Episode 31: Texting Casanova


In this episode we discuss texting, pornography, and ugly feet.

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very soothing very catchy

the perfect song I’ll give it a B-minus

know that I’ve ever its Courtland well
as a sunny day

a really sunny day with the top down and
shit you’re just you’re rolling on the

know you’re all in on does urs and I
rolling down the 101

I’ll year left now that the right and
you’re just not a mile high on life

are high on my own life and Molly now
you just havin a good wholesome server

time cuz you know need drugs cuz you
know what

there it is so beautiful that its order
raises your spirit for than yesterday

and spirits raise spirits to raise and
I’d like my serotonin dot

that i won all my happy jus yeah my body

at one not just the cars reaching the
speed limit i reaching my speed limit 4

ounces have snorted whatever the hell he
it is

speed we have got the media for

I’ve got no weed limit yeah and its 55
but happy

kids measure we these days I go home now
yeah ago

I I really do have a nickel yeah if you
needed to buy weed what would you do

drug dealer

I would say hey I

can I have one we’d I

why would never talk to a drug dealer
when we Duluth

up a doctor yield but I would do. use a

a liaison E another link yeah

yasser would ever know how you can we
really I

to go is fine actually has gone poor you
gotta go you it

who do I’ll I really wanna know we had a
single and the

the and I put in a dubious joy to

I’d love to get a high with you once
served have a pot brownie

I wanna be one level higher with you

I hey this is a fiery you’re the only
about his podcast show on the internet

hosted by us unamir and I’m Jake an
answer to the cool lackey one that knows

how to order marijuana yeah and I’m the

I’m the loser who who for some reason
think that sounds weird to say or a


order order order

marijuana please actually that’s why use
a gavel

when I tied to drug dealer if he had
I’ll a dollar or two and they all run

awake they think they’re being arrested
or something appear

a cell how does it work we get away with
that song by

love who is that sunny day by to his
white house that there’s two of us

yeah because if I ever forget things
really there and you’re the only a big

yeah you need me and for literally every
other problem we have that you fuck

advance are there for years gonna know
so I

bail you out weaving we’ve eaten the
middle but that middle is so much closer

to my side than yours it’s borderline
not the middle it is a

yeah but you know what they’re even be
appealed that way and read on if I were

in here says oh it’s like being on the
why I tried to find

middle-ground know there’s no need
because there is just nothing without me

who’s the girl it’s like saying if I’m
on the 2-yard line when the middle of

the field we are technically imitable
Yahoo and I know you guys will be a

football field

would it be they’re good I bring the
beer when when nobody would notice years

as solute tears airlifted absolutely I

soon that guy was Jeff Enzo’s was the I
made it

sounded like a Foster the People that
the vendor

our third kid there that bond

kick their %uh and other sees that is in

I’m so sorry to the bucket

confuses the cheese and fuck yeah what’s

they’re both disgusting anodes I guess
season with cheese and buckets maybe

it’s funny the air

as I was doing but I the value yeah but
also sees like stealing cheese and

jerking off to do something is pretty

why jerking off into it cheese through
the season fuck it whereas he jus rol

happens stick your peers in a

well I would you Swiss cheese and just
like the one to the holders I’ll and I

would use the I’ll

like a big boy I have Cheez Whiz hell

you’re not too who were not Cheez Whiz
well here’s some cheese jay is

I soda you a cell people

email us there they found themselves in
a difficult place in their lives and

they’re so desperate needy ever

advice that they actually email a
podcasts hoping that

hoping to God that we actually answer
and ridicule them on this shell

yeah and you know what a 80 to 150
people had a deal

so we’re thankful for you guys that
email if you find yourself in a tough

place right now

is if I were you shell at gmail dot com

by you shall at gmail dot com if our you

if our you shell FREE show at gmail dot
com high-value shell her

PowerShell Bowie show had demanded congo

and I were you I wouldn’t grow I would
came out to empower you show

I would go against the I you to the bugs
me laughing like a girl

I cell like someone sort of day going

um yeah did I forget to mention anything

month mmm we try to get through you know
four to five questions every step aside

so a

let’s get this party started in right

Let’s Get It star oh my god there’s a
carbon monoxide got the parrot dad

that’s why we’re all like this I think I

the explained that I alright so let’s
get the first email

it’s from a person will call shaggy

shaggy shaggy rights it’d oh that’s a
fake name we’re giving them fake names

to preserve the Hanalei is a neighbor
Shaab but it but this is a real email

verbatim here we go one time hey guys

so I’ve been texting this cheerleader
for two days now

when we met first in person she was
really interesting and I like to think

myself is a pretty charming dude and
it’s pretty obvious she likes me

but now i text her and it’s freakin
80/20 on the ratio

yeah I’ll put so much and she
contributes nothing I ask questions

respond wholesome lien she smacks her
head to the phone for single sentence

and sends that shit

do you think she’s bored of me already
or maybe that’s just how she texts


thanks shaggy mmm yeah I and urges how
she text the air

long they can’t be real obviously not
she’s she was really into own

