Episode 82: Baby Dick (live at the Hollywood Improv!)


In this episode we discuss nicknames, premature ejaculation, and slam poetry.

This episode is brought to you by SquareSpace.com – The best, most affordable way to create a professional looking website.

0 hey I didn’t see you there I

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okay but still thank you so much for
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dot Squarespace dot com shark hyphen

hyphen kar we gotta we gotta put you in
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thank you to everybody who came out I’m
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in the middle the show but i just want
to get this right away we’re going to


we’re going back to London to do a live
show and a live podcast more details at

a fire you showed a comment in the
middle the show let’s get started by

E me

are me


the how many

good make some noise disturb Jake hinge


for both of us the whole time

yeah well the first 15 seconds hours for

and then when they died down was when I
pointed to you know

at that’s good for me again

%uh got a really early blast doesn’t

yeah for three seconds to the show I’m
starting a show on blast yeah

that’s cool you’re in the red while I
was passed

to earth to let us what about them

longevity of our friendship care a lot
about your girl about them to most about

you more than anything about you

Jesus you’re my best friends on a
brother and I don’t wanna say lover

then doubt lover how are you guys

in yet

California attractive crowd

you guys are so much better looking than
that New York be the shit we perform for

a by

am reminder for me

anything this day yeah edit that part

right right and we go to new york we
disparage Los Angeles yeah

now is it added that part out to through
and through alright cool

I thank you SO much for coming a

a very casual you’re welcome

sup what are we doing

still eating their friends right now all
clatter crazy about a time to take the

chill yeah

it was in your mouth this whole time
this is from dinner happen our

yeah Press I haven’t even gone to the 1i
stop from them

stored in the backyard yes like a PEZ

but with french fries said

so who here has heard this podcast

in thank God

we don’t have to explain it let’s just
go well here hasn’t

why did you come could convince you

we already have all our fans here

we don’t need anybody knew all dollar
nine different that’s you

bad attitude badly Rick

call-in bad attitude thank you guys so
much for coming out

this is our first live podcast Los
Angeles true now

okay look into our last my podcast in
Los Angeles in

Wow superfans cool II barely even went
to that one

and inshallah so how does it work

we get emails from people

in sticky situations we do

are best one breath before the in

and say everything designs leading the

newt joking this is a-ok yeah and yeah
we receive emails from people who are


I don’t know what to do and we read ’em
and we try to answer them on the show

it’s usually just me in my underwear and

in our home recording the show and
sometimes we invite 200 have our closest


thrived so what do you say you get back
in your underwear haha in

are you wearing yellow underwear right
now no stripes I know I thought before

we left

it was bloom blue and yellow striped

close what is it no wonder where the

really now he and I was my dick use our

I’m that recovered at nabbing a UCLA fan

in it looks like a daughter sees cartoon
down there

her oh the places I’ll grow old


I shouldn’t hold that while I said that

I can you’re using the mic stand and

I wanted two hands free for my whiskey
your ego

moraine I am the really explain
everything that we need to explain to

get the party started

him let’s get the party started most
parties involved me sitting down anyway

services and get the party started about
a podcast

lettuce but we’re drinkin let’s do it
not yeah

so we’re gonna need a to give these

really emails from real people fake
names in order to preserve their

anonymity you thought it was gonna pitch
that tent

do to preserve the I K

old cool quit just broke the world
record for most people saying and I am


by exactly how many people said

David on with our the bike yet yeah

you’re done we finished on

so hutu who said he they were here for
the first time you

right there you here for the first time
what’s your name and just give us your

first name

on middle initial social security number
last name and if you have like a

frequent flyer TSA pre-approval number
that be great too

know what’s your first name on a on a

does anyone have a non-issue the name
kleczka real fuckin American name

I’m sorry on a look at what is that’s

you should never heard the podcast just
you know your kidding I

said the hell yeah 10

funny if you think you’re ridiculing
everyone up

she doesn’t know my name that’s the
problem through it on a

my name is so much more fucked up than
yours on a you you have no idea when am

I give at restaurants on a

it’s not a mere they can understand it

I say Ben Co and they know I’m lying

alright a

does realize this is written by a male
so we can use on it the other father

I hope she doesn’t say no cause is going
to be the worst

comedy show for her have to have a the
video de Chelly

had a father yeah that if you don’t have

by applying to died she never learned
his name no male figure

what’s your daddy’s name I how was the
show on out well

%uh they made fun of my name and called
out my dad dad and that was

by minutes 6 still don’t know if he is

really what is your father’s now is good
he’s good everyone is good in

on OK to know that

great name cohen et

Josefa rights hey guys

so I’m a junior in high school and I
resend recently my best friends started

calling me baby penis

do somehow this name stuck

and I am known by the whole school as

baby penis I have a normal size dick
about seven inches

this nickname has hurt my game big time
