overcome lovers live taking our

cathy barry whom the

its class Johannes

how many you got a provisional for lab
for those ESL listening at home

know the laser engines now the in
ireland is a sale

several people just walking out she’s
leading exit party

same saying why I will give you ninety
dollars

and but so for those who don’t know the
way it works is people email us

%uh their decal situations there in

sticky place in their lives they don’t
know what to do and they’re so desperate

that the email us idiots up for advice

my friends don’t ask me for advice you
don’t have any friends

and then day

get off me but and I we do our best to
answer

locally it’s usually just me Jake
sometimes we have a guess and say we

have a very very very special yes they
were very very excited about

so you guys can put your hands together
for Peter holes

well as the

the world

I G I thought that was you no dive bar
then

now if I make a really good job curve
anybody makes really good Joker

anyway makes a really good point I
really if there’s any excuse to do the

Asher said we do the actual sounds are
really about it

yeah by one request before we start can
we turn amir’s Mike impossibly higher

and Jake’s Mike down a little bit well
he is so quiet on me like 20 and a 10

NJ said to is in the last few good news
is Julia was already very high

it is getting louder it here you were
jerking remain

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and we appreciate a Jesus and

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get better original recipe Jesus and
more spices

any latter-day saints here today yeah
know if the girl who sell

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yes

okay Emily faith-based questions
strength if I were you

the do you

pie

guys the time yeah

thanks so much for good the old one job
against

here go ahead tire the I can try to cram
in more than one job but we’re sorta

like a one-joke an out-take

delay your area I like that yeah

a %uh so

be you wanna get started %uh doesn’t
miss this room looks like the holodeck

if you didn’t turn it on yet

very plain is what I’m saying

yesterday jerry is zeroing is like a
hero

Dockers if it were a room I is alive and
negative energy let negative space

there’s not a lot and miss yes you are
smiling faces I feel so far from you

Indiana you belong in a museum I

looking good feeling your eyes only
krater K

it’s real I have a rosy tonight

are you are you somebody I but nobody’s

delete my whole life still have to take
your shoes off sir

will thanks you could be Scott Pilgrim
do anything you want you

confidence just a regular kid from
Canada that’s fine

okay I know it’s a visual medium sauce
topped is that a

where you yeah I sincerely hope you’re
somebody night issued Obama sought just

a guy in a cave the guys wearing a ski
mask

I with a black hoodie yeah website
they’ll see before I die as soon

I’m sorry to recognize it but are you
are what is a collins and her star wars

where your party has shrunk

you know I a wonderful yevgeny you get
here to Union on his leaving you’re

making only you

he’s not leaving you sent over the edge
whoa

you don’t know you are you just went
with the tear their lives in your heart

does like however that comes out I like
killing things

goal here really like comic-con

yeah that is that very creative and a
living the image at center all the time

a blends in four days a year

I let’s get started I let’s do it first
question I

we’re going to get this person a fake
name just because we don’t know how to

him as a real human psychology Super
Grover

yeah bad year what’s your name sir

yeah okay so be delighted he’s day

BJ rights I had his best friend who
started going out with this girl a few

weeks ago

they seem to have a nice relationship
but the thing is she’s been given me the

sexual look sometimes the kinda looks
that say I wanna bang you

I think we all know that large I know
exactly like this girl that

a sex is sex should I leave the sexual
advances on answered or should I now

this girl hardcore I like bill

48 had always stick this shit without
getting caught

thanks for the help love DJ if I only
the

its

even if I didn’t know anything else
about BJ situation by

only heard that sense should I mount
this girl hardcore I would

I would hate him as much as I still
didn’t yeah

that it never mount rate never say your
mounting that’ll really has

ruin the mood if once you begin making
love you go I’ve mounted you

you been mounted by the beach mister

stuff do you know those whore looks

do taking my mediating yes she is best
for you

so you don’t even like your body is
still in jail sex is sex I might ruin my

friendship with my friends relationship
yeah

just right amount somebody Mountain
Eagle me demand and uses sex is sex if