two days ago he likes that they give
themselves as charming pretty obvious

united as many

many people like to think about a year
after me I like to think of myself as

attractive and handsome charming and

think of myself as it already endlessly
hand and i cant get anyone know what

that mean it’s true I like to think
about but not sucking in my stomach too

much it still looks like ads like an
outfit and cutter something big I have

I think I have abs I think i’m Jack
without exercising I really think that I

like to feel that I am

and sometimes I’ll see someone who’s
like really good at something like other

guys great basketball yeah

go man you know I like I’m not gonna
basketball by verifiably practice the

lab better than him I like to think of
myself as talented at this the hell is

this is how I won

like others a horoscopes work it is like
give you sort of good news

it’s like oh yeah you’re a Leo that
means you’re born leader

leader you like yeah yeah I am I believe
in astrology now

I because I’m a leader with a leader not
believe in something more powerful than

himself I think that would be a little

little weaker love the letters areas is
caring like absolutely I’m pairing of

course over said interior

I don’t know I’ve you those things like
what they say about the specific signs


duce it’s real suggests I would say

also that he he tried to at least for
tonight I i met his cheerleader two days


yeah that the kinda shit up lines but
like a

cut to enter the email she’s ignoring
you by the way to live in two days so

this is the real her it’s now she was
one thing and now it separately after

two days thats

that’s not a lot of time for you to
think it’s pretty obvious he likes me

but now

and is also insulting smacks her head to
the phone and produces dribble

if anything I applaud her for like for
putting up with you this long

I anyone else would have deleted your
number from

so do you think the board members that
as she takes people additional courses

border them

shit like you I think but I did you did
you’re like sending long messages asking

questions as well it is like this dudes
texting too me too much

well that’s the thing we’re talking
about one day where we said you never

wanna text more than someone

yeah I do wanna let them dictate the
pace but is that only work if your guy

texting a girl or it can also work the
other way around 80 it works at the

it’s a dance at the beautiful than has a
has it ever escalating

everyone’s always texting the same out
will I think

you know it up to one person not the guy
or the girl but to be slowly ramping it


and each person hopefully in the ideal
world is wrapping up selects a

mean you just met I’m interested in your
well let’s say it has now

yeah say your interest let’s say I mean
after all is now logged in to see it

anywhere that sent to know absolutely I
will not

let’s say I am at Tiki disco when I meet
a smoke shell

thank god damned I’ll smoke show at the

alright um to get a number

Center attacks she waits four hours

I’m gonna respond ask your question but
I’m also going away

around three to four hours maybe its

see you can’t respond for as long as she
took to it text you

yeah and I never I personally don’t
wanna make my text longer than hers

I think that like texting for me is
about as being entertaining

protect the it doesn’t actually mean
anything just be like if you’re like

funny to tax with if you’re like
enjoyable person attacks with

the nothing to keep the text game going
and then hopefully one day to see each

other in real life

well this is this is the one thing
you’re an expert at so people should

really listen up

I’m great at texting your and you’re not

you’re very humble in south africa is
the fact that you say they are a texter

it really means something right I mean
I’m terrible in person yeah

like it my friends can go into a bar

make eyes at a girl go up by Rodrigo
talk go home

that that happen to be so few times

it has two like I have to like work on
texting after

the beyond text I have to get a date
you’re like hang out at a party and then


and then I’m good but like I can just go
from zero to conversation

it’s like any to show someone that I’ve
pattern now it I need texting

if you need it I made it to get away

he said your you came up with an idea
once and maybe us for a movie but maybe

it’s for a business

a guy who start a business oh yeah where
you text for people because texting is

anonymous any but like somebody was bad
at texting you can easily text for them

they would know

yeah on a car phone casanova iPhone
kassin over texting casanova

30 casanova CAS enough has a phone a
just the phone a

cass is gonna dot com I did this for my
brother on a road trip

and I he was like talking to some girl
and he then was his turn to drive so

just for three hours

I texted her as him and then like and
then ended up going I think

used to it because based on that I mean
as Valley

a combination of many things but the
texting certainly helped

and i know i it’s only my friends will
like asked my advice on a tax write

because you’re sort of the
self-proclaimed king of texts

and had Girl how I got this is now
you’re really bragging but I had

I had met up with the girls and then and
then I

been like I didn’t I was a girl I do
this but you like so funny i text you so


lappam yes I like this is this could be
a legit business

i really be a good beat anybody out
there because they pay me to text let


what do you think a good rate would be a
twenty dollars an hour

cheeses that I 2011 are you said
yourself you a four-hour that made it

our text messages and it literally

build idea how much to people pay later
the taken

escort or something okay here’s the
here’s the site we need to build

