Episode 62: Phone Thief

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In this episode we discuss cafeteria crushes, Counting Crows, and terrible teachers…

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who who’s ready to start this at the
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where Nashville Tennessee

happened it’s been a it’s been quite a
while since things got busy

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garbage and trash rubbish pass

thats into I’ll organize big beautiful

love violin I think when I when I had
lived that song

outta my fuckin dick for no reason I
think it showed some kinda prodigal

musical genius

an 00 all the sudden she issued she
bites of my steeze

use images are without even jaded a
guide MLD

you will say that I’m all can have our
two pieces share you giant

genius it please the beauty is what you
need to say just now

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into one spray-painted your diarrhea

gold and you’re looking down on her

I honestly I think I I don’t remember
exactly how well but I think I home that

string accompaniment lol

know you did not I will say I’ve written
into

two songs on this podcast the intro
which people have been biting off ok for

years that this boy

cleaning existing help and now lately

this second masterpiece a love song so

a love song for the ages I was your day
it’s Ryu retroactively ruined her

beautiful song

yeah they much as he could you ever done
is such a beautiful night dude

a thank you Liz for composing that

yet thank you live it was based on a us
on that you made up

then whatever previous episodes every
and which one but Israel

Eunos enjoyable even if you hadn’t heard
the original that’s the beauty of a

great cover

throw have ever heard a cover and then
you’re like other son is amazing that

it’s like it’s actually based on a
difference i I’ll

I like recover better yeah nirvana

the man who sold the world lose the
original by David Bowie

and I just think mine is a a New Found
Glory Gloria with Gloria love to the

dinner event was an event alert I i
think they did

did you did you do I am the man who will
buy

below your other actually the original
Peters the tear versions pretty good too

you have never let a bunch a great
covers though back in the day

back when I just thought they’re a great
band and realize there is using other

people’s songs

like there is always something there to
remind me that was New Found Glory but

there was a

like a great plan cover that’s on the 11
head of missus robinson

there oh the 99 red balloons the oh yeah
her

the putt for birdie putt version I
forget who did their and then there was

also the im

English version at the German sign it
doesn’t matter

a water purifier you’re the only voice
podcast on the internet hosted by us

Eimear and I’m Jake and were national
Tennessee

coming atcha lack handle okay it’s never
live is never bad motherfucker

we have a show tomorrow sup I’ll it’s
actually today for listen to this on

Monday

yeah your listeners international really
adds a knees cab the club tonight 7 p.m.

