Episode 39: Facebook Official (with Streeter Seidell)


In this episode we discuss masturbation, pornography, and Amir’s driving skills. Or lack thereof.

This episode is brought to you by HuluPlus.com! Check out HuluPlus.com/Amir for two free weeks of movies and televisions shows. That is, if you like TV and movies…


bones Journell lone player now what

it’s a southern guy doing French

as you did it yourself you thought you
should know what you meant

bone Gerrard no noon anyway today’s
episode is brought to you by

did did collar neck collar

know everybody likes it nobody eats it

check out corned okay let you know what
I actually miss read that

it is not yet Hulu Plus Hulu Plus to

I’m so sorry about that the corn at

it was good to lose the corn it that
scheduled for 2015 2015

yeah big deal poor there’s lotta money
in court the two billion dollar cash out

so Hulu Plus what is Hulu Plus you by
her dad who dot com

but you know that Hulu Plus lets you
watch thousands up hit TV shows

and a selection acclaimed movies on your

or on the go with your smartphone or
tablet yes

isn’t its roots in HD for not continuing

experience that’s right see you can
watch you know SNL community Family Guy

and you can watch it

not just on your TV united by a computer
big you watch it on the phone

on your telephone while you’re you’re
you’re in the bathroom let’s say you’re

brushing your teeth

and you’re on your phone you know you’re
checking text messages while you’re

brushing your teeth you know I don’t do
that okay

that’s your addicted to your phone I
you’re addicted to you put you at you

look you read a tablet while you look at
your phone

I don’t be pressured to buy just putting
the brush on the counter and rubbing

your teeth done it

well watching the new girl which I could
do thanks to Hulu Plus Dhaka on WoW


and you know what Hulu Plus also has
original programming whole the

crap for example the awesome starring as
an asset Myers and Moon boy starring

Chris O’Dowd from bridesmaids

yes isn’t they offer a great selection
acclaimed films

so if you have $7.99 a month to spare

and you probably do you can stream as
many TV shows and movies as you want

wherever you want and as a special
little deal for y’all

check out Hulu Plus dot com forward

Amir and you try Hulu Plus for free for
two weeks

you don’t have to pay anything just go
to Hulu Plus dot com

slash a mere to at least check out their
service what is it like watching

community on your phone in the bathroom

Google+ let us know I got it we wanna

get Hulu Plus dot com glad you know you
live forward slash

Amir or that special deal also if you
want to just go out to eat corn farmer

stand on his porch and yell Jake you
will come out and shoot you with the


that it so thank you so much for Hulu
Plus for bringing us back on a Thursday

and thanks for you guys for checking it

you know helping our sponsors helps us

you help them help help help

I up Joe got bored it out again

%uh please enjoy it is absurd we
recorded it today

the day before we released it in a hotel
room in Madison with our friend streeter

anti-gravity things governor hickel
things actually ended up getting real

who in this school officials say to
thank you guys for listening enjoy the




lovely the

as the jazzy higher wasn’t class III

yeah over sassy smoothie

that’s soothing with the correct answer


in with roommate anyway this is a
barrier the other guys podcast show on

the internet hosted in a hotel room in
Madison Wisconsin on a mere

and I’m J and were here with streeter

Sidell thanks for the assist we r

on the road as they say doing a tiny
shares were at this point we’ve done 60

eight shows

one more tonight Madison Wisconsin and
11 Minnesota and then we can finally

sleep in the same bed for two nights in
a row there and finally quit we can


yeah white I’ll be going to dinner die
at the end of this year you raging to

Hardees early

you who’s thats the I’m that like that
I’ll tell about the guy that a

raced into the locomotive machine tilly
you know

make the tracks have no at least home I
guess I don’t I had a guy educated cause

a mushroom

a was the tall tale about me fucking

plugin going head to head a Jimi Hendrix
Banj Gaza diarrhea right now is vomiting

