Episode 90: Nipple Ring


In this episode we discuss body piercing, evil birds, and fleshlights.

This episode is brought to you by TeePublic.com! Our home for official “If I Were You” t-shirts.

no advertiser this week so we can talk
about whatever the hell we want

yeah we talk advertising which is why I
want to talk about

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let’s talk about what we want to talk
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I am all our new t-shirt store yes it is
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iTablet a new website called key public
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yeah it’s all yet a enjoy this episode

got silly also

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and mom said today that their data and
stand up and then ya and I a N day

hey as Yahweh did have an get it hehehe

in this is the part is I I they get as

they would love we should do it once we
should read we should make it covers

lawyers something like that

like cover somebody else’s guy like i
won I’ll play dammit on mega tired you

and you’ll say anything the lyrics that

entire movie recorded for us classic ton

argue I’m it actually does I do we
should like write our own

beams a like the first episode yeah

I it’ll be harder because it’s going to
be as doing an actual parity not just

making up some random bright side

yeah it’ll be hard because we’re not get
it music

yeah yep cool let’s do it I

cell we’re back your back welcome back
to me

a we had one episode without you yeah

that was the sorry about that and I can
live better

hey you weren’t actually at a town both
now is a weird Dubai locked outside

yeah hanging on the door I said but for
10 Jakes night here

you in band doing shit when I’m not
there and

really a that oh that’s how the cuts as
video started

hier you’re at it and yeah I’m so
jealous ill

I that a prank war started and either I
leave town you never leave town yeah

I said I should have a video with
Streeter and a podcast with bed

Inc but then that would require someone
actually doing the work

oh yeah that stuff I’m gonna pass then

on the work part in that case I’ll stick
to my original job

ok traveling I but this is if I were you

the only advice podcast on the whole

as Tobias unamir I’m Jake I am

you haven’t even heard that upset at you
then in bed 1+

I have not you think you’re gonna ever
listen to it I live a pretty big backlog

of the youth podcast episode to listen

all you want to go back to listen to
like last 50 s I get to do it in a


what are we on II was inducted as a
nightly okay

year as in getting a pair how much
catching at the ad today a

I would say maybe the last episode I
listen to

was what episode number was like

doing with my mom and I guess like 43

that was a oh my god you have over half
to go that’s gonna take you

two days a continuous listening but
happily guy a I’m

on the up since the area at the moment
so you do or don’t wanna be with you

d listen to them I listen to when we are
not edited yet here

where use them but I double the double
time I listened a little fast and make

sure that I don’t mess up

I or make a jokes so badly that I don’t
want anybody here

do you ever and at your jokes a

now rarely maybe once or twice and then

in a thousand episodes will make it a
compilation episode all the algebraic to

yeah a joke that didn’t land it was a
terrible episode

a tune in for our words joke at the
third a it’s all the bad ok everything’s


it’s called the cutting room floor love
it woody popping

I’m I is that China sifted

up a little the little pimple on my leg
in your column ya know but you know can

edit this out I

analyze data yeah I uploaded the
audio-visual out so people know that I

had is that on my leg

now like to normalize the ideas that I
think feels too quiet or loud

yeah his visit on your thought I’d the
same as those that on your face

not the F is that on your face will say
you know I L service that I et cetera

but if that this ok but and ours is no
video podcast is gonna talk about my bad


let’s say there’s that on my back is
that the same as it on my cheek

I I don’t know if they have built up a
the love

white shirt yeah

is this year’s a dermatologist there
there is that we have a buildable white

shit this didn’t feel like the same as
this into my face

actually this is a good segue into the
first question which is about a body


no I do you have a fake name for this

sure let’s use and

let’s used to it New York Yankees

in a in honour love dare to your Yahoo
tigress Bassnectar shit aztecs the debt

to do instead of the net that aspect
that for

at here all rights lol you call this guy

