Episode 52: Steroids (with Ben Schwartz)


Comedian and friend Ben Schwartz joins us to discuss social anxiety, family obligations, and how to write without writing.

This episode is brought to you by SlugBooks.com! If you’re wondering how to get your college textbooks for cheap this semester, simply check out SlugBooks.com/Amir or SlugBooks.com/Jake for your answer!

hey everybody Amir here in a huge piece
a shit I had to laugh enough

yeah with that them back hers all right
in saying if they thought I’d let you

get away with that

well I didn’t know your mike was plugged
and what do you think I don’t know

like that I was there Alito holding an
empty like my ride isn’t good enough

a few are you mad at me now for what

for proving my point the europeans shit
this event that has rocked the Abis slug

books dot com

as the right you guys these are booked
about slugs yards on and on and on and

on about slut and I’m gonna

unplug your make a easy does it usually
does the

you the bird’s eye view in college
you’re about to go back to class

and college bookstores are ripping you
off cell

what’s the alternative if you get a slug
bug stock comic compares the prices are

all the cheaper sites online like Amazon
and shed

see you can save the most money yes
that’s correct and here’s house log

books works

first you find the ISBN numbers up the
books you need at your college this is

something I’ll understand cuz I am

you know you’re in college ISBN numbers
have no idea what the heck like that if

but I’m sure you all do that with the
gibberish to you people to college so

you find that ISBN number

the book you need higher college your
professor or bookstores website in

search for that number

%uh slug books will be comparing the
exact same book as the one your class

requires across the parasite it’s pretty
logical simple and easy if you need a

text book

just go to slow books any compared the
prices of all these places

and we’ll tell you where to find the
cheapest one you guys get that right and

all you need is your ISBN 0

he tells a tale the international store
a book numbers yeah

numbered and international storybook a
number number

%uh so you get it how it is were and to
make a little more sweet a little more

personal slut walks dot com slash Jake

or slug bug stuck on slash mir they am a
little cartoon versions a bus as the

logo so

those are worth seeing even if you’re
not gonna buy a book yes but you guys if

you wanna if you buy book

there’s at like they’ll charge you
hundreds of dollars

for a book The yet for ten dollars
online that’s why I say fuck college

but we’re gonna stay in college you’re
gonna stay in

at least don’t get get out just at the
bookstore exactly right

that being said go tell it on and I we
know all I want is that an entire book

not only save money I’d tell me I’m sooo
sorry said they really did not approve

go two hundred dollars two hundred
dollars ten dollars if I 14,000 out our

now we’re not doing that I’m

are not condoning that a we’re not
condoning that hey

money as the very exciting episode
thanks so much for listening everybody

we finally got Ben Schwartz on the
podcast as a special treat to him

and %ah love you guys in this upscale
with Ben Schwartz

for the first and only time ever I miss

beings it real cell

you’re gonna love it let’s let’s let’s
start it let’s fucking do this already

here we go theme

him badly

to mmm

is my do you

you you

sold not burn

three you

warm and you love me





girls season with me



the my JB Gill the



him now


you with do


Wow very nice lowers

that was intense I hated it in a good

up a good way they were here then shorts


Mary I like we we did like a mic check
whether it’s like these are you saying

I’m not going to yell and I did you know
this is my level is my level

it’s Ben Schwartz during the Bobcat
Goldthwait the first I could

from as a pretty exciting moment because

Wii U we’ve been requested that you come
on a show for a while until you’ve never