i used to hook up with a girl about once

a month

and now I have not gotten any action in

do I try and get one of those chicks I

to tell everyone it’s not small or

do I just to whip it out in front of a
lot of people

and deal with the consequences

thanks Joseph just said

so the multiple choice quiz where both
answers are on a

were set up to fail I think if you want
to avoid ridicule

whipping your dick out is not the way to
do it

well they will stop calling a baby penis
yeah it’ll start calling unlike burger

yeah creepy guy did with his penis

yeah calling all cattle just get
expelled from school

right now forget about ’em so what would
you do it somebody called you baby puma

swede ever

call me baby relaxed it

to my wanna see my fuckin dead police
said he’s doing it

if you’re listening at home he’s doing
it this isn’t saying how much she’s

doing it listeners at home

I see his day now it up


every day in a micropayment

a its monies owed I have a normal sized
x7 inches

it is a little it’s a little above

so yeah just let her the averages six
inches of course

up especially the average between our
two contain forward

in how dare you a

I didn’t say whose was whose okay I just
pointed my sore

a it seems like everybody would know
that baby dick with

I like a fake nickname right baby penis
yeah that’s not a real

thing right things he really had I don’t
think actually affecting his game

yeah I bet he’s not really hooking up
with chicks nonetheless

know why I think it’s its confidence
that matters

size am i right ladies I

worst drought ever

I yeah I feel like it’s somebody called
me baby that the best thing to do is

embrace the name

perhaps get at BD tattoo summer I i
misss nah I just had a baby penis I

don’t even have a penis

yeah it’s a thump and then we’ll take a
look at them like any girl you hook up


is like oh my goodness I thought you had
a baby penis but this is very average

net it’s

I I think you’re right you embrace it

you definitely don’t want your dick out
especially good I feel like you get

performance anxiety winners whipping
your penis out

yeah by wit my penis out right now GI’s
small is 40

as your dick would be right now but I
will have a look at your course unlike

performing like tangle with limits

daredevil acorn pain is right Co that’s
your new nickname

no on the head in

loser oh my god

for everybody was in the home I just did
a crab claws

well an yet out to others gather that
embrace it

embrace that embrace the baby Dec don’t
want to grab it Basit

it took your mother nine months today
said yeah

it is a long time it would take to May
subpoena set red

nine home runs he do to you if you
actually have a baby penis

me yeah at you right into a podcast
freaking out a little bit

not to call this guy out but I’m saying

your penis is Brian honest a normal
seven inches

you think this guy doesn’t have a seven
inch penis I and II bet it would I just

that you’re listening

I we use Senate the picture UPS

could ask for did in a click you know
how you

Ted take a picture of your penis you
have to have a ruler next to it right

known as as what guys here that I think
picture their penises

our I

I don’t believe that no one’s done it

he had a girl you’re here with your
boyfriend you tell me if you took a


came in there’s a couple were was the
next to a ruler

how did you know what the scale was was
annexed to an army man

a jelly bean how do you know

your tape measure your penis I haven’t
taken a photo but I’ve definitely slid

up against a rule

a ruler it was a protractor actually as
long as repair

as long as a ring say I want to see the
angle at which they occur

yeah and I calculated sorta from there
was a triangle would be

based on the close-in doing the math got
you super home yeah

just holding the protractor even
thinking about it now yeah

your penis growing through the no wonder
where that her where every way no


an outline anyway at a blue and yellow
their bloom

yeah I am glad we got to the bottom

that IRA moving on

moving on from joe joe a we need

yet another man’s name

I heard Anthony first with a Mac users a

cool now for may like it

national now a four-way

were rights now that’s a name

II on a sorry mouth or

bed you now for your rights a couple
years ago I had a really close

relationship with this girl

we would I N and Video Chat for hours
since then we have drifted apart

and we barely talk anymore I still kinda
wanna have a thing for this girl and I

was wondering if I should just go for it

or let it go a little more information
keep in mind this girl is way out of my

league in our previous relationship
happen when she was less popular

furthermore when we used to talk a lot
she would just ask me for advice about a

lot of things in this often included the
boys that she had a crush on

at the moment I’m a fight I’m a 5-foot

annoying loser and season nine outta 10

do I have any chances with this girl PS

most of her friends dislike me and one
of them constantly yells at me

comin love math full a

in fact she’s yelling at me right now

yeah it seems like the prongs are the
girls constantly yelling who deserves


why is it a question tonight talk to
this girl who wants nothing to do with

me all over friends hate me and i cant
talk to her

yeah he’s also a five foot high values I
is it not up to him

right yet not sure like I nitride

but her friend was one stop screaming I
couldn’t talk over her

constantly yelling I think this problem
this guy’s problem like you said earlier

was confidence

anybody who thinks they’re a loser is

and a loser yeah and if you think your
winner you might still be a loser

so how do you know if your winner you
have to sort it think you’re a loser but

you’re like cool with being

is I’ll I see I’m a loser but that’s

that’s Anna now I look at me man I N
last the day in my life

sheer did you ever had that

you’re like I was a 5-inch five foot
five inch loser once and you’re a guy