both calling the captain led good here
can’t either

yeah only different is ridic jeeter

this concert in the captain at the
captain rights hey guys my girlfriend is

about to turn 18 I’m 16 by the way and
she wants to get her nipples pierced as

an active rebellion

despite her numerous attempts to sell me
on how cool it is I’m not convinced

whatsoever I understand that this is not
my decision to make but she clearly

cares about my opinion considering on
the first person to talk to about it

I am really not into body modification
at all and I think she’s perfect just

the way she is

she hasn’t dissuaded by mentioning the
pain and the risk for diseases

associated with britzy

with the procedure and called me lame
and unadventurous

help me Jake and Amir how can I convince
her not to go through with this

or and I completely in the run much love

the captain the captain captain El

yeah ok captain my captain sure

I’ll let me just say derrick jeeter you
can do no wrong

I am such a fan I am in all not actually
I am humbled by what you did ever

over the New York Yankees yeah and I
think however you will you want to deal

with the situation

is best you’ve never let I the only day
never let me down

go on I really alive I think we should
choose a different theme Ches

for every paper every question I feel
like you just gonna tell and I salute

you get yeah

captain klaas owner I thank you

thank you and area and assuming that
this isn’t let’s say this is a sixteen

year old who’s

born after jeeter even played for the AQ

alright if that’s the case
sixteen-year-olds by the way born in


ho very hot wow I’m young yeah I’m her

I crazy to think how young I am you
wanna feel young

the new girl came out three years ago

arm yeah body modification

way first of all what are your thoughts
on nipple piercings I agree with this

guy you find it

I don’t think I would be that turned on
I’m not really really be that turned off

now coarseness unified everything’s fine

had everything everything’s fine
everything’s hot everything sexy

you go girl I go boy up

let’s Bakken fuckin it doesn’t and it’ll
all be fine

yeah okay um I would say

it is a his downfall is that he is not
being honest with

this girlfriend who who he knows respect
his opinion to think what do you think

he’s like

there’s a diseases associated with that
you know I

its it may be painful and there’s nobody
thinks will be there

is that he’s the their ugly even
attracted to them yeah he’s not telling

you the truth

and that’s closer to be like that you’re
lame it doesn’t matter the incurable

diseases on curb apparel are you lonely
bomb fuckin badass

raises big um I’ll think your boobs look
ugly and then she of course we’ll get


now because I feel like she’s calling in
Lehman adventurous because he’s trying

to be like now that I don’t really like
it but he’s saying intellect the most

polite way which is like you’ll get
diseases and you’re perfectly reliable

so you think you would be cool if you’d
like I think it it’ll look bad

I don’t think any that’s cool but I
think Ill that I it will be

be more effective if it on earth okay

that’s a good tip that’s a good advice I
can give button

not agree with but I concur understand
where this guy’s coming from you like

piercings either

yeah at a light years away either and I
don’t even like when girl has her nose


yet stir I mean hearings areas are fine
I’d prefer not

I mean I just have I just have a I have
I prefer less

jewlery to more but the nipple piercings
would be like a real weird

part Lake I could I kid imagine

if a girl I was dating would got got
liquor nose pierced but like nipple

piercings would be like well this is
kinda off

a little weird like I feel like I would
be the opposite of

into it I would be out a bit what kinda
hard cuz I mean now

you would probably date somebody who
wouldn’t pierce their nipples

and it’s someone you were dating was
like him to pierce my nipples it would

come as a surprise because the person
you would be dating

right would be not a nipple piercing
when she says for you like would you be

surprised if

any of your ladies that you’ve been with
me like I wanna pierce my nipples

I’m got a surprising yeah I’d well I
think it’s already young thing to do

I wouldn’t be surprised if some love P
play some people in

like my his arteries their history would

yeah at I by Italian I don’t know

harassing appears ever touched a pierced
nipple yeah

I think I would like that I think I’ll
be like other sensitive in

like I don’t wanna hurt you and it’s
also cold it cold

know it’s like the temperature the
person’s skin a/c

alright you can get on I would rather
die without the temperature