people sign up n/a upload their text
conversations right

our and then you go to the back end and
you see with the text conversation is

and you go one by one this is where your
response and do it in this amount of


any of that text them so let’s say

people are only paying you I

what’s it look or with someone logic
like five dollars a text

that seems like it’s worth it ready
Fugate if you can get twenty people to

pay five dollars a text

a that means and that’s just one a day

that a hundred dollars that means you’re
making a hundred dollars a day for 365

day that’s

her 36 Granier pocket peaking at forty
people to do it at 72 grabbing

idler I’d love to build out yeah I love
you headed out and then you

you wake up in the morning you see like
all these text conversations newt you

type the responses

that’s it and that’s like that would be
that basically my dream job because

all I think about doing is texting right
love to

I after well then record the park at my
phone is over there on the couch because

I feel vibrate I’ll start texting

up forever ventilated I so %uh so this
guy’s question is why I think that

and she’s not interested in you I think
you blew it not as though the texting

maybe you were actually addicted person

like maybe didn’t come up with johnnie
maybe she’s a

maybe she is perfectly interesting but
it sounds like

if the text aren’t reciprocated it’s
never a good sign

yeah now you’re not you never interested
in someone and you don’t text them back

yes I did Lee now like even if you’re

maybe you maybe like is there a world
where a girl does like

he’s really cool either I not texting
too much I better not respond to every

text are that are not respond to every

I I think maybe but I

if it 80/20 then that we’re not in that
world right does not play on that

yeah the nobody is like I am gonna be I
wanna play it’s so cool that he’s gonna


yeah but it works good now is like is
obsessed but I don’t think anyone’s that


are not people are the game is weird but
it does work like if a girl that you

really love

is ignoring you for like days and days
and then she text you when you get

extra excited adverse is if she just
texted you back to let the teeth

I so few people have that much self
control if they like someone

if I like someone if I really like
someone I’m not playing the game

all immediate responses to tax which you
told me he has never happen

you’ve never lacked yeah last episode is
that I’ve never liked cell

but I mean I’ve as an early I i’ve been
interested in now

I when you say like someone you just met
you really really really really really

want to have sex with Emmers rice that’s
like yep that’s right

but that’s not liking someone means that
I really like someone tender when I

slept great really hard I blink when I’m
ready to get married all really really

really really really really really wanna

I as I know it’s like they would the

say that about marriage like I don’t
believe in love I just needed by like

the hottest wife possible so I always
wanna fuck

I a that’s the

that should be the testimony on your
site I’m called like yeah

iPhone casanova in quotations find the
girl that you really really really wanna

fuck for the rest of your life

and a man I if any %uh viewer a

and engineers computer programmers are
willing to build out this site for us we

love to

cut you into the partnership may be a a
10 percent ownership stake ur

are will pay you are feeling the next
thing he alive yeah

which is going to be worth so much more
than 10 percent at this website at

nearly midnight is liquid pussy I

has that per pair were or or liquid cock

a penny on without their oh yeah can you
text for girls

yeah good attacks my sisters you text a
girl you text for guys

yeah I kill it and yeah I’m actually
abused in the I

which is eight is a free text there’s so
little pressure because it’s like

I’m not really invest in this person and
that loosens you up

in a good way or bad way are not exist
in like four

like let’s say you’re texting for
Michael your brother on your side only

yeah I miss when

I’m gonna swing not I’m gonna make like
a huge move here because like who who

cares I mean I love how i text for
myself too

are you do you’re not afraid to like
take that big swing not now I mean

yes I had did did before and my calls on
sensitive on my cuz like I can’t legal

always shown the text before I send it

like no I can’t take that swing unlike
night you gotta and make no I and II


I like for a Michale draft three
different responses %uh that’ll be that

that’ll be the iPhone casanova Pro
account which I J paul getty three

different options and you guys can
choose wide it tougher for like girls

though cuz you have to

I don’t know it’s different you you can
take the swings the bat

yet preguntale that’s gotta be pitches
right grocers are now pitches

guys eating swings bitches up pitches am
p.m. Sartre’s ramps

good I

and dealings with you and now

I ice in a call them bitches to begin
another bad press

the right to it let’s go on to the next
question but stay in the same world

I found some so this is on his from a
guy will call

Fred bread hey guys

about three weeks ago I let my friend
borrow my brand new iPhone 5 over the


it’s a long story why did it but let’s
just continue

the money after the weekend he was
supposed to bring it back when I asked

him about it he just smiled nervously
and said yeah

about that and laughed so it’s been
three weeks since the last enemy as and

told me he’s going to get a new one or
give me money for a new one

also I fucked his sister about two
months ago should I tell him that if he

doesn’t pay me back

thanks guys where

where do you guys live I oh no a part in
the world happened then were someone can