you’re just like

sex you’re doing it wrong don’t feel
like Christmas on your day well

stencil all over the globe good too
dirty for a

next question to

police say in the problem for our
considered

to you a CJ those being me know the
answer is don’t be an asshole you

fucking asshole

quit being a piece of shit and

keep your fuckin friendship fuckin fuck
late-night

this stuff when you’re the worst
impulses to an international the

spent it means a lot to girlfriend right

my wireless into my pocket my wife

matter K missus

that’s what I said as I came a

yet that that is a a real vaginal
dehumidifiers that whole letter

whenever was moist is dry at the end of
that one

those are real man that’s my group there
in my group I’m not proud of our group

I’m proud of the guy who dress like a
living nightmare more

done the guy who sex is sex Catamount
something

is there do you think there’s an actual
look that means

I wanna be your bread is good never had
sex in his life actually

he thinks every look means that I think
so yeah he’s got that disease where you

can read peoples faces

you’re giving me that look exactly said
US

cleared a sex is a the

but

this is fun we’ve never done a show for
more than one person

is actually just stick to one person

we just it’s either me JK nobody army J
in one other guest

I see 3 eligible people I understand

I did I didn’t understand any of that
and now you still nothing because I

rumbling alright powering through next
question

which we give them advice don’t do it
right yet ideologue up

and you’re an asshole yeah don’t do it
one you’re an asshole till sexes insects

x3

its its death Christmas yeah court did
not cut depending on your

more liquor

closer look heart clarissa

their polity you

where

in Rama you don’t have sex for 30 days
money back when the Sun Goes Down

rhombic said

I you can eat my cock and after sunrise
right is that how it is yeah

know there was more accurate she’s
traced alright

good good work yeah go team I’m proud of
us

just go to the next question okay hey
guys

a guy in a hoodie what’s your name yeah
you

you guys faces terror by yep mark

baby is it normal their a

that’s what’s so sweet about comic-con
is yet to be whoever you want to be your

mark

you work at the UPS Store a your
girlfriend judy is a real

reeled yappy bright a any come here need
is live your fantasy of being a serial

killer

is your friend I you don’t look at me

you’re very sweet now it’s kinda
terrifying to see him grab you

do you wanna buy an unmarked van I would
have come to your aid

cold police services leading

he did that do you need help a

blinking couple times DGSE you already
being

just look at the room if you need help a

you dress up though UGA is going is
reluctant girlfriend

a or are you just have is oh you are who
are you

when fidelity bond sweets

yeah rather be brown

rights yeah see that at the same you
serious silverman

isn’t then it is you play by

the look of on your face is you’ve never
heard those words

a tel-aviv Israel to her settlement now
in the AM

well we’ve learned a lot today let’s
learn a little more

migrates I’m 19 years old and turning 20
in two months

I’ve got a second and third base with a
couple girls but I live in the south

so both girls ended up being too
conservative for home plate

I had any action in the year and I’m
feeling a little saigon

I still being a virgin and almost twenty
I got on the subject with my coworker

and he recommended visiting one of those
high class hotel escorts

to hear the whole thing over and done
with me

that’s the IRS do you think that would
be a no idea where do you think that I

would actually help well

things marked can use amid dead

his friend who told him to go to an
escort was probably bj from the first

does

sex thrown up some money and you should
be good show

from gretchen girls but the money

I

dollar bill alone is like bj from Ben
Franklin the end

well spitball

Franklin blowjob you were pretty
standard pretty standard well drive me

crazy if we go after them all

a him I don’t I’d also like to say if
you’re if you’re concerned about losing

your virginity

stop saying psyched out and using the
base system

a careless not fair doesn’t work with a
girl like

hope baby I’m on 3rd right now them home

Carolina me all the umpires dust in the
home

do regarding your baby’s

go home and cell logged out users are

there’s a play at the plate though he’s
out yeah

I don’t know if you’ve ever been
listening to a comedian talkin realize

his offensive

and then you realize your that comedian
yeah that is that what is happening

handling and care for this guy and it’s
me

I love you think he should but the
horror well as very sensitive to the

night walking community

a yeah there’s one thing I’m trying to
be my

high-power Class E escort sex-positive