who’s like

these girls came to talk to you about
the guys that they actually like yeah I

would get that like the

boy the not the boyfriend but the friend
that a boy Ryan did you ever end up

hooking up with one of those girls

you know what I didn’t Co

it was the damndest thing I was I was
short and a loser

what changed will what changed was a
group whose six inches I

still still was a loser okay but I

made Internet videos sometimes so I was
able to like creep on 16 year old girls

hi when I was 20 eats low how illegal is

on on a scale of one to you absolutely

absolutely Lee absolutely that’s correct

the morning yeah got instead story in
the eyes of the law

so I would say your eye

you’re a devil hmm your ass center yes

I’m a saint you’re no not that sinner

on the Saints I we have it is a new


yeah let me down man

thank you conduct I guess inevitably
video The song

a is is yelling bitchy year yeah

which kinda I don’t know it’s some weird
I can fetish I had everybody calling me

a bitch

yeah keep going stop that

olive yield especially on a

but especially her father just so

shows that a subtle level on your table
it’s a level right

DC that it’s a man okay

you know what these glasses are fake
confront surprise earth level

Sun is trying to fuck anything yeah

do people as they do in Algebra I don’t

there what are you check out to a TIA

I I really did

it was a ti-83 plus thank you good

at see a have ad’s do eighteen-year-olds
know what ti-83 Plus is our

alright good they did make a new

yeah they haven’t upgraded calculator
since 1998

I remember finding out about calculators
and the like what excuse me

and I’m learning shit me why know all

third grade without memorizing my time
table then there’s the fucking

brimelow don’t and I could place snake
on its

windup fuckin start with the calculator
in third grade and I would have been

they wanted genius on the calculated by

I never needed to know the mad a

them mad business Thompson this is paid
in you both bowlers

in unrelated to math buzzer does your

it has got you thinking

so we will do their utmost to outbid

these short little as is a specific
question was do I have any chances with

this girl

I would say no usually if you rape a
girl so specifically you don’t have a

chance with their

would you say that’s true I waited

I would like you to clarify it the
statement little bit

so for example people that look at girls
in our like you’re at nine and a 10

years 6 urinate year 10

your are already dealing with such a
loser that you probably can’t sleep

without my permission coolly a.m. for
that anybody that’s light looks at a

girls like she’s in each yeah she’s a
6.5 there is your own he’s

I thank you

I guess get the look everybody rate
everybody’s unlike attractiveness

the skill yeah but like a specific scaly
I think he just say oh this person’s

cute I’m attracted this press you now to
assign a numerical value as much as I

enjoyed and what you’re trying to be too
PC demand some girls at 10 some girls

are too

thank you hash tag no all-women ally


a here now someone commented yeah thank

I yeah baby but i i think that this
guy’s problem is is that he

he thinks relieve himself not highly if
somebody else that’s nice you can have a

crush on someone that u can’t attain

what pressures are that’s great and you
can change that you’re 55 but maybe you

can change that you think you’re a loser

so you just go out you like find a hobby
or something you’re passionate about me

like a I’m really good at om

skiing and he’s like all

I’m a good skier I’m not a loser I’m
still 5-for-5 but that helps me with the


you don’t know how skiing works of
course but I don’t need to this guy does


16 total all-encompassing here if that’s
your eyes for everybody

Cumiskey year your dad just under sloper
something not studied in CT went up

represent I’ll

yeah and I mean I’m sorry I don’t know
to tell this guy than he is

is probably a little bit too down in the
dumps to try to go after that nobody

else have any look feelings on now at
this guys going through

then start your own fucking pothead the

in scholars on a

I let’s yeah you to get over it

she was right yeah we were able to
ridicule her maker feel small and still

stolen her knowledge

as our own next question the

let’s go to for that question in

it is you’re drunk with power

they’ll give it up I was given to
protect nap

in don’t abuse it

let’s give it up for Hitler

in rightful right everyone

I thank you let’s get up route to light

acute upper stalin

there aren’t more night there are plying
next question

there I’m not to be racist stop playing
dictators be candy

steady always wins on

RN another dude’s name

she’s on FB John is now your name


if you waited that long it’s not it is

your name is bees all Mel C

min Co and you made fun of on about your
phrase in April abuse John Missy

you called I can see the light at is
here if he’s really strong right

the John I are you strong sir

it doesn’t matter you can kick the shit
outta me in

anybody in MP’s on can beat me up I’m
sorry bear on it could be you up

yeah alright

these on rights here’s my question on a
college student home on a summer break

and my father got me a cool job doing
office work at the company he works for

I’ve been working here for two weeks

and I love my hours they let me come in
as early as six so I can leave at three

and still enjoy my evenings and do
things my dad returns from traveling

in the next two weeks and will probably
expected to do the 30-minute commute

each way with me as we don’t see each
other too often during the week

but his old ass won’t want to arrive and
leave so early sell

how should I tell him that his boy
doesn’t wanna ride with him

to the job he got me without sounding
like an ungrateful spoiled ass

love bees all Co the

first of all 6 a.m. to 3 is in great

and no high schoolers like %uh this is
great they’ve gotta wake up at 5:15 a.m.