very sick I was rewarded with a hammer
in his hand can I do I need i say more

really we didn’t you nobody knows is a
if it’s not Paul Bunyan her Johnny


I don’t know it oh my goodness okay it
now I just want to point out

and I know this is my podcast it is is a
his podcast but Jake is violating the

airplane mode

then your honor followed by day I kid I
kid not know this

I’ll I just can’t deal with all the
emails and tweets seventy get

HIV result I rubbed on the railroad ties
no I cleared the guy with a hammer at

the Hamburg I S two games against the
railway and then at the end he became I

that’s what nails are and yeah yeah I
came in El and before that ever like

well within a week the Golden Spike

I have so desperate to find now I just

more minutes if the hammer it before

that John Henry you guys never the tall
tale love John Henry

isn’t John Henry somebody American
history straighter he’s a you know

you’re thinking of John Brown’s others
the title Joshua Garnett

goes he was the best railroad track

William Henry is who I am thinking of
excuse me and played at Clay Henry with

the firemen in the subway fan

okay anyway I alright so so is born with
a silver hammer in his hand

he was the best the building railroads
and eventually the machines were gonna

take over take all the jobs away from
the guys who worked all day in a

building the railroads the machines are
what they call Chinese people yeah

TV Chinese immigrant a silly races /a
and I am ashamed here is to get the


any wins but his heart burst at the end
so he

so ultimately even though he beat the
machine he dies

and the machines so I guess the machine
ones so late so

how is that you because you’re you’re
partying too hard how dare you compare

yourself to anything I’m working really
hard you know I’d like

other every night doing two shows yeah
and then

racing against the comedy machine and
then you’re getting hammered

yeah I area that sell yeah

well I’m a good day without him because
I’m gonna die at the end I

I’m China take every other night after
you don’t have an off mood

your child together every %uh that you
were out last night yeah but I love and

you were and you were and you were out

in the you’re out in Ann Arbor the night
before embossed I was not I kept

I try to tell you that the way to make
sure that you have a good night is to

never go to the second bar and yes last
night I was at the fourth time

he went to the second part three times
as I had it when you make all the bad

decision that I was second part I would
the second by the way to the third bar

then I went out to the fourth party
check out the

martyred in the third bar told everyone
the fourth car with dope and then I went

back to the fourth bar and no one
followed me

that 1i think it was the fifth buyer
because I don t remember and that I was

behind bars

you should it has gone and had a
midnight cheeseburger in your hotel we

like a non said person at the way I did

I mobile again with a cheeseburger which
is the nearly any rest rally at 11

Addison was gone madison wisconsin
Governor state name

fall 2023 I would even get to say that

opening things I was written by I G
Scott the ban is sick see

yeah sieges like if it a little rough I
can be recorded but little does she know

we disease that anyway

and it’s great yeah it was interrupted I
founded haunting

I can tell you’re going to hear that
late in a while your Cheezburger

I’m on that she’s very know you Leone

hours up to played with no deal on it a

you are more angry hurt by Reuters New
York’s Long

we had just came from eating at a
cafeteria up where our mouths tired

which I really enjoyed you did not even
like it did you will to be at this is

what happened I A

in egg salad and I I hated egg salad

and a bag loved each a sour cream and

I had potato chips and washed down with
the lemon lime Gatorade and that was a

from a 7-eleven yes solo by the time we
got to the cafeteria

I was you are feeling the fried cheese I
why I had the cold sweats

I was ill tired and dead I A

hello shelly is known as Italy a.m. et

so yeah I did not feel like having the
chicken patties here which should I got

when we got to the cafeteria but it was
humorously Jeep everything’s a dollar

thirty five other

I missed or cafeteria food I was
pounding back those cheesecake slutty

hazard are

and he was like I did I find the like
found my people here

you look like you belong like yeah where
people look at you weird for just being

straight cheese when I do that however
looks at me like

what are you doing you monster show and
I do that here they’re like its good yet

yeah oh yeah I like yeah definitely good
yeah sure

but oh yeah through all your think those
cheese curds are good to go tribe down a

cheesy like

I actually our mayor’s actually a block
of cheese

we are now you know we’re loading
operating on we love we let shattered


for ya with the landslide to know all
the accompanying them stand a chance you

can read the mayor here yeah

just she’s there ya you let me just take
a bite and that’s how we both

I food so whoever has the less least
amount of cheese left at the end is the

new mayor elect all ya know

on an old old Ali or gas wire our
midwestern accent

need to be approved but that but that’s
the gist a bit but someone explain %uh

the podcast works

yeah I have no idea it’s now i’d young
I’m aghast why would you put the area


are well so what happens is people email

in their questions conundrums sticky

we do our best to advise them out as
these problems

a sometimes we do better than others
sometimes we just beret people sometimes

we r

no sort of a free-for-all your and use
the repertory

you recorded an apartment today
recording it in a hotel room

hotel room in Madison which is actually
really nice just to paint the photo

the takers on it chair next to the bed
streeters laying

in my bed and no big deal jeans on her
honeymoon thing about how dirty they are

yeah they’re pretty dirty leather
interior years nearly

on the floor your shoes are soaking in
the tub good listener

concerning outta the germs on them my my
shoes and socks earn a bye love

rubbing alcohol right now there’s been
having an an absolute meltdown because

he doesn’t have clean socks

acumen like it’s this has been a major
source of stress for him

all week all this is that is I’m on my
last pair of clean socks oh my god

what will you do up by where my gym
socks which are my backup Zach but I

really want to get into such a terrible

anyway I so these easy people emails in

are you show at gmail dot com feel free
to do the same

and we are yeah what’s forget to
answering some of these questions

now now let’s give this real email

a fake name what about will call names
and cities honor to wear

those ones from Madison Madison Madison
rights in

guys I need your advice i met this guy
in July to video game tournament and we

really hit it off

we talked for every day he was super
sweet we even Skype all the time

we don’t live in the same area here’s
the problem we call each other boyfriend


although it’s not official the heaters
wanna actually make it Facebook official

he still puts little hearts on my wall
likes and comments on my shit

and will call me baby and other cute
names I just don’t understand why he

doesn’t want to be official at the very
least Facebook official

any advice or thoughts thinks Madison
there’s so many

so many chicks add video game

here’s why it I did media analyses their
freedom a

X eg announcing to the video game world
that he is in in relation to a lot of

other people are better

Metal Gear Gear Solid are gonna make fun
of the movie has a girlfriend

on up I’m you

are against Facebook official iti

me yeah I ES I find it to be abhorrent

happen you’re not even like slightly
below neutral you’re like it’s a

negative 10 on a scale at -10

I think it’s awful why do you hate it so
much I think well I mean like

you and your wife I find that you know
that’s not its complicated between a

up a sweat on Facebook in real life were

the few times I’ve entered into Facebook

and and like they and you know

inevitably so it just it’s such a weird

were finally said they that like

I put like a year of my life into a
relationship fell apart

and then it just like 0 jessica is

like and now I like three dude like it
when I can now go comment on that which

is nice no leads of bullets like

my temper boil my heart break my

you’re more against the breaking up the
Facebook official ID

not the getting into the Facebook
workers as soon as you do it’s just

inevitable that you have to get out the
Facebook relationship the like

you for your Facebook official it is
like being engaged you like you’re only

gonna do I would not know what you wanna
do it then

it’s just like it doesn’t matter would
you do it when if you’re married

like that that’s why would you like this
person’s my wife for we do so be like

well but what if we get divorced

is that if I were married I would do it
means a lot to me

why I

I’m unclear on this question have these
two ever they’ve met in real life had

never realized presumably

relation to those it’s only a
complicated it done what she’s saying

like we’re not we’re not official but we
call each other weapon a girlfriend yeah