above to anyone at the frigid like when
I read to do a freddo like touching a

coal jar of pickles

you know how battles always cold I

especially in that iceboxx ice in the
rules the freighter applicable anywhere

else what if you’re walking around in
its cold out you have nipple rings as

they neared levels will be called

I’ll have been it’s just

interesting because she is like
discovering who she is and she’s taking

these risks

and who is this guy to be like no don’t
do it

he even says himself saw given credit he
says I know it’s not my decision

so I think all you can do is be honest
and if she bridge exit

then I let her do her thing and let it
run its course she can have pierced

nipples for a little bit measure bill

maybe he’ll be even be into out they
give me a chance but okay so the advice

is be honest tell her you don’t
necessarily like it but then if she does

get it

then you have to sort of way how much I
dislike it worse is how much you like


yeah but I mean it would you ever break
up with someone over the fact he didn’t

like their nipple rings

if it’s like ary if it really bothers
you then you probably should

or maybe it’s indicative a bigger thing
like I like the type of person that gets

nipple rings

rate what kinda person gets nipple ring
with a different feeling it never ends I


that’s like what her dad would say love
to be what about a person gets nipple


I no seriously what kind of person

I’m wondering just how it is curious a
somebody who wants to express themselves

in a certain way

1w things that they’re attractive
somebody that

it’s so painful like imagine someone
else doing that to your nips

I can imagine it I don’t they realize
good I won while Alan do that

yeah I’ll like even for like my lot of
money I wouldn’t

with you pierce your nipples for fifty
thousand dollars course they would

for a year yeah you keep nipple rings in
for a year for fifty that yes

I don’t think I word ok

I don’t want that on my tax-writing
alright internet

it gets better texter is that your
nearly did for you

I’m that they will deliver big day I
don’t think so I

just the thought les grosses it would be
like would you have

a cold for a year would you have nacho
car sickness for a year

nipples though cause he did any physical
pain they did they do

they do cuz a physical battle autumn

you wrote this question I’m crying

a giveaway that is bugging you have a
name you’re cutting me a check

all-white it certainly is an early in
their login peers think I am

older down how does it work is a go
through the nipple erred as a girl

around the new bloggers like through
just under the new polygamy aerial a

are no like I i feel uncomfortable in
bras fit

what yeah it that

a yeah I think the advice is be honest

and letter do anything don’t put up a

I L yet open your foot down such an
honor nipples

though is that really you know you wanna
touch your nipples for a couple weeks


they’re going to be sore Sunderland and
not to mention infected because

a little bit cooler people wanna put I
did a prize that other net

you got your eyebrow pierced to get my
eyebrow end my cartilage pierced when I

was in college right like that’s

that’s an example that’s why you’re fine
with nipple piercing P you’ve done

piercings before

rate I would never even do that with
there’s a time when I was in college I

could want in a girlfriend

II remember trying to convince a growing
a homeless woman

to like pierce your nipples like all my
friends W Christian deposit so hot

silt sexy why is that what is it I know

as 18 what about like it I would rather
do nipples retiring

a I mean nipples I think they would get
my way lot less meantime is involved and

way boredom

my day-to-day activities you for like a
bar 3 dirt on my god

that sounds so painful and uncut like
uncomfortable not talking about the

piercing over the

you know when it’s on everybody’s mind
her the ole

the ole cheek one jury that the
memorandum said I’d in the middle with

your cheek that’s right I appreciate the
electricity that a weird one

actually there’s like some I love is the
trend now it always was but like girls

that are piercing their lower backs

in a weird way and and that doesn’t
really turn me on like when I watching

porn and I see the girl has the

I’ll like a lower back piercing I can’t
go too far

yes the bar through her back live a what
is that

I don’t understand piercings I really
don’t get it at all

was later to use its like jury it’s like
anything it’s just feel taken to a

certain extent you

I guess the closest thing I have to any
that stuff his glasses

yeah the excess early that you think
exact it makes you look better

he answered a pic to so that they can