heard the show I know nothing about it
not while I know that I love it its wish

I were you

that thinker actor I was at me no acre
and is it

if I were you if I were you a
congressman Aaron just be me

I right I euros to hear me and i said im

and I do now this is the I’m trying to
be honest they have you know that you

guys take questions

the Apple whether it be from on people
on Twitter I’m assuming

nor okay I got economy are not comment
on white house that George

yes Greg and get those atoms in with
their personal

my question yeah and then we answer
truthfully yes

and we try to help people that’s ranked
let’s get it accurate advice but can to

someone when

I’ll the idea with have at this time one
of us wants

okay how about you know you score us
okay I’m scorers

I’ll be like I have they’ll be like the
caddie in this whole thing Yahoo

and like try to shoot under par or
whatever other special games we play

every episode like every episode

I would bed not commit he’s just gonna
figure out the park at the men also

change it

put in a game right now we’re gonna
prove yeah but in a game right after

okay almost all think I love the
happiest year by life

okay K hmm and then what’s the game
that’s not a game %uh

used as evidence that I already known as
the game I’m gonna guess what they are

for both you gotta have it

K yeah hello dear Anna 30 $30 a week and
a half ago

I Jan 28 i’m suppose I guess it

a what a do you mean are you changing
the rules I

the US to hold you know how old you are
now okay your best year of your life

was and up1 one-year-old out only SIOC

I was like to be have an actual year
like 2012 in my hand

which is fine for you because I INR so
I’m 28 you think my best year that I had

a lot on it I think your favor year was

I think freshman in college was when you
were fuckin that’s what her with what

I today that the word that the most

is that you’re not aware that was the
work fresh near college was the most

depressed sad

I’ve ever been to people know that
listeners podcast and not I think your

freshmen years ever come out but

you’ve had more and more sex issued an
older and older yeah yeah

you know that actually makes perfect get
better as you 121

ratio to how much sex you have will
depend on your talkin do

even for Jake I don’t think so that’s
true or die without a thought like Delhi

correlated to how much that that having
shared is

I midsections heavily involved with that
the amounts the it’s the

the the quality about 50 all but it
still sex no matter what

balls that the amount of the quality I
was a I got your silly when I feel like

when I

where like traveling when I feel close
to my family close to my friends I’m

getting late answer

this is going to get women to have sex I
didn’t realize I get a great idea that

little teaser she ended up falling is
like the quality of friends and family

stays constant throughout the year so I
guess by default the one variable is how

much sex i’m having in the water I don’t
have what was a lot about me was the

best year of your life

I don’t answer so side in this game if
this is not a rather large and so far

I’m you’re losing big cousin Ali

I Wednesday either the last year my life
at age 30 has been very very fine

or the first year that we a

I started working culture I was very
very fun as well oh that’s a good also

first my first year doing stuff that you
see being like

having 00 money and yeah when these
everyday nor

I really enjoyed that yeah political

the hook when I I love you for
socio-economically the be eating Wendys

it was the first time I saw like you
know like a ratio sans performer all

these people that i idolised on SNL

right live from me yeah and realize that
it’s possible to do it

yeah that ever happened mayor did you
ever get to the Performing part

no I my bucket list was

this it bob has wish I’m having your
baby your best years were when you were

hustling for what you wanted in now

when you have what you want and now I is
that because by the thing that it

because wine hustling feels good
especially if it ends up being fruitful

and to the reaping the fruit of your
benefits and rewards is also looking

back at your hustle

yeah mmm that’s what everyone says every
like every a successful not that we’re

square quite successful as every
successful person says

the time where I was struggling starving
porn afraid those were the best years of

my life yeah but I never believe them
when they say that right I think you are

now is like that level above

hustle cuz I was freezing starving porn
afraid my freshman year of college but

no I wanted to do so that is miserable

of her body I wish I was still in
bethlehem pennsylvania I getting fat

being sad

right you know I was the year when I was
like poor in New York and I was

fun clothes were in college humor right
with a good example like poor story that

you have

that’s good like the poorest story that
you have the poorest

Lake like I’ve won like when I moved to
New York and I wasn’t making enough

money to live there my parents had to
pay for my summer sublet

and then I I put myself on a budget
called the 37 10 plan which required

spent three dollars on reckless seven
dollars on Munchen 10 on dinner

and so that in spent more than twenty
dollars a day on food

and and I gained 12 pounds because I
just ate bagels and Chinese

ok a by the way this is all coming from
Bri middle-class guys

yeah I would the the boy was I ever was
when I could with what I spent ten

dollars on the inner

like you had ten dollars for a long time
safety net that we have we hit zeros

although I’m the three of us a pretty
driven if we would never allow ourselves

to 00 but we had 00 there will be a
house resident and yeah

that like the which is a rarity and Jake
are currently staying at my parents

house is it true but you guys getting
your own place

yet we’re trying bomb back on 37 10 plan
something to say about past

I mean people can hear me eating great I
maybe so well

over than other detention entire held

um should try to answer some questions
yes so they could

that other question answering zones
right everybody yeah

question and

that have a reading at the at bat and
now I totally forgot to mention that the

imus on we start every episode and then
explain it to the ice but also Ben

mister every episode was that with a
custom theme song that our fans submit

and that one was from someone who’s got
around that also looking going it is a

violinist and singer

named Jack and Jill his opening is
actually I don’t think members Florida

at Lord’s energy

a bit like them who were very well
prepared I think if I get thanks for

that if you have your own theme song

or question you can email us at if I
really show a gmail back or just call me

or check a former

an outlook every 10 a little %uh a but
I’ve I’m coming up here on another day


you note the FBI calls your phone it
comes up is 555

no 100 percent rate by I called up my

you know an area code 2012 II how do you

he-man sometime I

the title and people does know baby a
bit behind it really does feel like it

son David L at baby I

unite unite holding not say anything fun
you’re holding little children serial

you’re at work he did not a session do
this year

a trainee healthy no resolution aka
other two new year’s resolution to eat


on each to watch Jay just slam these

thank you

really think that these men that but
beef curtains

no 0 before work number

belly buttons like I’m having a belly
button home so it was bitches and I felt


yeah I was gonna change the boys and I I
P but even wears

Inouye I and everywhere actually

so what we do is these are really knows
but we want to preserve people’s

anonymity so we get people’s big names
in the figure

you’re good at coming up with a key ally
Syria Lebanon Yemen ocean I’m so they’re