make it Facebook official just shut up
it’s super cute the other semi cranky

tired mad silicon

a and India and Asia

she’s heard it was cheese curds to be
perfectly honest

but shut the fuck up that live it
doesn’t matter it’s

Facebook official is officials at
non-official why if you can hear just be


hey I wanted I wanna like make this
official on Facebook if you don’t you

can go fuck yourself a middle lamina

I would say that’s the way to go like if
it’s really even though it’s

stupid if it’s really bothering you just
bring it up right if anything is ever

really bother you don’t like put it down
but I think that you can

always present something like a I know
this is gonna seems more I know that’s

gonna seem dumb but it really bothered
me because at the person cares

it doesn’t matter that its malls like
also be a care about you to care about

is suffering and I should correct it
this is the

this could be one of those things that
like I sometimes

you know you’ll find that a girl cares
about something that you never even

thought for one second

yeah actually care about and then like
you’re the jerk all the sudden

without it like a totally innocent jerk
like 0

where you at you actually care about
Facebook the OPP

yeah sure of the elect let let’s totally
be Facebook official and so I did know

you actually gave a shit with another
example that

that happen all the time with food like
what are my rights birthday

well sorry I other two big deal to Yale
yes I got a nice was remember it and

then Mike C are really upset when you’re
good ok walkin out the old

try to remember of course I always
remember is never really say anything

I remember and then it was like oh now I
have to get your gifts for next year

this year I learned do you think you
know how to be a human is being

yeah I’m learning that so every person
has a day is that hurdle of the day

every day

I that’s weird you probably the value is
still try to crush the values doesn’t

want to be at his work with lasers
occurs is what you’ll know

we have well that’s another reason
people don’t go to Facebook official it

it’s like well I don’t want all these
babes to think that I’m taken

all these other kids on skype yeah i
think is you try skyping on the side and

I didn’t bring up that he might have

Skype account the money was like roses
the problem is that is

they’ve gotten this far that this girl
like wants to be like official

they’re like E he can’t you can’t hide
it you should be like a girl with people


you know i i and just cutting in

isn’t it weird to be like your mic I
haven’t online relationship we don’t see

each other ever

but we’re official yeah but that seems
like the leadership ever why would you

do that you know the negative about
being far away from your lover

so that’s the whole relationship and all
the pros have you know actual physical

contact being next to each other that
doesn’t make me have a a masturbation

based relationship so I come on lads

me to talk to anybody in my circle of
friends and

you know can’t touch anyone in real life
oh yeah and I always have to call a

check up with the

a fake on riders it’s like it’s like all
it’s like

online porn that makes you feel guilty
like that’s what a higher level than

living like a thief

I you a lot to the right boards and I’m

LTR their Hannah pan

I haha and be like Facebook officials
replacing like

in our generation it was like we should
have the talk to realize ever actually

boyfriend and girlfriend

yeah I was a big deal like are you guys
boyfriend remember there was a dating or

seeing each other or in a relationship
now it’s like

I don’t know for Facebook official yet I
think that those call DTR member

define the relationship yeah but this on
the I’m

almost in my mind like Facebook

like a week into the relationship it

like it undermined like oh I have to

decide to show everyone that have a
girlfriend I have to like

be like ok this girls my girlfriend guys
it seems like in secure

you know right like your anything you
put on facebook

is bragging rate so I just like if I

could was capable love love while when I
just like

have a connection with somebody that’s
like in I don’t care if it’s on Facebook


let the real issues you itself the City
two robots do you don’t you think

but that some girl you were with wants
you to brag about her

they don’t you win don’t you think she’d
be like three like year over absolutely

everything about this later I saw your
laser co-pastor to socio

isolated sociopath I know this it’s a
three-person I could but you’re ganging

up on us

I me in my logic

I think straighter it is logic is good
points are ganging up on us right now


3 against terrorism how sorry guys have
been I

let’s go back to tell you that may be
unfair and she’s set up

this is not cool the way the way you

you had a good point in it took me down
to pay

we sorta build each other up because
when it’s just us two who’s gonna tell

us that we’re alive because I open the
door to this little

self positive a echo chamber you

we at UWI st. to be on the on this show
not because you thought

without you come in here and give us a
different your opinions which differ

means bad in RM

mind I thought you asked me to be I cuz
I was already in a mere spared you

particular setting up goodnight with
falling asleep when you started

he said no you’re about to hear me out
he said let me on the show I’m gonna

scream every three minutes an interrupt
your podcast

you pull down your pants squatted on the

it was Datalog how way out to be rather
never seen anything like it you

that was a bit on the Shi’ite there this
is what

known as the tape important at the
halfway point I can either suck a bag

inner let it plop down by Joe love you
know where you are on the right that is

I’m in Cali Malcolm Gladwell menaces the
dipping boil it took me ten thousand

hours to perfect this

so don’t blame overlays the because it
guess what

i’m david y’all goal I have no up have
your say

you can have to get out of his room bill
out lives because they

bigoted gonna take a minute to clearly
evident you either the hotel

been yeah that would have been that slow
play on the shelf

but they have a better question so
you’re saying it’s good to have a lady

that you’re worth

that’s worth bragging about I felt would
like so when when Van Ness and I started


as you know I was there never is your
way my wife now we start dating hours

back very

excited to go on Facebook and be like is
my girlfriend I wanted everyone to know

I want to brag about and I’m sure that
made her feel good sighting that the

problem there

have you ever met someone that you think
you’d wanna brag about

I on Facebook yeah

is there someone that you’d wanna brag

there is a ride wonderbra I mean I’ve
been with you but I wanted to brag about

but I wouldn’t put on facebook

because I know that I’ll and up

breaking up with him and have to like
delete that relationship

I feel like a you think other people
care a lot more about

relationships the native I got all these
people out there was it is that it’s a

big deal with that does that

yeah record shows up in a news feed not
something that should the people talk

about not seeing me specifically but dog
I’m just clownin knowledge if not yes so