no one’s buying my phone for I now were
led around

two days let alone three weeks was the
boat like my phone is like to view and

the cash right now that’s the farthest
I’ve ever been for american highlight

yeah Woods if someone lose your phone
after three weeks ago just

they say yeah about that and that’s the
end a conversation like no no no not

about that

give me my phone I give Lee like it’s
been three weeks in it doesn’t mention

buying me a new one

aid you have been brought up you haven’t
mentioned it

you imagine that when he said yeah about
that and he laughed did you guys change

the subject what’s your

with your Facebook status right now hey
still without phone are Brad still have


I hope he tells me sooner I’m gonna drop
a bombshell on

maybe he knows that you fucked his
sister by the way because maybe that’s

why you want the phone in the first
place a

is never gonna give it back that way he
ever you can fuck his sister

also liked your your big defense

against this whole thing is to tell them
that you fuck his sister and which case

you’ll never get a farm

know his plan is to go i fucked your
sister then the guy goes

no and then he explodes and then in that
room is where the iPhone is

Wow yeah like the iPhone a summer on his
person I like inside his body at the

cannon house

and every explodes a Fred will just find
it amongst his roommate yeah I like Rock

Hill rummage through small intestines
and find his iPhone

that makes no sense this guys like yeah
borrow it

and the like now he doesn’t have a back
so is like shit man I’m like disgust do

the three-week I I really big I’m pissed
that ever something why

I don’t know get a new phone and bill
Emerson think

I just I really like this question I’m
not quite sure what the best way to

answer is a

yeah if demand your phone back yeah I
wouldn’t say like

this is because type thing it like ruins
a friendship right

if he doesn’t make it if your friend
doesn’t make it right then you

don’t be friends with him anymore %uh
you mean like you shouldn’t tell that he

fucked his sister two months ago

or no you can and then today you’re out
like say I would gilman ultimatum just

be a hey man you

honestly like you lost your phone you
have a week to get get me a new phone

and if not then like I i’m going away I
really think I’m gonna wait another week

or two

if you don’t give me a phone within a
week then we’re done I’m not your friend

I’m in a lake and no tell your mom

I is like I can it be more like if you
have a friend who’s a big of an asshole

he just won’t do stuff like

if you call Shotgun and then a guy
steals it and he’s like

it it’s a joke if he steals it then it’s
like it gets annoying like non actually

not gonna get out a shocking like I’m
just gonna sit here and do that

like a lead levels technically apply
Valley what are you gonna do

yeah I guess I’m not gonna do anything
about it I’m just gonna slowly not like

you anymore

yeah but anything that is like how the
world right itself but this guy’s an


lost her phone tell he’s got a week and
if he doesn’t

tell late but this sister and have will
be friends

and then it this happens doing enough
times he will have any friends and I’ll

finally have what he deserves

which is no friends in the knowledge
that is friends but

every single one of his friends right
but business day I would say

you can say i fucked your sister and if
you don’t get me a phone by the end of

the week I’m gonna do it again

Agatha and I wanna tell other people
that it was good in that easy the NN

everyone we know is going to be trying
to fuck your sister good I hope they do

my sister needs the the decking the deep
dicking actually that’s why I stole your