going to look at the real name suggests
initial so this

email comes from by Stanley keeps
Stanley keeps

yes others will be much better part of
the bike as not up to anything else

who needs daily keeps rights I was
really into body-building for a while

and I used to take steroids every now
and then

dabbling with the Jews brought forth
prune with swift bigger

I was swimming in it some time but I was
robbed of my glory by a hack

cardiologists he says I have an
arrhythmia or some shit

even though I felt fine he made me quit
the roids I almost immediately lost 40

pounds of muscle

I’m currently looking the bitch lia’s to
my life the prune sees terrain and a

drought a

that page came about I’m considering
returning to the juice to receive the

prune I deserve

J can relate should I pump up and
returned to my former magnificence

or should I heat is cardio charlatan
this quack apart and I up who was

withering husk

sincerely a edward knight

deputy this it my question is is this
what the Bob just as you get up but sex

like it a lot about sex lot a lot of
people that their main the questions

about relationships advice and steroids
that I listen to their eyes is near

there is it’s a new little twist I’m
well here you insist I have an opinion

but i wanna yeah I guess it’s over let’s
pretend that wasn’t here and I finish

what would you say

first of all I resent being lumped in
with him buy it when he said I I would

understand yeah

you’re not jacked I the world now that’s
I am naturally Jack they’ll be there

I but I will lei it sounds like his

is a saved his life yeah he’s like he is

is down to just go back on steroids
potentially die

yeah just so we can keep getting pussy
downplays a bad thing he eat

diagnosed with an arrest me are some
shiiiit also at a lotta girls

aren’t necessarily into big muscles
famously guys well this guy was drowning

in Boone now is not so maybe they I
think there’s a chance he was like maybe

there are some girls and the ones that
he’s attracted to are the ones that are

attracted the mother s got it got it got
it got to the was the girls are you

attracted you are also attracted to
people like you

yet that sort of an evolutionary thing
define at like girls let your track

George I did to you

the typeof look that you have girls are
attracted to that the girls that

attracted to that look at the ones that
you’re attracted to

ultimately mean you mean if it wasn’t
for example

you were in the sea you’re familiar into
me yeah you’re saying that in essence if