my dad was with you cloudy but is still
you put me on blast

it would be a blast right now on a
Wednesday I

a planned day i think is not there we
had a long tour is a Wednesday afternoon

4 p.m. blast

both it’s too early didn’t last day here
that’s another thing we be doing on the

tour is up putting people on blast this
is we I have to go ahead give there is a

bird credit a

I Dave let them are the first time you
did talk to be put a blast

is like he put me on blast on a Sunday a
call about prison shit

and then I’ll that is like on like
Monday blast let you know really the

only day I could put a plastic that is
Wednesday by then I really deserve it I

the is blasting each other on a on an
hourly basis

yen I got my eye I deserve to be put on
blast her

for my actions that’s true you true
story I

but the lease they try to give this girl
a base I don’t know if we’ve use the

actually if your guys are just launched
of I’ll call you a holla me segue this

man I would say put that dude on blast
if it’s but if it bother you

I would say I was gonna literally say
the exact same thing but that dude I’m

blasts I am to put you on blast right

and I don’t think you’re so that’s a no
them how dare you as you put you on

blast for not trusting the arm I got
their show

a cruise on blast though now confuse
Lego Africa still a teen

who’s on clubland yes know who the last
yes the guy on blast yes

the several exactly I who’s on blast the
modern by the Ridley Inc

but you just said you don’t YouTube this
girl should STFU and now you’re telling

him to tell the boy for that it bothers
him and I’m fucking

hoped out of mind I I’ll tell Rosario
I’m not allowed to contradict myself on

this show chase been trying to get

every city and I guess what he’s
succeeding has succeeded do I got I got

fuckin yet that unite yea at a rest stop

if he’s our ground down to a fine powder

oh my god I just saw my I i’m actually
like after end up I dislike

its streeter introduce me after another
I got Jake addicted to happen is all

other nasal spray before an

do I’m friend upper 60 friend I wouldn’t
call it weird Kirk

I few hundred did you guys are looking
for the event bill congested you feel

like my back that we’re talking about I
start licking my lips are like I have

like biking it in but I framing it is
addictive right is that a highly highly

I’ll let iraq a chemically addictive you
get addicted is smelling things

you and then you stop taking you can’t
smell anything you’re all stuffed up you

know I can be debt free international in

at freeing her asking year on day two or
three what was the last day

your life that you hadn’t been hadn’t
taken one pill or done why a health


and you said it’s been like what I
probably yeah almost a decade I that

a did you have in medicine every day
over-the-counter Side elementary


agree I feel street is likely to like we
did it in Arlington

and in a Ann Arbor he was delayed a lady
killer Kaur I

he was at the Walgreens so giddy so
happy I did you come over

like both times he bought a shit I
thought it was like a display here the

Reds their

I with like so many different medicines

you air when you guys were hungover at
Weber’s hotel who knew the remedy

yeah the over-the-counter Sidell
actually not nice

you for your like to leave coffee you
laugh ran

is that why you carry drug lord where
did I marry a doctor

now she actually is a few she gets
furious with me about the

amount of over-the-counter messages I
take on the rag to rate your


I as she could I why I think she could
but she wouldn’t

I think you’d lose your license for that
lies you’re dead right you drug


I’ll check the whole John all the time
yeah United I did not pass mere

yeah he is me a vagisil belted a rub it
on my lips if I wanna feel you have been

mir’s looking a little you use the right
yeah I

badges still yeah I call you my brothers
the east the boys action I

used the Bulls okay over your house was
you you’re a year and then we’re all in


I to look for you it was administering
it that’s related to deny

regarded a group anal pap I

a weekly I we tested positive for

pages written rx that is actually very
healthy for a drive but

admin its to both a new

actually don’t agonize Valais Canton
start really

yeah your BB I’m glad you’re not a blast
I’m not going to stand up

I i heard the man I well with a nice

think the choo choo train the I

leaders ran to the window to look to
happen is you I love you

look at the two train what other kinda
trains are there mentally 22

exactly shoot shares just like me with
their cheese juju

try to 22 to Julian average

I there on the average

train 2-2 pitch you baby I got about to
kick down a stall door then I was in

there the bathroom

just like you leaned over the rail with
the fuckin after not my nose

muscle is nerd coke him I thought is
gonna kick me out please

is that they locked the door behind him
I can maybe you

the give it to me motion was crazy but

you have such wild nights radio that
Afridi after the bike and bouncer and

Chicago added Apr and I snorted a

Miami the whole freaking kill bass and
holly ALG II

looking to leave and I just passed right
out then yeah I I stayed awake for 36

hours in a hot dogs line actually
started hallucinating

replace you that she will check your ego
yeah I’m speaking in snake dog hair

I ethnic ok try to move on to the next

sure we spend more than enough time on
that one more than actually is there


later this tour we can call this guy
Chicago a blink an eye but no

rich sounds like a rich there are some
things are Burlington rights

so I have a question slash need some
advice from you guys how do I quit

jerking off

west on a quick jerking off I quit for a
week and I legit felt better and wanted

to actually converse

and listen to women rather than just
wanting to plow through them and get the

hell outta my house

keep up the good work hey you guys use
my question

I thanks why God burly themselves