phone to begin with

it was all part of my elaborate ruse
getting my sister lay

I now well euthanasia’s brother ever

in Amenas ran with the nice his brother
I’ll assist

let’s let’s go to the next question we
gave this guy we could

yet gonna let’s go from this is like an
a an episode based on year

a reserve expertise I said texting with
your expertise but this question about


Nyala 1 p.m. sandra Gal I know it here I
know I actually really like for you to

actually likes porn so much it gives me
a boner shit

yeah he really gets I sexually like it I

I I like it because I like girls

and I’m pouring you see girls not only

you know be in pretty but actually naked
some time to

doing some pretty compromising think you
know when you’re watching a movie you

like back girls hot but I can’t really
imagine her really well that are close

zone poor you you only have to let that
imagination run wild for about 30

seconds before the

the boobs in the Vijay come out and
she’s just doing something pretty

pretty bad pretty nasty et al was the
night I

and it’s i like it I really do. so
here’s this guy’s problem

of columns a Scooby Doo

skivvies QbD hmm you do you do you

scoop lyle were you well there’s a piece
on by the way we are still accepting

things out the mission for China due to
an episode

there are still coming in strong so
please if you have a thieves on

sufficient amount

you notify you show at gmail dot com
damn right this guy emailed SN

and he said hey Ice I was talking to my
girlfriend yesterday and the subject was

somehow changed from food

to porn she asked me if I watch a lot of
porn and I obviously said no I have I

have use I don’t really need to watch
porn despite

the fact that I actually watch quite a
lot of porn I’m just a guy after all

cell that’s one bullet dodged and she
seemed to like that answer

but then she also asked me if I had a
favorite porn star at it really think

about it and I just instinctively said

kristina Rose Brothers is Jake knows
what I’m talking about

ideal my girlfriend immediately started
googling her on her phone then gave me

shit about christina’s looks

what she’s done in porn and what she’s
famous for anal amongst other things

so now she’s pissed off at me thinking
that I don’t like her body because it’s

different from the porn star and
thinking that I want her to do the same

stuff that Christina does

I tried to explain to her that this is
not the case at all

and just because I casually like
watching stuff like that doesn’t mean I

wanna try it myself

I also told her that she’s way hotter
than Christina but in a different and

better way

despite all of this she is still mad at
me in ashes withholding sex

how do I make this right I think I need
an excuse all I Jake for this line

days alone now with all things that
through tho

by me this is such a classic fight
YouTube just be I i find you know I

don’t even care we don’t have sex cuz I
was a jerk

yeah it’s very ironic that she’s like
you just wanna fuck this girl touches

like now I wanna fuck you that well now
you can fuck me so what you gonna do it

like I guess I’m gonna jerk it to the
girl that your mad at me about jerking

it do

yeah I G used today it’s okay like I can
I don’t need to buy kristina Rose I

thought you would imagine your kristina
Rose all the time I

it’s the same thing yeah but that’s what
happened like

just because you watch porn doesn’t mean
you wish your girlfriend yet repeated

someone else while you’re having sex

that’s a good question ever imagine
someone else

I if I have then i havent like ike

I have enough times for me to answer
that yes unequivocally

tell you what percentage of the time are
you thinking about someone else

um the Pens I it’s not a lot but I
definitely done it

I don’t percent I don’t have sex enough
for it took for me to

have to find weird kinky waste it make
it extra exciting

right orderly have actually having sex
it was a long term girlfriend

yeah label a lot alike older couples
will do that

and I’ve done that when I was in like
long relationships yeah like a way to

met like mentally spice things up a bit
like the first time having sex and of

course not

right both times I’m having sex with
someone is the first time I

you that’s a good question what
percentage have ladies that you’ve had

sex with

have you only had sex with the ones once
like as in like

one-timer 1000 like that night the

the l1 one day like 24 hours yeah

yeah now property I over half

um I would say over half maybe actually

yeah share you’re a loser

I kristina Rose

kristina Rose ordeal and she has a big
ass she

takes it in the ass s she’s sorted by a

and she looks latina no I don’t think
she its

I think in the brown painters something
miss you that I had

away we met kristina Rose liked we met
we hung out there in LA

really yeah when am aware there for the

now look forward event thing that we
hosted oh wow

yeah I had sex with Christine early to
think the nine percent

I was you stuck it in her butt you Dog
Coalition I was my big about someone

else is out there

this as go abroad I

it is really tough because I porn is so
everyone does that nobody

never watches that everybody jerks off
everybody masturbate and

know and talks about it but when you do
it is uncomfortable