you’re into me I’m most likely into you

yeah I tried to each other features read
exactly I don’t know if that’s true and

also let’s let’s take let’s take an

love someone who is a JQ very attractive
me a very attractive

about someone who is far more attractive
than we are and then

that person is probably everybody that
comes up to them is probably show into

them and our summer if its there any
university attractiveness

yeah right now purse their everybody
else look I don’t think so so there’s

also a typing like a muscly guy

likes that side girl that would be in
too muscley guys

right whether waterworld whether you
like or stand tonight or

like this still isn’t answering the
question though with your eyes the

united as the RBI it’s your stereo

go back once steroids other quite yeahh
of course by

nah you’re hurting your life in their
chance to put your life in a described

it as a rhythm year which I don’t I’m
not a doctor but it sounds that’s life

threatening right yeah I guess when
you’re that’s when your heart but beats

I had a different read the manga and I
really like there be an adventure

let me go now yeah he eats Mr com never

this song so a rag on earth that they’re
headed for the average that’s accurate

it’s called the Ravinia highlight get by
on the table there is no go back on

steroids if these

these people take it into serious I
would say please don’t do that you’re

going to get injured and your if
someone’s gonna

I mean how much smaller did you get that
he lost 40 pounds

for how muscle because the muscle have
you tried creating

you i mean there’s there’s other
supplements rate yeah is going to

creating its own a waterway

imagine having 40 pounds of muscle I
didn’t even lift forty pounds anything

noite year and that Jake and and I’m yep
now the most alive her know

I got do pull ups right now catherine is
Mike gonna be da Barra interested in

like a lean muscle I think that said
that though that they had some solid

advice we give them because I think it
was important in his balloon

and its it not necessarily like he

cared so much about looking bitch Lee
it’s more that like

that his looking bitch Lee in his eyes
directly affects

the amount of pussy can get yeah that so
I think that you just change your game

you become

instead of like a big beefcake your your
lean muscle your small your spry

you’re like hipster you start going to
different bars your guy he began to

I mean this guy’s guide AJ Wright has
your dads and moms not gonna start

rockin my lucky can just wear glasses
and then tight band journalist your look

by the

I call your dad is my luckily I cannot
thank you that said so it’s like every

other 30-year-old my ID world

February a great literary exact same
shirt right now

this is your look sincere me I’ll get my

and it will have some lectures over okay
this is great actually

is what we’re doing right now that we’re
putting a mere on blast yeah a dinner

date the above the show

yeah I runner at the well which is yeah
what you’re doing is putting me on blast

that I was in the meantime

owning this the right is a Thursday
night last edited this point is the time

that a lot of people do deserve to be
put on blast Thursday

authors a blast like the night out by
the way yeah night out near

look people are listening to it on
Monday as far as they’re concerned as a

Monday morning glass nobody was the
blast at a mine all mine

probably really reacted like lasted well

and I cat I would say the midweek is
appropriate I had a blast

I either a weirdo what I meant was this
guy who’s

you know cabled losing and gaining forty
pounds muscle is never gonna start

looking like us all the sudden

whether he’s scrawny or not what do you
mean you think is the thing is

I think I think you can change your your
your inner like just as

just as I can’t gain 40 pounds of muscle
and start attracting ladies who

like muscular guys you’re sorta born
with a genetic predisposition to be

a certain way he’s not with his genetic
preheated have the pre genetic predicted

disposition as we need steroid little
want to go yesterday do you think the

guys very skinny now do you think he
looks like a lil

very skinny already think he’s like I
look like the bridge least I’ve ever

looked at it could still kick the shit

yes it is she and her daughters iPod as
I haven’t you can curse

you not see you guys not we do the deal
are you don’t try to I could tell by the


I get up by the way we relate honest
editor I H workers aged girls I i could.

occurs all the time fuck shit

I’ll poop area yeah I bet that up by the
lead to a the first you’re the only


everything else is your I’m gonna do not
cause a like shit and then actually

believe the other cases or nobody said

I so I guess all three of us all joking

listen to a doctor yes not a

nobody else nobody would agree with you

BB competition yourself enough that you
can go up to women

and get them by your words & brain as
opposed to your forty pounds heavier


or creating like Jake said I will stand
no I don’t wanna be a contrarian but I

will say

I am doctor her with an I and II
prescribe or prune

I just up buddy alright Liberty says for
every college I

my first time here I’m doctor what I
prescribe more poon

knock knock so juice up buddy by the way
how do we know that the working out as

it was giving him a written me a

a either way can have muscle it whether
he has a with me or not maybe can have

muscle maybe this should be announced

on the religious yet wouldn’t steroids
do they actually is build muscle faster

other steroids that are other than the
syringe like all I know is like from


that movie the program right they would
like are they all that are not there

must be pills now right

I think they’re all that and also a bag
a chips see you can do a

now also there but yeah only to rate on
how to hit a guard

I and I islands as as I love that jack
in the first thing I rose out

no I here at the American

year with Miley had his

years ago rather lonely girl %uh

a few hours like that that the dog bring
me back a dead bird in the door is that

like up my own

a lot I your areas here you go

thing I know now only I’m smart enough
smarter than a dog to realize that is a


it is a moment in my owners fail to
realize oh yes vote is a vote you let


a family now I saw your heart break it’s
like that says that was that at the

exact moment you can fear outside break

yes no doubt I’m about Lego separate
simpson’s very first I saw that over his


it is it I might wait for it but yeah
check I would have so we should we ship

about your Twitter account

rejected jokes or not I’m while it

you should change it I have no Facebook
followers Utah me Ben Schwartz that page

you guys have

millions and I have liked to yell you
should transfer starch answering all

your Twitter for I’m not be be a lotta
social media advice on this podcast be

isn’t really the Twitter ones it’s a
dead it’s a deadly

school or to end up before you think
that it’s not yet Twitter’s not as rich

as space permits there’s not as much a

Facebook is this work better I know I
have to figure out a way to get bob orr

will will tell your paper we apply this
podcast yet I’ll do it thanks I

you know I never backed I I question
number tip

I could say was from yes this question
comes from

tell bit Corbeil little bit core beliefs

its whatever comes out my head guys

were all here that long yeah how that
showing some love some again put on


tonight I get up already

happen tablet rights here’s the thing my
aunt and uncle who I oh hello just

your nine-a hey guys sag I love you guys
love the show

okay are you happy yeah a little couple
having I would hate to put him on


a deserved blather locally sourced glad
she called the blast of %uh

yeah last hour I think that exist sorry

I’ll I that have a job that I emailed
the which is when you put got on blast

which you call a blast for me

yeah rate by I’ll ask for me that’s
great that’s not an owner

right that’s a good one that’s a good
joke that he brought you brought back

like estimates while

I got my god dog thank you likely my
money in a dead bird so it’s all the

same to me

all right tell that writes then hey guys

love you love the show here’s the thing
my aunt and uncle who I only see every

couple years sent me a Christmas card
which had fifty british Pounds inside

which they say is for me turning 18 I am
very grateful for the money but

inside the card my aunt wrote a short
little message which had the usual

bullshit you know how are you what are
you doing now what are your plans for

the new year

et cetera I don’t mind reading back a
polite letter but

in part to the letter my aunt wrote if
you would like a complete change from

London come and see us

in the city that they live for a few

I get on all right with my aunt and
uncle but the idea of going in spending

a few days with them is insanity

I feel like they’ve put so much pressure
on me by sending this nice money while

stall so being so nice and polite

that not going to see them would piss
them off I haven’t done anything with

the money yet

so I could send them the money back
here’s my question

how do I declined the offer a visiting
them whilst maintaining a good

relationship with them

from tell bit kelpie how that Cal p

cell thoughts initial reactions I’m an
act like

bit I know you that like I’m not here
yes there you go on my initial reaction

be as follows:

you guys ever get on the show yeah we’ve
had some guess before

okay some gas in Asia got I’ll up not
minus ration is your case the niceties

yeah people that he make fantastic
people had seems like an easy way to get

out of a just be polite to thank you so
much for the money

I found in you know quote-unquote
backcountry maybe we can absolutely meet


that’s it right now there is there a big
thing missing I think the big thing that

you’re sorta

glossing over the fact that this guy’s a
colossal asshole ok got it right yeah

that the masses people the adverse just
gave him money were nice to him

said anytime your house right and it
said he said he’s freaking out trying to

figure out a way should I send the money
back I don’t spend any much more time

with his people

the pressure that he’s referring to is
the then being nice to him

polite when he sees them and sending him
money that’s not really pressure that

has them being normal size would you
call people assholes is what you do yeah

hell yeah we do that mostly 92-95 me all
the time possibly get the emails from


yeah he has picked the ass on the way in
which you didn’t do we do the biggest

doping like a nice person in a

I’ll cuz it’s hard to really make fun
and yeah you feel bad

you feel bad making fun of that in that
case yet seems like a family member

viewers went out of their way to
exchange currency and give you something

you might as well be nice also that
didn’t like it there’s a chance that

dies just being polite like she doesn’t
really want a visitor for three days yes

was it up his ass

I whatever happens all the time you left
years ago would love to see let us know

in the new logo thanks for the gift all
you know that’s it that’s all you have

to do you don’t be a dick

I love the fact that he’s considering
said is sending the money back imagine

that like

I are we got a letter from the Talbot

cut its the fifty pounds back and
nothing else I

thanks but no thanks to robert was
clearly but undue pressure on by this

blood money you can keep the cash

blood I’d rather die alone in poor than
ever have to see you again there

I it also made nice it look at it is
keep London it going and I get high and


yeah that’s good I guess for this guy
for this guy gets letters downscale

kid her fight

he is a its ideals stress that’s cool
clearly and maybe he does go escape the

country if your family is not around
forever it’s good like

go learn about their family affiliates
you’re you’re on the road kill it or

just got a nice

auditors be nice is it thank you so much
appreciate yeah I know this is what I

would get together never around I
definitely want to come are you have

maybe one day I’ll let you know if I’m

and you will never leave London I
depends on wat wish

which I which I was there the old for me
Italian Serie ovitz Susie

if it’s amy is without sin up fucking
dare you know they’re your age gender

and its

it beat nancy home I got a bad hat
holding up badly on as the comments I


no a good had a blast put nancy

all yeah dude until you might my dad had
a fuckin dope a sister’s

my mom’s Darby up like gather all
listening to this

I know they’re so fuckin supported Susie
and I like not all in the room

O’Shea yeah haha like Canada’s migraine
is there but my aunt still lies ahead


they’d I said the building dollars via
email at an invite me I actually took me

up on it was insane but you SAT around
Hollywood I’m go to these house parties

me my five as:

I GV showcase

there by five and that’s the deal you
know you my body lies that delivered

bullshit you got to try to rate can i
least get one note on the title

yet my five on Sendai why don’t they

just to make it a little at 5-5 in
tonight night me and my five

have a very high there’s generally it is
a up its at least

Italy’s pitch it ray I really thought
the pitch it

yeah I’m down for Amy Alice the matter
we know who the players are to wear your

good and yours will you go to a random
party if you’re not invited

whereas I can go to this being would you
come I wouldn’t show by myself

okay but but I would go to rip I would
get back into a party waitin know


with someone like this at my friend is
having a party yes as they like

say you said my friends having a party I
will just walk in and completely alone

but ike would

grab Dave Rosenberg and just do you
think company also was in a motel yeah

this I could like have somebody that
doctor I feel so anytime I like is a

party in that let’s say someone said
that he biter like there’s a thing and

do whatever and I think and I was

something has come it will matter I do
it for you the via do so offer outcall

I feel so we’re like if they wanna be
there know it’s great the first two


I think most that our people send out he
bites part it is like

I’m sure I’ve got to invite a bunch a
people so tell your friends right

and the other thing is like when you
walk into a party who knows where the

host is most people there will just
assume that you know the host some way

right nobody’s like with a second who is
that guy no here

yeah this guy just looked around the
room like he didn’t know someone do you

know everyone here no host

deal everyone for all the parties I make
everybody raise their hand the essay

I don’t know me yeah but that was like
what happened at college my freshman

year in college which I it was your
they’re not I can you walk into a pure


go to a door and some fuckin although
the upper class in Asia other

who you know here I I know Mike if you
like goes it has Mike and Mike comes up

is like oh yeah he’s

his cuzzo disappointed you there all I
because all they want is checks to come

own other thing as a bipartisan
everybody wants their party B’s

successful in crowded and good so I
think I guess I’m be upset if I ever

threw a party I think I’d want it to be

only people I trusted to that would hurt
wherever we are I would be like they

don’t hurt like that a to my place or
like a

are at a play I don’t know know the
benefits like it

over to dinner party or something
intimate obviously don’t come but at

this point I look forward to parties
right don’t know anybody more a part is

that a

yeah because there’s more opportunity to
meet new people that’s interesting

as everybody left you wanna try to meet
as many people as possible in a

I guess now that I’m in LA new city I’d
like to meet as many people as possible

in a while he’s a single bus for hair 0

yeah oovoo love him with only hand now
an hour early and I slopping

nyse: it’s lonely by design I like to
spend more time at home by myself

reading a book

and that’s sort of what I love you have
to rent a person to stalk

in and not talk as much as I would like
to run away like hyper me I was gonna

say you’re like me I would just jump up
to present and on being at a party

yes you can you could you be great that
you carry me like I would be too

self-conscious I think

I don’t know somebody you are very
interesting combination

the very good with words but also very

socially anxious I like or just one guy

I know it is you’re like you’re getting
on with you if I had the money you guys

write a party

like this is my friend buying I could
talk to anybody for I love human I was

an anthropology major love talking to
people learning about cultures


right but it’s i cum collars on re:

going up to the mountains nowhere
without no and especially the woman if I

was interested in a girl or a bar else

Syrian or a bar like approaching a girl
at a party i mean that would be such a

that’s where that sweet spot is like a
meet my friend cuz like if you get it

yet I so wanna then I can be on charming

but if it’s like me alone with someone
and I my car what are you on where you

live what do you do it like they

I’m awful yeah well that’s like why you
don’t like taking girls on dates you

like inviting girls out to

group events yeah let your yeah like
that is likely to me my friend would you

ever go out on a date with him

are with him obviously have the truth
finally comes out

people I didn’t want to be like this it
a Freudian slip a lot of things

a if I’m like oh my friend really likes
you I sent her a Facebook message

and then you do and then would you say
oh we should get a drink sometimes mean

you are we doing better to a group thing

um I guess it depends how r I am ha

like it looks as if he were the worst I
for got sometimes you’re the worst

I welcome welcome back to wheres that
they have gets the best

says let’s say she is hot she’s hot

then what as you like a bike and smoke
shows you what is this

as is the party I wanna know if she’s
hotter she’s like amir’s hot

I previous 11 I in no way I’m you

attorney in Colorado good work

it boots in a in a row below

is there any doubt that he doesn’t know
who Libya while they’re there

i know i I don’t know I think I am fine
going on dates I would do that at only

be like hey we should go out sometime

meet this one girl one on one for a meal
or a drink at the Premier’s is so hard

cuz like I love my friend so much so

that when whenever I’m the family get a
drink alone with someone thats

that me like not being able to hang out
with Jeff

right so I need to like for a for me
like a girl more than Jeff

I would marry her I so

my ideal night is me a girl

and Jeff Rosen I

dated women you would bring that Jeff
Rosenberg out everywhere

I ideally if I could I don’t think I
would probably never leave a member

I love you Jeff if you’re listening at
the beginning a

it would be fantastic to me somebody in
a setting where you’re introduced or


a I like a warm said look at a bar I
would have probably fits like someone’s

house yeah and there’s not many people
that I’ve no problem talking to people

that’s beautiful and great and is the
actor talking a lot tonight

you’re not online data to do a blind
date I think

and I would be tough I think but also
want to meet somebody

I have no power if it works well I have
no problem with

you know texting chatting with them and
then bone on dates with demands RS

well I think everest comedians have like
an unfair advantage in terms of like

texting is all texting is is

is trying to be clever and funny hats
understand if it’s our jobs to do that

it’s like our Rd ahead of the game if
you’re meeting someone is like not the

comedy world

well what about women that text you guys
if if they’re not funny or if you like

if they don’t get what the fuck is going
on earth there right

hahaha too many times which I hate yeah
like I have hammered like-for-like

of nothing is right haha INR to me like

show say something and say hi all right
afterwards arriving not some

yeah um but so was so what happens with
are you very keen to have you like on

texting this person is no

quote on your gamertag yeah where you
drop quickly renew I mean I can I get

more interested if the girl can hang and
be as funny as I am overtaxed

yeah I’m glad I think it’s attractive
yeah definitely

text I mean texting is great surely
there must be a little bit nervous run

you guys who deal with comedy in words
all day

depends on if they know some people are
now I’ve never you know everybody I’ve

ever like david is a

always like I have intimidated by Aaron
yeah I I

it somewhere like fifteen-year-old
Jewish boys do which is centered

at Subway every girl that I that I’ve
ever talked to is like

Amir doesn’t like me really I think a
beer doesn’t like I can see that I could

see people thinking you don’t like them

absolute because I think the like I rely
on how to do in a bit I i spent a bunch


adult I don’t even like yeah its cuz im
gonna see your like in social settings

your little more reserves so people like

and serious Jaguars and your jokes by
the way your bets are far more like

you’ll be like at by wanna leave by
Klaas oppose a good job keeping

and people be like afterwards yeah amor
probably hang out with you you’re

probably the most socially awkward also

yeah I mean in group settings I tend
shift to the background more

and just talk to the people you already
friends with yeah I think what it is

that I’m not

overly the a talkative and polite

but I also got when I was even in
college and stuff like

people thought I was an asshole and back
then my diagnosis was I always say the

funniest thing and sometimes the
funniest thing is to be mean and

sometimes as does be something nice but

if you catch me where the first two
things that I think are funny are mean

then on a mean guy but I don’t actually
need it any more than I did the nice

things I’m just saying the funniest
thing that came to my head

division nervous when you talk to people
so you try to make them laugh as both

legal right to mean as opposed to trying
to whatever yeah I mean I definitely

always just got a funny

try to be funny is a choice yeah a lot
like I think that

me or if they need the money a lot of
the time it’s just funny cuz it’s like

the opposite of what people are

yeah what I do it if they people
actually know who I am from like

the internet or videos that we’ve done I
A do the opposite I we attract like is

serious and it’s intellectual as
possible so people know that I’m not an

insane person

alright to tutor disprove what you are
as a bride amina

yaa do people come up to mostly in think
your big idiot

yeah probably I mean they’ve only seen
me as a big idiot and lets you listen to

the podcast that you know

the quote-unquote real version of me but
from the videos they did believe that

are kinda video Matt yeah I’m short on
cash for your real self to the Jake they

play their

I take the me on the podcast i think is
like way different than

be in the videos I’m almost boring
sometimes clay all I do is lay your head

on the street Minya

and now though when you get really
pissed off to become a cartoon yeah I

guess I mean I get a group in the video
sometimes and that’s super fun but I

think I’m a better

being a statement as big as anyway
matter for a very very good I think a

dynamic you guys have is very special

thank you I set up for years how long
overdue in the shorts are you


yeah I mean 2002 we the first ones we
shot I’ve

weight fat was dating ko dating her
daughter was so long ago

yet do you remember how it started why
you even did it did you ask me

I think Sam rice suggested session urges
me the same race shouldn’t put me in

High Times editorial of the

the first call Jimmy things he did and I
was the first thing I did and then

I did a bunch of those read a bunch of
shorts but then how did I get you one

you guys must ask me

an exam email doesn’t mean that you
should put bed in a video okay

yeah and then we ass in your seventies
the ethically into it

I bet I was yeah I think you as an
alleged meant had you seen our videos

before you

monster by myself I watched of like this
podcast we just came on

without up to the nearest I start with
our like that when you realize that is

that was the first time I’d ever like
experience any

I improvising later show our videos we
did a little bit because we didn’t know

our line sometimes but like

you would I remember that those videos
like you we would do all these different

entrances and you’d say something that
was super funny as a all great say that

again you come back

and there’s something totally different
just as funny just have a nice light is

lit it on a chair yeah it does I would
have liked my view has watched george


do it was great and it was a really
blowing my mind at least to do and


I remember seeing you guys are over the
first remember seeing you a little bit

nervous when I was playing with you

yeah I’ve never had it happen for the
first couple never again remember and I

never cuz a

because it’s yours is your thing so I
wish I should be on the nervous but I


right you’re being I’ll Amir being
nervous overnight we have no like the

people that we act with are all better
actors than us because we have never


any improper any acting before so like
we would ask you haha like

know now we have and what we’ve only
done stuff that we’ve written but like

when we had like you on early on I like
holy shit this guy’s a better actor than

as eniac sure that we got that would
addition was an actor

national a guy like a that addition
unlike oh that person’s a better actor

than us or any comedian was I funny as
others are quite I think it’s because

it’s what you do so often that you did
you downplay

I think what you guys do is very
difficult ray and very good to you

probably don’t see it

well we’re good at what we do because
we’ve done it for so long but I wouldn’t

say we’re

we especially the beginning we were
necessarily how deep was I have how far

into Jake and Amir was

that million I was I’m and I was
probably the first year was it

no way 2000 yep this by the second year
so I don’t like a hundred at six hundred


that’s crazy its it is crazy I think
that was the first time we

were allowed to use John and I karla
t-ray oh yeah where they always shooting

now after this you the first one not to
shut the first 1i don’t know we had a

couple the beginning there were those
two guys and then slowly became them

my first thing arm is not the form to
talk about this stuff should have won

and I it’s good it’s interesting

um my question it oh if there’s anything
about the process at the beginning it

was a written script I think you gave me

yeah anything you’d ever want then
slowly a process if anybody cares about


is something any better care bout at its
especially only be like I have no idea I

don’t like I was answered a personal
somehow we did we did that now we had a

liar a good people have asked me that
also now get stops till I’ve been to a

couple other things and people so stop
projecting your stuff all the time

like I hung out with your people were
saying Jake and Amir Sadollah

survey that from but up it began with
scripts and stuff like that and then we

started collaborating on scripts right
now I’m in the day before

and we’re a and we’re item and we would
have a fucking black

more time fun more fun writing it
they’re shooting and Yeti it would be so


ever you’re the only person we ever
wrote with aside from us to you at the

beginning do still not done another

we still I think we’re only one I’m one
thing with some other people but that

was it

we would like more financially for our
double date yeah it’s very interesting

to watch our

I fit in very well you guys because I
love the collaborative national love the

improper aspect

running but you guys running together
very interesting in that one of them

will say something

and quickly the other one like an
avalanche sorry on top of each other as

if they were improvising the scene until
they find something that works right to

decide if it’s funny or not

and then we go back and read it and I
don’t let me know how do we get in


until he became us we’re a bullet points
what we like and we second I’ll out

there and I and we got lazier and lazier

literally would write you’re gonna be
%uh milkman

I and we’ll just decide on my occupation
is Brad

I’m in the sector declaring where I was
on improvised yet I was not in the

script there’s no I there’s a couple
that were no there were no script has

very few internet video as a shooting
part two wheelers like

we don’t know what we would wrote that
like on camera business they’re

non-competitive that we were just like
figuring out what happened that made it

so fun and interesting and

I know you talk about it when you did
film before not if it’s on there was bad

but give you so much freedom

enjoy that we have threats like all in
all it’s about this and we do it

right and then we’ll tweak it a little
bit them like double layers do it again

right and

now than I was coming to this respond to
remain yeah I up but slowly like the

scripts turned into a outlines turned

occupation Turnage maybe you’ll do this
maybe do that

and then up but you’re right there’s
such a joy figure it out like I think

there’s a

the routine I sent you guys I had seen
years I came across that was

the couple’s therapy thing room singing
a song yes they matter with you

ever you do we did it once and then
appears like do it did this

in NJ cause yet and do this and and you
can see the exact process the Aria

it’s really cool but it’s really really
interesting and cool arm for people who

are into writing it’s a very

unique way of writing and the not ready

very lightly advertising I just read or
write anything

but it’s always scripts yeah the script
I love is I remember this group and then

I remember we’re reading the

some the the noun hiker without it was
only a short series

after that we wrote that in in the hotel

we had like oh yeah it does away with a
single page there was like um

it with a dash that said Moo like a
dashed like we had no fucking clue will


yeah IQ I don’t remember this a shoe
that we’ve ever done where we didn’t all

agreed each other what may be a

if the BOK don’t know how we always go
is there a second half way up here we

all I will always write the first half
to be like

%ah God I mean well how do we there is
no second rather

yesterday and there was one sketch with
it really was in a sec of paint and I

forced you guys

I said you know be hilarious was
announcing video you just pay

there was a a matter i pavement J
cracking up thirty times at the most did

rise big

but I love it so much because I was it
and a beer you’re so again said JK pick

had my back to grill is getting low I
i’ll settle for the night into a little

they wanted a little

your nerve is the first the presbyters
three minutes have been painting the

naked and I we did

I think a weird accent and then he
wanted the second video to be nine

seconds army book me going I think there
is a matter of my payment and may God oh

yeah that’s right

counting like that that otherwise I
areas where they know they’re garth

yeah Thursday that while there’s still
the matter i buy him a drag you things

to be this happy second half that has
all the action how you behave and all it

is is

it up today and counting putting super
dryly putting

six dollar bills into my palm and
walking away well that’s it

leave I and that was a video they’re
released on a Thursday I can check it

ideology over

and some people were so Feria was
whether I think it was polarize the dorm

at the put the previously undergone a
beer was longer than the

I but that’s the magic of the internet
we do whatever the fuck we want to see

that the that one day when where or when
we’re rich and famous or dead with a

look back at me later

those were the days we hustle though we
like but I did I said why don’t you know

those are great memories I remember
making those back

yeah for it. TV shows in like that yes
so much fun yet on

I mean you still want to be on for some
reason I’m in Durham for fucking right

little to no money for my ole

yeah if you thought the guys are the
only people get paid for I don’t know

this is my lots of other I just very i

whatever you I found out after many many
episodes that you’ll get paid to do it

in the fridge

the bishop you like to live down 2004

I can I have a back to April there was
like trying to get everything

can you bear a my cart like car to get
back and I’ll

they were so hurry up and %uh people get
paid like for one episode 1924

I have got paid at all but I think
someone paid you won’t have

I here’s a question I were de- past the
40-minute mark which is why how long we

capped as you desire to actually make it
a two parter

a grid of passion bench words two-parter
do we have a time for dinner

guys are many computer for dinner yeah I
we have another 45 minutes to an hour

do it let them this wanna go and get
into its second was a today’s Monday’s

episode will call this part 1 and then
thursday will be

part 2 %uh the first opening piece of
advice on a Jack and Jill

and this last one is by someone named

Adams will be back on Thursday to answer
more questions with an shorts

by as the


like a good that doing about go months

done here do

I go dome and reviews are

demanding gone




the demand

than your work into time review demands


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