empowered working woman

yeah he’s a fucker a

in there and put it in the butt couldn’t
hear you

sex is sex rather he’s all in 20

20 is not at all for him to start
worrying about Plan C

yeah was plan see plessy the process to

oh I see yeah he is the abortion pill
yes she in the process yeah

the plan is actually finding someone to
sleep with yet maybe I think he’s too

desperate to young women age

I agree when I was 20 I had been the
third base or sag

I have an even bigger fucking bad done

contrast by

I was the lead big by looking for
helmets

time to buy a used one perhaps by

I’ll spins I think the Jew is is just
relax right relax

that’s the nice answer yeah chase answer
is

twenty years old is too old to be a
virgin says the fuckin

good-looking freak next day you

fuckin weirdo beer going for the weird
faces like this one and that’s where

EuroMillions why are you leaving on a
motorcycle is smoking a cigarette Mike

you want to be left alone plays why are
you fucking currently

high-powered a scoreless you

sky where

you buy a total slut I don’t know I
don’t think

anybody I was 21 I was about to June 22
when I lost my virginity a buddy happy

that higher

the old like because the oldest person
here that still a virgin all god-awful

there are serious domestic agency is
situated in July I’ll put you right now

go through it deliberate

to dislike is even death CN yeah bedouin

whether on it like a nikka

relay answered

said say

say a

do you think a this bills for their age

a home by Aly that no I think I think
this guy I could and should at least

don’t have sex I don’t lose your
virginity to you

I’m high-powered as great yeah its that
your story for the rest of your life

that’s a good story though actually i
think thats shit the

having a story for those who tell their
virginity story like it’s a good thing

like no one does that you don’t have to
have a special virginity

years 1-4 is the article yeah but so is
yours mines like at least

it it’s bad it’s embarrassing but yours
is like boring it

good which is yours I don’t know I think
they’re both the same

but I am NOT the

for tonight slower CPU thereafter to me
now

this is your name I lost my virginity
severe

garland

not be met somebody name me

good I just not going to do it um

should move on to the next question yet
we realize we’re all just imagining

something worse than later prolly and
you know you’re actually Nikon I know

the story to assure you is worse

what we wouldn’t take in what happened
does the homework with their

for you in the

ok I a very specific set of turn ons

they’re going to look you

how old were you twenty 20 believe you
can say that

14 that’s too young pass to you

I don’t think it was okay you today
United Jewish girl

could it was posed by mitzvah

the by: while soda a

I business thirty boning 40

they repeatedly podcast 27

seven years at crippling loneliness
loneliness

and then bring this is your idea is fine

nom de by thirty perfect and I

i think is gross you just playing Chutes
and Ladders in the Irish

by me playing Goldeneye

basemen Lee haha love and that is where
it was

yeah with the nasdaq s the library
tonight

no yeah I got laid in complex drugs in
the United

yeah good choice thank you

I job it’s something we’ve never done
and

get a question from someone we can
physically see and talk to you

blue that may be a little tree that’s
right so I’ll what we should call their

name they can come up earlier I know is
it okay if I were you guys really is the

question about dealing with a daunting

Allison be are you here tells me you’re
hearing is held in a way that I wasn’t

be

its okay come on stage thousand be let’s
give it a browsable

the

house the UAE’s 0 I wrote how do you get
a good night

the right in there yeah I’m how do I get
a dog without having to care for it

every day

0 how do I get high without having to
care for ed

everyday stamp one now

for promised me never get it off I

death to get one of those Japanese you
gotta feed maybe

video games gonna practice

yeah step 3: what you’re looking for is
called a cap

a

step foreign thank you for buying

down I was looking

quick television so the idea is a little
much

I it’s mostly I’m not home all the time
yeah I got diarrhea and shit

yeah diarrhea and this year UK

yeah and you know I can hear I’m
allergic you’re allergic to dogs alerted

us

no two cats we had she’s allergic to
cats

got it Zelaya get a dog can get like a
manservant

I think I might become I just a to
YouTube clips you got served of

yearning yeah molding watching
pornography and never fucking when

you’re forty

yeah I is the only need to do is you
need a

you have a boyfriend idea wearing I’m at
a different house

he’s in a different panel you know we’re
sharing it with them at home taking care