right because like I fully accept their
legal open I ever have will probably

masturbate em like if she masturbates
you probably does it

not thinking about you me at but like if

by asker I say I do you think about me
when he has to be she’s like now

I B ike I’m really pissed I

like this is where white lies come in
you fucked up

you should have said you like kristina
Rose you should say I don’t have a favor

points to I just like I don’t even

I don’t watch enough porn you did it
right with your first answer yet i’d

now you told the slight sure then she
and the girlfriend was not having it

you need there’s no quick fix you need
to slowly start talking about how

ugly kristina Rose is how much you can’t
get off to her and how anal sex dislike

discussed you and hopefully though
eventually you can turn this into a good

thing by being like

its I know you’re Group Inc will do
things that you want to do in bed

because now she’s like

thinking about how she wants to be more
kristina Rose

ask for you which is like I’d know that
sounds like needed manipulative

but it’s not it’s it’s like a beautiful
thing if you’re going about it in a

whole some nice waited like giving her
no pressure but she sort of like wants


do something for you well let’s try to
put ourselves in the mind of the girl

she’s offended that a guys looking at
another girl

okay that’s fine I am as a guy were like
don’t worry it’s not really a big deal

but a girl can

like it’s hard to put yourself in that
mindset Ave other guy

right near the lady so I don’t fault her
for being mad

but what is her plan now to withhold sex
for ever

yeah until she turns into kristina Rose
I don’t know what she I don’t know what

he’s trying to get

from withholding sex I think I guess
just like an apology

yeah view it if if you just

offer a full apology and say you’re
sorry if they’d eight years she’s the

most attractive person the world and I
think it’s gonna piss her off if you say

kristina Rose is attractive in a
different way

I would stop that I nobody was the year
that like and I

is that a hotter than me nurses

but it is like I think I’ve had
girlfriends were like I wanna watch

a porn that you like and I show them

and it’s like and everybody is like
that’s and thats

disgusting that’s not me that but they
it through

port is it how people have sex it’s a
it’s a it’s an exaggeration I the

legitimate yet somewhere exotic fantasy

you don’t nobody a expects to have sex

they are in porn videos but it’s like

it’s like you watch movies and you don’t
want your you want your friends to act

like the guy from the hangover

right although I would like to I would
like for you to be Bradley Cooper a

little more

you know everything I think he’s better
looking than year well and not just in a

different way

criticized he’s all I’m better bone

drug seller better T and then you
withhold friendship from me

because you’re so offended by that right
at home for

and I so you not gonna give you what I
usually do in this relationship which is


the joking around I and anal

where you can hang out with Brad the
frikkin Cooper then well known whether

the make you I’ll

I yeah I think she is just need to

her and people in general need to
understand that porn is not like

just as you watch a certain type of porn
doesn’t mean that you want in a

relationship that sorta like some weird

exaggerated sex virgin Nov that you’re
interested in but not necessarily want

to partake in

yeah that’s kinda hard to explain to
someone like if it if

a girls watching like this specific type
of porn

you your brain would I probably want to
do or maybe I should provide that right

you know maybe the

used to be like I would never want you
to do this stuff because I respect you

too much

and it’s not about like some weird
animalistic savage

getting off with you it’s about being in

and like having having a mutually

sexually X sexual experience I wanna
still like

hold each other close income at the same
time both kristina Rose I don’t mind him

a call her a whore and fuck her in the
ass because

I hate her a with you I love you so I
don’t want that type of sex from you

Mauer again the good advice I already
got the the bolshevik issue

is she can hear that you like how she’s
doing that have respect for me I think

right so it’s like yeah I like have this

release with porn but with you its a

it’s not just sex it’s it’s a whole

are you reading that down did shaggy
scrappy shaggy no scobee

scuba is going to be a directive that
down that’s all you need to do

preferably a in person but an email will

and then assign it kristina Rose JK lol

%uh kristina Rose if you’re listening

I that night at the Ford thing I

everything to me I was actually a really
subtle fort fort paid us

not to mention them in one episode this

yeah and those are so that was an ad and
that’s Italy money yeah we’re gonna go I

now is tender and they’re like kristina
Rose at that poor thing like I call now

we can go to Italy

I because people listening to this
podcast gonna be like oh I do

I guess I do need a car and one that
broke word up but they are when they

your checking out at the forward I Ford
dealership there going oh

I by the way did you hear about us today
can be as part of health and our band as

good a holy shit I’ve been

I’m inception the he had inception yeah

Island surgeon daydream a we’re almost

at break time you wanna take a little
break E yeah thing is La Brea here

hot chase we gotta we got a good

email from one of our sponsors saying
that our our fans are very active

and its makes us look good sir thanks
for you guys for

like clicking on links in if he even if
you even if you don’t like act on like

purchasing something it H

it means a lot that you’re like even
clicking on stuff the and that stuff

that makes clients happy and then

they think we’re cool because we have
like good fans right so you guys are

making us look good and they give us
money and then we can actually get a

studio where we can record the AA add

cool right now if we’re back in the town
okay happy really are

no I with this may be our last %uh
president allocative

yes shit but scary it’s dangerous we’re

well you sure you want to talk about

wait to have we not mentioned it I don’t
think so no

the various I very tired I’m actually
quite toda

Ramona Calif Los Angeles California
Hollywood land

high with one guy and make it as an
actor I think

I really think this is my ticket yeah
we’re taking a one-way bus ticket to an

american Idol audition is a two hundred
dollars for a head shot there is going

to show up in a

we got a script printed our gonna try to
drop on the doorstep with every agency

every studio and into bed or Gary and
work on PA slave production is isn’t

always better

miss the clear mister I’m a star I

you heard that move you you know how
that movie was made Spielberg was at a

Starbucks in some kid with gumption
walked up to him and said hey

there’s a script over I’d like you to
read in Spielberg was so apologies like


I’ll take a risk on you in that movie
you know a Paul that movie was

schindler’s list

how I love baths about that it was so
appalled that he made the featured

these are all that it really made it in
10 min Oscar and whether they know the

measure as a girl in the red dress

which one the seen that movie the guy on
the Red Death that was a mistake

lol area they’ve tried to color correct
the whole thing to be black and white

but they couldn’t get the red dress
Alicia Keys yeah

yeah say with others on purpose yeah
absolutely did

was in a choice yes I who is in a
decision I

it wasn’t a conscious decision I so hope
we will find a place in a little less

record podcast

blasier the other there was talk about
on the break is a that we’re going on


yeah so if you live in you know the DC

philadelphia boston Burlington
burlington vermont Ann Arbor Chicago

Minneapolis or Madison Wisconsin

you can watch us live yeah come to our
live show we’ll hang out after the show

how’s that take pictures Jake will text
someone for you I’ll text you

you are if you give me your number we
can meet up we can get fucking drunk

cheeses on the series due to Ann Arbor a

I governor race days Ann Arbor I’m gonna
rage madisyn I’m in a fucking go insane

Minneapolis I might take it easy disk is
that the last leg of the tour maybe hit

up the modern era that’s the

maybe go to look at the Burlington I’m
rolling absolutely Boston is by going to

be an off night for me I’m a taken like

a now it’s going to be fine somalis you
can go to college and I can slash the

age on tour to check out

awaken Mayer tickets exactly how you do
it we do hang out after the show so if

you come to a show

the and ISA ruling out after the show
stick around we’ll take photos

also I wanted to mention is that we are
posted about this and so many people

like oh you’re not gonna taxes you’re
not going to California

are your company can or whatever but we
are trying to go everywhere

is that we didn’t get to choose these
eight cities Republic are going but if

that because that was like

our choice that did not go to Texas are
not go to california and if you’re fun

as eight cities

dude we totally chose use it is because
you’re the best day there those haha


showed an arbor I an hour would probably
be once it is that we did specifically


allow that at that exact reference
doesn’t make sense but a

yeah we we basically are golden is that
all weighed in GA but we gotta ones that


that our booking agent tells us to go to
see you can contact them

or theater and talent to bring us over
and what will go anywhere

you go to a college you can colleges
have money to bring comedians out so if

you talk to you like

events Council and go to our what’s the
best place to

because they’re APA AP a comedy the WPA

there’s like there’s a college you wanna
come slash life

I’ll take actually gives you all the
info and maybe that maybe that doesn’t

exist maybe a dozen you should check it

i think thats I let’s get to the last
question shali

who the last that’s good they hear I

I’ll Scrappy Doo rights at the dating
this great girl for two weeks now and

she’s a smoke show with an

awesome personality everything was going
great until we had sex and I saw her


she has ugly man feat that cannot be
described as anything less than morbidly


whenever I get a hearty thinking about
her my mind ship summer hot butter

ok your feet which I do I feel like a
complete Park lot over here

I’m dating Shrek thanks Scrappy Doo

I I this is why

girls have issues is because they think
that guys think there’s an even worse

guys do

right but all month so few don’t I is a
piece of shit he does not represent us

fark what here a girl with an

a smoke show with an awesome personality

other room oh your feet right you have
ugly everything

I as well as for quality the evil prince

I the evil guy interact the air here you

complete marquai actually you you

Park lot you want to be a Shrek you on a
militia the hero of the movie

so yes you are near your day teacher at
yeah I lovable

a lovable hero I you’re an evil Preds I
think they had on a guy you a present is

that a bad person

it’s still rude it’s so hard to find
someone who’s

one-year at first physically attracted
to an end to she has an awesome

personality and what you’re gonna throw
away because

even after that despite you should throw
it away please do

yeah you don’t deserve this I so you let
me keep hunting for the girl that has

every single perfect thing that you’ve
ever wanted oh yeah

Ellen sure that you’re going to end up
alone with my that you deserve with 125

ago with an awesome personality that the
smoke show and perfect be then you can

lock her down unless something else is
weird about her like

Shia she snores or Shia breeds her mouth
there’s always something you know that I

thought I tried it

you know his terrible language aside a

and terrible a to decide is there
anything to you

you know like the sorta like seinfeld
the in years like oh yeah

us got howdy belly but yeah I can’t be
with their her belly button is an Audi

right I’ve I’m been there before

what where she has everything but one
thing or not even everything but one

thing but there’s just like something
that you’ve per some reason focus on and

you can’t make yourself stop even

the this guy shows no remorse anytime
I’ve done that like

there was a girl I was crazy about but
for some reason

I kept on picturing for sheeting

and I don’t know why he left the say
that every girl you like if I have a

crush on someone and i wanna get over

I will picture her shooting and that
loses that loses all her Lord yeah and I

that like confident that I need but see
I couldn’t stop after with her

you know certain that you just imagine a
constant ring that shit that exited her

anus and went around into her mouth like

like she was swallowing a hula hoopers I
would pitch that they are a picture


be her sleeping over going to the
bathroom getting back in my bed

I could smell the ship from the bathroom
naked smell

knives imagine never happened it never

I kept that picture editors like a
totally may be physically attracted to


why I don’t know and I didn’t knew that
is being insane I knew that as being an

asshole i think is the smallest thing in
the world but like at the same time

couldn’t are you with my actual feelings
are now on hang out there

you say you don’t like girls you don’t
like fiction girl shitting he also

you’re not get it had sharing a meal
with a girl yeah I’ve done that like

a handful of times in my whole life
right and I like the

it by Mike de Diego Forlan for a very
long time a yen for them

like keep for most people it’s like meal

hanging out kissing eventually sacks

year the exact opposite first things
first let’s bone

then if I really really really like you
and things are gone great I can

seriously envision us

eating lunch together yeah but even then

I I’ve had things are ruined like I
we’ve been dating girls and then they

like the deck ok I when I cook you
dinner and then I would

I fear that so much that I avoid them
lose touch of my god

and I would love to at have ed and

a woman cook for me actually I think
that’s unnecessary deserved

thing they don’t be so shameful about
eating to me it where it’s like I have

to admit my taste in front of someone

but there’s something also fun and
dramatic and exciting about like a

cooking dinner date yeah but then my
Anna just like kinda gross you like

you eat food and I like the ironic be
honest in his later years ago cedar

year the grosses either I know yet i
want to show anyone that I like I’m a

terrible leader a shovel food in my
mouth to eat so fast

you talkin I mean I do this stuff to
size shouldn’t even be throwing stones

in this class house but you are

notorious the a abysmal at eating yeah

you’ll take the biggest bites I can
imagine as peek through its spit

Chu loudly I like half my food on the
way to a table

like I I early at like seven french
fries at a time

yeah everything you should do about food
you down and then you project that onto

girls that you don’t wanna hang out
there that you know you like

I just think there’s something like sad
about ordering food where you have to

like show

like it’s showing your hand in front of
a like to waiter in front of somebody

that you like

be like our can I have like ketchup I
don’t know if they feel weird leads so I

just did it it is someone they like I

that I need to add this sauce to my food

so it’s a bit and sad like I like this

I tender words like you show people like
I feel horny I’m horny

because I don’t know I yours so unique

I don’t relate to that at all

and it’s so funny that like you do stuff
that’s really physically intimate with

girls you don’t know anything

I don’t want to order catch up with you
is that like

oh i haven meeting to you that I can eat
chicken without tomato paste yeah

that’s the year admitting that after you
as to bone her

in various positions that’s that’s the
weird intimate thing that you should

feel uncomfortable I would never asked
about I that’s the other

like I’m know people that like ask for
blowjob there something I can have a

blowjob I

that’s so fucking weird you just get
into bed with you I hope for the best

yeah and I mean she’s they never say
anything during sex and I’m never late

let’s try this position lets a

here put your leg like this I US

that you want that you just do it and
they like I mean like

I’ll try to put someone over in a paper
boat for them that’s greater if they

don’t then I’m like okay we’ll do
something different and its

as long as it doesn’t involve fucking
were sister shot sir a one sauce

for asking for anything at the ask it
may be just like asking is sad

I am you turn around no

okay go to light you are pretty anti
asking even like that

though the general world yeah like if we
get any email

you’re like I don’t understand a bit
like it’s like I’m cool to follow up

no I don’t know I do all those get there
and figure it out

yeah he always err on the side of silage
you gotta be chill

yeah you’re very chill which is weird
cuz I’m not sure

my over thinking literally everything
wherever they lead

the date you going to talk about this
throat I give a concert

the concert we like I don’t know if this
goes even showing up well yeah I think I

don’t wanna follow cuz that’s not cool

loop we have gotten a player like I we
did know

what time we are meeting howard’s taking

later there is no there is no cook

its let him get asking for details as
nerdy but necessary yeah

you don’t be the guy that where we
meeting when are we meeting right how

are you getting there but labor called a
hair go to the show calmly outcome I i


then they’re like but then attending
okay um

the show starts at 9 I don’t wanna say
that how I like it

your show up that the cool our that we
all agree on and hopefully that the same

time yeah

you want to be like the shows are
tonight I’m gonna be there 845 you can

come whenever

yet so then where that leads to is
situations where like

goal come to the show alright cool
should I buy a ticket are about our

ticket okay

when am I supposed to go to the show is
even coming I wanna follow up

what do I say hey are you coming that
Sony liberty and dirty in layers of

others go to the show hope to god she

and she didn’t sure enough did not I

well you know I really see you learn
illusion as to confirm the heavier the

night hours chill about it and you know
it at the very least she doesn’t know

how you like your hamburgers

I god no known well no never will

who except for me your key eating from

yeah by you know that built up I hope
order all my vices and for you

I babe how does picked up so you gotta

turkey blat ask for hot sauce game over

yeah as Sir Roger yet to ask for the
Arnold Palmer the drink is not even on

the menu

I night as comfortable see that the
other I mean this goes back to you’re my

soul mate on the refined a woman here

where is it %uh now that’s what we
talked about in on Monday’s episode

oh yeah so this app is that is coming
out after recorded Monday’s episode

which is with six months ago get excited
for that

through we talk about how it might be
easier for Jake to convince himself that

he’s gay and marry me

and to actually finds Asami that a
female yep open up all over again I

cell that’s right after this episode we
keep on getting longer and longer I

really don’t hit an hour

where we are in a a.m. 50 ish captain

I who want to get to the hour then it’s
like 01 we do forty-five people are

disappointed here

they should yeah we want we want people
to be happy that we want this line at

disappointed that we like the short

if com cell thanks so much for letting
everyone thanks for emailing us

and keep those emails coming that email
again is if I were you show at gmail dot


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thunder thighs especially I

both for leaving a good review on our
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a making more hours getting a smoothie

but there is parched shopping for

job dinner nude and Leslie arranging a

is there a gf general really to haha

crazy I will marry that year that first

but the songs from a guy named Jeff ends
or is his name in this last one is from

a guy named Ben

if you think you can beat them we’d love
to hear it to send those in as well

I am thanks for listening everyone

the in shoes


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