sir as a right answer bear LinkedIn I

how dressed up jerking off blinders I

have a problem you’ll see a if a

hey man you know they say jerk is
quitting jerking up is easy

have done it a thousand times 0 martyrs

1988 police that kid

the he lives yeah it’s so

well have added you guys ever tried to
quit jerking off a totally take

me know never back out quit I would be i
I’m gonna take a break

yeah guys I just came and I need like it
too and yeah

pressure let my seed grow a little bit
only got ever tried to calm wit

I mean quit that so final you like you
don’t quit

I think have anything I’ve much like
I’ve realize that I

accidentally quit for like a month well
i outed

users plays you do you would you would
go a month without jerking off do when

you like when you live with

I when you live with the women in a

aloft where there’s no other room to go
to i mean you can a

yeah sometimes you just don’t have time
you don’t have the privacy

you don’t would be the privacy just go
into the bathroom presented to his

shower units or scratch your butt

it’s not sad but the it coming

made it fun I figure I burned into the
bathroom pic money just actually do it

in the shower idea to use your iPhone a
pretend I’m just saying that’s what I

would do

I why we’re gonna user an ear buds also
you can hear the sounds

love what like the girl moaning use your

mean it all is said to have the sounds
all the cuts are you Peter

you could just listen to them I they are
I think they’ve done studies there like

it’s bad

for guys to watch porn with the way what
war is like

yeah detrimental I could is OK to jerk
off but you should maybe watch less porn

there’s that article in New York
magazine about that was like to

reporters like ruining a generation a
man because they

you can just see anything you want
whenever you want it’s like a real sex

it is becoming boring

although I’d never found that the I mean
yeah I’m still not bored but I do I do

you think they like when I was younger
and I would

have to a jerk off with using my
imagination it was like it with

8 took less time it was mott like now
I’ll sit and watch porn flick in

our wow that’s like a time suck you will
be masturbating to your just watching it

as a as a bit fan in the credit

as to what as an artist and when I was
younger was like you have to do it in

the next 15 minutes or your mom is gonna
be like

I know you’re not taking a shower
anymore a why would you is that a funny

thought that your parents will get mad
at you for masturbating I remember

having that thought like

I can’t get caught cuz mom and dad will
be furious

I think I’ll be fear as I think it’ll
just be terribly embarrassing

yeah i know i mean now that’s what I
realize it would just be embarrassing

but then I thought they would be mad at
me for some reason what some parents are

met like we had a question last week
about it and they don’t deserve to be


yet take that child away I

um the yard say this like the one time
had sex it was so much better than

masturbating so like that’s

I’m I’m looking forward to that again so
you’re saying the last time you had sex

yet you’re not worried yeah on our
wedding night was the time and I also

when we’re ready every kid will have it
will do it again

although no yeah so use your CPU sad
that’s awesome

you had you had laid I had led a dude I
had led delay I had lain with the woman

once oh my goodness

tell me everything I

tell me everything in I was ever get

just shivering with excitement I
quivering at a rate that make you look

like a hummingbird

I’ll the love no you just a blur and yet
already the I

he’s actually applying and just playing

you fuck you polo you like an electron

every if you can never pinpointed the
exact location

everywhere network had one salad guide
believing that tether in the room right

now the resulting in like

and it’s like watching a dandelion

float around it’s unbelievably starting
at the different feathery particles

yeah at this point is more of an idea
than a percent abuse Barbara

residence the human no we can’t see we
are more

what we know we know there yeah we know
what the solu-

maybe it’s a bright bright light that

even later than whiteness I’m never I
can even know how to describe it

I can’t help but feel like we’ve gotten
off track I let that happens a lot in

this job

%uh so I his question is how I
subjecting of yeah I guess don’t yeah I


I think I would be my body said it was a
subreddit I think they’re is already


who this is but you know I know you got
derailed you read it

I as the answer to every question and
it’s called no FAP

and what did what is it just like
interesting things that support every

yeah it’s it’s like a

at Circus I think Sam rice sent it to me
want to take a support group for dudes

who are trying not to jerk off yet like
a sponsored by hey arms traders Disney’s

Jake comes like the law I become a jerk
off okay to come over my have a huge

hard on right now and I kinda wanna grab
it with my hands all over the budget man

his stay strong to state that stay on
the phone with me I don’t recall over

right now

using wet dreams and go to a bar wet
dreams are something we look forward to

because they collided masturbate but I
still K-mart’s like cheating like Noel

and a wet dream

I think that’s natural so I I use I’ve
no idea in this is such a

these people like animals to me it’s
yeah it’s gusting wanted

I do like it’s doing it again in Seoul
to the only get like to me and Mike

we got we made a deal with the universe
where it’s like we know we’re gonna die

ray which is marble but we got what we
got instead was

it feels pleasant when we pull on it we
have like no other bun

yet so it’s like that there as the trade
for knowing you’re gonna die select why

would you not wanna pull on it

the with please go back to distracting
yourself from knowing that you’re gonna


from death yeah just like Tom and Sunday
I’m not gonna be here a bit early second