that have at nice classes on my face

they think what looks better for them

is to have a bar going through their
time there near Paul

and the tailbone up their back nice
glasses them have you had nerdy loser

I Bay Hotel your eyes are like that

thirty-year your ugly do a latest in a
way that you can’t change

I hmm they can remove their bar

and you need to get LASIK yep so that’s
that alright

her next question shit this will also
involves nipples

it nipple pierced the all the questions
that their noble you admitting Zenda

yeah at the centers this is a funny

yep a

they need another name let’s call

this guy number two a

numbered till %uh to get to the question
number two

perfect it’s about taking a shit boom
really that’s a really

I read it and then read it for the first
time you’re gonna have to listen to it

say yeah I falling asleep instantly

reading a graphic novel I read it yeah

I am a student who will be going to
university in the fall so I thought I

would get a summer job to make some

eventually I found a decent job that
pays well so all seem to be fine

however when I first walked from my
house to where I was going to be picked

up from the Chive

an aggressive birds swoop down from the
trees right outside my house and passed

my head

ac I gears feathers Russell E with them

but it’s so close edited jewelers swoops
that we were broke while to get out of

the area

needless to say this malevolent
Mockingbird scared the shit outta me

the birds bastard else it’s not a lamp
post and stares at me

and stares at me whenever it’s the

this bird bastards they’ll settle their

there’s a V you

for a stone to leave diana’s

at Jazz I

it tries to it factory I was there it’s
a good lol ok thats

it feel their backs out once a star
running Google

healing back so what’s a star running a
layers swinging at him with whatever I’m


this nefarious cells become a real pain

there ought to leave my house it

ex-wife read them carefully to what to
do to get this bastard birtley

to leave me alone so that people will be
afraid to come to my house anymore so

they can safely get them a summer job

love number two all over like goin

a home crying it was it’s funny cuz ive
birds wanted to they could just

ruin a live late will you do have a

it could be fucked if to physicians
decide to release your life they could

not think coated

yes they could if I didn’t kill it they
did well

so by putting I’ll punch it if

to you if I they’ve 8 pigeons wanted to
ruin your life a good

punch you what call the police I had
lunch %uh love them you cannot punch


if a pigeon redacted I get a BB gun and

while come at me pigeon I could see it

would you how would you get it uses
where the hell was the movie bird is

based on data plan

if birds wanted to they could take over
the world

like we have not I have nothing around
me that what I guess I can use their

baseball bat to swing life but it affect

I residue a pre-emptive attack you
actually go to freedom yet we gotta kill

all burn test

actually there’s a lot out there in a
given the bad luck to you

at work and labour baseball kill every

a it hurt so funny she stares at me when
I’m in my health

I is is bugging weights inferiors

well my friends are afraid to come over

it’s not enough by say it like I have a
summer job but I don’t know how to

balance this that also a bird attacks me
at hello dolly the

that the Corolla yeah I’ll winged beast
a winged beast bully

big bully a yes there’s nothing new
piano hurt

you can get a flu shot BB gun

number or killing with kindness

that’s right take a kind bar important I

a I think know or you can get a bird
feeder and feed it every day just bring

a little pieces

predator seeds yeah and then and I’m a
by Berlin

fiberglass in the seeds yet known I
wanna eat it just read your letter is

calling you a pull the girl who’s here

Paul the goal the do you have a crush on
people are asses birds a stratified I

think I

yet in the that is attracted to it yeah
I think I think the bridges likes you

yeah maybe look like a bird yourself
maybe you have like a beagle on those

are so many of the others and yeah

wings as third inning with alcohol email
is written by what none other than a

burger the better by the UN’s Human

it says that the NPSL a bird so yes to
third I heard yeah

world human the humankind is safe the

it next real question

idea next question

a number three number three


we need another dictator Jeep G

was that a realtor just one that you
called a calm the G yeah

the G rights heroes here’s the thing I’m
currently with various

girl who is very sexual and always horny
she’s perfect sexually and it is great

here’s the problem

she doesn’t like it when I jerked off a
couple days before we hang out

because she says she would rather do it

and likes it better when I’m very horny
she gets very jealous if I do it and

doesn’t understand why I have

she gets very jealous if I do it and I
don’t understand why

and I’ve confronted her about it
multiple times but every time she shrugs

it off and I don’t know what to do

is this normal have you guys ever
experienced anything like this

please help me out with this when you
guys are hash tag dope

we get a lot of questions about liking
grill growth or Joes other boyfriend


yeah why is that I guess Ekpe Joseph

like your own self right

oo is it because you’re thinking is
somebody else or because you’re actually

gels that somebody else’s jerking off
your mad even if it is your man for a

little bit above

so like one they’re jealous that Blake

he’s looking at something else to get
off right like

oh I’m look at this girl’s tits instead
you’re too right

and to maybe is all speculative hearsay

cockamamie cockroach bullshit yeah

but I think it also made it

and maybe in her mind Lake if he

masturbates he lowers his libido he is

dick won’t be as big hitters your hard

it won’t come as much I don’t know I
feel like I get

directions that are pretty much the same
size about how much I jerk off

I guess there’s come less there’s a full
restart like

if you masturbate at what point are you
back to where you were

if you didn’t masturbate does it take
like an hour to take a day

on all this science man did be ahead
this as my colleague and as a side you

in your research for for like twenty

there that I local a massive yeah ash I

I mean I think I could probably jerk off

in the back to back

way to go may have multiple orgasms I
don’t think that the lake stays hard but

I think by the time that I’m liking to

mom turn off the podcast I

I know that was late i holed the

I hope you you had the wherewithal to
turn it off as we started talking

I can actually edit that part you must
turn it off

rarely do you play yeah dealers with
this background

and I did I don’t know I is a pro it
varies from a reaction to erection but I

would say that

if she’s upset that he jerks off a
couple days before she visits

she’s gonna get a good dick the me and I
got a little reset the other

very much a full reset I would say I
even 24 hours as

24 hours for recess I would say yeah I

I love I mean I think you could jerk off
in the morning dear in the afternoon

and I’ve read and that the ball reset I
don’t know it depends on how much

how attracted you to each other you guys
are could maybe that’s also said that

you know like

his libido goes down because he is a
Jackie elated to is like

his act as a Randy as he would I perfect
and the

iacocca as sometimes I feel pretty Randy
yet and then like I masturbate up your

way less Randy

Yelich do I make you horny me and my god
now yeah buddy I am very among riled up

from Randy I’m aroused and then both

were oh I’m totally flustered I’m
thinking about books and

like that land and a yeah another
endured ended up when I’m just

sit around eating candy I

you actually lucky and he it too much
yeah and I masturbated to the rappers a

now that’s a sweet and tart but

as said now that the street i the a

what is what about the thought that when
you’re in a relationship

can a girl get offended that you’re
masturbating cuz you’re thinking about

other girls

I think that I have always thought that
was a little kooky

like I think that’s not fair yeah

like when you’re in a relationship girls
can masturbate thinking about the guys

guys can masturbate thinking about the
girls and that doesn’t affect how much

you let the other person

I think so I think the masturbating

is I mean that’s just like telling me
that I can’t

think think about me anything yeah

like a brain police yet now that’s not
you can have that that some

lets a dystopian ugly chick brother shit
yeah that’s orwellian that’s an

orwellian those adults only or well yeah

1980 and or maybe animal armies animal
Howard service in my house 6 think now I


meets animal after the the animals sexy
the joggers jimmy had him belushi Meet

the Fockers meet the pair’s media deal
leaves the deal in The Woodlands Dons

meets the jetsons

thank you and that at the end of the day
that still hurts me to meet

me to be to and the heater I a.m. you

you’re killin me meet you’re killin me

the a the the the bird question really
broke down everything and it’s packed


him a so a is this normal is his first

I think it is it’s a it’s not its normal
but that doesn’t make it OK

I think if you’re unhappy with something
then you’ve got to discuss it any should

try to make your point of view

heard and if you feel like that she’s
not going to give in

and it’s not a sustainable thing that
you could say that and see with that pic

so you can play this by the podcast

to adults are telling you that it’s okay
to masturbate thinking about yes

definitely go against the right and that
so here’s going need them expect that’s

right we’re not gonna listen to be an

a children he’s caveman they’re they’re
they’re getting up in noises different

weird noises they don’t have any

then I have any affect on our lives well

we should give them any prudence

I don’t think we deserve prudent the air
were imprudent dear

prudence were to come out to play

break time Turner then is there you have
a story for me

yeah I was in Vegas last weekend and

I were

this playing poker very nice

that’s fine flop comes out night died
are intended that notice turkey

I yeah I was like I’m bored goes on

the some guy son 21-year-old really nice

awesome kid I just turned 21 playing

I big fan ecology amor ok cool recognize

knew about you and then I said what do
you do music

our tennis less I’m a tennis instructor
I’m a student

but he’s also head of operations for his
brother’s company

and what what is your brother’s company
say that it’s better by just show you


Instagram and the Instagram he showed me

is this

this is this whole company they make

a warning slippery sign let warning
slippery floor signs in the shape we’ve

been and

I I look at many followers that
Instagram account has

banana underscore products for those are
you on Instagram and they wanna see

the seventeen hundred followers yeah and
all their pictures are their product

that are just warning signs were
slippery floors shape like bananas

oh my god and he says it’s a very
successful business

they sell very well they have employees
they have a warehouse in China

they just cell a lot tens of thousands
of these

banando warning for slippery sides I had
that even start

is it because it would have it had
started one night when his other brother

got really drunk and came up with the

and they’re now it’s all business that’s

yeah serve you guys wanna check it out
is you can’t really buy one you have to

be like

if anyone’s a buyer at a hospital like
to purchase twelve thousand at a time

the Instagram is banana underscore

I just love stupid ideas that end up
being like legitimate awesome

successful businesses at yea like it
will those to sell for ever

guide only replace the other guido signs

yeah I guess I mean it is the big it is
the product

he was at a high-stakes no limit cable
yeah he placed the island for twenty the

rigor and the like holy shit where you
at that cash than

you showed me the been an Instagram in a
folder instantly

while but at a product’s and not a

advertise for the show but I feel like
they deserve to shatter

and that the best thing I was like a as
like you have to make a green one like

that second a ripe banana

many show me this photo it already
exists bernier the game once the

you blow because I’d lie ahead of
operation that you’re losing in poker


and a and if you listen to the podcast

good men great kid was there I don’t

rara reno’s that’s my story

give a funny story for the break I am
had to put you on the spot

oh yeah I am

the my brother’s 21st birthday this past

her and another 21 yeah

well there these are both about kids
that just turned 21 oh well it’s on July

13 well

when I must like register that my head
yeah he must’ve

so I for his birthday my

buddy and I decided I to you

still up I a watermelon with vodka

the so we like were kinda drunk already
we cut three holes in to YouTube

visited do a giant watermelon does that
have worked if you look online how it


I have submitted unable to like this you
like done it before

%uh so this is based on past experience
right but the original one

had worked out very well cuz it was only
like one whole one bottle of vodka

so this time we did we tripled the we
did a big

watermelon three holes three smaller
bottles of vodka

yet and they have played amanpour commit
like a port or to import demand like a

syringe yet left them there

overnight hours it trickles out slowly
and gets absorbed into the fiber that


so we wake up next morning gotta go to
my brothers birthday party

where are you right now i i mean New
York a the party is

in connecticut I creo que I’m

and we just like I’d it hadn’t occurred
to me until it literally that second as

we like packing

that we needed to carry the watermelon
from yeah

from Brooklyn to New Haven a hundred
miles holding this

bizarrely I have a science project say
it like a half mile walk to the subway

the popping up as a watermelon it starts
it was like super humid in

literally as we left the apartment it
started reigning Pope got so it’s just

like it’s raining it’s humid its hi I’m
hungover we’re late we’re trying to make


train we had to transfer is we finally
got to

I we got to the train we like the
watermelon all the way home

and says that I hated it he ate it

he said i is that it was always the
meantime a way that effort and more than

anything I wasted my money that they
might get so hot so you know

eight bucks all it had nothing to do
with money a duster

but he was already he had thrown it out
at that point yet

he said he was out eating a honey do
filled with Akilah I

it in need to shit yeah naked he had
poured the

I’m race in and took an apple its money
on the podcast that I did with band

we’re talking about new york unlike when
I go back to New York and I feel like

it’s an obstacle course

and probably as I was saying that you
were what running with the

10 filled with watermelon well as the
range going through a subway surf


it through the other athletic being a do
this weekend was going to I went


with Gaza yeah they talk about this on
the Sinhala than we do but when spending

for the first time

we went spinning yeah it hurts

we went spinning and it feels like we’re
winning yeah I felt like I was losing


place shortly afterwards a little aqua
water a lot a lot of fluid yeah

I sweat I sweated so much were you
you’re afraid that you would like it

I yeah because I don’t like when things

loud right which is that whether that
that the whole thing about spending is

that your

on a stationary bicycle Dec 20 other
people in a dark room while an

instructor yells at you and there’s live

right so that other my worst nightmare
because I like to run

with like no music here and if I’m
running at all to make its like

folk music at Simon and Garfunkel’s very
it’s not he DM

raped but this shit ways

hi it yeah really fun what you like the

is cool I can’t I was dancing on the
bike but as in a club that’s what it is

it’s like left right left right you have
to do to the be

right so it’s kinda cool because it
sorted it’s not it’s like I would wanna

like live music at the gym but you do
want loud music

when you go dancing and that’s what it
felt like I was like damn thing and I

had a terrific

like dancing yet so you’re gonna go get

I I would go get but I don’t know if I
would go on my own accord like

it’s so hard would you take my Accord
yet it

yeah you could like every no meritorious
yep we and maybe a week over a guy that

has a Ohio Bracks

yeah I would like that at that we could
take my cord

but I would do it again but only if
someone made me

like someone has to make me go to class
and the instructor has to make the pedal

yes collect all the clear lift carry you
like the watermelon

yeah ideally somebody else is doing the
bike and I just sort over

eating watermelon a that leads the best
the both worlds

ideal someone’s biking and I’m eating
watermelon ideally

but it’s a good alternative to running
it’s a high rate faster than a weird

because you’re not gonna spread for 45 a
great alternative to running

for sure and then you’re just never
gonna do it again

Richard we’re doing that for a lot of
free advertising first banana product no

the knows sending cycle and now

and also watermelon yell you’re welcome
this that was that is brought to you by

water bottle at

her a I get a last question

idea but the that detected at the
actually have five

questions so why did you choose a

you ought to do quest up everybody this
is the 10 up

I I would you have a limited 1858 either

to redo captain clutch I think I just
had their captain

we do cut you do captain clutch pressure
captain clutch rights

hey guys I’ve emailed in a few times
before but I think this

is my stickiest situation are cut to the

I haven’t fucked a girl in three years I
was doing some browsing on reddit and I

saw someone talk about fleshlights and
my curiosity was piqued

have been looking at the Fleshlight for
the past week now and I’m wondering

which one I should get

or if I should even get one at all what
I be a fucking loser if I did

would it be the right thing this part is
for Jake

who should I get I likely say and and
Christy Mack

thanks for your advice captain clutch

RI very toda

a bizarre ninety first question about
fleshlights first lol

is a possible to some people that our
flashlights army should explain and

I think product likely but I’d like to
hear you explain what a Fleshlight is


okay so imagine a cylinder sort of like

lotsa a coke bottle a plastic ok but

flashlight year %uh I

the owners who have expanded scale have
injury conduct disorder per year

I imagine a your whole tournament but
ugh a magnum flashlight a big

flashlight red but instead ultra Magnum
coke bottle yeah

a two liter sliced open at the top but
instead a bowl

a light at the top what it is is a

shaped like up vagina or any whole

really and the goal is to have a tight
little %uh

opening free to fuck and then the

your cum gets a the receptacle where
you’re holding the

the flash flash flash light is where the
semen goes

yeah his fleshlight Asia a brand

like I I think it is just a specific to
retire at like nine cuz I they start as

a weird

company that we are wildly successful I
bet they also have a ship like bananas

they are the fourth product rather than
the day alright

flashlights so then but it with a
fleshlight probably could be an

advertiser on a show

right ago we could court them right
let’s put a pin in that are

but a pain that shaped like a bad right
and that a

so we a cultural got a shipment of

when in 2007 yeah um and

there with I did you do did you take 100
I did not

okay I had a lady friend at the time and
I felt like that would be weird

right I didn’t even know me either
mantra not the podcast

so I took one hundred I decide to come
12 I

and there it was it was

kind of awesome it felt really good a

didn’t necessarily feel Lake it still
felt like masterbating it didn’t feel

like I was having sex but thought better

it felt really good to come in it so are

stroking it up and down with your hand
are you putting and yeah couch cushions

and fucking it

I I don’t know I think I’m sure
everybody does it differently I just

held it

and masturbated with it and I’m

the one downside was that it was world

it was a little heavy however the fact

I filled it out that my town and a half
I’d say earlier macerated

you just its lotion going up in a dick
and this is like your

you’re shaking up for it the jaquake you

in the day blast were light up and out
yet but it did

felt really good I didn’t feel like a

it didn’t really feel like a vagina the
real soft and fuzzy like the thing

that’s on our microphones

know now it belts it felt like a your

home a jar full of petroleum jelly are

tighter yet FL it was like that he let
loose turkey meat

Noval tight tighter than Turkey me like
Delhi thin sliced

read I kid a bolter committed

it of course it was tighter than a loose
ball and Turkey me

group go to court with growers imagine

jello aka I but I’ve never fucked hella

you but the whole turkey meat would
bloodless turkey me fuck that

not talking about les like ground turkey
like about like

Delhi them slightest you’d like a
fucking it

year okay

the sad thing with the Fleshlight low
sodium yeah

over you gonna say you’re putting the
turkey than you can do it now

I can relay ever ask your lender

I there is a myth that way lies

Oscar Meyer Weiner that the I like that

the sad part is cleaning it

yeah when you masturbate a with like
paper towel urs soccer

yeah it was a whatever it in the laundry

it down the toilet doesn’t matter I
don’t think about it I never masturbated

that never happened

but this thing you like carbon you like

alright it does much are they say they
need and we are in ruins

it’s almost like having real sex with
someone where you

leahy you are in the moment you come in
you like a llegar

her we have to clean your cell

yeah can I get you away a wet paper
towel now this isn’t sexy anymore

it logistical but it does I

think it feels really good my advice to
this guy

is get it in addition to having sex this
is going to be the bad day pictures all

that like fixes your not have sticks is
your dry spell your still gonna 1/2


but it’s probably worth checking out if
you’re curious it’s not gross is that

her like it’s not well personally don’t
tell anybody yeah I don’t think it’s sad

I don’t think it’s pathetic I think

its people get lotsa different shit to
masturbate with

PSK vibrators dildos guys get buy rating
on not getting

a good buying porn girls that grows get
vibrators guys from it their little aids

guys get it’s two guys a pig they gone
yet though those everybody here builders

I shouldn’t say aids and as at the egg
rolls deck builders guy get

guys get aids up above a bad X out where

a so we’re here to tell you that your
data fleshlight sailor salesman

um don’t worry guys can add aids to

I his last question for you

shoe should he get Lycee and or Christy

I don’t think that really matters I
guess I would be a Christy Mack as I

think she’s outer

does that help I’m I remember we got
ours like

somewhere aces somewhere lips

summer vaginas summer coin slots

as I nothing any delay it feels like
you’re fucking a sloppy joe putting your

dick in

something warm are wet and

really really tight it’s warm and wet
how does it do you suppose to soak it

it comes with loops CDs you put lube on
your penis

I’ll and then put you put that they
already appear so interesting it sorta

like you know what maybe it’s more like
doctor shoals

you measure really tightly rolled up
doctor show like it on the dollar

yeah I like it in the gel yes it is
kinda like fuckin that loose turkey

because that’s what I imagine it it’s
like united turkey meat feels like jail

yeah like a little a little Baron is
illegal here and here in allergies are

off today

to critique it is crowded lastly they
look like a coca-cola bottle

and I’d tell that feels like turkey be I
feel like if I put

turkey me in your foot in your shoe that
be close to it it’s a good APT doctor

sheldon certain the bench

and you say about the potential page in
a pain she should use your after this

let’s go to our

let’s go to our meat drawer and matter
day with her

i buy it though it all away let’s do it
I read that there that third time

get the Fleshlight no big deal and early
say and I guess

already said Christy Mack I think was
the Mac

Christy Mack if you’re listening go to

I but that’s up to you and yours the

the email address again if you have your
own problems its if I were you show at

gmail dot com

I just realized we didn’t explain what
the show is in this episode with

oh you’re right we did which is that the
only advice podcast on the Internet

mom maybe this is the time mister facing

that being said if you’re still curious
as to what the hell that was

we get the emails for people who work is
the only places by sonya is we don’t


your emails I wish both I am so

if the if you have your own problem in
UN email us at if I were you show at

gmail dot com

if you have your own theme song we still

and end every episode with a custom
theme song

written for us by our talented fans the
first one

was by Chase in time be to people and
this last one is by someone named

Harris so thanks guys will be back next

and yeah

matter from letter the matter

when you need your love and miss you

they do you know the names

degree relationships look good balance
through the humans

checks months was good hinge miserable
I’m was burned

the projector in and energy

you this she

W knowing the gym

Kamaishi yeah

the hook and China silver


ok UK what’s going on Brody Jenner I am
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