of your dog yeah I love those real
submissive type still meet a bunch here

for example his

Miami the men’s all I mean if 10

really getting a tough guy I am that I
am a real

visible over and I will do it with your
boyfriend a adjourned

trent that’s ugly guy should be here is
not

and he’s not gonna take your it’s gone
his day who let the dogs start

trent to shatter so much less

China say who dog until you can play
tonight

que lo but my

halo for a burger or a gmail yeah

eulogy she’d never kill it are
absolutely right

usually mine jean with some peanut
butter I

go you know that means

do you guys have fun you if you learn
your day

I meant baby-dog Ben Franklin years do I
think you’re right they were coming

close to the record for best friend when
he graduates

help you

not I think know this Saturday there was
is either panel

in ninety-seven a when Lucy Lawless just
wouldn’t stop saying he’s my boss Ben

Franklin

sheep I did hear her clitoris

for lol got in store

I Selby Lane led the Brazil

well yeah that’s accurate any way to get
it done

call

I get ahead I’m just feeling every other
day you’re one of those Rick Moranis

Honey I Shrunk the Kids things they like
you know kinda mousetrap style feed the

dog Korea

oh yeah what yeah

get whatever you to get a good that
movie came out before anybody here was

born

and the cell I never seen it will be
before 1983

Derby help you with your girl I’ll

short does gonna dog right now

girls in the

thank you allison do you get a lizard

nobody gives a fuck about a lizard yeah
Youkilis many losers as you want they’re

basically disposable

does by lizard don’t eat it wait till it
dead and then go get another one

and the new one can meet the carcasses
the oh yeah that’ll

that could be twice as long a lizard
life militaries are a blizzard

food Hall yelling hot lizard on leather
action I

liquefied them like in the matrix LRL
hot lizard on research shit

somebody said what in the matrix a
liquefied dead to keep the people in the

pot to life

that you Jesus Christ where are we right

another mark space then what’s

I’ll it’s been another at home question

call this one comes from what’s your
name sir

the hearing cool name nice

is Professor X’s names David you should
just

when it was at I’ll Charles Xavier’s his
last name exam your first name

your last name Charles here

now and are you are the jerk about with

exhibits real name is good pigs a view
is a virtue a

you library jobs we

I you came up with that i did i just
want to give them credit alright

I know you love that

I’m next question from Xavier hey guys
I’m a freshman at the University

Illinois

day with but it was not easy to get here
my mom really want me to stay at home

commute to a local college

after a whole year begging she finally
let the girl

the problem is that I really hate it
here don’t get me wrong there are plenty

obeys which is the real reason to go to
college and I write a

does the Harlem is school is too large I
hate everyone in my dorm we suck at the

sports plus my room is a total
lightweight abuse every night I’m

so please please please hell

should I go back home with my tail
between my legs and admit I was wrong

or stay in champaign urbana that’s where
the University illinois’