yank on my dick in your feel good for
the fifth time in it

I’ll take that deal I’ll take that
you’re at the right time this is Adam by

well I

um to play with the other than us right
now all I got it working so well we’ll

ship is great yeah other one is

you can live forever out your account
about another day by I’m totally fine

with my own was reality as long as I get
what seventy eighty years ago love this

this is amazing girl holy shit you’re a
funny joke on stage which group is the

butter II it guys can have multiple
orgasms they would work

you have guys gonna have multiple
orgasms their food no never be guys cuz

we would have gone extinct at the first

I you were just had an orgasm in my call

has amazing ok it still feels good I’ll
let me owners do this again and better

to starve to death interior I go to the

that I am have you guys ever tried it

paired masturbation down like I do too

yeah pared down before we’re like an

it’s okay to go on a diet is dawn I
almost don’t don’t you

like I use it almost strategically
sometimes words like

although I feel a minute Lake didn’t the
wife and i got a hotel tonight like

a better beat off in the morning so that
ally in the evening I like I have more


yeah I have in Lazio fans on your mood
if I might be like really the

I’m turned on before I’m gonna go out
I’m like al jerk off site

have stamina is another bomb in a
relationship I’ll have to not jerk off

because like then I won’t be able to get
as hard later

because you find the person you’re with
repulsive now that the money let’s see

if you get less attracted to the person
as time goes on

strange I don’t feel that at all but
apparently you I

your way to getting smokes oh alright we
don’t all get Vanessa RJ close my wife

she loves Jake and they’ve they’ve had a
few run-ins with each other yeah

and you know I see that your son all
streets gonna have to live with it and I

actually would love this opportunity to
just say Vanessa I love you

um so do I baby I domestic to come home

I and then come home home after you go

with him are just text me just but just
let me know where you are to me every

being I don’t care be drinking my house
as long as a as I T do it safely

I as long as I bear for the advice is to
not subject he offered you had don’t

stop jerking off you get crazy to you

I feel like you need to you need to get
rid of it

sometimes or you get a little cromer’s
boys in nextel it from your body

it gets rock inning and then those
aren’t bad sperm in a infect all the

other sperm yeah you’re all just get
bigger and bigger and bigger like a

water balloon filling up in a spigot

until you are really drive you want a
rally at two oranges in a garbage bag

I absolutely not a hell no

we will go hell no we will they will

I so that I realized on actually

what’s what’s a good amount one today
once a day

I mean I’m here whenever you’re not been
feeling ill is or is not hearing you for

like hanging out with your friends

yeah you know that’s what is it like
smoking weed it’s like go ahead and do

it right up until

you’re putting off and not doing other
things so you can sit there and smoke

weed by yourself right yeah

but it is a you’re like just jerking off
like you Lelo I’m

I should go see my family like nine
minutes in my room in

tug my talk my sticks I don’t think
about how many die

is master I am I the only one who does
that know totally

I will I jerk off thinking about death
but I’m weird

yet know the character the guy at the
Grim Reaper yeah I’m Reaper

remember reward Reaper poze so bony

so Clokey in Tony in Sydney is a

is masturbation do you like medicine is
the street like me remember the last day

you did masturbator days go by we don’t
masturbate is the

it is go by rail master it’s like an
everyday thing for you now not that can

I tell you a funny masturbation story
now we’re okay we’re actually read all

my reviews

I to let you know when you get to
college there’s often a massive drop off

in your jacking off because I

of a sudden you’re in a room with three
other dudes a nighttime you don’t know

them yeah columnists gonna

jerked off in here Pfizer becomes very
scarce like

yeah you like when you gonna coming back
from class are 5 his life the door

you so casually care about your roommate
schedule a call you you were so

you can stay the whole class right a new
bike and they are better I knew my

roommate schedule better than I knew
mine like I’ll share with you I have lab

like i doing ten had lab now Texas skip
class when Steve

and Matt were at class was that would be
my jerk off yeah they’re all at home

there are you guys are the

so bothered you guys are gonna go to
class and I’ll I’m also not feeling well

I bucket with the soldier cop right now
but alright so that’s what happened you

know my friend Tim

my body is here and I we live together
and Mike

at some point we became good enough
friends were just like you know what do

i really wanna jerk off you leave for 10

now it is by and it was amazing and then
eventually you he just got the boorda

I’m gonna go up in the loft injured I
call stayed down here in church well

the roof over the years this arrangement
ever justly as you get leisurely lazier


stuffs a vase to grow your hair out he
studied election million you know when

I’m not gonna leave the room when you
jerk off it was

it was one of the best things ever
having me in college has all the sudden

it was like

yet now I’m comfortable in my own dorm

yeah the broker you broke a wall down
there yeah we did with your cum

yeah and also him I’m actually started
hooking up with each other and live my

life as the AL’s

I on during graduation instead of
walking are you guys rolled on the stage

69 ago may let me choke on that ratting
out for a minute I

throughout now you know it it’s not gay
if you’re both jerking each other I

couldn’t quite hear what you think
you’re talking on your own decade is

happy with someone else’s

its coldest the virtual reality ever
have a jack coverage with your friend

your YouTube George other artsy

a DOD Kirky I I

I the beds are to him I

you like a professional businessman down
the user agrees about jerking off and


don’t bring them down to your level
showed he has a real chance to rewrite I

got the reputation

got back you know your people know I

your garbage can comedian but I we own

at I am Weasley take a little break now
is there anything that we haven’t talked

about about this tour that we wanted to

i ammm probably I said trout snouts I
feel like that was the one

thing I want to get on blast yeah and
last rats out

238 yes traders started calling for
China’s goose me

which I think makes a lotta sense if you
think about it right now is it makes

sense if you don’t think about it
actually we’re calling

dick stratos now it’s an and vaginas
goose me

and I’ll sex was drilling for corn oh
yeah it’s bedridden for corn

ida vagina was tryouts now I

my team and I don’t know man but not as
good as it was good know that niggas

meet the deck

90 goose main entrance now we’re both
with yeah I know you for me was that was

trout that not about all

I lol I V I feel like

you know use it the way you want use it
when it feels right yeah

to me trout snout felt like dick but do
you might have felt like butthole

and you might wanna chill their corn
through I let you doing you

we’re not gonna we’re gonna knock like a
bunch of children which is

by like we’re all you were 30 chase
getting close to 30

professionals and we were in a car
together for four hours

all we do is make like duty in poop
usually dead I’m

you say things like trout’s now and then
cracked the fuck up for a rational

hours make weird little rap as well the
rat feel they’re loose me that goes me

oh yeah

let me that who see that goose meat lose
me lamb

I’m gonna lose me in some goose meat
that was the campaign

a youth me hand men like reach eleven
years old a member like

well this is good I’ll stay here that’s
only for ever

you have run women back it

the drug I should tickets to do

its religious had the vision of driving
off the road on the way to Minneapolis

and I can do. us all

I which a mere tried to do I think when
we drove from Burlington that’s actually

I like you should US

we should do a special are you guys to
do special that episode where

you just talk about amir’s fucking
insane drive the economy is driving


it is funny because my friends at home
make fun of me because

I’m a very cautious like nervous slow
drivers like

on mir does not take risks he doesn’t
drive very

cavalierly driven in a while and then I
job with you guys it was the exact

opposite you’re like me you’re a drunk
driver with a death wish

I here’s what it is I think it’s like LA
there’s like the late traffic and lights

