Episode 8: Tinder

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In this episode we discuss how to break the ice and the meaning of art. Then our friend Ethan stops by to talk about talking about cancer.

This episode is brought to you by Frank&Oak! Check out their awesome stuff, and if you like what you see, use our coupon code “IFIWEREYOU10” for 10 percent off all clothes!

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I was by Aaron TN who wanted list also
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oh my god the supply closet and I didn’t
hear that song like I we go see them

I in concert this is if I were you the
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hosted by us on a mere and I’m Jake and

I think this is our last episode wow you
sprung that on me at the same time

Israel on the audience sorry

I mean latest episode oh okay cool yeah
I since that last

yeah several you misspoke in a very nice
that yeah I guess this is just the most

recent episode

write a a thanks so much for tuning
everybody

up things are going great hot and cold
as you how you are

he picked out I don’t know if you are
you braggers

if you see any Drager alright those
listening I

everything with me is amazing actually
gotta I got a pretty

got a pretty good paycheck the other day
and I don’t know how I feel and I’m

feeling good and feeling right about

yeah idea I am at the apex of my life as
hell

i’m happier all %uh catching me right
now in this glorious moment then I’m

having you’re looking up at me because
honestly I’m on top for the free world

view

AZL I lover we are still sorta reeling
for what happened earlier today

we usually don’t even talk about what
happened to our lives but

it was we want to get a little personal
I you wanna talk about life on my

computer charger

yet those great so we were at we’re
riding today from my apartment

and that there is a buncha have I I
guess you could call them

new york city youths out on the street I
just making a general rockets

the be very disruptive this having fun
and being loud

very very loud but like you said they
were they’re being so loud it was almost

like they were trying to be as loud as
they could possibly be

yeah they were screwed hear her scream
talking to each other just having an

amazing time at BX

incredibly loud about how old do you
think they were I guess like maybe

fourteen to sixteen

tops I and they’re like skateboarding
downers 3

and I hot cars Bihar get them they’re
being

I mean they were not there big dicks
there were street losing and a

so I filled up a glass with water I

well first you want to water balloon the
show you ever you have any water

balloons so I

so I fill the glass with water we opened
my window

and then I just hurled a II shot the
water out at them

a we didn’t really hear anything and
they were trying to decide if it got to

that site picked out

through that word is the area I the
because you’re looking down at the the

close by the sidewalk but they were just

across the city staring right at you
looking not at that

oh my god and then a and then both the
minister’s hit

W week at our do we literally

coward like cowards for two hours that
we finally left my apartment just

just thinking we’re gonna get their
asses kicked by a budget forty-year-olds

and they would’ve yeah I definitely
would have heard as and their way

yeah they were even though there are 14
there was enough for them

32 just beat the shit and they had
stable as late as the truck across the

job dude

it was fun to feeling exhilarating like
that again you have your acting

incredibly

less mature than they would be if it’s
there at least having fun word is good

from your apartment throwing water at
them behind a wall

my heart was racing though I oh my god
the best is just like there are like

breathing heavily behind the wall like
to look at the window to look out the

window I finally did in the do they go
see you

no pick-up be they could as waited for a

I looked at you and I’m like well we’re
now in your part like an hour ago to

five guys today cuz I’m not leaving here
probably for the next week until these

kids have to go home for dinner

I I can afford my own food

how’s that losers he hit me in the face

I I’m the loser were scared you

a here I know it is a public apology to
those kids

is a bit is that the BCS industry they
don’t listen to this year they’re way

too cool for that

through I am alright cell let’s get
started enough

enough having fun but answer some
questions this is my guess is about fun

gas about %uh you know if people are in
a sticky bad we’re difficult situation

they’ll

email us that email is if I were you
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keep this emissions coming they’ll email
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answer the most answered all questions

well first one comes from John but to
thirty-year-old losers dug deep

underwater on me by

breadth you me their address I can kick
the shit outta

you they know our address they knew
where it was coming from

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0 um the teenagers alright let’s get
started first