loves it here well Xavier

I think what you really need to do
there’s a third option

you go back home and your mom would be
like I told you and you never take

another chance for the rest your life

or your RT far away and just go to any
other school and be like

it’s like I’m still at the University of
Illinois with my way lately roommate

there you go but I think you will like
any school that is that it is well yeah

even as possible

the other there’s a million options for
little Xavier here

on he says he has a really bad attitude
he hates school because

their bad its portion yeah and because
he hates his classes

yeah well he sucks it is classes old
site you hate school because you suck

ish way you Zachy your glasses the
school is too hard

he’s pretty smart with the guys in the
real they’ve your

I’ll yeah that is the name which shows
how he’s

emanating a discomfort that dial

maybe it’s really a lady Xavier know
once you get your attitude dick

okay okay what are you

answer is a genuine yet while very yeah
because he’s right here

yeah Cesar close enough to punch you in
the face she said you wanted to

yeah I know he’s not here back in grow
up

these issue that’s a beer he be strong
you know

it’s always hard the first year I did
like my cock the first year

that’s not really is a beer you’re a
real worst dermota

government be yeah well what do you
think you have an answer the goddamn

question yet

answer reader in our yard I

its if you need everyone in your dorm
your the problem

yeah you know weird guy there’s never
liked your with ninety other people and

they’re all assholes who does everyone
suck

down there

and everyone gets along should I use a
beer it’s this e-mail

another couple self-help emails
manifesto

that’s what we’re dealing with like you
know precisely I admit I think the rate

will be

to the government’s dullsville email us

that if I really should gmail dot com
it’ll be addressed to the governor hi

I’m

yet if the tooth object I

the government please forward to the
government

a government doctor I want to help this
guy cuz he sort of an asshole

so I told to go home with his tail
between his legs because he failed

go live with your mom Trevor’s yeah
that’s what you deserve

I think it’s easy to hate college though
maybe just is the

maybe less that’s where the big
misconceptions Villegas the greatest i

me real life it’s not a great

is no matter what your you got it like I
was a I went to college didn’t like it

I draw Twilight dropped out but also

they would data will be back so sorta
like

unusual relationship I was like arm hip

out or call you anymore they’re like
well you can I like

good and the like they’re not good he
added me

lol whatever not ever please leave

shut up die we watch enough we actually
are the school you know your booking

transcript try to transfer heat didn’t
fit you build every class

and then I went to a different school
and I’m then I dropped out on that one

coulda gone back didn’t want to third
school

dropped out again Wow yeah are your
three

and then finally I what’s my fourth
school and also hated it dropped out

sir shit you don’t need to go to college
if you don’t want

up here with Pete Holmes enemy lucia

classroom and Ben Franklin’s under the
table giving them a rimjob

so everything worked out dropping school

job as a school I

good commitment you guys are gonna drop
thinking

you commit to things and stick them out
promise me you well you’ll commit to

school that you committed to that chant

very little early yep let’s take another

person who’s actually your question de
vere 19 right and

on Nitasha the taj are you up in here

up in here that %ah City that your job
to ask a question about your career path

let’s kill you shots

then rank blowjob up

net asset you want to read is free on me
that Hahnemann

she wants to read it all weird do is say

I’ve got a papercut how is that fair
work I

said I actually get really close real
close real close

disclose black closer kids they raised a
the subject of the season on

fun tonight

cell see him accusing him of taking you
mounted

good

metalheads night after all a

ahead to touch I kept my question yeah

okay so I’m about to graduate from
college

and I need to design a career path I
really like no thanks but I’m also a

pretty big opera singer

I’m sorry if so I could do either which
one to choose

well I guess I wanna hear you sing opera

I wanna I was even born brain surgery
dole compare and contrast

yeah so your question was you really get
your assigned to really get an opera

which

with says enough for real quick do
really

yeah you wrote it so you can have the

curl do homie

love doll course for you

and the

does

a others because I like girls

yeah

yeah I was like I will likely liquidity
yes you like do

small jaan

you like boys is imposed is Alex are

Tom DeLonge so I like that kind of his
million baby cry I wasn’t ready for that

a allows incredible

thank you for that never been exposed to
an opera singer before

yell out Luke is the microphone you so
what was the career path Barbara

as our arm I am Not sure I think I kinda
just go to an opera company in addition

and then just go from role to role

it’s a it’s a very like I’m stable
career

you can I don’t know where it coming but
people told me that I can do it well yes