yeah and signed the net confuses you
could well be better

classes are you sure about that issue
but let’s see what’s stimulating

yeah it will be at the exit to go to
that gas station

Iran like a stop sign the gas stations
across the street n you

crept for maybe 30 they get that delayed
to the point where like

you were in the lane you had made the
turn yeah I’m still looking over your

show the house is that it becomes
dangerous again right like

on the open road but we’re on the
highway you re doing a hundred in the


in New harasser were under Road by the
way like that’s that’s get like I

understand if I’m driving down like I 95

I +91 these are how is a bit on I know
every turn I know the exits I candles


red I can I could %uh your do I know how

works trust you don’t exit 20 due to
64th I’m going to add to my IRA I don’t

know your road so there’s a rosy like ok
am looking to take it easy if you know

there’s like apollo know there’s a
quitter we’ve never been to New


also appears in america that like every
road is my around us are you sure you

want there’s gonna be

you an idea politics or a simple kinda
wanna go on that road because I’m scared

know every road every road leads me to a
new place and i wanna tackle it head on

I’m here to arrive at five so bad amir’s
I was so bad

on the way from Burlington to Boston
that I got sick

sick say and had to leave this show
second I was handed a semester at sea

without ever feeling our side never felt
nauseous in a car

ever and we were swaying back and forth
and I remember how you like lani we

raise windy

let me let you know indeed that is lie I
was looking at the trees

at the trees were moving at mall it’s a
holiday so where the guy unless you were

just going with your hand word from him
the real

I swear to God I think we got from
Burlington boston won hydroplaned

I think we had what if anything we drove
decried the FDA picture was the one time

that I was like

its really scared we’re going around the
band I

there with their your bag is the guy who
is unprotected sex for a living so

they’re not going to be really scared if
it means a lot I’ll I don’t like

this it was crazy other Auberge a turn

a driving rain and an unfamiliar roads
amir’s doing 95 one hand on the steering

wheel the other needs

sleep bag I’m love by the Virgin
vomiting in the back seat with a fever

I’m not even has his liking his head to
his knees his brain he only got that he

knows that

that we at least I quickly cuz he’s
accepted the fact that word that would

grassy to itemize and all these brake
lights are on and

all I feel is but not the car slowing
down not releasing the break but exelon

it happened

take as if we can go through them

and I only got into two accidents this I
remembered I love retiree and remember I


trying to get a mere to slow down and
you were doing it too

and Mike I I realize that we’d live our
lives in bits were always do in a bit

public Amir really thought we do repairs
I could slow down

you out this I’m not I don’t feel well
as the green could do little to the

other two uses Bee does like

oh my Commonwealth could throw up here
this said

and the bighorns were crashing and yeah
I liked it we were crashing and the big

wide at the same time

does my other the the other thing from
this trip that’s been fun

a just tracking how distracting you know
watching watching fortunes being made in

lost is Peter are finally

a million dollars and it going on this
very calmly house so close the promise

he lost 1.2 the next day so you

ethanol for two hundred grand I’ll

now we had fun the deal the thing is I’m
not offended by this because the

in I am a bad driver and we are willing
to admit that it’s not yet you’re

attacking something that I think that
I’m good at a

like you’re a bad right I’ve never seen
anyone excuse I have writing

I’ve never seen anybody drive so much
like a grandpa

like up on the steering wheel while
going so fast

it really is it’s at least really give
me that nobody was your day is a unique

we’ll ever see it before

hands at 10 into eyes looking at very
alert and the people you’re going

over a hundred dollar 158 miles an hour

through a hail storm in a new hampshire
y de River book

brick road but placed an intermediate
scheck’s mix identity in 10 o’clock and

then to bag the Chex Mix

I drivers whatever the stick ship thing

stick shift that stiff dick them to me
lose me

well that’s another fun thing we’ve been
doing is rapping about it whenever on

like names the meet and greet afterwards
we ask the guys their names and we as

the girls their names and we just

always turn into a rap about that person
had a huge day

I which works forty percent of the time
and then at some other

someone like release Isaac hey my name’s
calling you guys like Colin Colin fly

von is Bobby

eyeball days like hell yeah courageous
actually had other ideas too much like

my other sick

and I he really is a place where would
your brother’s name

chasin chasing I’m chasing that tasted
as of like it as a it said his name is


and we’re just like dead silent I am

what your record button I

June okay lets a at least answer one
more question then we can legitimately

collars and advised by cast

fair enough all ready for this don’t get
all like passive-aggressive you’re gonna