doors are at seven

that shows that age people stop
listening I think I do think advertise

it like I hear that was a lie cuz

okay I can check out here like have love
in response stopping at a DJ Khaled

Hosseini said

a by by Beiber ever

forget it but no how we will be at
Zanies comedy will be there

so be great to see you we’ll hang out
after Nationals fun

and then tomorrow and Tuesday will be in
Charlotte on Wednesday will be in

Syracuse but enough about that

what are we doing here now we’re
recording and advice podcast so how does

it work

what do you tell us mother fucker oh how
intense is near

well you do it here police yeah

you are as the Cure about i doing in the
jail I’m

boy has resulted in a little bit He
loves you does blew up and I have even

done have you take my pants off again
come ion is better I

this is if I were you how does it work

basically a mere and I take questions
from you guys

our listeners ears sticky situations
life problems

conundrums and we do our best to advise
you outta

these the whose didn’t stick

will and a to advise you on Adam

these these predicaments that the word

that email is a fiery show at gmail dot
com

so send your problems and your original
theme songs over there

I sons were in Tennessee I thought to be
fun

to give these really emails from real
people

fake names over tennessee-based
celebrities

now him so let’s say this first one came
from someone

a female named Reese Witherspoon that’s
right a

I mes Witherspoon herself is Ryan
philippi herm cell

her use the term selves rates

hey guys here’s my problem my phone got
taken away from me for one of my friends

what happened was that in biology class
we had a sub

and I let him use my phone because his
got broken for awhile

and I let me use it a couple times
before he admired my phone and wanted to

get hit but he never had enough cash

so I gave him my phone and he asked me
if I if he could use it for his last

class

he told me to meet up with him after
school and he stood me up

I knew that I would get it back the next
day but he didn’t come to class for the

past two days in our

we have a long weekend from family day I
haven’t told

anyone except my preference but they
tease the shit outta me

here’s my question how do I get my phone
back love Reese Witherspoon

wreath notion yeah I would make own
reply to you too

Reese gotrub did she say your substitute
teacher

stole her phone the third I don’t read
their own I can tell it the sub to look

at her friend took it

or turn around as a substitute teacher
year like they

I don’t know I guess we had a sub and I
let him use my phone because his got

broken for awhile

yeah right a substitute teacher Rob

you it’s badly Google that Dept really
illegal

lead so funny it’s like why would you
ever up I don’t understand why people

are letting anybody use their phone

evacuation like I can be a I don’t even
feel comfortable with some beers like

when I’m in my car them as I hear all
the all do direction backpacking

bigsby use your shit as you we both have
ways

I and I don’t see why my phone has to be
the the navigational part I like to feel

it vibrate in my pocket

yet the comforted it’s like when I ask
you for what time it is you squeeze your

phone against your chest in

here at it really subtly and be like 550

KD like an animal average is Joey the
screen dad

private but IL us secrets on their

so there’s a substitute poor substitute
teacher who

borrowed this girl’s phone and the
didn’t have a lot I heard it

I it is still fun anyway the I got a new
phone this phone numbers

I guess somebody else’s phone number but
it’s my phone now how do you even admire

a phone

I I don’t understand that what kinda
phone did he have that was so city that

he admired a phone

he had a crazier if you had a crazy girl
had

she and I i lead crazier I

an iPhone 2s it didn’t even matter it
was just so much better than the crazy

couldn’t believe there is the email on
it

and this is the actual so this is just
real male

her have all figured out this is not
sell

can I borrow this from day everybody get
out your bunsen burners

I A I will download tender

but Sir I think you have my full I have
my phone

I although you might have their school
all

I promise now luck said outer you failed
today I’d

thing his skips town on a three-day
weekend unfortunately he’s got an extra

day to pack now sister

desiree’s but he’s on a Greyhound bus
straight outta love

to anywhere but here now and would a
West Virginia or wherever that sounds

like you’re from that nobody had

that people are just Jack in phones that
are mildly nice

I needless to say this family day is
going to be one for you to remember

what is family day I don’t know cool

but so whatcha this girl do ’em

tell your parents yet tell on him get
you got to be a tattletale in this the

in this instance I think you have to
tell a principal or teacher that as

serbs stole your phone

yeah oh yeah that’s what you do. go to
person in authority and I don’t know why

you been told your friends to the
courtroom a five-year

I feel like the principal where they
gonna crack me up the present be at the

BRIT

so what happened well you know mister
well as the substitute teacher year

I let him use my phone for a day and he
never came back gee-whiz research

hero get phone back the principal bosnia
for that I don’t know I really admire

this phone

so our so yeah I think it’s a

I think it’s Ryan your expelled a glut

yeah I’m giving the phone ASM

evidence for what we’re all nuclear

freakin flappy bird let the wing ass

which downloads flappy bird we have
never played it now

it’s all the rage through I see at
that’s our advice if I really do i would

tell an adult

tell an adult not a friend there you go
friends will make fun of the year

that’s what friends are for your for
good times

them bad times all make fun in lab for

your mower that’s little friends are
home or old

height very today

a a question number two

yeah 10 I am we need another

with the what’s a good a guy’s name

elvis presley mister Presley himself

rachelle the King of Pop will do it now
is

used but as the just the King the A’s
just became

yeah it’s great you there’s a better
title the Michael Jackson to reassure

sellers like I’m the king in a Michael
Jackson like I am The King of Pop

by I that I’ll be the game I take that
title that so inconsequential know I

will

bug me about it everyone else is the
king of stuff and pelvis is just the

King period

so the Kenyan yeah area on the King a
bye in sneakers at Stop & Shop

a but I’m making I had not hit by an
snickers

from the lawn when you’re checking out
at Stop & Shop

I think Prince got the second best
nickname definitely I’m are

it hmm hey guys me my girlfriend don’t
believe in all this romantic crap but we

still cuddle and snuggle et cetera

we both believe that people shouldn’t
expect a response if you tell someone

you love them

but a couple times she is pulled me up
for not saying I love you back when she

said to me

but now I’ve noticed that when I say to
her she shrugs it off

I’ve said it twice when I have hugged
her and she can to start a conversation

over me

when I phoned her up last night she was
on her own

I again said it and Shia she kinda blew
me off

like I stated before I don’t expect to
hear I love you back but it bothers me

that she’s cutting we %uh for blatantly
Japan to cover the fact that I’m saying

it

well advice can you give judges let it
go or speak to her about it

thank you elvis elvis I

10 weird bugging growth holders you’re
insecure

don’t give a shit about the romantic
crap that being said

when I say I love cookie dough my
girlfriend cuts me up

today’s it is so jacked ole obviously I
don’t care about

a game lovey dovey feeling the news yet

we like to cuddle its knuckle is either
a bad when I don’t say I love you

and now I said back and she cut me off
then that irks me

yeah it is the change the subject
research sheds all Billy I love you and

sugar whichever didn’t turn out good

it’s a gay but did you hear what I said
geez I have no legally and I love that

almost as much as I love you

and waited till I die I who started a
different conversation

so 11 with that the

up like hell the look minor detail love
when I funder up last night

as she was on her own i again said it
the

who are you with a nobody love you

in so did you want to hang out too well

have you ever said I love you and then I
heard it back I’m sure

maybe not like not like the first timer
that they’re kinda like

later on in life ’em day so you up for a
long time with my dad used to say we’re

back with their love you

thank you is that thank you for your
love I

it was he being sarcastic you’re there I
think if they have a little

uncomfortable so except has images

yeah I gotta lotta love provide out the
nose got love for me

I video he had a tough time saying I
love you 33 I love you take

thank you for your letter I and that
that has a love you just got to anything

fun as if they buy

and like every once in a while cuz you
when he is a little more loving with the

triplets of course I and my sisters so I

that you’d say you a deal I

roswell you accidentally called me
sweetie or honey I

and I would hear the shower running I
wouldn’t say yeah

I wouldn’t say anything but I would just
take it cuz there’s like the best those

gonna get

like I would you alright bye sweetie act

anyway here it is get himself without
correcting all good and well

alright my sweetie down Jack

shipped it is the sound of that
exfoliating soap bars though one is done

idea reckon get rid of the taste a bit
every II he would

he would add I would always get real
back get back real hard like

I by twenty act air my daddy I love you

thank you for calling your sweetie I
misspelled you

you’re taking advantage of my body a
you’re my sweetie

you’re my sweetie daddy you’re my sweet
lil daddy

its 10-year is your dad moreover

emotional robot than me

yeah i think is more than a moreover
Aruna yeah I guess they’re probably

well no wonder we get along so well

you get along with my dad know your mom

some nice reminder a her husband

when he re talking about you you love my
mom is here looking for you

like flight flight five months but we
talk a lot we SkypeIn

blazed I have hope bed I

what he do that cuz I miss I wasn’t she
make misma

back with the matter we park where is
that cheating if you had Skype sex with

my mom

now be there another girlfriend like but
is it cheating if she did that

and she with she’s married to my dad

a is though it would that be considered
cheating

could it up because like you if you are
married to someone

and you look at porn I’m not hamas
Islamic that’s not cheating

right but it looks at porn but so you
but instead like

I love other computer it being like a
porn video rapid you’re looking at

and said if you’re looking at I don’t
want to use my moms example aim right

let’s let’s get off

let’s let’s get our their mamas yes oh
let’s say you’re looking at and with a

celebrity have a crush on

I am you might like to masturbate to Nev
Campbell

never Campbell yeah today held today
a.m.

47-year-old the list Solano its assay

say 47-year-old Melissa Milano a you’re
like looking at screen cap the protests

new jerking off in math obviously not
cheating if you’re married you have a

girlfriend or no reason to be like hey
you’re cheating at is less I wanna

doesn’t know that they’ve Alyssa Milano

has can you say yes I can you like on
skype

yeah and she’s like I’m I wanna I’m like
talking to you

Amir I’m fucking you say my last name so
I know it’s me and not just some sort of

fucking

but that you didn’t Amir and

I’ll I all its I can’t get up

it you’re saying is that considered
cheating if you have Skype

her bf where talking about a random cam
or or a girl that you know over Skype

yes it is I think Brandon cam or still
not cheating

are really also I resent your calling
them whores these officials working for

money I

so is our girls fucking people for money
they’re not afraid to feel your mother

fucking dildos for money and that
doesn’t mean that does not make the

Moors the fuck it build over money
doesn’t make you a prostitute

it’ll make your process you know

re getting the way I feel their good
work is good it is hopping from Ivette

that ago babe I

article talking about the girl Goddard
bones Dolan is the ability to its own

other question I had issued

how does Google is composed as obviated
with the like

her good there how they gonna fuckin
tell me if my girlfriend loves me or not

a I don’t think she loves the Skype sex
is cheating

because you’re not actually physically
touching anyone if it’s someone you know

might be emotionally cheating

all right now go back to you how does
this guy wattage

has a deal with this some this situation
yeah

it obviously bothers him so he can bring
it up I don’t know where the that I

think their relationship was built on
this faulty premise oven

this ideas like we don’t give a shit
about romantic stuff

yeah we’d our different perhaps two
weeks later

well why don’t you said I love you girl
tearing me up inside

%uh they might as well does admit that
earth he might as well admit that he

does care a little bit yeah

just the little bit and it’s not like
she leaves the dishes in the sink it

really bothers me say say some things
that I it’s small enough to like maybe

it’s not worth having

by right but if it’s literally about
saying I love you and not feeling loved

a or by changing the conversation God

I would I would love and hate to
overhear that conversation

to tell me you love me like you be the
guy and I’ll be the girl I love you

models will and I love you I’ll

all US a lot beers tomorrow

I love you so much the bronze medal game
I think

to I think we should watch if you love
me I have two girl actual their

ap I’ll snuggle or cuddle you later but
I’m not gonna say that shit

why don’t we what’s the what’s the the
people that don’t say it feel like it

it like undercuts the actual emotion
like if you say too much it’s sorta

loses its meaning at the post the neck
mean something

I like why doesn’t she say back right is
the weather at first it’s uncomfortable

to say because you’re not used to saying
it to someone that you just met

and then later on in life it becomes
like so routine is a

okay but are you like the kinda got it
is love you at the end of every phone

call with their family

yet when we say it like in the beginning
the middle and the address there love in

my family so

constantly that but at item it does I’d
it doesn’t feel like it

doesn’t mean anything I feel like I’ll
other right

but it means less the more you use it
love is a finite

up high and every time he was a bit like
you’re taking a slice a bit so that

every time let’s say it

they’re dividing the pie into a smaller
edges Acronis absolute love in a finite

pie adds up by

now it’s an absolutely I yeah much like
the number pi love is a rational and

never ends

how’s that words in a letter to dad lies
and imaginary

it’s an imaginary periods an imaginary
number

and an addict I but pies infinite

prize not infinite the number pi

but is an infinite its undefined

but it is a finite number really is
undefined

yeah at to specifically nail down or
quantify it you you’d

used its that go on for ever so that I
could tell you that it’s less than four

hike in a number less than 4 be infinite

depth loading my brain

I next question I don’t even know if I’m
right at this point

I should speak well with full disclosure
that says I am

you a little bit Adam I added turn add a
line and I think above your pay grade

but what I was saying about is

the more you the more times you say love
but the smaller the slices cuz you

dividing that pie into a thousand slices
I think it when I’m willing to set a

time so that every time someone gets
that loves lies

they’re having a whole heap in helpful
me a whole heaping helpful love you

I wanna throw I I really do and I think
had my only

all my yeah are you kidding highways
yeah

old I

who lowered proud endangers to know

boom baby that’s the others presley
difference so I guess what I’m saying is

tell the fiery I would tell this person
that bothers it to the clearly does

especially if you lover you should say
something which it sounds like he does

because he does say it

yes I am Sep no doubt

they who’s there the not quite break
time

getting there interesting to install

quintana hell the buttery another
questionable that’s the

I social up but up you don’t stop on a
basket by running a blog

a.m. am

alright next question who ’em

this guy’s a good real name but I will I
won’t say it

I need another person a celebrity in
Tennessee

um where’s Matty macaan air from Texas

Matthew McConaughey iraq I you did don’t
listen to a

no johnny Knoxville Johnny Knoxville
whose actually

from Knoxville well how yeah

johnny Knoxville is actually from
Nashville I and Johnny national

he’s from Nashville so you know
sometimes those johnny’s just tell the

truth

yeah I dear Jake near I’ve been dating
this god damn dime for two weeks now and

she’s friends with all my friends which
is pretty hash tag dope

however a couple days ago my friend
started sending pictures of himself

naked to her

but he would draw over his dick so you
couldn’t see it

when hearing about this I got upset and
he got mad at me

he felt there was no reason for me to be
mad and you started calling me a little

bitch

we talked it out and I thought he would
stop but yesterday he started sending

more

and much worse ones in one it was
literally just his boner sticking with

his underwear on

then my other two friends started
sending them to they’re not nearly as

attractive but still the joke is pretty
fucked up

and I can’t help but feel jealous and
upset to give these assholes another

chance or consider them dead to me

love johnnie now knoxville this is
insane

it’s like some sorta reverse jealousy

where the girl wasn’t doing anything but
guys are sending

Dexter her I mean that’s I think are not
think that’s harassment

it sexual harassment and she doesn’t
have to take it

I i mean like even removing that
boyfriend from the situation

I she’s the its it’s an attack

its its aborted it’s disgusting you’re
not allowed to stand

unsolicited nude Boehner pictures to
someone who doesn’t want them

can you not is a meal if I sent you a
dick pic is any legal

yet harassment you can sue me for that
the inflight yes

it is against the law for you to send
you a deck of course

you send a dick pic of me to to people
are you have minor arrest

they want it only did not Street earned
a bye

step for sale for the record it was it
with the dudes that we are travelling I

I said as it’s that somebody else these
guys and they thought it was funny

yeah a book but I was alone and I think
I think it’s like maybe it’s I don’t

know the fuckin la

just like you don’t know pied I know by
yeah 3.14 1592 you doing 565 a shit

about shit about shit about shit about
shit now gone particularly okay

and I’ll send hair so but I think that
if you send me a dick pic

and I said a am I get your going for
here

it fell flat with me hangin like it I
don’t want any more pictures like that

and you said her okay and then you kept
on going

and I’ve told you repeatedly to stop
then it is its

illegals harassment I can sue you you’ll
go to jail

your let this person can also block
their numbers

I did I guess so maybe can you I don’t
know can you

I don’t know I would say I also like
that he’s more pissed about the

attractive one

it’s like these guys are kind of ugly as
it doesn’t bother me as much but my hot

friend is really pissing we are though
he said year

theory the exact words a de Medici
friend started sending them to

they’re not nearly as attractive as me
but still this job is pretty fucked up

is a that none of them are the track is
not like worried about them being like

hot his girlfriend like you

right I yeah are you on

you have your sales it’s their little
bitches and I think you need to like

blow up the pictures that their penises
and I

like all-around schooler something at
the gym you should

kick the shit outta them I the you
should tell on them by the gym tell your

family and administrator

I think these kids should go to jail as
he is a publicly shame that I personally

would like to stones

stone cold Stunna eat well and I’ll
agree with the

the blowing them up and putting them
around that sorta a

using what they did Ron and throwing it
back in their face

right you can at the same them yeah let
you donna

yelling at them might just like pouring
water on a gremlin

make them bigger angrier and scarier
interesting

orders water kill Grauman’s I don’t
fully remember my we had no I haven’t

but really it’s a matter for as there

where you have to use their own shit
against them yes like they’re harassing

your girlfriend

you post their dick online right I will
mean if there’re it

you can’t send your dick to girls ever
that they don’t want you to send their

dick

I’ve always said that a like they are on
the same page when it comes to that

letter that but like never ever I
thought the dick pic rules

is just never send one in less it
specifically

asked for I know we talked about a
thousand 02 de

yeah I don’t remember exactly what we
said then but I will amend whatever I

said unless I said there’s

don’t have a dick unless it explicitly
stated

that the dick pic is desired do
understand for the DA has to be desired

the demons be desired the dick pic if
not slick

pretty sick it is not desired shan’t be
required

exactly don’t send the D to me

Rumi ask if the I

so much this guy do you’re saying I’d go
for the full

the fall shame slash telling slash anger

yeah I had your girlfriend respond
positively and ask for the real the

Lola Redbox that’s good no underwear

get that do you get the kids face in it
then if it’s big

PhotoShow that make it legally as Molly
no yeahh and then

pointed out that pays to pass around its
cool you say hey turns out I’m not a

little bit your dick is a little bitch
and because it looks like the

pinpoint a needle on your pubic mound

how does that sound also I wanna say I
Photoshop this but look how small your

day is

its arab leaders either happened is
penny there you go

so joke’s on you a.m.

that’s pretty good thank you more can
you say about that let’s break time

am I was thinking week 8 a.m. just like
Parker hell

like why do we have to like always have
this is really the with question

Jesus cry I know you’re in a rush on a
rough journey right here right

I here in a bush-era but

I what is it like being my roommate

its it’s been pretty painless been great
been easy

yeah yeah it is you know you don’t give
a shit when I clean up after you

you that doesn’t bother you here’s the
here’s what I’ll say

alum up as a roommate ok I think it’s

I’m impressive how long it takes you to
get the lay of the land

had not also will need to get your
bearings something yeah I think that’s

cool

and I think that late you live in a
house a little while longer you’re gonna

find out where the trash cans are

okay are taken out the child care a
great deal may blow hot air

the load and unload the dishwasher I
think you may be

there then they’re actually I’m to
understanding where the

where the where the bathroom cleaner is
oh and you can now wipe down the shower

on cuz there is crime in filth in there
really and I think you walk around the

house in your shoes a bit too often the
rugs are getting spoiled the road to

getting stained

you gonna say anything readers gonna
keep it bottled up in suppress it become

a passive aggressive asl because that’s
OD you deal with all our lives still I’m

doctors i’ve you need me show you where
the courage can is a well

oh my gahhh the driveway after that I
can give you a lesson on how to wipe

down the dishes a little bit before you
put them in the dishwasher you know the

washer isn’t suppose the

be a soup to nuts solution to do
everything he can to help out in the

middle as I get a little lazy when I’ve
when I’ve cooked cleaned it up

ass out for analysts and I shot a bullet

when i sat on his own to figure out your
food shop for my pool after last time I

checked your enjoying the avocados I but
which I ask you for new said no problem

I said no

problem no period

problem question mark yeah absolutely no
como a problem your nickname is

problem that I call you on the house
button

now but we have fun we do I really dig
it we

where the new level of passive
aggressive is to be fake

passive-aggressive

sir becomes passive passive again still
getting your message across but doing it

in a joking about her

have you taken the car because as I had
made the joke about a the garbage can I

have not

you always beat me to it what can I say
I’m never look down and had a full

garbage bag x-country yep it’s a

I both say and that that that is
absolutely

try I did have to step down a step down
on a girl wrote the automatic and yeah

I shut it down to the model I showed it
onto the floor it exploded but there was

still room for a little bit

though that no data happened to and no
dice in

I but it’s it’s an adventure every day
with you is

I appreciate quiet

appreciate showed her shit you wonderful
degree

was Trulia crime I

but no let your room service you think
so

yeah but even your gonna get a
cheeseburger and french fries

%uh your back on you know about the road
yet road I

dude that’s why they’re watching the
videos that we shot on the road

and you look considerably batter I can
make sense

yeah do I look back now these days Nana
you like on the skinny rent

like red the videos you look the year
legit getting her scary at this rate

it’s kind of a funny little subplot do

low-fat is a day with the fattest video
we’ve ever made

do you know which one comes to mind we
look like it just the I

chubby little beef bun a high school
friend yet to speak to the

yeah that was pretty fat and so is the
sleeping pills

relay yeah I’d like certain is that when
the video and I’m just straight up

I you here at school is very very good
backers down like ripped and shredded

and let me look back after four years
ago five years ago I never did a a

little like their skinny I wouldn’t say

epic and now to be like you think
rippling biceps triceps and

her lack the couch yeah I’m you still
don’t do any cardiac side analyze the

cardio exercise

what he did running back and forth to
the garbage can attacks and

I to do that what seems like a million
times a day

I there’s gotta be a while yet lyle’s a
be more like twice a week

still still enough to track

I am I its focus here

we only have so much minutes left get
one last question

hurry back time let’s do it let’s do it
let’s do it a

firm China side with the best want ended
on is

the ender and your game guy we have to
stop

any other I yeah and this and yr is lame

ago I ready min last Tennessee

based celebrity Morgan Freeman

Morgan Freeman your from the eye or

league in bag in Baldwin bargain freemen
for my own gather

give it to me baby for is that the worst
song that became popular

pretty fly for a white guy is the worst
popular song ever I

he’s getting okay to yeah if you get Inc
done

what happened why did they get to be
famous for that

that the I’m event that the offspring
men that’s another good signs though

colleague played was not as well that
song to the tune of another song

I know that’s my friend had a girlfriend
and stuff like that bits

that it but they did is like the
opposite of what they grow the two-year

theme song that is at least shad on the
Beatles with that

and this girl turns your she deals with
yellow bloody low blood a

my Red Hat I won’t say I love there had
no air

air a life goes on %uh

and a couple years they have built their
home sweet home

that’s cool I people like I don’t think
they’ll a

I like you’re you’re saying the covers
in the beginning yeah I like tossing the

nation

a let go a lot I i

this is that the higher a alright Morgan
Freeman rights

I’m usually very outgoing but lately
I’ve had trouble striking up

conversations with the girl I see every
day at the dining hall

I’ve never talked to her before but I
seriously see her everyday

and she really wants and I really want
to get to know her

she is a bigger girl pretty chubby but
still a smoke show

I don’t have on the table guy just walks
up to someone and flirts

I’m 6’3 210 with a beard and Avebury

average looking base how would you guys
go about picking up this

siren who’s dining hall song is
captivated me day after day after day

please put yourself in my position and
help me figure out what to do

thanks Morgan Freeman PS I can’t help
but stress how very

average my face if you were to rake
every person on earth I would

balls smack dab in the 50th percentile
I’m not ugly I do not good

tribute describe something is very
ashford I

is an average is the absence a the
absence of any any like

any dressing like the word very rapidly

at like this joke made Pat have were
like my shirts are extra medium

I they’re extremely normal

yes I am plane to the thousand degree I

never get closer to infinity there we go
but this is a really heartwarming

email actually now that I read it again
it’s got a touching rikers there’s a

good I’m a 6-3 210 this girls kinda
chubby but I fighter so fucking

attractive i jus wanna talk to her and
his dining all

right a very average yeah i think is is
the love

it’s a love story for the ages and thank
you for sending us your pages

go ahead is located in the email yeah
and good if it rhymes I think he advised

now on

is gonna rhyme all the time so here’s
what’s up

with you in this done I you are gonna go

and talk to her ok you look at times you
feel unsure

ok I promise you this: my good sir

she want to talk to you

and talk now or no no no no no

iPod and bother I get a perfect game
glowing

yeah I really did the usual is doctor
that they bet you are stuck to you

hier they don’t feel those vibes as
chemical Biebs unless

unless there’s like something they’re
just a little bit it’s a dining hall

that’s like an easy way to approach
someone it’s like

you get your food you sit down next to
her she’s a little chubby so maybe like

a shove a cheesecake in her mouth and of
you lookin at

I’ll his keep fucking asshole bisque it
is a mother fucker

caesar’s literature for the guy with
doctor and now I’m and your mother

fucker

I hate their voice an hour I have but it
isn’t as fun and friendly communal to be

at the dining hall you can

sit-down strike up a conversation about
how good or bad the food might be

yeah how average your face is the air
you be self-deprecating beat be year

because I feel like

6-3 210 bearded guy

sounds like a pretty pretty good lookin
did yet and I don’t think you have to go

there and be like

immediately flirty to say hey say what’s
up trailing learn some things about her

and then so flirty ill it’ll happen at a
lead of the force that

that’s right and since a luckily for you
ill

I am this girl maybe are

not like it’s not likely free but maybe
this girl’s been look thinking about you

as much as you think about her

that’s right so a on now I have a rhyme

if you try to force it it sounds like
horse shit I

aka that that

okay okay okay it was great okay with

by okay you can go fuck yourself on-site

I obviously you’re outta line and I
don’t need to call ya Tom

I think I know I you know but maybe
should listen to mister Jones if you

want to know about how to strike up a
conversation

I yeah love you could say that graze
your favorite color

yeah yeah I have held so a symbolic
yesterday

do bad new picasso I

I would badmouth self but crazy it’s out
there and play

those lyrics are absolute nothing right
click babble

is pretty good graze my favorite color I
felt symbolic yesterday why me I thought

I’d live myself a great guitar and play

as a valid and it’s a better Picasso
painting is it yeah

by new picasso I’d buy myself a great I
that’s like a Picasso painting

play mister Jones me at the beautiful
woman

a should that will provide you for you
there’s gotta be somebody for me it’s

like him feeling left out

maybe I well-thought-out

0 yes Spanish dance I pass me the bottle
the best judge I loans

so you like sister Joan of her how to be
a lion

I well on a pass yeah I’m gonna call
that guy get bread stuffing is a large

that bad

we i’d never relaxed we’ll there it’s
it’s a it’s a thin line between cool

poetic and is really weird that I’m
gonna say that when is in the weird bad

territory Tuesday

we all wanna be way what is a cats like
we all want to pass as callous the ally

and

everybody wanna passes cats we all want
to be big cigars

yeah but we got different reasons for a
lot that life

is a net either I think it’s a few
reasons for that which effectively how

much time a dedicated

I lied so amazing sonya is that it
wasn’t

I said the lyrics were her shit of
wholesale level the other day

Zanmi but I only care about the melodies
130

like that of bricks on my friend has a
girlfriend in a that bitch

the the melodies sucks but the thus the
lyrics are so poetic that I can’t help

but love it

yup I I think that’s it we gotta

we gotta wrap this shit up Brett the
forty five-minute mark we’re in

Nashville Tennessee

bounce we got our room service and take
a bath

those with the every know everything a
cheeseburger in a bathtub

hand client what every night
cheeseburger in about their

your hands get cold cuz you rest your
body is submerged no alright alright

commander

method the paddy the tramadol all into
the water

don’t take it out don’t donate it yes oh
boy

okay yet it Erica do ago yep

iraq that’s it thanks for listening
everybody again we’re gonna be in that

area the National performing tomorrow at
Zanies then

a at the Charlotte comedy club on
Tuesday

though the company’s own on Tuesday and
then in Syracuse at Syracuse University

on Wednesday of this week

if you listen to this in the future
ignore were saying I already miss these

shows you can’t go to them it’s

over you let me know that number nobody
listens to techno nah let go

um that first theme song is it was from

I think I said it already Liz then she
did that remix have your old song in

this last one

is from somebody named Zack and his
ukulele

if you had your own questions your own
theme songs please

email us at it I reuse shell at gmail
dot com

and no bonus Thursday episode this week
so we’ll be back

on Monday a week from today later

is our

deadline the are

like earlier in the already the

gnarly how he’ll do you line the news

now series on Hulu and open a specially

them do nething I was also

my mom mom was down sided

primary new Delancey the mail to

now

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