question is from will column these are
fake names but real problems

well column Jack Jack Jack rights

hey guys hopefully you’ve heard of the
app tender it’s really entertaining to

just

judge people based on their picture its
popular colleges

once on match with someone I never
really know to say suggest something

funny

thanks Jack so just a quick refresher
for those who don’t know what tenders

tenders your new favorite app

yeah if you’re single and I you want to
meet people

then a I would get tender right now I

like stop listening to a podcast I will
be offended well they can listen and

download it now

no yell posit you need to focus cuz like

if you don’t you’re at your profile you
always get mad 0 then

you gotta get mad so what is it you you
download this app and then what you

judge people

I yes so well I it’s a tender is an app
that pulls like your Facebook profile

picture

and and then your swiping right left

like left if you think someone’s you
know not attack tonight type right if

you think they’re cute

and the cool thing is if you if you
think someone sq

and they’ve also got your cute Leah it’s
a match right and it puts you in touch

with them it’s like you can message this
girl now

see you can judge people and then also
the people that you deem attractive that

also the new attractive you can strike
up a text conversation yes

another the good that is absurd
sponsored by tender EE not

but it could be though it have any if
anybody worth it entered your listening

I’m a gigantic fan if you’re a viewer
app and I’d love

love to advertise it up for free so what
do you do actually for now for free

no money i just want to see everybody
who’s ever writes like to me

I just what I just want access to your
database that information does exist

problem definitely it’s got to

that’d be like a tinder Pro account yeah

the tender hack you can see anybody’s
ever writes that you but you also have

to look at everybody’s ever less like
you to give you a percentage

no have put that presented on your
profile research like a tinder pro PT’s

pay ten dollars

and you just get to like get like axes
all that weird information how much

would you pay to know

to see a list that every girl twenty
five thousand dollars all my kids

I the diseases yeah that’s okay you do
that

you can figure it out I yeah I’m sure
you can borderline bribe someone their

firm

probably if if that so over the question
is

okay you get national summit it’s pretty
exciting W instigated you do the first

message

I yeah well I guess always if I want to
talk to the or sometimes like

I’ll get matched and then I realize that
person’s not entirely my type correct

so I don’t match reply to message them
all you know about her is the photo you

swipe your the right which means you’re
attracted we did was like we were live

photos are people so let you know you
know a little bit like a

for and my profile I have like its me
doing some things that I like that

someone

looks at my profile that go this guy
likes

out traveling you like side dancing are

he likes looking sexy a camera but so
let’s say after you match you look at a

photo of a girl

what what would make you change your
mind I well I mean sometimes

sundays are swiping too loosely yeah
this girls I cells I

if it is not a race the light will
conduct Alexander

trumpet that’s what everybody is dinner
is right or all shallow shallow assholes

which is the first the you can bond over

should you have messenger de hey use
your shallow like me

I clearly word is judging P we have no
idea about each other but we do know one

commonality

were both shallow small city people

with you like the kiss my mouth I is

up for my advice is i i mean i out

I can just look at all the last message
is that I’ve said to be blunt in there

and i was just like

hey whatever the name is that the little
what would you say is bad advice

you like there’s a big no no either
something that a girls that to you or

something that you see in a guy

message to grow the IKE well that’s that
uses lost him or her I think you could

message

almost anything at first like his its
weird will be

the thing is a joke and if it’s just
like hey that’s just totally innocuous

I think the the the one no no is like

messaging that and they don’t respond
with a mean doesn’t always happen like

sometimes they’re not interested

and then like messaging again parade
like three times so

what’s your what’s your mental in here
like okay if i text this person or a

I message her once twice when do you say
%uh one ever again

if you if wondrous want we are sorry one
message

says yet this over my head Jane and she
doesn’t respond you’re done for ever

at even if she’s like you consider
yourself a

I will how could I I consider an
attractive so okay so hey jay let’s as

she does respond you go hey what’s up

and the response that you have responded
double response after the first is

likely to respond as is a

page ages hey they say what’s up she has
responded you respond

fuck you I done and then

two minutes later interested I know you
are please leave me at how do you like

what you can’t have

I this is why seinfeld needs to re
exists now because

I can see Jerry be like you never double
messaged you know those is the single

most

section there there’s such there’s
dinner at it which is its kinda cool cuz

i tender so new

and like that kinda like we online
dating is new and LED

after super news like the Wild West like
how do I act on to do how do I meet

people have no idea

like when I first got it I lick I had no
clue I met with someone I was like

hi I guess I by the cutest really like
you going up to somebody at a bar

like if I went to a girl at a bar as I
hey Jane

and she didn’t say anything I guess I’d
walk away you have a twitter allows you

to be so much more brave than you would
have never tells it like it so we had to

get like

ask you like it a quirky silly question
like a you like bananas or grapes right

but the the say I result loser

leave me alone I’m too busy judging
other guys already already got the best

validation in the world which is like
this girl just said you were cute

right co-owner route with being a weirdo
to say hi that’s all you need to do

is that what percentage of the thrill I
was generally quantify stuff

okay the ultimate that I will never
succeed I

would you say the ultimate goal is
sleeping with the

girl they were matched with bill to go
on the ultimate goal

is you okay let’s say the ultimate goal
is to create a a meaningful long

relationship the ultimate goal is me
living in a farmhouse

my I wife we r children don’t buy
diapers okay we’re using cloth diapers

washed by hand at school right we have
actually it’s

know I’ll backtrack I will not let me a
check give

they lay an egg every day we could go as
cells exam which is in the morning

how’s that you get a little record
player alerted Simon and Garfunkel

want to live with me I and that’s what
people are going to tell for your

profile picture

a case let’s say to say I

on matching were are just seeing a girl
is step one

raise your ad 0 percent I genuinely
believe we talk about is for the next

yeah it’s here

I sleeping with that person whether it’s
a girl or guy

is a hundred percent what percent is the
thrill is matching

you like only five percent either way
there’s like magic oh that’s half the

battle on RT matched

when you match I think that’s like well
I

I don’t know if it’s like a5 percent
five percent thing like that builds up

to 100 percent which is like sleeping
together it’s like

each thing is it’s own thing cells like
matching is a hundred percent study when

I look at my phone it’s like you’ve
nationally fuck yeah

and I i and then you look at the and
it’s not like hundreds that excitement

then it’s like

alright next level the game is like them
I actually attracted to use like their

pictures like

fuck yeah I am like that’s really
exciting then like that message is like

I hope she messages me back

and that she does fuck yeah that excite

the hardest thing is going from from
messaging to meeting

because once you like me going for like
meeting to hooking up is like

right not to be that hard because I was
your like in front of a person that you

like Rd build up in your mind is being
attractive and cool and your potential

soulmate

it’s just like its it’s the meeting up
that stuff

that’s the hardest a I’m a stranger that
that is so shallow that I just

I literally just swipe you I will you
will you meet me in the

unlucky I prove to you that I’m a good
person retroactive alright so if you

have one bit uptake weighed by somebody
gets match with you on tender

what do you say they just said you’re
attractive so my advice is to just say

hi

that’s it so just say hi not even the
persons name

knew the person is gonna friendly see
this is what they need to know

I Jesus Christ okay high in the person’s
name that’s the

that’s the takeaway bit I let’s move on
to the next question

we spent Wow four and a half hours on
that I keep

I could is that way way more should be
doing all tender episode

I would I would love that I’m actually
was there to separate tender podcast

alright next question this one comes
from Claire

usually repeat the name and

now how does give Claire over who Claire
data

hey back I never left

hey guys your show is awesome and I love
listening to you guys every week

I SANA said that that just seems that
let you share

group the Ohio Art I actually that’s all
she said

I that’s all she wrote actually a

cell okay she continues so

I just finished college woo but I was
also just diagnosed with cancer

boo plea people keep asking me what I’m
up to now and I feel like I should tell

them about

the cancer but I don’t wanna immediately
ruin the conversation

how should I bring it up without making
everyone incredibly uncomfortable

I don’t want people to feel bad for me
but I also feel pretty

obligated to let people know what is a
fun interesting way to introduce the

disease into the conversation

thanks Claire cell pretty pretty serious
chippy

stuff let’s just skip it yeah read it in
such an

it’s the fifth jolly boys I now

%uh when I read this question I
instantly came tonight a good friend of

mine

eat then who worked with us before he
helped write the college humor book

and he now works for Mental Floss and
Ethan was diagnosed with cancer

how long ago about nine hole areas month
yeah

9 alerts months ago and I said what
better person to answer this question

about how to

E broach the fact that you have cancer
then

to bring Ethan on the show and talk
about how he did it so it then what did

you do

a well I have bad news for you Claire
it’s going to be awkward if you bring it

up in conversation

and if you bring it up in a fun quirky
way

people hoping but you’re also crazy in
addition to having cancer

so I would maybe dial it back on that
front

a this is one of those things that email
is great for

a anything you wouldn’t do to break up
with someone because it feels too

cowardly

is a great way to tell them the chance
there yeah

I text cancer frowny face I all you need
they’ll pick up the subtext

a like cancer I for don’t do it without
a doubt tender message about it

so I think you told me over an email
yeah because it was like a mass email no

did you email individual people

no I kinda made a conscious decision
which I think you have to do

to only tell the people who need to know
because

it’s hard enough already having the
cancer it on for the cancer to become

the only interesting thing about you

say he’s kinda don’t wanna brand
yourself as the person with cancer

Claire maybe you do I wouldn’t recommend
it I

there’s no money in there hope but

a I kinda made the decision that i would
tell people that I was close with

on my team at work and i would tell my
close friends answer to people who are

acquaintances who ask

what you’re up to you can just like us
when someone asks what you’re up to it

they generally don’t really wanna know
literally everything you’re up to it was

so remote area P

chemotherapy can be left off the list

a people you see every day or hang out
with

they’re probably going to notice that
something’s wrong see you should tell

them that you

are losing lots of weight for a reason
a.m.

but I would go with the email the tax
yeah work he said

if you send emails like people you
really close with like it probably

the people that see you every day will
eventually hear it from them that’s

kinda like newspeople disorder

tell other people to you yeah he really
can let your friends or to be the

disbursement instrument there because
the

that’s what friends are for take slut
takes the pressure off you

and also each it is really awkward to
tell someone but it’s almost more

awkward to be told in person like

oh I’ve got cancer there’s no good way
to react yeah

you wouldn’t have known if I did feel
like a a so

thanks for coming to dinner with me
benefit tumor issue here

yeah Jesus Christ yes so don’t put
people on the spotlight back cuz then

they’ll feel like they gotta say
something

meaningful are helpful but unless their
non-college adjuster a priest

that’s really not gonna be either so

I I would skip the conversation thing
entirely

straight up over email did you tell
anyone personally

a my girl from was actually on vacation
when I found out with her college for a

homeless guy like guy and I thought
manage that coming back like oh my god

the case was crazy look at all these
pics not really waiting to drop the Bob

what she brought me an awesome gift was
a pen from the Jacksonville

airport I that’s crazy so I’m sure she
still feels guilty about

I but I no I waited cuz what do you call
someone on vacation like

look any fee to leave the bar on the
beach that I double as fuck though cuz I

bet I got kids I’d be calling all my
friends by Haley the bar on the beach

I you if I to go over to be like you
better come all right now dropped

everything you doing

drop the pan she dropped out a medical
school was the problem so she was going

to be a help

go back in ups but how did it end up for
you

just the a little bit of context as:
does nine months ago that you were

diagnosed

was dead yeah and and moving I so is
really nice you come to the hospital to

a record this is a a little self-serving
but I appreciate it

no no I mean it it went well like you
said late my friends who I told insert

IVs

you know spread the news around to other
acquaintances where I didn’t have to

have a series a very awkward
interactions with people

you’re dealing with enough yeah if
that’s really you gotta do so do your

own thing and don’t worry about being
selfish

no one’s gonna hold it against you that
you didn’t have the conversation with a

week

anyone who gets mad the green personally
tell them

is a crazy person I gotta tell you
cannot be getting chemo

I the sessions are so long but alway

I think that the david tao

yeah it’s good and then people are
really supportive but a

Abyan it is hard when you tell people
cuz they like the natural inclination is

to try to say something helpful

right really not a whole lot is going to
be helpful

but people are nice so they want to say
something comforting in

you just are put in an awkward spot if
you just tell them point blank

what’s that best and worst ways to
respond to that email

a lol that’s the best before actually
just an audiophile

love you laughing out loud to be the
worst way but now I did everyone

comes back and says something very
supportive in the girl

you know if they can help you in any way
pretty much so

it’s tough because cancer is so many
things and it’s so different for so many

people like I know people who have very
serious forms of cancer in

you don’t know how to react like is this
like a a small issue is that a big issue

is it an in-between issue

yeah and I that’s a big part of when you
do tell people that you can I want to

contextualize it like that

said oh no they has really you hear
someone has cancer and you assume

they’re going to die

right so a lot of I felt like a lot of
my emails to people is like alright so

this thing is going on in in trying to
back it up yet but it’s gonna be fine if

it’s not going to be fun for a while
there’s going to be a lot of surgery and

chemotherapy and stuff like that

but out when she get through that part
evidence it’s not so bad

hey you’re very much a trooper
throughout this entire thing like I

barely even

yeah I would hate to go on our podcast I

absolute trooper yeah it was slightly
worse than chemo

bud that after I to interview yeah

and dropping you guys to three stars 0

a yet you wanna play anything since
you’re on the show you know

tens up fifteen people might listen to
this if you wanna

you know talk about Mental Floss Mary
yes

I’m an editor and of Los magazine you
should buy the magazine it’s very funny

and a lot of fun

I edit strongly anti-cancer I care

yeah as an anticancer slant so if you
can get over that it’s a really good

magazine I have stuff in there sometimes

oh yeah near has a as a column in every
issue an hour he talks about a

the history of an object that’s run him
what’s more fun than objects the history

above

an object yes the first one was wasters

The History Boys there’s yeah we just
had a history have a car does

they’re not always as my that was in
your first one heads to

that is the only thing I talk about a so
even will you stick around the ever

one or two more questions to get there
okay

yes okay I restricted to be a year

I doors locked yeah this is all along
con

starting the cancer and it now to you
this I alright

this one is from who have a nice idea

Charlie Charlie Kayla Charlie

hey Amir Jake the name is Alex’s I

whoa how did he know a check in the air
and Ethan

the name is Alex please don’t differ
from it up for my art class

I’m trying to produce the image that the
youth of today has lost innocence

so to do that I’m producing a skateboard
with Velma from Scooby Doo with their

top docs about to be revealed

my teacher says if I created I won’t be
in the school exhibition

and I could possibly get the whole lotta
trouble with my Catholic school

the message is so strong and so
compelled to a

to do this because although it does
break the boundaries

maybe that’s what some people need to
fucking understand how shit our

generation has become

what should I do I love this show I

I have message okay its bellwether top
he’s a top top

I you get safe out as an avatar that out
as the dow

or okay I don’t have taught us

I as well on the one in the turtleneck
yeah I hope the teachers realize

problem with it was that it wasn’t
Daphne thank you

dood acceptable Vilma’s the B-one yeah

no trust I her left on tender I think
Bella Notte

you know I look like thelma that these
has tagged ok but basket

have velma has taken no I their sloping
Daphne to the right

velma to the left and but what if its
velma with her tatas about to be

revealed soon as it on a skateboard

half rather clearly is really a park as
old as they don’t try to be an artist

yeah the pushing the boundaries how shit
our generation has begun house at the

you are the same I

sensor for the teaser for China’s sole
legitimate under the Catholic school

bell with two hot studs

I say go for it I say take it we had I
was the I want to see this label

I want to see the top to that you don’t
feel out I

forget on a skateboard almost a real
you’re taught as I wonder on a wakeboard

I scrappy blowing Scooby

on a longboard I have observed were sag
is just

differing the goat the Perth I

you think you think our generation’s got
to sit I think they’ve got the one level