say it’ll get out here and start

I know 5 from the five oh my god

I ready yep I’m barely gonna have an
hour a dudes

a Boston rights aidid’s last school year
this girl and I began talking and I

really liked ur

after a while I asked her out and she
gave me the I’m not interested in a

relationship right now should feel

shortly after that she just became
pretty unresponsive in real life and

overtaxed to me until summer break

when we plane stopped talking shortly

I began working out eating right to
rebuild the confidence

as this particular rejection really got
to me fast forward several months

and I’m now a buff and a cool suddenly
she’s all interested in me

I kinda like her back still but it
annoys me that she only likes me now

that I’m in good shape

I feel like if we do enter into a
relationship I’ll always be like she

doesn’t exactly like me enough to go out
with me look if I were in less shape

I were you saying let’s say and where
this could be a shallow relationship

my over thinking this July stop being
such a prude and go out with this nude

love Boston yes yeah

yes it sounds like if anything she did
you a favor

right right it is weird these like hey
I’m I like this girl but she wasn’t

physically attracted to me then I worked
out and now she’s physically attracted

to me

yes that’s why you worked out right your

your goal was accomplished they are you
it’s like

oh I know what it is do just bragging
yeah I did like it is wanted to like

brag about how he’s in shape now girls
like I’m

I really wanted to hike up this mountain
but I was in good enough shape so I

worked out and

now I can do it but it’s like to do not
want to share

I MI overthinking this hike

I just sack up and take the hike

p physically physically attracted to the
one is like a major component of liking

them yeah it like

if you wasn’t like her type and then he
worked out she liked muscles

here we go you just newbie you on crack
the word so it was nice point have like

if you’re not physically attracted to
someone like then the

then just be their friend like all
relationships are just like a friendship

for you

also retracted the verses she doesn’t
sell issue that mean she was like I’m

just not interested in a relationship
with you what you want to be his friend

is that which is then

also this is a long time span to like
I’m not interested in a relationship

right now resident is a comer go then
the whole yet unlike the end a school

then summer the next year comes it’s
like maybe such as remote doesn’t remind

you like a movie where like

the girl doesn’t want to date the nerd
than the nerd becomes cool and and the

girls like who I’m into you

and in the cool movie is the nerd being
like well I’m gonna reject you now

like isn’t that more %uh victory that’s
the guy at least someone yeah but I got

the victory is

is looking up with the the person you
want to hook up with now with rejecting

her like she rejected you

well you know you get the lead there’s
always somebody that like to all along

which is like super romantic right you
know the trick is you gotta take the

girls classes of

and then you realize how pretty she is I
as we all know classes make you in ugly

I’ll yet totally hand-in-hand hour every

like that they’re I is but yes I do a
little audio glitch

for my throat but so you don’t think
there’s anything to rejecting the girl

and not really I mean like I guess it
depends she

it you still are into air and you can’t
fault her for just like being physically

attracted to you just called yourself a
button to cool

yeah so you’re aware that you’re a smoke
show I

are you gonna fall legs a little jealous
of you right now to your for

your perfect packs in your rippling abs
are you kidding me

10 why doesn’t this dude flip the
situation on himself and be like

there’s a girl who’s a bust she’s busted

but you guys get along as like bodies
and she’s interested in you you’re just

not attracted to her

she goes away comes back in like six

looking hot like you know I feel like
that’s totally understandable

never would never like in high school in
like sum will go away for the summer you

come back

yes someone who is not attractive all
the sudden was like super hot

yup totally changed the way we thought
about them what they do over the summer

grew tits yeah I’ll I

I mean there’s one summer that I grew a
foot and I grew my hair super long

and I came back to school and i got one
hand job a year select

things changed I literally when I had my
driver’s license test this girl had a

crush on was like

if you get your license call me like
holy shit

that changes the game as the last time a
government document got a book written


but like thats crazy she was basically
like if you don’t get your license wit


are not cool to me and if you do then
you are

I think this dude should should hook up
with this girl or like go out a little

bit and see if

you know whatever sub worry about
something such a dork I think it

emotionally abuser in some way made at
the very least yeah I want you just do

just go back

you fucker you 44 call over now

you know you shouldn’t feel rejected you
make with her got revenge yeah

yeah I love you but I love you even more
of those some more cushion for the

pushin I wish she had a little meat on
dem bowing out some cheese curds up in

there you know he’ll get you get that
phatty girls me in a way yeah it very at

school meet know how they might lose me
to look

a little it not my lawyers however my
hope you miss me

fittest routes now yeah all right there
it is

hair go for it she’s the reason you lost
the way it became buff so at least a

at least enjoy it yep otherwise he did
for nothing who cares about health


writes like you grew a garden and
there’s all this delicious food like me

know it’s just cuz I watered and took
care of the Guardian that the food


and he did cheat I reap the benefits
love your effort I’m overthinking this


I hmm I cool there it is

that are a bob hair that’s our that’s
our first hotel podcast

we’re performing tomorrow in for Friday
Minneapolis the volume one has to think

about before the tour is over

so if you’re listening in Minneapolis
there’s still tickets available I assure


so please check our cultural icons I C H
on tour to watch us

hang out make jokes have fun relax

die Liz world world news made

has to go to ship goods me oh my god I
hope that because the has today

i’ma the first theme song we’re still
accepting p.m. Sox emissions they’re

coming in

fast and fears really appreciate the
first on was from someone

from the band RG from the band sick see
and this last one

was from is from someone named
Grandmaster Kate

streeter anything you want to plug the
plug before we get out here now you know

I’m I’m just gonna say no and I’m gonna
say thank you guys

so much for having a podcast what a
pleasure it’s been to be on tour


you’re the best and I am just gonna
plugs traders book white wine

I just because he didn’t ask me to do
it’s good to David twenty-five dollars I

get to be a

may have moved to fight a Canadian you
are you come to bat for me

Naruto is the best book I’ve read in I

this year so i’ll check its readers
white wine book and

yes thank you so much for listening
everybody see on Monday anymore

you themes

didn’t you

the main room

the many


theme who

in you me

the new durable

the me grueling


you jeanine the new


you being to you

dole let it another episode

in the books there’s a guy who plays to
cover bring it back so early

Hulu Plus let even John thousands of hit
TV shows anytime anywhere on your TV PC

smartphone or tablet

so you can help support us by checking
out Hulu Plus dot com

forward slash mir and I’ll give you an
extended free trial

thanks y’all

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *