Episode 151: Spicy (w/Alana Haim!)

If I Were You -Episode 151: Spicy (w/Alana Haim!) (Jake and Amir Podcast)

Musician Alana Haim joins us to discuss terrible people and awesome names.

headache how do you like your underwear
they’re fine well what if the what if

they were better

really yeah what if they were the best
underwear impossible a

I’ll it’s very possibly and other now
I’ll tell you how so tell me how so

I was gonna tell you don’t see tell me
how okay I was gonna do it

alright please do it okay here I go reno
you go to me

undies donahue welcome it didn’t let me
get the whole thing is I got that he

keep cutting the outlet for more
information I assure you it is coming

me undies dot com Wow a hot and if you
go to me and he’s icons les Jake

or me and he’s dot com slash mir you’ll
get there affordable

clothing they’re comfortable underwear
and outerwear for men and women

for twenty percent of thats that really

really interesting there are people who
have heard this show and have heard this

ad over and over that have yet to go to
me and these dot com hmm

I don’t know what their problem is yeah
maybe they’re just

be there to Daft ahh I can see that
being a

Daft Punk actual well yet to Daft Punk’s

does hanging out not going to the
website we’re promoting me undies

I am I don’t know how else to say other
than that they’re

incredibly comfortable incredibly cool
incredibly affordable clothing for men

and women they ship to

the US and Canada for free you get 20
percent off if you go to me and he’s

back on slashing here or me undies dot
com slash Jake

not a terrible deal if you think about
it yet free underwear

not bad at all it’s not free haha it’s
cheap underwear oh yeah

I did see inexpensive cheap makes it
seem like materials and I know it’s very

fine quality Turkish yeah limited

and it actually Island I

its cotton I think it’s gotten share it
feels good

it is it does feel good we’re not
exactly sure where they make it or how

they do it

it seems like magic in a way yacht so I

if you wanna check it out yourself to me
undies dot com such a

or me and he’s dot com slash Amir it’s a
fun way to support the show also making

sure your underwear feels good at the
same day the poet is a poor show

and support your balls I

s yeah for your post.really all mike got
to your right

I can’t keep that in our men and women I
know

still aka very exciting episode a lotta
hi I am joined us

very exciting oh my gosh let’s get
started I can’t wait

the only issue is something to do with
the key situation and what these two

guys

all the complications I didn’t hit him
guys

Betsy it doesn’t come at a price now I
know what you think and I don’t have any

bad stuff

the baby had a cover but see you can be
lessened and send in your questions on

anything is pleased

your suggestions the heck does whatever
you wanna do you

nothing around the next to I where you a

data

I am Sun I technically Eliza cover

last yale is not I’m so I rubbed her
that was Sam G

Sam Gibbs who wrote it and I just give a
quick shout their knowledge DCO

SoundCloud dot com slash sam gives music
portfolio

sick has after a catchy name very nice

super catchy a theory into the an

Alana hi im cracked in the building

Matthew yep that’s me musician locks
tire

maybe hatteras NoHo

definitely not the hood what would you
say you are with your

what your occupation on Facebook I don’t
have a facebook i wanna as cool people

with your with your profession on your
tax return I guess musician

it literally says I guess yeah as she
doesn’t know

I dunno I here’s a music question for
you based on that song

ok if you like it did you think it was a
good one what was his name

Sam Gibson I fuck with them kim

okay that’s now yes he lives over those
two thousand club page a lot but I don’t

I just bookmarked his a thug lobbyists
out I dot and

slashed see him get it for foliar
they’ll give you that music for fired

the was Sam Gibbs takin and said them
gives music was it a good idea to go the

fourth

level and categorization portfolio a my
new the question was

I could hear this guy’s accent when he
was

singing yeah but usually you cannot that
rumor my just making that up

like dino British musicians yeah I do
and when they talk

they don’t they sound like they have an
accent and then when they saying you

can’t quite hear that accent true or
false

%uh home again to defend the lovers then

so you can hear accent in songs like the
Beatles you can hear that it was a

sometimes that led to the Pacific wary
of two pusses garden

yeah I got it

guarded guarded in like one direction is

you know you’re beautiful like in that
is pretty much sounds like

angels sing and they are not here really
from for they are a

yet they are a angelic who just left the
group

vein oh my god he was the moody one

yeah he was me with no movie he left

yen as we don’t like coming well I wish
him well

Island area so this is

advise Pakistan enough you’ve ever heard
before for probably not right

a now I heard it okay sir out if I
require

I can tell actually have ever

I’m and keeping my feet and author thank
an all-time low and now my mouth and

come here and basically a

a so people will email us and they’re
like they have questions about what

they should do in their lives whether it
be about relationships or school or

whatever and then taken i

advise them out of their sticky
situation and so has we have a guest

limits me today today are you human my
gosh I feel so on and

we hit you over the head on the street
drag you into a new home

and now years sitting in front of my
crib this is our first podcast they were

recording in our new house

I’ll yeah known consider you guys are
literally holding again

to your head right now yeah out at the
beautiful me I’d climbin

Italian funny and witty on their podcast
in that order and with no matter what

happens we will execute you afterwards

it was gonna really nice good and with
you know yes vote for me I

on how do you like this new place check
I think

its find yeah I don’t think it’s

I don’t think it’s the modern has a
large reserves the day we deserve better

but now I love the South you’ll am a fan
girl the South also

see the only way you like this house and
Neil

and I kinda reminds me like old
Hollywood lakes unlike

starlet lived here back in the day aria
is doing it while it heals

get really maybe a I’m a girls like
embedded romanticize

the other DIY lady is I what’s unless I
would like

are what style houses but like mid
century modern that looks like an

architect: believe me I love a good
young men

mid-century modern house but I think the
south is very beautiful got a lot of

charm

it does have time the white house with
no time at all you what does later or

and noon like off the presses

yeah just like enormous glass doors that
it went in the pool

I want how’s that cost way more I money
than I have

value Dec you wanna house you can’t
afford an adult house you think you

deserve

yeah you think you deserve the help I
can afford both the house I deserve

right now

I how does that make sense how is that
good you like this

i like it it comfortable I like carpets
though you know I carpets

I think our pets are fine I think he
have maybe

a little too many carpets because there
are somewhat wall shag carpet and

bathrooms

but that is another to start with I
could do without

a little choice %uh the choice somebody
made I don’t mind

carpet in the bedroom the like it nice
to step out a bet on to medium and

carpets in the bedroom

Mahone I each shoot me

I and deserve it shoot me a I

eat me a alright you wanna take control
their best comfortable

in that room that I

I’ll okay let’s get back because I E

would you care to the sky which room %uh
the house but I occupy

you have a nice room you have a king
size bed you do not have been on sweetie

i WZ not i’m brushing them if the nonce
is a Jack and Jill on three main chick

share a bathroom

and you have others to help in Europe in
your bedroom I have one

I have a walk-in I have a walk-in closet
and I have to watch love

but and therefore I have the master

therefore I am the master and therefore
you will call me master

we couldn’t decide who got the master
bedroom

so the way I said with would be fair is
let’s just start bidding

on how much you’re willing to pay the
other roommates for it world

so a we lost we thank you kindly

we start the bidding at a hundred
dollars where the the master would pay

the the two others

their subordinates dollars each a

and Jake bid up to 150 dollars lower

you are really not saving any money for
the house he deserved it has two dozen

care

I’m a few well you did but two hundred
dollars and then you started regretting

it and anything back riding your
intrepid

your bid he said no master is worth
paying

you thought it was for annual turns out
it was 600 more because you’re paying

two hundred to two different people
don’t understand how that map here cuz

you’re like at you were an additional
$400 and then we were like -200 right

place

just like a can’t wrap my head around it
I

because the guy only it late I didn’t
pay an extra six hundred dollar you paid

four hundred dollars 300

right well I’m saying if you are paid
$200 each that’s what you’re paying 400

extra and Myanmar you’re paying 200
letter and feel like this podcast I

really need a lot added

that’s the thing it doesn’t I

you guys are going to do with the issues
are and you haven’t even read a guide me

through it like the odds with middle the
problem I showed he hella

an all answer your phone it happen
therapy session for us

yeah we like to talk there are mistakes
okay not that this was a mistake

there was a mistake there’s everything
right about me being a master

well and you don’t mind paying an extra
four hundred and fifty dollars a month

per room that’s

relatively as good as the one that I am
in

yet it’s a relatively good that you
offered to pay a hundred dollars

for each each room yeah it’s roomy I
thought that was an appropriate

proportionate how much my dad had
another I need another fifty dollars you

don’t have a better person

per person so it’s another hundred
dollars that’s right luv

vicary these are the men I’ve ever see
in

with them completely had this discussion
were actually out or I we do have this

discussion

we’ve had this discussion I thousand
times before after and during

luckily we’re leaving at the end of this
month so there will be yet another

debate yet another master

guess which we did which means that I’m
gonna be the master neck down

I that’ll solve all our problems don’t
have to worry about me you have anybody

out there

has and a line into HGTV amir had an
idea for

um the TV show called the master yeah
three people competition for the best

bedroom it sorta like house last column

the BYU thing this on the podcast the
ideal

third giving up by the way live podcast
live like lowing

this is my master I do not really too

love you really should we really should
pitch the master yeah and then maybe you

can get the healthy to their

I noon but Joe at that america

little at that point it if if you can
afford it it’s not how does he deserve

any other you get a bigger

and no one ever earned it I me there
don’t deserve it

I alright here we go question

the first a a lot are we going to get
these real emails

fake names to preserve these peoples and
an airline out them said you have a fake

name to give this guy

to give a guy in a

but I’ll help you I’ll give you some
context he has a twin brother

just their homes you color your
character a little bit more

my other twin and they’re done a call
they are right and I don’t want to give

a prison my dad and a creepy

giving your uncles it but my uncle who
don’t know it could be anything

a shake give Adam I like my baby may
make me thinking baby name that I know

my name is Sundance’s

me out yeah I mean I’m I know me and
know what I did it out really

yeah blot on our my main a bleep it out
you really don’t want to give away your

be no I can

I don’t really care I want my

first sons name to be lowly with the

Zuly hun Valley wise Ali

I don’t know my friends brother had that
name now it’s on you like the coolest

person ever

like that’s a pretty cool name and I
will leave her with I want my kid to go

out to be like to hike in class till I
was like the exact opposite the hike in

class I just hope that our the ugly
could include quickly can you name your

kid

a hot name and held turn out to be hot
every

if you dare to easily he’ll grow into is
all I really feel like he’ll grow into

legal Liam

leather jacket wearing like toothpick in
mouth yeah he really

glamorize the thirties and forties yeah
look at the coolest thing you do is have

a toothpick in a leather

yeah and in the end occur all in all I
think a wreath eat me that I leave the

video slot my

Thunder read any the Italian to another
soon

him other the middle these you go lo who
go there is a

you go out there that wants to marry me
Lego the lease the girl I am

you have to keep your last name right
that’s the name of the band I think ima

do a hyphen

other highly popular these days you’re
gonna get where you can get the kid to

happen

Lake my kid would be like the Lehigh am

hyphen and all your high and %uh spurs
and yeahh I am always goes for its

I love my last name that the name your
next album hi I’m concurred

apollo the lease you go right okay

invited to go has all these legal rights
I’ll get right to the point

my twin brothers girlfriend as a stone
cold bitch

all she’s a first year university
student and my bro is a senior in high

school

this bitch is insane to start she’s lazy
and I

and I don’t mean I don’t want hes sorry
to start she’s lazy I don’t mean I want

to watch Netflix

all day lazy butt a but rather I refuse
to do literally anything that requires

energy

lazy my parents invited her to our
family cabin and flew her out

with our own dime when she got there she
spent the entire week inside because

quote

wind made her tired she refuses to drive
her own car and like to take out my

family car so she can quote save on gas

one time she’s took the front seat of
the car from my elderly grandmother

because she quote gets carsick

however she spent the whole time in the
car looking back at my brother and

playing games on her phone

my brother is the family photographer
and on another trip she was invited and

she forced him to take as many pictures
up her as she

as he could that resulted in bout five
photos at the family from the vacation

and $300 per

photos her on the same day cation she
took all the sunscreen inhibit in her

room so that only she could use it to
quote keep her skin safe

leaving the rest to my family exposed to
harsh UV rays

she also got him to take sexy photos of
her like this one

and post them on social media the look
that you a photo

there’s an Instagram link wolan my
parents and grandparents had to I look

at it both my parents and grandparents
have Instagram

and were shocked to see this chick in a
got to him g-string when the

opened up their Instagram on this is
just the tip but the bitch burger I

understand that my brother is also at
fault for a few these things but she’s

got him by the balls

I don’t know how to approach this topic
around him so if you were me how would

you approach a situation when your
sibling significant other is dragging

them down

thanks love you guys this is always you
go

yeah a first saw yeah I am but the third

doesn’t matter how ugly this girl tho
live

you can not call them simply share your
way

let’s drop the bitch already all lebanon
editor

your anti bitch I am entire calling

girls bitches what you call this I
wouldn’t call her

a very special person what’s a negative
way to call a negative word

I don’t know just the comedian girl see
if you can you call an asshole

I think are doubtful to the bitches the
show

ugly word for a woman what about girl on
girl can you call someone a bitch

armen Living I don’t I know people deal

but I just get frustrated see you don’t
like that word at all

no I don’t like you what about the C
word series

workers so good work I know yet I only
own everywhere day that he will allow

the club called The

the workers who what about the D word
really know the dealer nearly there

it’s that bad

well you share what about if I call them
you’re a bitch

I am I don’t know

I mean the end they come complete can I
think it’s like person to person

personally I don’t like I don’t think
men I think the gunmen

and men like male to female but plan to
mail should

never call it all a bit shredder that’s
right I guess I don’t know

very much about down how the word makes
people feel

red oftentimes for me like

the emotion be hotly if I were to call a
girl a bitch

it would be like filled with Blake hate
in vitriolic thats of

like the school’s a fucking bitch like
that’s crazy

but if I call them you’re a bit if I
kind of silly right

I think it’s just viewed in in the word
describing someone

Lake as a bitch it’s very hurtful as a
one-man

okay so the leave that’s a good bet to
get a break

that you can start he should I tell her
that she should call her

well as a mean girl or Armenian at me an
asshole

she taught it to I with it I from
rehearing this question

it seems like some other stuff she does
is

like pretty annoying it is super hit
love the other stuff though is just like

him the sunscreen thing for instance I

she hear it in her room I don’t believe
that she hid like all right he’s like

her and bring her likeness

like how much sunscreen do they have
they have like a Valley a Costco thighs

that legacy issue

all the substrate we week really got all
the

for the family leave it in the family
room so that so the UV rays don’t her

doesn’t she says no

I should legally dead another world
another like the food supplies she wore

the dress for sale

drinking at like coconut she also is
always quote something yeah

shocking quote save money on gas because
she can quote now it’s like I’m silly

and one thing they’re really

you know made me sad was she take it
Gaiam Gaiam

seeing yeah

I big game games the yeah you gotta gam
gam is the old

and deserves the seat in the front and
yet no matter what believe me I get cars

people when my

Gaiam Gaiam is covered in town you gotta
take on page e- her beauty

gam gam age before well on another level
a big hit

might give you always get the plan see
it

now is really bad way or the other ones
but I didn’t see the Instagram

oh you can see the photo said she made
him take a picture of her and post it

isn’t it funny though that another shot
she made him take this photo and posted

to his Instagram

only on his Instagram yeah I’d love a
little choice

yeah wow what do you see a line when you
see this side israeli

a a jean jacket and some white lacy pair
Danielle

yeah lol and a butt shot abut Abboud

TB ch and that is to be completely
honest all you don’t know that

a I honestly he posted the on as it’s a
girly show people like

Yahoo he’s stepping but I don’t think
that would you like and then he made

she made him good at it like the photo
on Instagram

he definitely was like yellow clubs to
be great now

was the word stepping stepping stepping
stepping Alana speaks fluent yet ish

I don’t speak fluent yet is that emerged
that are bigger number mentor

a no I don’t think hit the word fucking
I think it’s ok growth in

not cute as a lot of Middle East where
words

not only are they really bitch I don’t
like kant I mean what this politically

word today don’t feiger out loud I we
call it both

the way rather would be horrified money
if you’re listening Amir said the

coming I didn’t say it a that’s the best
part

I wouldn’t say I want to see how drugs I
think shipping is the trip by the way

into

to describe a let-up in shipping so this
is the ideal

someone

one ish tupper I wanna step famished up
English dubbing it the great

we have stopped raged at Honda gay shit
with Chad bliss as question is how do

you broach

right the subject and I would submit but
you don’t

that you can’t really I don’t get my
brother is dating somebody I really

hated

you tell ’em no as when you tell
somebody that

all it does is forth by the relationship
against you

quickly right you feel so bonded with
someone when you like a baby at us

against the world

nobody likes s but I but I will pull you
in closer cuz

because we don’t need we don’t need them
you know but I think

but if you really really give assembling
is dating someone that you don’t like

can you really like

and it’s getting so seriously feel like
maybe marriage is on the table

lawrence Yun taking the next level like
personally I don’t think a kid like

standby and not tell my sibling like

please kill go for it but I mean I

I put my sibling on such a pedestal I
think my sis sisters are like

the greatest with minimal time yet rated
validated

I am yes and no but like the thing is
like no one has ever come so close

really I feel like I really do need to
step in but I do know that leg

I know who my sisters like what kind of
man my sisters deserving of a feel-good

a guy is not treat them the way they
should be treated like hell

fucking yessum serbian to be like yet
know the

guys not the shit here with you idea of
where

the after in the appropriate way oh yeah

you don’t waste it I don’t waste it

I feel like you would tell your brother
she was dating a meanie I guess

I will and the whole I don’t think my
brother would

find himself dating somebody who like
really really

really truly sucked it is weird hes like
some good people just fallen

fall for terrible like attractions such
a weird thing like that where I think

I’ve you know here with guys that have
been with awful people just because

sex feels good in that like the main
reason and then you’re like

oh this is good so let’s just ignore
everything else that’s bad

right but then how often like have you
ever gotten our relationship and then

your friends are like a thank God we all
hated that girl

in now neither I beverly was in that
situation

been we’re headed your like I will why
did you see people really get there

you’ll also you can’t beat spooked

you can be convinced when you’re with
that person with the appliance it is

true but I think with Ali I think way he
should do is

what if his brother it to have his
brother we are no visible over athlete

audio problem with

his Cheka leg yeah that’s when it can be
like

actually with kinda bummed when she take
game dmc: you know what you do

missus I’m with you here’s what you do
here’s what you do instead of staying

like fuck your girlfriend she took gam
gam three yeah

that’s fucked up don’t you take then
like your

the animal in your body is it to defend
your right writes back

no fuck you its budget cars the game
give did my taking a back seat right

but what if I said how did you feel when

as she took him again see right that its

I’m just asking what would you do you
think about that the good vibes and then

of course you’re gonna you know people
in skimpy in CTF yeah

a doctor C and I don’t think it’s not
good

but you can always get shotgun and i
also actually ran people need to lengthy

through journey youth

I like you have to learn it but they
held it they have to make the decision

themselves like

yes a million people can say like I
don’t like your girlfriend and not be

like fuck you she’s my girlfriend but
then when they realize that their

official yet so that’s what you what you
want to inception him to be like

to like think about himself yeah that’s
chill people and

you people look nobody will break up
with a girl just because their friend

don’t like her ready can play the Isabel
you can in a friendly way point out all

of this girl shortcomings like what the
camera well

only a couple pictures of the family on
this vacation heat up and everyone

Flyers live see i’d give a very large
lifter

a figure that’s all I love the
grievances are our manager at Summer

Tetbury petty a.m. to so

the old if I were you what would you do
if you were him

you would what I am I would very calmly

ask just like keep on asking his opinion
on this girl Intel

need cuz he everyone that in this type
of situation

knows deep down in their heart pet right
that this girl sucks

or that the relationship is bad so you
just have to be really patient and let

that

slick surface and then when it finally
does you embrace your brother and you

say you’re right I think you came to the
right decision right

and deliver it like in that they break
up you need to like make sure

your brother is preoccupied with a
buncha shit

in a good way or a bad way so the idea
where he went he could break up with ur

leader Manuel se pyaar you for this is
what you do you get ready

a dim setting something rates or did you
can’t really tell who’s Who but if

they’re identical twin that should
matter

they’re truly a deadline fold hair then
who did you break the news to her

she has to believe that if the other
twin with Eliza zickus

20 brothers name Zachary doctor is
actually selling ho Cho

a doctor if you can help and valleys the
ago

a share zebra a and Alana what would you
do if you’re there if you are you you

would tell you SSI

if I was early I would plant the seed as

Jake for just you don’t have rightly
seen your sister down and now the be

carried on with us if you could then

then the hell feel threatened and hell

be mad and just it and also it whenever
you like

do that like if you like for three years
the blame to do anything the

sometimes they red bell and stay with
the person just because they’re

angry about her

made that up but I think that usually
happens when I come from parents right

people like to rebel against parents
another a billions friends or siblings

then unknown how much should my WD Amir

i think i would tell ’em if it’s truly
an awful woman

I would be like you know she’s a bad
woman but I’m like

overly I’m on bluntly honest sometimes
it’s not no good way

but I would be like this is a bad person
right but I feel like I’ve said that to

france

yet its interest the big

it was us we have you told me that
somebody I loved was

a really shitty person actually would
mean a lot more cuz now we’re older

they were with someone at like
potentially a life

%uh that mean something this guy’s a
senior in high schools

so only the senior in high school yeah
dude

I pretty much everyone so much more life
to live

oh my god I don’t care who the light on
a senior in high school break I’ll let

you know how it is girl

not even talking to the guy I know
brother well to you doctor is a girl

here

fucking up break up with his girl and
binds I wanna make you happy and the

initial plans on a make her happy and
you know it

on life goes on you know it’s awkward
what’s the cool way to say awkward as

oxford is it of ok Fox pilots of pics

I I mean what did you think it would be
by are

how are you I have the morning I want to
be

let the dogs run the call it is they are
court Aug 01

cool human I I am only a toothpick

a you know what’s the what’s the bananas
pajamas these clear that the bananas

pajamas is

a when somebody breaks up with someone
and you like to thank God I hated that

person and then they get back together

and the

are that’s like oh yeah how’d that
happen to me but that seems like a very

treacherous

situation yeah thing is is most likely

no dear god I am so sorry let’s

ok FaceTime request on my computer well
who’s for trying to face area

and Ben now has been a guest on his
podcast before her

for the day yeah that’s why in the hell
yeah

luck with them but who and the other is
awkward

that is weird a alright let’s move on to
the next question

I am idea its media another air

a.m. again and we should add to that by
the way available to the podcast

should me so we call back daily I

but if this isn’t funny will

edited out calling

a ver recording a podcast

the guns track I

not a travel in-store according to stick
a something funny happens no pressure

where they play let me play your music
it’s probably not allowed

who’s the yen I Alana hi im

olana hi Ben

he has never met wat Turner right

hi I N the color like it

reno hey I’m your home I towards bed

hey buddy but

I short I’ll leave on my own

for you is a such a this is such a real
moment I hope for capturing it

yes I’ve been listening to James Brown
all day

at all day all day do on

Julie addition to find the sum move
would arrange a ride with that which is

good we can get dinner

yeah

we can do we have another half hour to
required II

but is on and then listen endearing and
by the time this album finishes will

come back

dollars going into so much pressure it
on video

this is going down over there you are
playing a song into a paste and that I

am recording it onto a

no 2011 ish

time gots so let’s see one question do
we do best

are you on a train at one right now
there

this is a 2015 never doing unpaid time

the injection if I get a picture this is
because don’t back

I hmm late Ben how was the fight in
Vegas

I

group I like a Res they knew it was
there was two it was just too much as

excessive everything

the air and month

I are gonna actually try to all at
alaska animal away and right

a a chance my name is ben de Eminem

there yeah the name for you I

given impressed I was a name for

disperses a goner guy what’s your
favorite baby name

for your future baby Alana you say the
first fired easier for seminars at last

%uh but I already gave my future baby
name

this one can be your enemies need my
enemy out she is the plan to put on a

podcast

hey I give my out my next future baby
name is

a maury whole release

haha great that’s right she said Horace
horace grant

missus got re-orient

like a mouse Mario all Morey’s

or using my name or only but I moore’s

first name or a city/state: miscast
first name Maurice

last name amid bottom I

no hurry smitten bottom right a chance
my name is

I am a huge for has said its net I

a chance my name is Murray’s mitten
bottom and I’m a huge fan

I’m a freshman at film school and an
aspiring comedy writer and comedian

I pride myself on being a nice guy and
being funny about two weeks

about two months ago I got my first
girlfriend she is really cool

and was also my first kiss and I lost my
virginity with her

I really like her but the problem is
Jack

a few I really like it but the problem
is she doesn’t think that I’m funny

which is weird because almost everybody
I know laughs at my jokes and tells me

I’m funny

no matter how hard I try I cannot make
her laugh

and not only that she often tells me
that I’m not funny

even though everybody else will laugh at
my jokes as somebody who wants to be a

comedienne

I really like to make people laugh and I
get depressed when people don’t think

I’m funny

my question is should I break up with
her or do I talk to her about it

even though if I do that she will only
be fake laughing at my jokes from now on

thanks maury smitten Bacher

min bottom it bought a smitten Bacher
proof

idiot get back to the streets namely
crazy it

a Anna

so this

I know I know how to answer that
question go ahead per share

the throne definitely nagging him white

yeah I know what a naked yeah but I did
not think that was what was happening

really I think she’s totally nagging him

for sharing agreement and how she or he
goes out with them wonder she goes out

with him it

okay for them all techies are going out
to many daily keep it spicy always

wow I keep life happening and I do in
December

one as to those are going out with
someone the spice is gone

know it all ready to be used by the
author being in this Go also kinda sound

whole areas this girl fucking money deal
on down to fuck with this girl

she is like telling at the dude like
you’re not funny when he is like trying

to be a comedienne

its untold neg the construction like
Maggie

well and ask you serious ask users a
question on asked me if there is the

question

preserve all when is your teacher line
that says always keep it spicy coming

out I

second overall look what does it mean to
keep it spicy

like you well first I believe when
people get in a relationship

the the reason why the breakup but
because it’s like it gets boring you you

know you want to see you know

but a go on an adventure and greener
pastures the

just like the spices God and you always
do you keep its bite the

and my mom always said my mall is that
you always have to be the guy that likes

you a little bit more than you like him

well no yeah my mom’s

a fuckin G it that’s why Aires so I feel
like this girl you’d like

end up like the challenge she is
challenging him constantly

because he really wants to be funny to
hurry

i’d like this how could she coulda gone
too far with the neck then I’m is that

going pretty far the neck but now we
issue these are gonna let you can swing

for the

like she’s going right to the core at
this guys seem to know how long they’ve

been dating

and the exact jokes he’s been telling is
maybe he’s just

funny I i think is really but if you
want to I mean I don’t know you guys are

the comedian soap olive all his friends
say is funny

friends say he is funny I just think
this girl is like

trying to keep him on his toes they’ve
been dating for two months

other to my lawyer that’s

what have you parts you though is that
if you lost your virginity to her you

might as well break up because you won’t
marry her

there’s no need to like stay there
really is this is a yeah

it is very 1950 the him but like lithium
virginity to someone is a very powerful

thing I feel like

they should figure out it shouldn’t the
reason for breaking up not should not be

because she doesn’t

she keeps telling me I’m not funny that
we read

that ape Agrawal down me not funny at
all

I don’t understand how I would be with
her really yes

well that’s also because we’re we come
from calmly backgrounds as like I jobs

like someone

telling you your bed music or something
like that right could you be

that’s a perfect example ban and we have
the letter we have got a commercial

break but thank you so much for asking
I’m

mather could you tell me the thought you
sucked it music

that issue probably not but the thing is
like

it depends on if I respected the person
I was with like music taste

could look at how dating a person like
their fear apparently flipped not

or a.m. orgy all her let the transmittal

it and adverse actually bucky

kills it yeah yeah early I’m not crazy
on a podcast

I have one more on that documenting have
one more thing to say

yes way me first

cuts

on maybe on I think that she’s probably
by with a little bit I also think that

she thinks that it’s

I see he obviously cares about a lot
right being funny if you listen to the

podcast

stuff like that he’s probably the
company so let me also have maybe it

maybe cuz like

sometimes when I’m with my friend Billy
say stupid jokes like make everybody

laugh

and like everlasting them in like maybe
she’s just like getting used to like

being around him in like actually go to
she’s like my god sobbing on being funny

Lake

yeah

maybe if I think that happen to me
before like band

nice a good if she just didn’t say
anything like it she

why would he she callin out it over and
over again especially those it hurts his

feelings

while she doesn’t know how to hurt the
feelings on this you know yet so the big

there’s a middle ground before breaking
up with someone you just say hey when

you tell me I’m not funny it

makes me sad maybe she think that like a
joke to her maybe she thinks like hell

he thinks it’s funny when I say he’s not
so part 1 is she doesn’t think that

makes them sad and a part two is he says
this makes me sad part three is if she

changes then that’s good in their
relationship to move forward but if she

does in if she’s still hurt his feelings
then he should break up with her

right I think if the neg if I were you I
would keep going

then would you date someone who can find
you funny mom I would get some is only

get what it is get what is funny

I don’t care if they think that I’m
greater anything but if they get like if

they understand that

Arrested Development is funny allies and
shows funny or like UK office is funny

then it’s fine it’s like everyone does
that hurt your feeling even more than it

like all the formative comedy that you
love she thought was amazing but you

thought you were bad so you knew that
she had like me I can imagine I would

date someone that they hated me

like it they’re like oh you’re too I
mean yeah if they did you learn from

your greatest thing though I don’t need
them to think I’m like that the best

just a

like two women make they come this woman
comes on is like

you’re terrible you’re terrible economy
another dose is a a good

a little bit below I think to you that
everyday be very negative

so what would you do probably married
yeah

he had to working all it didn’t add a
good then dead where is this girl up

super inner

super and then that works I’m telling
your own

I hope you like the networks may be at
the beginning but then if you don’t open

up and show you really are

I would I also eight games that’s it
dries the okay you know what day you

hate games but a hundred percent if
you’re in a relationship but didn’t have

games

you get bored as but and move on games
not being

people life the year that these I better
be added that I love the t-shirts

games is what makes people spice K I
don’t know how spicy had kept it I

thought I was cute

its a good the best relationships at
bill you know the ones that we don’t

have any games

yeah but there’s games begin there’s no
way to me relationship with our game

a 100 I’ve never been a relationship
with it a little

a little bit of a game even if it’s just
mild spice yeah even if you’re really

can’t remember that Spice Girl mild
spicy assorted average looking she was a

librarian

space yes certainly since a

such a candidate cemented in find you
funny now that’s the everything that I N

I would I would agree with that that is
everything that I am

stupidity when he’s got the world and
Jake Hurwitz damage

where’s Laura her with my mom don’t
fucking talk about my mother

a your mom and I email had an email
chain last week and I’m still not caught

that tickets to my show that was sold
out and that she bailed on

lol Seattle on why gathered

scare here shit my buzz keep it spicy

your mouth so like area I fear eyeliner

would you can you date someone that he
didn’t find you funny up

problem what funny I me I’m highly areas
though they were just

and not have him and yeah exist no

a but I think you should just tell I
like do you actually like

the action up by me but here’s the
thing: a weird but I that you’re putting

out

and then it it may be happening but in
like a music but if there are grounds

like I do not like this

i meetin in the beginning and be like
five north and i’d like

whatever like everyone has days but yeah
I would definitely fuck me up

inside at a idly the relationship but
laugh but I think like

I don’t think usually abandon

this shake just yet feel like they can
maybe work it out a little bit

I don’t a hundred agree that she’s like
completely doesn’t find him funny

there’s no way

I think as I said before its the neg

that the military fitness less

yeah alright thanks band I hope that I
hope this really work till it in a

little bit

let’s get dinner where you guys are
gonna be done I show night there you’ll

be done

Knecht little better yell be done in
like 15-20 minutes

let’s go to your shell where r yes you
may show how far away you in

your new which which area this city a
hentai Pike

yeah we’re in a place that close to you
miss a unit least as far as that house

its way to nice the levee

I I have no bball that’s not a nice
house call

but that sa1 where they broke up yeah

and short ladies and gentlemen thank you
yeah I’m enjoying I let’s take a break

and I’ll come right back we’ll try to
answer one more question if that’s okay

with you

I’m keeper that tied cake will face it

they swell there’s not good ways to
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yeah I agree I nothing to do friends
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for that conflict if I really that

prosper

dot com slash if I were you let’s get
back to the show and excited about

the area to go on

all right we’re back loop the

you’re on the air with Jay congressional
on a high note yeah

eights you have a very soothing voice
you could do the intro every single time

militia day

a good hire me I guess you already have
a pretty good job

up being a really bad but still yeah how
do pal up

if people don’t know who you are how
would it will how can I describe you are

for everybody listening

because we there’s a lot of people
listen that may not have heard a beer

band a

I’m Kash I don’t know on you’re asking
me to describe myself

meaning you’re in a bad I M a young that
23-year-old healthy yet woman

yeah I have long brown hair and blue
eyes

that’s all true love two-part Ibiza
injured is that a court in Dubai

you’re on a limb a day if you’re
interested at baby Hannah

on let me a on twitter twitter Instagram

on the tree in the Instagram your I’m

also been called hi I am we play sims 6

sweet tuned you’re kind you’re ben is
kind of a big deal

are yes like you’re on SNL which is a
bit here on earth a knowledge was

a big D your opening up for Taylor Swift
the summer which is yet if you’re going

to be playing in front of a football
stadium

filled with people three times in a row
yeah it’s going to be pretty in that

though p.m.

it now nominated for a Grammy yup this
is all kinda big you make me feel super

ghetto like I don’t like Seabrook Albany

the opposite oven eg yeah the thioether
gray it

when he is working on now we are working
on a second record and we’re going on to

a tailor in like a month and a half

Taytay Taytay so all you love all this
stalled

all that you worked on so far has
amassed 21 album

yes will even be unfair ever author

are 8 8th year anniversary well mmm-hmm

so it though would have every year that
we just we released our

record in 2013 okay

and so now that I release another one do
it all again and you are you the only

have one record

eel that’s crazy yeah as me like someone
is not like super into new music it’s

hard to keep track

I know I don’t know when records come
out I just hear songs on the radio

like I hear Taylor Swift songs now and
Taylor society years and I don’t like

a non I don’t like say oh that was from
that record the songs from this thread

but that is how like musicians that
allow your people in the families in the

airline industry

Latin the ear see you can’t go on tour
until you make another record a new mic

you perform the song prayer mean you can
go on tour when everyone but it’s better

if you have something to like

promote you have new material great a
case of Major Tom coming out

we have no word parading stages right
now so it kinda like it’s all happening

you want to put on a really good

thinking like eight why doesn’t matter
how do you know how many eggs an idea

for a second before I even knew you
really

yeah see mistake like the liar really
India

I liked a lot on I I think my favorite I
when I first

ideas was fall no don’t save me they
don’t save me as a fan favorite

I just heard don’t save me at CPK the
other day no way I think with the fall

in love it

whether don’t live near down the other
day and maybe a a

the and I love CPK I can’t remember to
check whether the valley

yeah Co we we we had a spa lingo

and now then into the firmware to the
versace %uh Mike

little included in the early AM II like
a

the granddaddy liar from ranch

Purdue Yahoo de Janeiro did overnight

in japan girl all the time did a bump
but don’t that dated

but the Purdue did it do did that the
know that if you notice that he’d be a

bit that the gifting do you need to do
to get a little due to do the guys you

know that the religion race got man for

together have a dub dub Dubble angry
statement that the paper no

but that’s rad thanks for listening to
my team deal catchy tunes

think Ill and one on the radio right now
pray to God and Colin Harris no big deal

and media whatever Helen he just the
tall good looking dude I guess

he is a target like Indian well but
that’s like

being tall and hot only gets you so far
yeah he’s like nothing except for being

made

yeah but then he’s like ollie is is tall
hot talented and he’s rich

yeah smart worth L youth a jab 3s mark
rich genius there were no idea a lot so

they do anything charitable

yeah he does that all the time okay so
he’s all outraged Hall humanitarian

thats charitable

and some %um it’s the perfect man okay

by you make it as the league’s shit do
you have a podcast he does

he does not have a podcast but to make
them yet

better than a sluggish day at the at the
master bedroom yet it is then a master

he does have a master bedroom here madly
Billiton

yet Aikido that the shower with his
roommate a

no actually I’ll be roommates that they
have yet like I said I split a three

bedroom apartment how are you rooms
every bedroom this is

I actually own the idea but I’m gonna be
completely honest

I think you may be better than the
intake better than me in what regard I

because I’m worried that you’ll say
something like you usually don’t say in

general

Korth I with you in terms that he’s a
better musician

hundred-degree pounded out powder day
and had a better night vision the people

whose

but keep in mind that I have never even

we’re going to be the decision it
doesn’t live DJ produce like I’ve never

even tried to be a DJ

so we don’t know a hundred percent for
sure he’s better than me at that

right because I might give it a shot and
i could be a prodigy

I mean we should try it out late and
who’s taller he is like

six-foot-five and I’m sick I’ll I’m like
six-feet

I i’ve never stood back to back to do
not exact mayor thing about the ball

player

an FBI he talked with you guys be here
actually

whole area i think is is decker I would
not know that information

that’s awesome thank you so much for
coming on a shelf alright I

million other really trying to collect
from some viewers part catholic

a lot a higher yeah thoughts on up to
hun Calvin here

a chicken are going Australia we do not
host their I

you love us try love Australia let me
tell you were gone

okay tell me we have tickets still
available for Brisbane and Sydney

Adelaide and

Perth and our Melbourne Melbourne show

is sold out well I love Melbourne I love
all the thirtieth gather personal Hubli

where herbal Alford at Splendour in the
Grass Anthony and

Australia is always fun everyone most a
party everyone’s happy they’re all

beautiful and handy and

lovely it’s all good and so if if

I hopefully we get to see a lot of
people think you’re lovely 10 ones are

the ones that I’m interested yeah

at another level by Lee and you’re going
wait one that’s great and great question

to 9th 10th 11th 12th and 14th so that
winter there were no it’s like the

and a fall a ball fall

yeah undergone so much fun your jelly
bean

Atwell yet it so much love for Australia

great well thanks for giving a heads up
and we EE appreciate you

going on Australian radio shows with us
to promote the tour yeah

me it’s just because they were fine then
we’re going together he said it

you said your your band is more popular
in Australia than it is in america

%uh I but its pressure but I all

out I’ll never forget we play the
festival we having a release a record

yen

we brought our parents on tour with both
Taj like they’ve never been and we

played

a

Splendor in the Grass and we walked out
in the crowd I’ve never seen a cradle

crazy early they’re amazing militarily

I thought the Justin Bieber lake behind
me catholics stop to look like the high

res like what

celebrities behind the everything out
our and the fact that they were going

crazy for a bit like my mom started
hysterically crying at home early hours

had my parents were like

your actually doing something like that
in a really think that we were

successful

before that moment and then that
happened and they will rad

a camp I can’t wait for it had to happen
to a husband I want to make my mom cry

you do make her cry a lot for for a good
result yeah I guess that’s the

difference

a anything else we have a show in LA on
Friday

you yen may a Friday May near where

at the Hollywood Improv there might
still be tickets available to that can I

take

will put you on the list yeah for sure
will give you have our tickets at author

yeah actually could you bring Calvin Ed
Lover into

that a dumbass request accords I wanted
why does want to compare our stuff to

each other away

how it usually you at the house very
great element I mean really in good

shape heavier

in the Armani and know but I B see that
I

he’s in our money at an like I’ve never
even been approached by a

Giorgio but orgy lol Giorgio Armani
mother fucker I am now that the Spurs

name yeah but I’m saying I but it’s not
fair

you can’t compare me and tell me is cuz
he’s been Giorgio Armani at and i havent

right I know but so what are you can I
i’m just saying that there’s a reason

why his in

Giorgio I’m I don’t I don’t file I

alright where we are already Lana but we
want to answer one more question Allu

Aravind Eye Care salon

so let’s let’s get to the one last
question real quick you have to go

anywhere do you

no just had dinner with Ben and bennett
Calvin just a date with Ben

kalenna let’s only what we were planning
on coming

Noah don’t be considered a different
table iraq

the year well what’s this guys name a

but give him in a

I am shoe low

my heart that almost my middle name do
you know there’s little then now

it should be well over Sri well I

at the Curragh calling on Mubarak yes
ma’am Ionia

their actually there are three different
bedrooms here there’s the master bedroom

and then there’s schmoozed as a viewer
is your guests at a men’s rooms on

Flickr

like I’ve began above Liam TV shows like
Nick and the hell yeah

it’s a right also a ride at Universal
Studios

mission whose room check out schmooze
room Halloween Horror Nights

i right the year guys I’m emailing you
because I had commitment issues

I’ve been with my current girlfriend for
six years and it seems to be going well

the only thing is I plan to start a
family and I feel like I’m just wasting

everyone’s time at this point she has a
lot of arm hair

a mustache a kind of misshapen ass plus

she can barely has a great should bear
Allah plus

she barely has a grasp on the English
language I would have ended it sooner

but she kept sleeping with me the
choroid deboer

and it’s hard to stop it when you can
get it for nothing I am i right Jake how

r

she’s not the kinda girl I want as my
wife

or the mother of my children but my dick
has a stranglehold on my brain

should I try to change her or break it
off love

should move I love you balance me loool

actually English males below in email
ice minimum a

I’ll this guy talk is so casually about
a girl that he’s been with for six years

i got quite a bit now is she really hit
them with a rethink the Olympics yeah

pick the air yet any also says that he
has commitment issues

yeah the of a good at is an issue with
commitment like you’ve over committed to

somebody that you don’t like why did why
is he only at

like shouting you out with the cause I’m
sort of an asshole womanizer piece of

shit

cardio yeah yeah I didn’t catch that by

yeah I like him really if about now I
can only be in a tide is turning

a that did the did it but don’t you guys
get this

feeling from people artist general trend
is

your first relationship last way way way
way way too long

and then your next one is like I’ll a
pretty much know writer

rhetoric that he had I will that we’re
dating not entirely with haiti is but a

big part of it is like

learning your preferences and what kinda
things you can compromise on

yeah that’s what this guy seems to have
hash tag first girlfriend problems

I was a girl that fuck term she was so
happy sorry helped him

stepped he was so happy about it now six
isley I i don’t like this person I take

issue with him like appealing to my a
sense serve

a thinking with your dick because like

its for six years it’s not like that’s
not sexy but you’re getting

laid at that point yeah there’s nothing
quite like

oh man my dicks the bossy no that’s not
true this is one level above being a

virgin is having the same girlfriend for
District nine years

i cant get it for free you can you get
it for free everywhere

it’s always his three yeah idea is not
always but it definitely should be

ap a I am

a firm believer that if you’re not happy
you should just move on

that is a good general piece of advice
for anything

yeah if you’re no longer happy but what
about with you invested so much time and

someone you no longer happy alike but
may be working on it it will make me

happy in the long run

the thing is if your house after six
years a

in your not me he’s like really calling
her out in the email

arm here in the air let this be the
soviets shape in ass

yeah i think is 800 give a beloved pets
it it does it does on her part with

I I think that’s a dick move to like
call her out unlike her physical feature

that on the thing that I worry about as
if you’re unhappy

with someone usually that leads to
cheating and lying at all its ever feel

like

there’s a point in time we did kinda how
did if you’re not happy life is too

short even is kinda move on

they have it check with your bad advice
I’ll still that

I’m not happy light switches that

I see I sorry I I

with the shirt a yeah I will I see you
could space the

if they like it a is not his mention
that he’s not attracted

to you three parts of her physically mmm
um

and also that he that she doesn’t speak
English

yes I wonder how weird what you guys
aside from the fact that

she lets him put his penis in her and if
she knew what he said and thought about

her

he was she would bring that lead and
we’re having burgers Peter

alright so I say this chick should break
up with him

yeah they don’t have the girlfriend you
deserve yeah

break up with me a mail I

right to break it up girardeau bias is
to %uh play this bar to the podcast for

your goal yeah

so she sees what kind of a hassle you
are and Radha we use a break it off like

that Taylor Swift song

you mean shake it off whole Noel Howell

break it off me but that’s a different
phone yeah

dan then there that they’re I think
break it off iraq can shake it off

in that order yeah allotted everything
to promote purely

your you are broadcasting to what could
be a hundred

thousand very impressionable tween agers

for a QB 4 yeah we don’t know

review dr Sedan said they were actually
not recording

your here i think is not like that
engines Dana

what to promote I want to promote love
10

hard it’s beautiful you new album Love
You this is the nicest thing anybody the

repro

problem but i wanna love love you thanks
and my Twitter account

love P youth and that baby home at baby
I’m on

all forms the social and no I’m a big
Jake and Amir fan i’m happy to be here

well gosh also did JJ Reddick ever tweet
back UK directed never treated me back

and I’m really bummed about it but I

I’m I have a feeling that if the
Clippers when the next game

image with a JV again and maybe hell
hell shine some light on

I think that’s a good I that a good
thing too low maybe you can ask people

to read tweet you

now it’s like less yet not even listen
to the podcast everyone should we had JJ

Reddick

saying I I think it did not want to have
a kid I had JJ Reddick

I think that they do added your attic
comma

at baby how I am love you lead

be the friend AppID at but that too much
to ask

so little that I don’t like it too much
to ask that that our friends should be

friends with JJ Reddick

yeah their system one is trying to like
get them like

for a seat that Clippers game it’s not
that big a deal

a alright thanks a lot for coming on the
show now thank you for having me

txts listen if you have your own
questions goaded email if I were you

show at gmail dot com we also

open and close every episode with an
original themes on the opening one was

by

samjhi and this last one is by Darryl

Thomas thank them gee thanks to all
times thanks Alana

think you’ll appreciate it you come back
you’re good

I welcome back to article maybe bring
your sisters

I look like a hot thank you

maybe you can add to Calvinism art will
talk about it after the show

thanks so much like not not dragon much

dude guys the dragon dragon

Spitfire and self-aggrandizing the
bragging bragging

I got sick are you and in bed

and then ago him is it wasn’t right
telemarketing ploys

not away from a guy a mess

this

got bored you

as a brain injury

John continue

as a backdrop the alright

that started

whose course you will see we’ll see
issues

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