in the car by 5:30 I get to work at six
then I’ll have the work till three

and then you have your evenings to do
what nap until you have to go to bed

that’s not that great

yeah BBY Jean light up the back Iran

the hour early hours and then definitely
wrong about your relationship with your


I think will you go ahead

I think he sort of stock either or you
could just tell us that a I want to get

to work early do you want to do that too

if he says no you’re good to go if he
says yes you have to spend 30 minutes in

a car with him

a fate worse than death his old asses
and no one each other yeah I am

yeah he’s old stupid ads only got you
the job

and provided a house yeah gold stupa
natalie was to bring you to work

yeah that’s not fair you tell you that
the fuck off I know I the

I a so what you want to do with you look
your dad his beady little eyes you say

need to add I know you went to law
school and you provide the house for me

my family but

your family got a

it is my family my mom my sisters my
little brother type a leading create the

Palin is still my family don’t you think

yes but he my dad can still go welcomes
now in

pay I’m when I think but do you think
Dad got you

lucky yeah a

the worst part is he won’t listen Co to

or anything I say ever

because he’s dead home now lol


as singles at hand and

we are gathered here today hand

kinda at a Funeral Samhan what’s

but I think I like your idea of telling
that to fuck are

really now probably not I would say suck
it up and take a 30-minute Drive with

your old ass dad

right it’s the lead held in debt and
you’ll get a drive with your old as dad

help your dead as daddy other

you to work alone wondering about I
wonder if I could had a good

conversation connect with mild mannered

at the very least you just say tell you

dad a minute commute to work on my own
unlike Thursday and Friday

we’ll do it together Monday through
Wednesday and

1 this is the most pedantic inmates

then every other Tuesday downriggers

plays still so it was no work other the
first to get some early Monday with a

buddy yeah

there Tuesday to Thursday address we
will do the

yeah I’ll tell you Monday Wednesday
Friday and a dad commute is a Thursday

I was today July 8th July and

June 31st July fourth is gonna be an

all dat Comeaux their following week I
july fourth loss that’s good at times to

the following that I’m thank you so much
every Monday

I and we get there I’m is the silly
funny question

the thank you

let’s get back to the sex question thank

now um

I’m so sorry we need another man’s name

Hill rubin

rubin rubin as a first name

like Ruben Studdard

Knoll not like Ruben Studdard

now yeah like Ruben Studdard okay Ruben
Studdard himself writers Edith

space a dead this is ruin study

yeah clear that you get to know me for a
fact that he’s not dead

do you know it Ruben Studdard


II died 4 weeks ago

this new era

a German yes he lost like 200 pounds

related I know that another lie

but I could live a rather dull day
nobody knows anything that’s the beauty

a Ruben Studdard

didn’t lose weight a camera I whatever
me the question

I’m hey guys I recently ran into some
luck with the ladies and ended a

six-month dry spell

I to nerd my way into meeting two checks
for drinks last week ended up fucking

wanna member

over the yeah

but here’s the problem

I haven’t had sex in so long I as I
ended up busting my nut

after four pumps cool

do you have any tips for how to last
longer in bed

this girl wants to hang out again this
weekend at all honor thinking I suck at


love Ruben Studdard

Co it seems like it’s okay because

he fucked her he did a bad job but you
still want to hang out so

it doesn’t necessarily sound like it was

yeah but now that he and is getting
another opportunity doesn’t wanna blow


rights too early very good