lovely but it is not stable career it
today

me hard dress and it’s a language no one
understood

I you

seizes right now they were joking must
most the country is on cultured rooms

that’ll be like

yeah and everybody has a brain to go
with that narrows I’m

no and then why we’re operating wherever
the faxing some national himself before

a here you go some making member people

I hate that

by do it how you told you not to do
stand-up

how do you tell you that was not a
viable career option here there aren’t

too many TV networks dedicated to opera

littler their with thirty years
dedicated opera

yeah you been you been to one I know
they exist

I don’t know I mean look no easy to
think about when I should tell you go

for your disagreement am saying is you
do both

I mean you don’t have to do opera for a
living now you make me feel like I

should do a 20

job as a school gotta I’ll

how do you say that name Latin I lovers
italian

know how I am doesn’t die US it had
Latin

you you want culture

bigger a nuance

tonight like the English language here
lol

you have to you know what I would say
find somebody that does not work for a

living and ask them

you know you mean we had a few years ago
on this path unlike sorta

at you can take classes like
neuroscience class is keep on practicing

stay and then a

this sounds like stepping into latest
decision any longer than you already

have

can you delay making this decision any
longer than you already have

mom well I have to apply to graduate
schools manner I

now right now and yeah I like today

your number I’m 11 but but

like if I don’t have an actual opera
career

then people that wanna hire me cuz i
havent been think

line just apply to graduate school needs
if you get it

and if you do then you go if you don’t
then you become an opera singer the

classic

that real yeah a oneida

else is going to the opera are mine and
he’s very

here designer vanity I am eating a
sandwich with eighteen different meeting

that mean I have you

a

heard girl to you

the lucia

video there’s gonna be a lot of brother
Joe I’ll we helped you out we probably

did

yeah actually but even if nothing else
he sang so lovely and everybody cheered

real hard harder than

I think there’s a scale the

thank you very much her dilemma kinda
sounds like the plot

up an opera that story yeah

yeah that’s cool like a modern opera you
can write your own opera

only this limitation is brain dead and
she starts scenes

comes back to life the electricity list
are they getting into their

passageways like this Casey ECU its
journey

they’ll be the first time out for a walk
someone %uh

hah

served it to you for a third

service yeah do you tip 20 present on
that service

Jesus I love it love it her I love the
hit man level where you go behind the

Opera

the lead fuck you I

these are my people who BJ love you

PJ into it thanks buddy MMA classes
value I know nothing about video games

yeah and the fantasy football

are you fancy bow yeah busy little bee

the ballers playing football other
universities the University like Tom

Brady attended events yet that like

fancy bhopal is right guitar the net all

you literally found the only have a
fantasy that isn’t represented here

do you know why following

Collins completed this is our time

you King every one another through
single-handedly these people you

a do he going to take a break we want to
do

on I’ll mention it not I’m a shell a

PJ Clarke’s retail speed is a Jimmy

BJ’s my agent well you guys gonna be on
after calling for nights a week at

midnight on TBS is called the P Home
Show

its gonna have a lot of stuff that I
think you guys might like already like

the

Batman videos that we’ve done with
college humor will be

represented on the show thank you so
much and I will be doing other there’s

you know not just manner the comics
Apple we just shot issues have nine

x-men sketches which is very exciting
and

home other stuff that if you’re familiar
with my podcast will can have their

yeah you yeah

thank you well have a very similar
sensibility to the podcast nobody coming

on the show is promoting anything it’s
not really about like plugging a movie

it’s about

like france joking around yeah he’d like
that but he would like people to

successful employees shit

it’s not about that this is a button
free flowing conversation

you know the talk about shit anything
done midnight on

when it’s done when is it on TV and on
TBS at midnight

dad is so funny I I’m being honest

I that was like her opera singing I have
commented I was like virtual herself

I didn’t even realize I was blogging
while I was talking about how I don’t

like

lighted I yeah that’s basically the show
and the monologue is it really going to

be like both from the headline set up
much they work I used to it’s going to

be more like my stand-up

so I I hope people like at Pete Holmes
acecomm for more info

yeah attack the

pain

year is it is your dream job

did I would you have I

can you the

35 minutes later didn’t mule

scared you

I have courses a dream job with it and
I’ve always wanted to have a show and is

a home

for all the different things that I do
with this is a perfect fit

and you know i i used to kinda keep it
to myself it was so preposterous

have a dream is there when I have a late
night show but there are people

professors money cards that

called me like is that thing we talked
about it in college in here it is

happening

well it is really surreal and and and
wonderful and very grateful

is the local your handwriting is my and
ready am near that’s the kinda budget

we’re working with

dreamy logo hey go and take a photo of
me fucking this guy

do and we have we humbly ask for