beyond

yeah here’s not even know that the
president is your love everybody in the

humid said it be the tired Scooby Doo
cath

I I shaggy is just

eating out scrappy dues as all the %uh
the world need to feed is

okay donors did the site is going to see
it

the world needs to know I don’t care by
get suspended from school

sister Gallagher I it is a Catholic
school

that you’ve got to get this in the
exhibition that like you need to see if

you have to make this and save it and
then when you’re like 25 try to explain

why it was so important to your friend

I I you don’t get it man

ten years ago our generation was beyond
shit

it was Daphne REO is Bill Maher with
their top sellers are you make that up

by

old I for real I think I would buy these
are

alright Alex you’re an artist stick to
your guns

you you do you let me know yep pushing
the value that art is

it you know tell you that was up right
now you know to you

you know who else push the boundaries
Jackson pollak and his shit is in

museums everywhere

that’s right that’s you man all I’ve
ever seen that Jackson Pollock where r

Lisa Simpson is blowing bar yeah

push the boundaries I was really cool
didn’t Jackson Pollock pain I Calvin

pissing on how I

makes you think I Calvin physiology own

his own imaginary friend I

yeah you do you if we are if I were you
I would do it

with that’s a great story to later in
life you get in trouble you take any

ideas suspended from high school right
now playing at that the video

like or if you can did he say it says
that it or just in trouble at school

I mean I’m sure you would get somewhat
suspended dead serious do this is

important with Popcaan

the 100 Velma become the symbol of our
generation

yeah dozen for this kid is that high
slimy

your generation that’s like 1973

who’s the guy who’s the a vellum
equivalent now I guess we wouldn’t know

because we’re too old

who is the film equivalent now was a
cartoon its popular

Family Guy eg I

gotta look like hell yeah iight next
itself

that they suggested make it may like it
you getting suspended and say I would

have gotten away with it too

was a for those crappy nuns a few

those shifty shifty knowns as it doesn’t
live in school with your I woulda got

away with it

meddling kids or something love like
every single

villains says that this could be off
packets to clarify that I am

we love you wrote in after the last
episode that out and

sufferin succotash was actually said
indeed by Daffy

I know everybody day over the tweet
emails

I got a 100 percent covered the conf
that Dappy said

operated attached yeah he said to that
little was that little yellow bird the

little bird yeah

the the little yellow tweety bird
between is always like yeah that the

that’s all

well and I if we’re hardcore Luigi its
fans

oh this is another funny thing that came
out last episode

the %ah that we were talking about

that girl who gave the guy a handjob
read the married guy handjob

and we would you hear about yes I i cool

ISO we got confirmation this is real
confirmation I know is the best for

everybody stop bugging harassing me

ok I just stopped reading & Jerry’s I

have sorry I was wrong. %uh though

on Wikipedia said that the said it six
times like into the sylvester

it’s a a 18 a popular anyway so the hand
jive was on a bus

what I there’s plenty at me like I
should have said it

yeah I was waiting for reaction but I
forgot you were doing with live

ahead the handjob that we assume happen
on a bus did happen on a bus

and why did you think it happen on a bus
ok because a bus is like the only thing

the only place that only a handjob can
happen like everywhere anywhere else

god she would at least get diverse
country right that is

a hand up 100 under a jacket on a bus
which I believe happened to be on a

field trip to Washington DC and

eighth-grade wow you got a hacer
eighth-grade yeah by actually my teacher

who is married so like yeah

that’s very we should talk about this a
long time ago

yeah a are able to squeeze in one more
question

we’re havin fun here and relieve the 42
minutes I

Island last question to see guys get
your money’s worth zero dollars

on this question comes from another dude
got a name form

i lock lock locke says

have been forced to quit my 60 hour week
job because I wouldn’t have passed the

drug test they told me I had to take
because the customer said I looked quote

mentally ill

whatever that means anyway I love my
parents they haven’t told them

i jus leavin go to the strip club were
hanging out with friends until they look

until they think I would be off work my
question is

how can I let my parents know I don’t
work them anymore work there anymore

without revealing I did too many drugs

sent from my iPhone hmmm I am

was further than the Droid I drug drug
people love droids sent from my droid

I can’t like the hit cuz was that I look
mentally ill

I means it actually be the look I L

a look at me that you look like you
don’t have your mind rather

it looks like that your mind is so
crockett that instead of telling your

parents you don’t have a job you go to a
strip club for

lets the 60 hours a week divided by five
at a 12-hour workday they are faking

10 strip club for 12 hours so I think
that’s what she means by mentally ill

I V I think you look mentally ill at an
even though you look like this: judging

by these emails at a place to yourself

the sociopath or something so how how
does he let his parents know that he

doesn’t work there anymore that
revealing he did too many drugs

at would like to introduce the new a a