a usually yelling out as bad but thats

I was good has anyone here supper promo
premature ejaculation I

Azeem I


guys just turn up on the day and k the
lake and that

clapping sent it into a frenzy as

is that considered premature ejaculation

I don’t know is there like a now to
pumps or is it like its regular thing

before you even get

in oh that I mean that’s

got have ever done that to help lights
done what’s that

next quest and what’s the quickest
what’s the quickest you ever came when

you’re fighting someone

this is why I told my parents not to
come kaelin

Medina Sidonia pairs to cut 200

I come up here they come on stage and
Ruben Studdard

both coming I am I know pretty quickly
private or five punts

for five months yeah and what did you do
them sorry II don’t know that’s a good

deal apologize that just might make it

maybe say I’ll that turned me on so much

that I couldn’t control myself thoughts

Co fears frustrations

whether we land on that line because I
have been using it more than a lot

min federal aces ever to nab years that
he always turned me on

below yeah sees that as then finish my
sentence for me even

sorry that turned me on I know too much
exactly right

there well for pumps isn’t enough

for plants is not enough were her

for anyone that’s not a good enjoyable

I feel like as if you’re a guy as long
as you’re orgasming it doesn’t quite

matter if it’s for now we’re going to
orgasm and then feel bad

and now you’re that’s rather that’s how
it feels that emotionally but physically

feels exactly the same Noel

Noah guilty or got your logic doesn’t
care just like yeah

for pumps for lunch in whatever man

I would like to have that sort of like a
little bit above like a fantasy of mine

that I just like it have sex in like not
worry about anything and it’s just

yeah I just can’t do that to a
masturbation is

it’s not the same I camera were talking
about I think it was scheduling

a dad’s rides with his son oh okay

the yet they fuck off dash alright well

in my mind if I had sex with someone
which is %um so this happened like it

prematurely ejaculate and i i came too

you just dumb you know you just wait
many think come again later that’s fine

coming in drink you now

and Sears I can hear you coming in
coming in later

oh yeah come again later public cuz I’m
cumming and cumming yes come again

but what about tips for lasting longer
July I think you just have to get out

your head as soon as you start thinking
like oh fuck ’em to come too soon then

you always countries

now that’s not gonna work here’s what
you wanna do Co

three schools of thought one think about
something else

baseball graphing calculator else then
you like personal then you’ll come

I’m not talking about you can I use to
do that and I would be like around like

having sex in a way I think about my
grandfather it sometimes when you like

eats and are you know I know

so yes like it is like polls have saliva
form on the site it is now there’s like

runs yeah anne’s at the units are you
getting already that

drip onto the plate the Syrian ally come
in like keep it again yeah I

yeah right they don’t worry about that
no I would not

and and the next time you see a
grandfather still like the Stockbridge

to get your penis

yeah I plays you’re gonna you’re gonna
come and then you like Who Am I came

thinking about my grandfather

connects 2008 red father pavlovian
response to start showing your getting

hard with no I’m

hi let me start thinking about fucking a
girl but it’s too late

you’re chasing no and its I heart I
think or wherever

you came in and I have yeah

you are to present came in I

I’ve never been so sure that I think my
god Enlil I was Rudy tutti that day

packet still and I think you just

you don’t think that anything you just a
break back the UK million you decide the