now is your pitch struck down by
elevator pitch I’ll write my name and I

have sex with you

by related to a servicer

go

it was able to undergo done I let’s get
two more questions from the audience

hell yeah let’s do it Michael S talk in
a stable so you’ll be here

Michael L there analyst come on stage

collapse well all my collab deal italy
did you

do on redesigning the hundred I’ll have
you read it

there you go call great call leave

move your legs it sounds like you’re
doing yeah lip sync your

so I currently work at Staples as a
computer technician and just recently

the position for early text supervisor
just opened up

now my best friend maybe hey years lives
breathes and maybe even

eats stables that Howell says two years
he has been working the hardest is ever

worked for something trying to get the
promotion

and the other day my manager comes up to
me

and offers me the job and I can give to

excuse my language mother fucking the
shit about that place

I don’t even try should I scumbag him
over

consider I actually need the money to
put myself through school or should I

give it up and give it to my friend

at a good one noble the United a year
even considering it

it even if he doesn’t do it alone feat
even ask this

is your current is your friend here
right now you not dead

this would have been really easy I

I’m going to say before we get to the
the advice I think it’s probably a bad

idea to cross a man who gives a fuck
about staples

a I is the man will destroy you and
categorize your a manger

very clyman an easy to find a way with
food and snacks by The Register I just

you you don’t wanna cry awesome yeah
he’s gonna hide your body and say that

was easy

hello dots

I was waiting for mine and i was sitting
on the %uh yeah I just

why did you buy the manager choose you
is your guy like so says that he’s

annoying I want to promote his ass

to his luggage weight really kinda
situation I

I wouldn’t say so is he is a good tech
place I guess

I’m better as solo okay here’s the
reality: you need the money is not your

decision and they came to you

right you pass up the motion today
automatically do you know that night

I would say sell I would say that %um
definitely you don’t know that

you could ask you what you think
somebody will be given to the lunatic

who keeps reorganizing the post-its

yeah just eating stables yeah I

rise again yeah

do thinking line came so do it take the
money

take the money the new with the he
should take the money

leaders the friendships were valuable

know you’re saying you should take money

yeah okay that was %uh the workers the
raise their hand but like

mister the question right down who
thinks he should give it to you is Fred

10 years do not long enough

notta lotta hands I called

reliable get over a real friend would
get over it says Professor X a beard

Charles

does everything now the beautiful be
honest how much you like him

I mean no homo a lot

NoHo by I speak your home I’ll

a maybe a desert island alone for six
months now rescue company gonna

cleanest sneaking in there just for warm

don’t use all the required

day to you her lawyer dunno

going to the tropical island another
recall

were done this is the way okay I

you know what I would say because you
don’t give a fuck in it and because it

does seem like something you do
somewhere else maybe you do you give it

your friend and just get another job

okay maker the

I think it’s not your decision

to take the job or not that’s the
manager’s obligation to give it to yield

to say no would be slapping your a
superior in the base

you would be a bad employee not take the
promotion

I exert a kid don’t break it

take your mother nine months to make it
I

where the mir

thank you you know what I don’t think
you guys are doing when it which is what

I did to consider my answer I’m
picturing my best friend at my job

all I did not see I’m I’m being real
like as as far as when I was looking at

it is just like

faceless gray computer people I was like
yeah fuck ’em I need the money and they

offered it to me

but when i picture like my sweet
wonderful best friend I you got it you

can see what I’m doing here isn’t making
him my best friend

old and I want him to I want him to have
a good job I want to make the money

and i would tell you the same thing make
new friends but keep the old one is over

the alleged

holy shit you speak the

nobody Russia but at the same time if
you take it that’s fine just

use your money to buy a new friends a
like an iPad

a how much of a pay rise are we looking
at like double

what I’m Kone K

now he’s so good to know you shouldn’t
need

yeah deal if you can’t buy shit with
friendship mike Mullen

what you guys we already do you look and
I don’t find a way

things come see me yeah use money media

you take it you don’t give a fuck about
the company and they want you to be like

your friend in your not so now you’re

you got more money for what fuckin
churros to eat alone

I I’m sticking with my toddler

the last thing you want to do is wrong
staples trial degree actually

that magazine the free CD the feeling

yeah should accompany each well

I can’t really say they did later maybe

you know people here yeah don’t yeah I
don’t people listen to him spies

everywhere

a they did this on season 1 of The
Office where they offered him the

promotion and gave it to care

and beautiful now I did but the original
of

I thought I was in a safe place a
there’s no answer to this question I

need to meet this guy if I don’t like
his face I’m gonna come because I tell

you like but that’s why we

yes I think it’s gone by Israel unbiased
advice like I don’t know your friend I’m