new segment of our show which is where

we give

advice not you’ve asked for but advice
that you need I

so you’re asking a cell like how to tell
your parents that you lost your job

without telling them that you did a lot
of drugs but I get my advice is to stop

doing so many drugs right

and don’t go to the strip club so much I
could go either way I’m

I really though it’s a have a good job
is not like being in school your parents

are going to get a report card that says
why you were fired

you can make up literally any reason you
can imagine in tell your parents that

in be here believe it or they note
that’s here there’s like 1000 the

reasons people get fired

right you can I mean no I don’t know I
don’t wanna I don’t I

years so you’re so drugged up to you
with Ally

about why you lost your job this economy
I just think that they’re downsizing

you do little anything you want and I
have you were overqualified but you

can’t come up with these lies because
your mind is still

fogs in class I with strippers like
dangling because China’s in

bong resin like make a change Mather do
tell your parents its drugs to tell you

guys get them I can help

this is the first step a bill the rest
of your life um

yet is funny they can even come up with
an excuse his cuz’s I guess borderline

too high

drugged out I mean on on such a square I

I finally admitted earlier and now I get
to give a beard biceps

I wanna be cool man you gotta get on
tender fifth

as well say that I realized earlier this
question a call that drug people

as a people who take drugs that so much
of a square I as yes good numbers and

it out he also have you ever been to a
strip club I’ll once

with you in Las Vegas and I was very
uncomfortable you into ohmygod that’s

right

should who is a not a few so like also
like

up at castles and Jeff Rubin have both
like power Jeff Rubin said he’s on the

district court was it was with me in Las
Vegas

I so I i’ve been there to like I would
never like my friends like I’ve never

been to a strip club I guess is the life
experience I should have

Jake take me right that’s not a good
drive you there I

with all you’ve been plenty of times
have you %uh I guess not plenty of me

when I was

when I with this kid when I worked at a
candy store in New Haven I would go to

stage or johnnys a lot

I would liken 2 a.m. on a Monday
selfless

I guess I’ve been there bro buddy %uh

it gets better or worse it’s up to you
you

make make the changes Jake said earlier
so our devices if I were you

I wouldn’t lie to your parents even
though you clearly can very easily

I just tell them you know what

I did too many drugs I have a problem
I’m gonna get cleaner

you know sometimes I wish I had a drug
problem so that I can do something very

clear:

then Macklemore any easier yeah I wish
that I had something rather me so I can

wrap my way out of it or something

but I so hurt you have no home I’m gone
through the hole and shit like I am a

man without flaws and i thought i comin
down what do i do just that you’re the

square I just said

five seconds ago that you’re too much of
a square about how do i improve that

what I i act more recklessly got
stranger is that is way too dangerous

that is

unbelievable holy shit you’re Mike
speaking I your voice is heard your

voice is going to talk to them i cant to
the game

you know it you’re right I’m gonna take
things a little more loose from now on

I’m gonna wash my classes every other
day I’ve decided

and guys hold me to it if you see you
tonight lenses and it looks like

oh my god I’m so that was because
they’re so those brick in spotless

comio call me out on the streets UT they
give you or your friend you’re getting

bigger as I

a alright long episode but it was worth
it

what with a time it now we’re at a 30-7
ish minutes holy shit we gotta get outta

here

a Ethan thanks for coming on the show it
thanks for having me and you are

completely healthy right now right

just so everybody doesn’t email us in
acts very concerned for you

yes this is not coming to you from
beyond the grave although he an amazing

podcast guy called the Aussie every week
a different dead guest

I if we can have

ended as every week yeah I think

yes thanks so much for coming out to the
show it then you can read more beef is

work at Mental Floss dot com or get the
magazine you can even read what I have

to say about twisters and avocados

and thanks so much for listening
everyone 0 we still

are getting collecting gathering a theme
song submissions the first arose from a

gun and air in TN

this one is from someone named Rose
greenberg any musicians out there

or wannabe musicians or struggling
musicians I guess when I see musicians

have been struggling musicians

I anybody who is that the ones are not
submitted your iPod I

you had a funny idea which is to start
the podcast once with a daft punk song

yeah I’ll this %uh this this the bunks
that these the a fuck me

yeah it’s okay is the value that Daft
Punk in for L

that’s got any I get their bears the
show la guardia fire you

this one is from Rose greenberg if
you’re a musician like rose like Aaron

like

anybody in want to submit your theme
song to sell at are gmail

which is if I were you show at gmail dot
com and once again you can listen to the

show

if I were you show dot com or sees the
cheese dot com

later everybody

yes I you

me celuyu havel do

make fun of me

you for 0

good to see for wounded

J gimme because staff

for seem if I were

do you ask the only

Denver

of

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