next time as any time that’s gonna be
okay now that’s not gonna work here’s

another school of thought

masturbate before she gets there that

you’re running low on sexual energy see
Daniel Agger lie like that Selena and

it’s not as hard

if you masturbate then you get another
election it’s not as hard as a softer


the troop I think seven

I’m not a doctor diminishing marginal
returns for the erection is here

inappropriate about the ladies if they
have had experience with guys to come

too soon

yes it’s an appropriate here CEO is that
the answer that the appropriate

US had x-rays is with that I can’t see
any with space for your it completely

anonymous right now

turn on the house lights bliss do I
wanna see their faces while the idea has


I would like to know is that is that
like a deal breaker that happens once a

year like this guy can’t fuckin that
many forget about him

wow yes so now and is now adjusted

I quintana love the yes you know that is
left with the No

well actually that’s it’s very apropos
over next question

what his letter the No

they would hang out again at nine
percent right but how many I’m better at

sex you you have a nice time will you
get before your routes

what if you go to the website again
three palms the next time

I’m giving him practical advice to last

that’s always get better the more you
get to know someone thats I don’t know

anyone I just

its 2010 hi

this next question is actually very a.m.
correlated as it were because

I well I misread what we call this last

the Jean now this is

rubin rights or call this person clay

cop clay can rights

start this long question a mere Consett
this question out because I’m sure he

won’t relate


alright his

anyway I recently met this chick on
Twitter and we quickly moved to texts

and some other light flirting in the

once we move to Texas things got sexual

I was telling her all sorts of things
like I’m gonna make you scream my name

and we’re gonna go all nights

and at the time I thought I could but
then when we met up she got a hella


I started hitting it from the back and
she quickly started throwing it back


I just couldn’t handle it I busted a nut

in one minute I pulled out and she
turned around to see Mike condom filled

her mood to change so quick and she
started reading my texts sarcastically

and saying things like noon met didn’t
happen and you wish

in I tried to tell her I could get it
back up which he didn’t want to hear its

after I love she started posting thanks
to Twitter about how she dates when do

is lie about their sex game initiate

how can I get this girl to let me redeem
myself and give her that good

Dec thanks in advance

play can clay Somerset

so this is what he’s afraid are right
but other is super film and then another

rare circumstance yeah he’s a sex fiend

series abou has typically they did that
on purpose the USB the entire thing with

all calculated

she threw it back to Macon not and she
wanted to hurt you wanna make him feel

like a butt

its you’re welcome to apply for that

K it was %uh pick up it was actually
more than enough

it’s funny he called me after saying I
could relate and he was right actually

I I don’t have any idea what he’s
talking he said you once came in fourth


that’s true I just meant about the
turning a Twitter follower into a lover

of sorts

you’ve never done that either know I
have none to

I so this is what is

these guys are afraid of these girls who
are you know gonna give these

dudes one chance and then say bye bye
right everybody is not necessarily great

sex the first time you have to like kill
each other and keep having sex and if

you’re attacked in their personality the
might be attracted to their body and not

at first then maybe just keep on fucking
little bit

classier devices for that guy to tweet
that sentence at her

as high over the character limit lab you
can I DM earn as per email address

remove the tag yeah I so that’ll fit
there you’ll so just explained he should

probably like you said just explain hey
listen I was just turned on for the

first time that give me another chance
and I so I can do yada yada yada

and I may be too much in his head now
maybe just cut and run forget about it

move on to the next Nana retired

I been studied a

what do you think of my masturbating
before the lady comes alright

I’m afraid he dismissed a little too

I just don’t think like if you’re in
your head that much to where you’re

masturbating before you see someone

like it’s a bit like if that’s not a
placebo and quell your fears about

you’re like performance anxiety I can I
think premature ejaculation is %ah

performance anxiety based

I think it’s a sensitivity thing the
more you masturbate the less sensitive

your penis nice I think it’s in your
mind I think it’s like emotional you

think its physical

you think it’s like science I think it’s
energy that’s beautiful

but you’re on so are you

couldn’t and that’s what makes this
perfect shares

a now is the sound of our dicks touching
for people and I’m and

we’re almost at the end so I know we
take our break now card



press the mall first the mall I set the
over/under for when I said now at TJX

virginity story at hapa second and we
just barely hit the under

0.43 seconds secondly

on as the one that yelled in

it’s like she wanted it in New the
entire time

yet that’s nice again I this is the most

exciting part for the live crowd in the
least exciting part for the people at

home because

we can’t let the story get out there so
what we do is a

cut to commercial break for the people
listening at home

and if you’re really weird actually you
know what is the first time on the tele

for the

the people at home till copter

kidding really got it right era


all what better time to announce our
live shows

in London then right now that’s right
we’re returning to London

for the first time since last summer
we’re going to be at the

o2 Shepherds Bush Empire Theatre I’m so
sorry for pronouncing that like done


on September 8th we’re going to be doing
two shows which is

can a first for us because the first one
is going to be our sketch in stand-up

show you know it the same style we’ve
been touring with but with totally new

content new jokes

new comedy and the second show is going
to be our first

ever live podcast in London we’re very
excited to be coming back you can

actually buy tickets to one show

or to both shows or actually to neither

but I guess that won’t be as fun and of
course there will be hanging out

after the show China meet as many as you
as possible people keep asking us to

come to London to come back and do
another show or do a live podcast there

and we’re suck said we were able to do

both and one one magical rate I think
it’ll be a magical night

in an awesome theater it’s a pretty big
venue so it’s going to be very very fun

please come buy tickets are already
selling very fast the snatch up while

you can

now before we go back to the rest the
show a quick advertisement

for another podcast on the podcast one
network it’s a basketball show called

short corner

that actually gets posted on last week
so if you like basketball

check it out we run this ad on our show
and then they’re on a if I were you at

on others podcast

and it helps us increase our exposure
was an irony to explain this to you guys

you know how advertisements work trust
us it’s a good thing you’re

upper it yeah off we go my name’s Paul

and I’m just how your podcast called
short corner polygon this week so we had

guest host Amir Blumenfeld from Jay
community college here and their podcast


if I were you I get on a comp so are you
a big NBA fan

and nope never heard it well it bogged
down in a chair and said that talk


tunnels yeah now I am a big it was magic

dealing part even come back Reggie I why
bother finale this

of we had a bombshell to finds that
podcast one dot com com let’s make love

two years

if you’re listening in on you didn’t
miss much

some guy from Burlington started talking
it was weird

could I I think we have time for one
more question

200 this question now if I can all do it

even from Burlington rights in

I’m a 16-year-old student in Ireland in
about a week ago I was in class when the

guy sitting next to me stole my quite
expensive jacket

that I had toiled in slave for weeks to
afford I didn’t exactly seem take it but

events leading up to it and after the

as well as several witness testimonies
have let me a hundred percent sure it

was him

I have already gone to the teachers and
what not but they basically told me to

fuck off

the guy who did it is a well-known thief
and has been caught stealing two jackets

already this year

as well as numerous schoolbooks but he’s
somehow keeps getting away with it

a few months ago he put up a profile pic
of him wearing someone else’s stolen


but everybody seemed to just accept it
he now acts all cocky to me though never

actually admitting the crime as he has
gotten away scot-free again

I feel like I need to steal something
that people value of them to get him

back and teach this

asshole lesson well would you do if you
were me love even from Burlington

burlington coat factory I

nice thank you we planted Ethan there to
make that show

it was all worth it I

is they’re actually both I would say
steal something that what sort of caped

crusaders this guy

stealing shit putting an online and
getting away with it

it’s also it’s sorta backward schools
that Iran and Ireland

where the school the teachers to look
like %ah my Tekkit

lack of a I was gonna have on the

is protected entirely she had I i still
something right

I don’t know still your jacket back to
every year that he is gonna prove

beep you don’t get it a

you have the jacket it’s the thief

the jacket the is a well-known jacket be

this this vigilante beef in Ireland is
deals from the cold in gives to their

skills in the war because the cold yeah

thank you Robin Hood I got there code

eventually yet it still ship back from
and I feel made a second

I remember third-grade Luis Rodriguez
stole my x-men cards

this now there’s no time for spoken word
poetry Carlos Rodriguez was given what I

and I want these cards right back

so I went to his bossy and I said hey
miss flashy Louis stole my car the state

is not hard I said yes

is really impressed so far continued
largely those cars with the best

Wolverine I mean holy shit there goes
role could she goes nowhere where the

goes through Oak

Co the


we go down for repair or lose belly was
coming I don’t know what to come but I


who was I know it’s hard car so what do
you keep those cards

a have area

today the 5 reviews were ever you are

you can still keep calm the

you have liked our little talking about
going to early


so more confident done a lot in

holy shit dude couch that would’ve been
so impressive I don’t catch you

rehearsing at

backstage her to our know though is that
provides good a virgin

and give it up for a mere hosting the
entire podcast himself in a few min

way with your 10 more minutes

0 phoebe bender last question

because I kept one question in the bag
just in case you did

an amazing slam poetry code

soul call this one a bonus live podcast
question and we need a girls name

already in

%uh in thirty-year

any yeah


on a

u-bahn on a full-circle

Co on a what a pleasure I’m sorry if I
had this department

I am on a right

that great as gonna read it I know

will you read this as it was you

emailing us the entire time we brought
on by

we needed yeah unless you have a

she doesn’t %uh

reminds her cut your legs and

I in

I don’t know if you heard the case
Rodriguez shit but now sort of off the


I here’s the atomic bomb dear Jake and

I’ve recently broken up with my
boyfriend for a year because I’m a lot

of reasons

but the main reason you doing great

reason my up with them is that the sex
isn’t that good with him

he likes getting his butt licked a lot
she but never go down on me because he

thinks my pussy is to dress for him

any can’t stand the taste on a

in you vixen

you could a little diva continue

it doesn’t bother me at first mainly
because my own in securities down there

sure but try to get in

yeah after appears of Flanders than what
you mean continue

but try getting annoyed at how selfish I
was at him

we share a lot of interests and hobbies
that I’m thinking of getting back with

him after he asked me a couple weeks
after a breakup

but I don’t know how to approach the
issue on the pussy licking and fucking


so here’s my question is should I get
back with him and ignore the issue or is

he being an ass for this great question

scale was brought in

good dollars

yeah this and now as hard as this is
written in Hebrew I don’t know the

answer commodity research and let it on
the fly

this is a parking hard-won he wants his
as to be licked always

but on the plus side they share a lot of
a hard penis

could like mentors wanna be interested
not overall said no

oh yeah interested in getting his ass
licked right not looking anyone’s bitch

I of course that’s gross

yeah I know I still like a virgin I know
it tastes like

yeah eat my ass

yeah and a potholes

methodically mine yeah yeah I’m not
going down on you %uh place where you

probably wash a lot but I would like you
to eat where poo-poo comes out of

you know don’t worry I do wipe it a
couple times with dry paper

scaring the shit around but never
washing yeah

ass licking I just to get the double
standard so I remember you calling an


30th all beautiful I don’t wanna go down
there and start tasting salty snicker


content it doesn’t taste like that if
you ever

how do you ever what have you ever
watched your asshole no one ever lick my

asshole and only

have I ever washed yes specifically your

specifically the ANS up pour out the did
you get deeper than a Tumwater

answer my question did you get deeper
than a top what did your asshole when

you are still

because if not you’re asking a girl to
eat your shit

the your say it either and yeah

City tinkering of here players how dare

all I’ve never ask a girl to eat my
asshole but is clean enough for it to be


I resent the accusation and I viewed

leave girls asshole then another then
tasted like shit they all care

yeah all you ladies then OK

people wrote but it is his

Rose Byrne a now I

hi yeah I said that

that’s what Citizen Kane was based on
record go

this girl should this guy just misses
getting an asshole it yeah

I like I have been a few weeks then um I
haven’t found anyone who will lick my

ass all it now to

at least asking for an explanation or a

all set sex reciprocated so can we get
back together because you’re the only

girl who I got you I lick my butt
without having to do anything

and girls are so beautiful and pristine
she’s actually considering it

this guys should have a lonely asshole
forever thank you ladies and gentlemen

now hold clean

is there anybody out here with a look
this guy that’s all

I mixed reviews

mostly silent to yeltsin 10

and 193 up stay in this

193 as Dane I am NOT apologize

down unequivocally i apologize. on

this guy he’s you shouldn’t get back
with the ass licker guy

and if you do you should approach her
because he wanted us like that’s fine

you shouldn’t do it because he calls her
pussy growth yeah

she says she has she has on her own
security insecurities about this

about her Regina it’s probably stemmed
from the fact that she’s eaten his


and that there was any more sanitary
than him going down on her

so our suggestion is we gotta leave that
asshole chants

not even a chance that just a single
time screenwriter on it like a 12

3 leary the all

yeah I’m

thank you so much hurting %uh

and thanks again to honor in

hi if you liked this show we do it in
the privacy of your own home every

Monday and sometimes on Thursday at a
fiery showed a complex so much for

coming everyone thanks for listening
about you



manner I G

me are






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