telling you

you know you know you’re at like you’re
stuck in that situation I have gotten

anywhere you choose

are Jesus Christ of actually had a gun
do I mark bring your weapon appeared

you don’t listen to your heart I’m

I guess you wouldn’t get I mean it a
good job

49 making this hard for me I thought you
guys would not be out nicely you

personally I might be a better player
may be well suited for it but if you’re

a better

what if your gonna be a better lead
technician this guy a good thing about

stables here

yes company and you

you’re right man the mayor defeated

this is where it come here you know you
need the money for college but your

friends and everything is

you know what gold clears up through
college get a really good job

start a company hire your friends this
is so crazy little staples

actually I would love to invest in your
education my site

I would love that alright cool I’ll call
your salary

quit your job while kill your friend
retarded lol

diana’s strokes is gonna get it done
tonight

to handle

it’s a hard line hi which I didn t you
going to jobs in

one stick with your wife a for instance
yeah

I so wanna go into the stables and fifty
years in see an old man

way so we’re here that way I used to
have a friend do plus others are

illiterate and

go you tried a few

close to her why are you wearing Google
glass

those in another incident

girl retro like

this is the ceiling

colitis ceiling still exist

I love you familiars delaying

I

and

said ok now we got some sadness that
have been we had some laughs we learn

stuff I’m mildly aroused and thanks for
playing do its

we’re all set and we together one last
question one last question

are you feeling about that he lol cute
baby

let’s do you mean one last Q

Scott and then the house about looking
at two different very different names

yeah by doing player

leget player he’s a player

the past where yeah evidence God

he’s gonna read it confident group here
comic on those

Ben Franklin has won over there blow him
deliver the table on all fours alright

goes close here to make because we won
and we won our listeners and home to be

able to get another them are

I listen listen sure that would be worse
on this probably also wanna do she’s

think I never asked ya

in the past week I’m I met met went out
with

or hooked up to three different girls
and

I don’t usually buy their nice

the

good say that everybody

all and yeah pretty much I know I messed
this up

I’m gonna be a dry spell for like six or
seven months so what should I do this

a boy that know if he goes from three
checks the dry cell

do that 213 you why do you think you’re
going to dry spell

it’s happened before haha you from three
to dry

your dress nice looking into girls
instead 3 my life is a dry cell service

me

people who I am your hands without
glasses you realize how difficult it is

for someone like me

without this crunch on my face are
largely without them

cheeses let alone a leaders as it was
over the morning every

a around here with you dry spells in the
past

the week before those dry spells how
many people did you fuck

a no oxygen always turned on I meet a
couple girls at the same time

yeah pick one and I mess up and I mean
on for a while

%uh he’s the man are you want tender yes

del actually a spell check my messages
written its

the eagle forum and you know you don’t
have a dreaded you blow dry spell your

months in season now

this is the last season yeah in Thailand

raining pussy juice on haha sorry I’m
sorry I’m sorry

pete Dougherty rainy pussy juices
R-rated I can’t

news editor jobs only you it’s rainy
pussy juices running

was jus Doyle should good look

p the

serve a bit

one drunk with power I will destroy you

here’s what you do

a back and relax her keep my

you know her name enjoying your plan Z
and then 110 the

options that strikes a chord in your
heart you go okay

you and me Sugar Plum don’t they like
you

may be in for a coin in a wishing well
in your house in children and then one

day each other’s kids your daddy got in
went with three different women

we and then it has a good lord and tell
them

but I think it’s a confidence issue you
need to relax

everybody’s gonna be really excited he
came up here tonight but there’s lots of

people here that would sleep with you I
know that guy is up for anything

do

so relax now all healed 24

volunteering at a time

fucking he was born in 10 years ago a

24 playing Candyland his underwear

again weirdo girls used

Dudley added to your sister

you so yeah

the last season to end and enjoy it he’s
still a confidence issue after looking

up with three girls and a week and a
half

that doesn’t work are these girls super
super low salt steamers

I know it’s just fun it’s fun to I know
I know what you doing right now and I

like it

gonna sleep problems which were these
girls do I like mr. lights are no its

not rather the best time ever

yeah you’re like Heisenberg you didn’t
do it for your family did you did for

years

a enjoy it used tender

yeah I also brought you know he just
those girls is having sex with three

other guys as well so you might have an
israeli constellation as we call it

family community thanks for coming to
sex turned Sandra

I’ve been sander and you’ve been J

in you’ve been a mere and you gotta wrap
this up by Gottex with Sandra everybody

their do isn’t

this has been a savage love gas thanks
for joining us

are they solicited by go here go fuck
something

a its

it is he dies haha stage into a pussy

and medicare is a holiday far far away

Wow our place none of us can go but we
all want to

well you go there night see there but

takes like only three you are in a dry
spell

that is our time

thank you so much for you guys for
coming thank you the

and thank you be home

yeah now

please like to be okay analyze the human
since 1928 at midnight

and I you can listen to our podcast
every Monday at whatever the hell you

want is the podcast so that certain how
it works

now so much everybody way the

any

me are

me

do

yeah

shock

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